Finishing School for Women

by Roman Plastich

Overview

Many relationships turn into a struggle for power, but it doesn?t have to be that way?for men or women. In this guidebook geared for women but useful for anyone, you can learn how to find common ground with your partner. But to do so, you first need to know what you?re really seeking in a relationship.

By examining what motivates yourself and your partner, you?ll be equipped to answer critical questions:

? If you?re single, should you try meeting people in person or online?
? Why in the world would someone cheat if he or she has a loving partner?
? How can you fix a broken relationship?
? When is it time to abandon a partner?

Too often, instead of working toward a common goal, people avoid doing what they don?t want to do, and they lose out on having a real partner. But when you find a true teammate, you?ll be more satisfied with life and better equipped to accomplish your goals.

Stop selling yourself short, and start getting what you want out of relationships with the tools, insights, and strategies in Finishing School for Women.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781491731642
Publisher:	iUniverse, Incorporated
Publication date:	05/06/2014
Pages:	152
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.33(d)
Age Range:	1 - 17 Years

Read an Excerpt

Finishing School for Women

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By Roman Plastich

iUniverse LLC

Copyright © 2014 Roman Plastich
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4917-3164-2

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CHAPTER 1

I Woke Up Dreaming Black and White

I never noticed whether we dream in colors or just black and white until the morning after I lost Pamela. I just had the most vivid dream. I don't remember the dream; all I remember is that it was so black and white. I don't even know what the message of that may be; I just know it really left an impression on me. That was the very beginning of this book. My emotions, thoughts, and outlooks on certain things started to become so clear to me, just like my black- and-white dream. I started to understand the rationale behind the outlook Pamela had on relationships. She used to say that she would like to open a finishing school for women. Women need to be shown how to demand the respect and love they want and deserve from a man ... how to set the standards by which a man should treat them. Too many women have been doormats in their relationships. Their kindness has been abused by their significant others. Women have suffered throughout history at the hands of men without a chance of a change or the possibility of getting out of such relationships. Even in this day and age, many women stay in relationships in which they are miserable rather than leave. I believe that is because women are relationship oriented. They will try for a long time to make it work. Despite all that, sometimes they will come to a point of no return. More and more divorces today are initiated by women who feel they have been constantly giving and giving and receiving nothing in return. They take care of the home, the husband, the kids, and everybody else's needs and get little in return. One day they just reach a point of saturation, and they are gone. That's when men find themselves thinking, What happened? Often relationships break down because women simply cannot relay their messages to men in a way they can understand.

Ladies, I did not write this book to show you how to leave your man or how to stay in an unhappy marriage. I wrote this book to show you how to find the right man for you, how to show him what you have to give, and how to show him what you expect in return. True relationships should not be power struggles; rather, they should be partnerships between two equal, loving, and respectful partners.

Yes, I know you agree. You've heard it all before, and it's easier said than done. But as long as you are ready to give it a shot and carry on a relationship in a way a man can understand you, it's very possible. Men will adapt; we will make changes. We will start doing things for you just to hear you say, "I Love You. Thank you. You're my hero. I'm so lucky." Right now, many men will do things for their women only when they really have to, when they are constantly nagged, or in order to collect "points" that they can use later when they want to do something without their partners, like going golfing or fishing or engaging in any other hobby. Men have a hard time experiencing or even believing in the kind of relationship in which we do things just for love—especially those we call alpha males, who see too much, experience too much, and have been womanizers all their lives.

These alpha men, too, will get married. They will love their wives the best way they know how, but they will hardly stay interested in that one woman after she offers no challenge and never rewards his ego. These men know how to do little things—romantic gestures, moments of sweetness—that will earn them points they can trade in for their other interests. But that crazy love they felt for you in the beginning will not stay with them just because they said, "I do." At first they may do nice things just to put a smile on your face, but that behavior will fade away unless you know how to demand it from them, and I'm not talking about communicating with him verbally. That's what you call it; we call it nagging.

My father told me two things about relationships: First, "Never run after a bus or a woman, because there will always be another bus and another woman." That one is pretty self-explanatory. Second, "Make sure your woman loves you a little bit more than you love her." There you go. How can you go wrong with that? While you girls are dreaming about your perfect wedding, we are learning a different song. The one who loves more has more to lose. The one who loves more will sacrifice more. The one who loves more will always make sure to please you, to put your needs before hers, to make sure you are happy even if you don't give half as much back. What lovely advice. Well, my father didn't know better, and neither did I. I was a pretty good son in that regard. All you need to do is seem to pay attention to her, remember a few little things from time to time that she has said, and she will think you have been listening. Make small romantic gestures, and they will mean the world to her. It's called "collecting points." Well, that was before the Pamela era.

Of course I would have done the same thing to her if she'd let me. On our second date I told her jokingly, "You love me. You just don't know it yet." She laughed and said, "You and a hundred others." Now that's an alpha female. There were no hundred others, but her confidence in the fact that, if I wasn't there, a hundred others were ready to take my place showed me what kind of woman she was. She would not sit at home and cry over me if it didn't work out after six months. She would move on. This is not the sort of woman that many men can please and keep around. It takes a real man to keep her interested, and of course I thought I was that man. Every man wants to be that man. We don't want a woman any man can have, just like you don't want a man no other woman wants.

So she turned me from a womanizer to a woman lover. The more I understood how much women can hurt, how devoted they can be, how they can put themselves unconditionally in the shadow for someone they love, the more I could appreciate really good relationships and really enjoy that kind of love. The strength a woman has and the pain she is willing to go through when she is in love makes a man feel special if he understands what she is willing to do for him. When a woman loves, she does not think about "upgrading" as many men often do after they achieve success in life. Women will never say it's okay to look as long as you don't touch, as men do. They don't need recognition from other men that they've still "got it." A woman's family circuit is her whole world. Forever and ever is not a sales pitch; it's the standard women live by. Women are better people than we are, but we will adapt. We can learn to be the men you deserve, but we can't do it on our own. We need to be taught, and to be taught in a language we understand. Men are capable of being the men you want them to be, but you must teach them how. We want to be your heroes. We want to be the special ones in your lives, and we will fulfill your requirements. Each of us wants that special woman on our arm that no other man can have.

I hope couples benefit from this book. I hope you find your hero, because life is about experience, and a truly loving relationship is an experience we should all have in our lives. In this book you can see that this sort of relationship can be achieved at any stage of your life. It doesn't matter if you just started a relationship or if you've been married for twenty years. As long as you haven't reached that point of no return where you've had enough, there is a chance you can wake up your love. Perhaps you are with a new love. Perhaps you are waking up an old love with your spouse and you've even forgotten the reasons you married. It's up to you. You can find it, but you will have to do the work.

CHAPTER 2

Who Are You?

The most important information you must have before you search for a fulfilling relationship with someone who is right for you is basic: you must know what you want. It sounds simple, and of course it makes sense. We all know what we want. Well, not really. Most of us know what we don't want, but that is not enough. Knowing what we don't like or don't want is not that important. Knowing what we do want is the key.

What you want is much more than just the opposite of what you don't want. You can say, "I don't want anyone who doesn't put family first. I don't want someone who is not a good provider. I don't want someone who is not a good husband or father. I don't want a man who still thinks that he should be going out with his boys and keeps all his hobbies from his single days. I don't want a man who wants to be the boss and not an equal partner." Well, you can get all that in a man and still not be happy.

Your man can say, "I work hard. I'm a good provider. I don't go out with the boys drinking and gambling. I don't chase other women. I come home, I play with the kids, and I take them to their sports events. I do anything around the house I can do. I am a good husband and father." And that may all be true—not a word of it a lie. Now when you talk about that same man, you may say, "Yes he is a good provider. He works hard. He takes care of his family, but ..." Now comes the part when you talk about what you really want—what you personally and emotionally need from him to be happy. "But we never do anything together, just the two of us. We don't connect. He is not affectionate with me. There are no small gestures of kindness. He doesn't say thank you or tell me he loves me. He never shows me that he's happy to be with me. His gifts to me are always something for the house, never something romantic just for me. If there were no kids or bills, we would have nothing to talk about; we would have no reason to stay together."

A couple I know, Bill and Mary, are just like that. Bill is a great provider. He works really hard. He comes home and takes the boys to sports events every night of the week. They have four boys, and he's never free—always busy, either with work or kids. A few of us used to play ball together, and one night we decided we should set a date to get together for drinks one evening. Six months later it still hasn't happened. Bill never has the time. Everything is about the kids, bills, and the house. Bill and Mary have never taken a trip together. She has taken the boys to the old country; he stayed home and worked. Once a year he takes a long weekend to go fishing. So after eighteen years of marriage, they haven't done anything together or for each other. She complains that he is never romantic; there is never a moment that is just the two of them. They have lost that connection, the feeling of belonging to each other. They just go through the routine day after day. She complains he never says, "I love you." He says, "I told you I loved you when I married you. If anything changes, you will be the first to know." She says, "When he's home, he's either working around the house or watching TV." He says, "Things need to get done, and even a donkey needs to sit down sometimes." She says, "He doesn't need to work so much. We can enjoy a little bit now." He says, "Do you know how much college costs? Do you think we can retire on a government pension?"

They are both good people, but Bill is too much about providing and taking care of the physical needs of his family. At the same time, he doesn't understand that Mary needs to feel loved, cherished, and appreciated. She needs that kind of connection with her husband more than she needs the physical security he provides. She would be much happier with more of "us" ... more of an emotional satisfaction than extra money for security for her life. There are women who are fine with that kind of life, but only those who are fine with it should agree to it. Nobody is right or wrong here, but the question is, are they right for each other?

So if you know only what you don't want, that doesn't mean you will get what you do want, so you'd better be clear about what kind of a life and what kind of a man you are looking for. The most important thing in finding that perfect guy is knowing what you want first. It's not just about good and bad, right and wrong. It's about how your personalities match. It's been said that opposites attract. It may be fun in the beginning—you're both experiencing new things, trying out new things that you never did before. Sooner or later, these experiences and emotions won't be new anymore. You will have less fun doing them over and over. Maybe your partner will still enjoy them, but you will start to compromise. Pretty soon there will be too many things that you do separately, or one of you will be compromising all the time. You have to know what you like, what your values in life are, and what is important to you. We are all somewhat products of our environments—how we were raised, how our fathers and mothers treated one another. We all observed the dynamics of men and women in general—friends and relatives—all around us as we were growing up. What we saw may not have been necessarily good or bad, just different.

The smallest things can create tension. If you have an argument, you might have been taught never to go to bed angry, and he might have been taught to sleep on it because after rest the brain is more rational. Nobody is right or wrong here, but two different approaches can cause further disagreements. That is a small example. When it comes to making extra money or going to the kids' soccer game, having a bigger house or having more time with the kids, sharing and helping each other or dividing chores—these situations can really create a divide between partners. Personality plays a big part too—active adventurer compared to couch potato, nature lover compared to big-city lover. Clashes in personalities can be enough to make a couple miserable after many years of compromising and giving in. Yes, you may go through rough times sometimes, but don't you think you would choose to be with someone because you are happier with that person in your life than you would be on your own? Women have a right to have their needs fulfilled, to receive affection from a man, to receive as much love as they give.

Life shouldn't be just going to a job, coming home, cooking, cleaning, watching TV, and going to bed (repeat and repeat and repeat day after day). Even when the kids are grown up and out of the house, women put up with this sort of existence because they think that's all there is in life. Maybe they are afraid to be alone or they're in love with the concept of marriage and not really with the man they are married to. And why would they be in love with him? They're more of a servant than a partner.

You can change your situation at any time if you speak the language men understand, but better yet, don't let it come to that. Pick the right man for you. You will go through hard times in life, but they shouldn't be because of your choice of partner. He should be there in the capacity you need him to be, and he will be if you show him how. And, yes, you will have to remind him from time to time. We don't think the way you do, but we love to be praised by you. So learn how to help your man fulfill your needs and stay connected with him. It's easier said than done, but at least give yourself a chance. Figure out what you want—what kind of man you want—and I will show you in this book how to figure out if he is the one ... the one who will reach your standards and fulfill your needs.

A good way to decide upon the type of relationship you would like to have (or would like to avoid) is to observe other people around you. Your family and your friends are the ones you already know a lot about. How do these men treat their partners? What do the women like, and what do they complain about? Again, some of them are stuck in their routines, some of them are in love with the concept of a relationship, and some of them just don't want to be alone. All that is fine, and it's their right to decide what they are ready to put up with or what is most important to them in their relationships. Just don't let them convince you that's all there is. Don't let them tell you that you are a dreamer ... that you will see when you get married how things change. That is their reality; it doesn't have to be yours. Those women don't know how to get help, respect, or love from their men because they don't know how to express their requirements and expectations to their men. They make their choices and compromises, but they also have their own priorities, and maybe they are fine with them. You haven't walked in their shoes, so don't judge them, but also don't blindly believe their ideas.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from Finishing School for Women by Roman Plastich. Copyright © 2014 Roman Plastich. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse LLC.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Preface, ix,
Introduction, xi,
Understanding Yourself and What You Are Looking For,
Chapter 1 I Woke Up Dreaming Black and White, 1,
Chapter 2 Who Are You?, 5,
Chapter 3 We Are Wired Differently, 16,
Chapter 4 How to Meet a Man, 21,
Creating an Environment for the Right Man,
Chapter 5 Online Dating, 29,
Chapter 6 Dating More than One Man, 39,
Chapter 7 Setting Up a First Date, 45,
Chapter 8 First Date, 50,
Chapter 9 Second Date, 58,
Chapter 10 Sex the First Time, 68,
Establishing Yourself and Your Expectations in a Relationship,
Chapter 11 Developing the Relationship You Want, 79,
Chapter 12 How to Keep Your Man, 86,
Chapter 13 Why Men Cheat, 93,
Chapter 14 Fixing your Relationship, 102,
Guidelines To Go By-,
Chapter 15 You Can Look, But Don't Touch, 115,
Chapter 16 Relationships are Hard Work, 118,
Chapter 17 90 Percent / 10 Percent, 121,
Chapter 18 Don't Take Out His Fangs, 124,
Chapter 19 Special, Not Essential, 126,
Chapter 20 The Point of No Return, 129,
Chapter 21 Guidelines, 135,