Free Yourself From an Abusive Relationship: Seven Steps to Taking Back Your Life

by Andrea Lissette M.A., CDVC, Richard Kraus Ph.D.

Overview

Seven Steps to Freedom

If you are in an abusive relationship — or know someone who is — and don’t know what to do, this book can help. Free Yourself from an Abusive Relationship provides a practical seven-step plan that restores power and gives hope to those suffering abuse.

Step 1: Recognizing Abusive Behavior defines types of abuse ranging from physical, sexual and emotional to the lesser-known financial, social and spiritual abuse, and describes how to identify early signs of abuse.

Step 2: Learning About Abusers and Victims helps you identify patterns of abusive behavior. This step also addresses special issues, including abuse in rural communities and between same-sex partners, as well as child, teen and elder abuse.

Step 3: Preparing for Emergencies provides essential information on working with courts and local law enforcement, and describes how to create a safety plan.

Step 4: Getting Help After a Crisis gives guidance on dealing with immediate needs such as medical treatment, money, work and transportation, and planning for the long term.

Step 5: Making the Decision to Stay or Leave helps you evaluate your individual circumstances and decide what course of action is best for you.

Step 6: Learning to Heal and Rebuild outlines the different stages of healing and recovery and offers long-term strategies for overcoming the effects of abuse.

Step 7: Remaining Abuse Free helps you move on to a full, productive life, choose healthy relationships and avoid abuse in the future.

At every step, checklists help you to assess a situation and determine the best plan of action. Written for those who confront the daily reality of abuse, this book will be your lifeline to freedom.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780897932578
Publisher:	TURNER PUB CO
Publication date:	01/21/2000
Pages:	256
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x (d)

About the Author

Andrea Lissette, M.A., is approved by the Florida Department of Corrections to train facilitators of state-certified domestic violence intervention programs. She also leads violence intervention classes for juveniles and adults, and advocates for victims of domestic violence. 

Richard Kraus, Ph.D., is a Florida state-certified assessor for batterers’ intervention groups for men and women and has extensive experience counseling victims of domestic violence. 

Table of Contents

	Acknowledgments	x
	Preface	xi
	Introduction	1
Step 1	Recognizing Abusive Behavior
Chapter 1	Identifying Abuse	8
	Patterns of Domination and Control	9
	The Domestic Violence Cycle	9
	Types of Abuse	11
Chapter 2	Emotional Abuse	13
	Patterns of Emotional Abuse	14
	Emotional Abuse Inventory	31
Chapter 3	Physical Abuse	33
	Patterns of Physical Abuse	33
	Physical Abuse Inventory	35
Chapter 4	Sexual Abuse	37
	Patterns of Sexual Abuse	37
	Rape	38
	Incest and Other Sexual Abuse of Children	39
	Sexual Abuse Inventory	41
Chapter 5	Social Abuse	42
	Patterns of Social Abuse	43
	Social Abuse Inventory	43
Chapter 6	Financial Abuse	45
	Patterns of Financial Abuse	45
	Financial Abuse Inventory	46
Chapter 7	Religious and Spiritual Abuse	48
	Patterns of Spiritual Abuse	48
	The Misuse of Religious Doctrine	48
	Religious and Spiritual Abuse Inventory	50
Step 2	Learning About Abusers and Victims
Chapter 8	Recognizing Abusers	52
	Characteristics and Attitudes of Abusers	53
	Female Abusers	57
	Abuser Inventory	58
Chapter 9	Recognizing Danger Signals	60
	Indicators of Potentially Dangerous Behavior	61
	Potential Danger Inventory	63
Chapter 10	Victims of Abuse	65
	Myths About Victims of Abuse	65
	Why Victims Stay in or Return to Abusive Relationships	67
	Victim Dependencies	77
	Mutual Dependency	82
	Examining Your Reasons for Staying in or Returning to an Abusive Relationship	83
Chapter 11	Specific Victim Circumstances and Concerns	87
	Abusers with Money, Influence, and Power	87
	Cultural Concerns	90
	Male Abuse Victims	93
	Victims in Rural Areas	94
	Same-Sex Partners	97
	Victims with Disabilities	99
	Abuse During Pregnancy	100
Chapter 12	Abuse at Different Ages	102
	Abuse of Children	102
	Adolescents, Teenagers, and Dating Violence	110
	Abuse of Seniors	114
Step 3	Preparing for Emergencies
Chapter 13	Violent Crisis and Emergency Situations	118
	Emergency Plans and Safety Plans	118
	If You Leave Home During a Crisis	122
	Remaining at Home	124
	Taking Care of Children in a Crisis	127
	Avoiding Child Abduction	128
	Hostage Taking	129
	Stalking	130
Chapter 14	The Legal Process	133
	Civil and Criminal Courts and Protective Orders	134
	Protective Orders	135
	Criminal Court Procedures	142
	Victim-Related Court Concerns	143
	Mediation	144
	Court Advocates	145
	Attorneys	147
	Federal Laws and Civil Lawsuits	148
Step 4	Getting Help After a Crisis
Chapter 15	Getting Help Immediately After a Crisis	152
	Medical Attention and Evidence	152
	Support from Family and Friends	155
	Community Resources and Shelters	157
Chapter 16	Getting Help for the Longer Term	160
	From Victim to Survivor	160
	Keeping Safe After a Crisis	161
	Money Matters	163
	Immigration Help	164
	Work Issues	164
	Transportation Issues	167
Step 5	Making the Decision to Stay or Leave
Chapter 17	Evaluating Your Relationship	170
	The Examination Process	170
	Restricting Abuser Communication	174
	Abuser Assessment	175
	Effects on Children	176
	Assessing the Impact on You	177
	Examination Do's and Don'ts	178
	Evaluation Questions for Victims of Abuse	180
Chapter 18	Planning for Change	182
	Forming Realistic Expectations	182
	Building Alternatives to Abuse	183
	Making Goals and Plans	185
	Rebuilding Your Sense of Self	186
	Establishing Nonabusive Boundaries	187
Chapter 19	Taking Action	191
	Taking Action	192
	The Decision to Stay or to Leave	198
Step 6	Learning to Heal and Rebuild
Chapter 20	Healing and Rebuilding	206
	Grief and Abuse	206
	After Grief	211
	Healing Strategies	213
	Long-Term Rebuilding and Restoration Strategies	218
Chapter 21	Counseling After Abuse	221
	Why Seek Counseling?	221
	Choosing a Counselor	223
	Programs for Abusers	225
	Couples Counseling	228
	Depression	231
	Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)	233
Step 7	Remaining Abuse-Free
Chapter 22	Precautions for Your Protection	236
	General Safety Precautions	236
	New Dates and Acquaintances	239
	New Relationships	240
	Precautions for Seniors	240
	Rape Safeguards	242
	Safeguards to Avoid Child Abduction	243
Chapter 23	Maintaining Your Life Free from Abuse	246
	Establish and Maintain Financial Security	247
	Know Your Legal Rights	249
	Maintain Healthy Personal Behaviors	252
	Maintain Individual Interests and Relationships	256
	Teach Your Children Nonabusive Behavior	266
	Welcoming a Life Without Abuse	269
Appendix 1	A Heritage of Violence	270
Appendix 2	Collaborating in Your Community	274
Appendix 3	A Victim's Bill of Rights	276
	Resources	277
	Notes	280