Feces Navidad: Pile After Pile of 1988 Holiday Magic
All the wonders, loves, and laughs of a Generation X-er's greatest X-mas...
Feces Navidad has everything you've never asked for in a holiday classic: The origin story of the "Die Hard of Christmas carols," the role Pee-wee Herman played in a Christmastime rite of passage into adulthood, a Texas State Trooper who was packing a lot more than his sidearm, a Five-step Program for a Band Dork's Path to Self-actualization, the secret love for a musical instrument that has to be hugged to be played, and the reason why the word feces is in the title. These stories are all based on real events, but be warned: not only does the author think that Gremlins is "the most interesting Christmas movie" he's ever seen, but he also, at one point, thought it was the best "Muppet movie."

Excerpts from Feces Navidad:
"I never expected to have my best Christmas ever at age sixteen, especially after my excitement for Christmas had slowly fizzled out over the years. I mean, the way things are supposed to work is that the older you get, the less excited you get. This goes for everything, not just Christmas. It's just one of the many reasons why you don't see four-year-olds free-climbing El Capitan. They don't need to manufacture cheap thrills. They get all the excitement they need when it's finally their turn to shut the car door, or when they get to hold their parent's house keys while waiting in line at the grocery store. That's the kind of sheer excitement I would experience this Christmas break."

"Because it was Nathan's first year away at college, it meant that it would be his first time coming home for Christmas break. I was bursting at the seams to see him, but I can only imagine that it must have been even more exciting for him because it was the first time he'd ever arrived home to a euphonium player in the house! Not to mention a euphonium player who had begun to wear plaid bell-bottoms! With paisley tops! On one of Nathan's first nights back, in true Christmas 1988 fashion, we marked the occasion by doing something momentous—life-changing, even. Nathan had a big smile on his face and said one of the greatest things he has ever said to me:

'Let's record some music.'"
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Feces Navidad: Pile After Pile of 1988 Holiday Magic
All the wonders, loves, and laughs of a Generation X-er's greatest X-mas...
Feces Navidad has everything you've never asked for in a holiday classic: The origin story of the "Die Hard of Christmas carols," the role Pee-wee Herman played in a Christmastime rite of passage into adulthood, a Texas State Trooper who was packing a lot more than his sidearm, a Five-step Program for a Band Dork's Path to Self-actualization, the secret love for a musical instrument that has to be hugged to be played, and the reason why the word feces is in the title. These stories are all based on real events, but be warned: not only does the author think that Gremlins is "the most interesting Christmas movie" he's ever seen, but he also, at one point, thought it was the best "Muppet movie."

Excerpts from Feces Navidad:
"I never expected to have my best Christmas ever at age sixteen, especially after my excitement for Christmas had slowly fizzled out over the years. I mean, the way things are supposed to work is that the older you get, the less excited you get. This goes for everything, not just Christmas. It's just one of the many reasons why you don't see four-year-olds free-climbing El Capitan. They don't need to manufacture cheap thrills. They get all the excitement they need when it's finally their turn to shut the car door, or when they get to hold their parent's house keys while waiting in line at the grocery store. That's the kind of sheer excitement I would experience this Christmas break."

"Because it was Nathan's first year away at college, it meant that it would be his first time coming home for Christmas break. I was bursting at the seams to see him, but I can only imagine that it must have been even more exciting for him because it was the first time he'd ever arrived home to a euphonium player in the house! Not to mention a euphonium player who had begun to wear plaid bell-bottoms! With paisley tops! On one of Nathan's first nights back, in true Christmas 1988 fashion, we marked the occasion by doing something momentous—life-changing, even. Nathan had a big smile on his face and said one of the greatest things he has ever said to me:

'Let's record some music.'"
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Feces Navidad: Pile After Pile of 1988 Holiday Magic

Feces Navidad: Pile After Pile of 1988 Holiday Magic

by Matthew Tolzmann
Feces Navidad: Pile After Pile of 1988 Holiday Magic

Feces Navidad: Pile After Pile of 1988 Holiday Magic

by Matthew Tolzmann

Hardcover

$20.00 
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Overview

All the wonders, loves, and laughs of a Generation X-er's greatest X-mas...
Feces Navidad has everything you've never asked for in a holiday classic: The origin story of the "Die Hard of Christmas carols," the role Pee-wee Herman played in a Christmastime rite of passage into adulthood, a Texas State Trooper who was packing a lot more than his sidearm, a Five-step Program for a Band Dork's Path to Self-actualization, the secret love for a musical instrument that has to be hugged to be played, and the reason why the word feces is in the title. These stories are all based on real events, but be warned: not only does the author think that Gremlins is "the most interesting Christmas movie" he's ever seen, but he also, at one point, thought it was the best "Muppet movie."

Excerpts from Feces Navidad:
"I never expected to have my best Christmas ever at age sixteen, especially after my excitement for Christmas had slowly fizzled out over the years. I mean, the way things are supposed to work is that the older you get, the less excited you get. This goes for everything, not just Christmas. It's just one of the many reasons why you don't see four-year-olds free-climbing El Capitan. They don't need to manufacture cheap thrills. They get all the excitement they need when it's finally their turn to shut the car door, or when they get to hold their parent's house keys while waiting in line at the grocery store. That's the kind of sheer excitement I would experience this Christmas break."

"Because it was Nathan's first year away at college, it meant that it would be his first time coming home for Christmas break. I was bursting at the seams to see him, but I can only imagine that it must have been even more exciting for him because it was the first time he'd ever arrived home to a euphonium player in the house! Not to mention a euphonium player who had begun to wear plaid bell-bottoms! With paisley tops! On one of Nathan's first nights back, in true Christmas 1988 fashion, we marked the occasion by doing something momentous—life-changing, even. Nathan had a big smile on his face and said one of the greatest things he has ever said to me:

'Let's record some music.'"

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9798317694722
Publisher: Barnes & Noble Press
Publication date: 10/15/2025
Pages: 200
Product dimensions: 6.50(w) x 1.50(h) x 9.50(d)

About the Author

Matthew Tolzmann grew up in the North Dallas suburb of Plano, Texas, which is the setting of Feces Navidad. As a memoirist, he represents an unusual character type: the really-should-have-been-an-outcast-who-wasn't-one. In a town where style and status were everything, Tolzmann was proud to wear clothes made by his mom and was equally as proud of a long list of rebellious fashion atrocities. Feeling "normal" made him uncomfortable, so he went to great lengths to avoid "fitting in," and yet, somehow, he was not an outcast. In fact, he was possibly the first ever counterculture, anti-fashion, anti-conformity, anti-football, "king of high school band dorks" to be elected "king of homecoming" in the entire state of Texas, possibly the United States.

Tolzmann is a musician by training, a photographer by trade, and an author by accident.
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