Emotional Vampires at Work: Dealing with Bosses and Coworkers Who Drain You Dry

by Albert J. Bernstein

Overview

DO YOU WORK WITH VAMPIRES? LEARN HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF!

Banish the bloodsuckers from your professional life

Whether it's a coworker, subordinate, or boss, there's at least one emotional vampire in every office. These people try your patience, sap your energy, and add an entirely unhealthy dynamic to workplace productivity. The bestselling author of Emotional Vampires andDinosaur Brains shows you how to spot and deal effectively with these dysfunctional elements in the workplace:

ANTISOCIALS, who crave excitement in all its forms, including aggression
If your boss or a coworker is trying to push you around . . .
Learn that the most important battle to fight with a bully is in your own mind.

HISTRIONICS, who believe that what it looks like is more important than what it is
If your boss thinks any problem can be solved with a motivational seminar . . .
Learn how to get a manager wannabe to actually manage.

NARCISSISTS, who believe that the universe revolves around them
If your CEO makes Louis XVI look like Gandhi . . .
Learn techniques that diplomats have used throughout history to teach infantile monarchs to act like grown-ups.

OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVES, who can't seem to see the forest for the trees
If there is absolutely no task that your boss considers too small to micromanage . . .
Learn to be a Control-Freak Whisperer by seeing your boss's fear rather than your own irritation.

PARANOIDS, who think they've found the simple truthsthat explain everything
If you work in a place where you can't get ahead unless you drink the Kool-Aid . . .
Learn how to recognize a toxic belief system before it poisons you.

VAMPIRE CULTURES: when vampires get promoted to positions of power, they remake organizations in their own image . . .
Learn the 15 warning signs that tell you to get out before sunset.

PRAISE FOR EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES:

"We love so much about this book! A great complement to Dealing with People You Can't Stand, it goes beyond dealing with the merely difficult behavior to the truly pathological. Bernstein offers believable examples and useful descriptions. This is the book to recommend when the topic of truly horrible behavior comes up!" -- Dr. Rick Kirschner and Dr. Rick Brinkman, authors of theinternational bestseller Dealing with People You Can't Stand

"This book equips individuals with the tools to identify and defend against a wide array of emotional vampires at work. It offers well-developed tactics for navigating the most difficult people in any organization." -- Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster, bestselling authors of Working with You Is Killing Me and Mean Girls at Work

"It's amazing how one manipulative, territorial, or otherwise self-serving boss or employee can make the lives of everyone around miserable. In Emotional Vampires at Work, Albert Bernstein offers concrete, step-by-step guidance to manage life around these misfits. You'll learn to take care of your and your valued colleagues' needs, while contributing your best to your organization—with maturity and sanity." -- Nancy Ancowitz, author of Self-Promotion for Introverts

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780071790932
Publisher:	McGraw Hill LLC
Publication date:	05/24/2013
Edition description:	List
Pages:	256
Product dimensions:	5.80(w) x 9.10(h) x 1.20(d)

About the Author

Albert J. Bernstein, PhD, has been practicing as a clinical psychologist, professional speaker, and businessconsultant for more than 40 years. He teaches people how to think like psychologists without having to talk like them. Bernstein's books on dealing with difficult and dangerous people have been translated into more than 20 languages. Visit his website at www.albernstein.com.

Table of Contents

Preface ix

Acknowledgments xi

1 Emotional Vampires Who Are They? 1

Antisocials 5

Histrionics 8

Narcissists 11

Obsessive-Compulsives 13

Paranoids 14

Recognizing Emotional Vampires When You See Them 16

How Emotional Vampires Can Change You into Someone You Don't Recognize 17

Vampire Hypnosis 17

2 Maturity and Mental Health 19

Protect Yourself from Emotional Vampires by Thinking More Slowly than They Do If Emotional Vampires Are Children, What Does It Take to Be a Grown-Up? 19

How to Tell the Difference Between Slow and Fast Thinking 21

What Causes People to Become Emotional Vampires? 26

Immaturity Versus Evil 27

About Assessment 27

3 Who Are You? 29

Are You a Rebel, Believer, or Competitor? 30

Rebels 38

Believers 39

Competitors 40

4 Antisocials 43

The Ferrari-Toyota Dilemma 44

How to Recognize an Antisocial Vampire 46

The Antisocial Emotional Vampire Checklist 46

What the Questions Measure 48

How Do Such Irresponsible People End Up in Positions of Responsibility? 50

5 Antisocial Bullies and Substance Abusers 51

Thinking Instead of Reacting to Bullies 52

The Pattern to Step Out Of: Dominance 56

The Alcoholic Boss 61

More Suggestions on How to Handle a Bullying Boss 64

6 Con Artists 69

Thinking Instead of Reacting to Con Artists 71

The Pattern to Step Out Of: Hypnosis 73

Con Artist Grooming 77

7 Antisocial Cultures 85

8 Histrionics 89

The Histrionic Vampire Checklist 92

What the Questions Measure 93

9 The Magical World of Histrionic Hams 97

Management by Magic 99

How to Get Your Histrionic Manager to Actually Manage for a Change 103

How to Enter the Emotional Vampire World Without Becoming a Vampire Yourself 104

Treat Them the Way They Treat Important People 106

Putting It All Together 107

Boss or BFF? 110

10 Passive-Aggressives 115

Passive-Aggressive Martial Arts 117

The Pattern to Step Out Of: Drama 123

Passive-Aggressives and Gossip 124

Passive-Aggressives and Illness 127

11 Histrionic Cultures 131

12 Narcissists 133

What It's Like to Be Narcissistic 134

The Narcissistic Dilemma 135

Narcissism and Self-Esteem 136

Narcissists at Work 136

The Narcissistic Vampire Checklist 137

What the Questions Measure 138

13 Narcissistic Legends in Their Own Minds 143

Approaches that Don't Work 146

An Approach that Does Work 149

Narcissistic Anger 154

Entrepreneurs 160

14 Narcissistic Superstars 165

The Care and Feeding of Narcissistic Superstar Bosses 167

Sex and the Superstar 180

15 Narcisstic Cultures 187

16 Obsessive-Compulsives 191

What It's Like to Be Obsessive-Compulsive 193

How Much Is Too Much? 194

The Obsessive-Compulsive Emotional Vampire Checklist 194

What the Questions Measure 196

The Obsessive-Compulsive Dilemma 198

17 Obsessive-Compulsive Perfectionists and Puritans 199

How to Become a Control-Freak Whisperer 204

The Puritan Ethic 212

Dealing with Puritans Without Getting Burned 214

18 Obsessive-Compulsive Cultures 219

19 Paranoids 223

The Paranoid Emotional Vampire Checklist 225

What the Questions Measure 226

20 Vampire Visionaries 229

Working for a Patriot 229

21 Paranoid Cultures 237

22 Dangerously Dysfunctional Cultures 241

The 15 Danger Signs 242

Surviving a Vampire Culture 247

Epilogue 249

Index 251