Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion

by Theresa Burke, David C Reardon (With)

Overview

For more than thirty years, our nation has argued about abortion. In that time, over twenty-five million women have had one or more abortions.

These conflicts reflect the ambivalence and psychological discord which also occur within individuals. Even women who chose abortion for the most compelling reasons often face a daily internal battle between defending and condemning themselves.

While the political battle rages, little has been done to address the emotional needs of those who struggle with feelings of grief, shame, guilt, feeling judged by others--and more. Instead, social taboos have been erected that stifle discussion of abortion-related feelings. Women are left feeling isolated and their recovery is inhibited.

Psychotherapist Theresa Burke, Ph.D., has treated more than 2,000 women struggling with post-abortion pain. Many had been rebuffed by other therapists who would not believe their abortions had caused such trauma. Others came to her because their family and friends refused to acknowledge the reality of their grief.

In Forbidden Grief, Dr. Burke explores the cultural and psychological obstacles to post-abortion healing. She examines why friends and families erect walls of silence around a loved one's grief and reveals how we can and should listen to those who are struggling with past abortions.

Drawing on the experience and insights of hundreds of her clients, Dr. Burke also shows how repressed feelings may be acted out through self-destructive behavior, broken relationships, obsessions, eating disorders, parenting difficulties, and other emotional or behavioral problems.

Learn the secrets that women who have had abortions tell only to their therapists, but want everyone to understand.

Understand how traumatic abortion experiences can be reenacted through repeat pregnancies, abortions, substance abuse, eating disorders, and broken relationships.

Discover how to help loved ones--or yourself--take the steps needed to find healing and joy.

Forbidden Grief also explains how to help loved ones, or yourself, simply by better understanding the nature and origin of unresolved abortion issues--and what steps will help you find healing. You'll also learn about the most up-to-date research on abortion problems, and the fight within the psychiatric community over recognizing post-abortion trauma.

What readers are saying:

"I had an abortion when I was 16 and struggled with the aftermath for 19 years. This eye-opening book offers the general public a clear picture of the everyday realities of the post-abortion experience. Most importantly, it gives women permission to face and resolve their feelings of loss, ambivalence, guilt, or grief." -- Georgette Forney, post-abortion counselor

"Magnificent. It is the model of the tenderness and compassion needed by all who approach the women who struggle with this particular grief of our modern era."--Patrick F. Fagan, Ph.D.

"Once in a while a rare book comes along that wrenches every nerve in our bodies and seeks out every crevice of our souls. This is one of those books, and it must be read from cover to cover." -- Diane Irving, Ph.D.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780964895799
Publisher:	Acorn Books
Publication date:	09/05/2000
Edition description:	New Edition
Pages:	336
Sales rank:	245,647
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Theresa Burke, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist and founder of Rachel's Vineyard, a post-abortion training and healing ministry that serves women and men throughout North America and overseas.

David C. Reardon, Ph.D., director of the Elliot Institute, is widely recognized as one of the leading experts on the aftereffects of abortion on women. He is the author of numerous books and popular and scholarly articles on this topic. He has been a noted advocate of healing programs for women, men, and families who have lost children to abortion, miscarriage, or neonatal death. His studies have been published in such prestigious medical journals as the British Medical Journal and the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, and have proven that abortion compared to childbirth is associated with higher rates of maternal death, psychiatric hospitalization, subsequent substance abuse, clinical depression, and numerous other complications. The emphasis of his work has been on promoting a "pro-woman / pro-life" approach to the abortion issue which emphasizes efforts to prevent coerced and unsafe abortions and efforts to create a more healing environment for women, men and families hurting because of a past abortion. Articles about Dr. Reardon and his work have appeared in numerous magazines and newspapers, including Newsweek and the New York Times.

Table of Contents

CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS . . . xi

FOREWORD by Dr. Laura Schlessinger . . . xii

INTRODUCTION . . . xv

CHAPTER ONE: Gina’s Story . . . 23

CHAPTER TWO: Hiding the Truth . . . 31

CHAPTER THREE: Forbidding the Grief . . . 49

CHAPTER FOUR: A Time to Grieve, A Time to Heal . . . 63

CHAPTER FIVE: Maternal Confusion . . . 69

CHAPTER SIX: Mind Games: The Use and Misuse of Defense Mechanisms . . . 81

CHAPTER SEVEN: Connections to the Past . . . 93

CHAPTER EIGHT: Abortion as a Traumatic Experience . . . 105

CHAPTER NINE: Memories Unleashed . . . 121

CHAPTER TEN: Reenacting Trauma . . . 133

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Repeat Abortions . . . 145

CHAPTER TWELVE: Sexual Abuse and Abortion . . . 157

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Something Inside Has Died: Booze, Drugs, Sex, and Suicide . . . 167

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Broken Babies . . . 179

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: What’s Eating You? Abortion And Eating Disorders . . . 187

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Paradise Lost: Abortion and Ruined Relationships . . . 201

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: No Choice, Hard Choice, Wrong Choice . . . 221

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: The Labor of Grief and Birth of Freedom . . . 245

APPENDIX A The Politics of Trauma . . . 267

APPENDIX B The Complexity and Distortions of Post-Abortion Research . . . 277

APPENDIX C: The Elliot Institute Survey Psychological Reactions Reported After Abortion . . . 287

APPENDIX D Resources . . . 301

BIBLIOGRAPHY . . . 307

NOTES . . . 311

INDEX . . . 325

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES ON POST-ABORTION ISSUES . . . 328

Editorial Reviews

"Once in a while a rare book comes along that wrenches every nerve in our bodies and seeks out every crevice of our souls. This is one of those books, and it must be read from cover to cover." -- Diane Irving, Ph.D.

"An exceptional book. . .It is essential reading for social workers and other mental health professionals."--Tim Brandyberry, MSSW

"Wonderfully and clearly written, full of stories that grip the attention...Forbidden Grief stands to become a classic on many levels: as a source of self discovery for the millions of women who have had abortions, as a learning experience for all the other lay readers, as a textbook for psychotherapists, and as a source of insight and research design for policy analysts who ponder the effects on society." -- Dr. Patrick F. Fagan, former Deputy Assistant Director of U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

"An outstanding book . . .Highly recommended for those who counsel." -- Dr. Paul C. Vitz

"This was so powerful. It's a beautiful combination of a psychologist's insights from counseling hundreds of post-abortive women, along with personal stories from the women themselves. . . . I believe anyone who has experienced an abortion or who has someone they're close to who is struggling with the pain of a past abortion would benefit tremendously from insights found within these pages. To say that it contains the potential to be utterly life changing would not be an exaggeration.
I will never be the same after reading this book. I highly recommend adding this to your "have to read" book list." -- Jenny A Farrell, Amazon Review

"I have been really hurting since my abortion. I was truly looking for a book that would not make me feel worse about what happened then i already felt but that could offer me hope and understanding. I decided to purchase this book after I had been referred to it. I am half way through the book and haven't been able to put it down. The author really acknowledges the pain that I and others have gone through on behalf of the choice they made. I can't tell you how many times I have felt like I was going crazy because people couldn't understand why I was depressed about the decision I made. I cant change what I did but at least this book offers me the solace and peace that I have been looking for since. Hopefully, in time things will become easier. I definitely recommend this book!" -- Emily, Amazon Review

"I gave this book to a friend who was still suffering years after her abortion. She found the book very therapeutic. Just telling women who have an abortion to get over it is not working. Women need to have a way to heal after an abortion both physically AND emotionally. This book helps women work through the pain in a totally non-judgmental way. I highly recommend it to others who are suffering following their decision to have an abortion.." -- E. Wle, Amazon Review

From the Publisher