Freezer Burn

Freezer Burn

by Joe R. Lansdale

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Freezer Burn by Joe R. Lansdale

Mama’s dead and wrapped in black plastic, her unsigned checks piling up. Bill’s eating beets because he’s run out of money. He teams up with Fat Boy and Chaplin to rob a fireworks stand, but things go bad—really bad—until Bill crawls out of the swamp so mosquito-bitten that he fits right in with the freaks of the ODDITIES OF THE WORLD carnival.
Frost, a true good Samaritan, runs the show: Double Buckwheat, Bim, Potty, U.S. Grant the bearded lady, Conrad the dog-man and the rest of the motley crowd. Of course Gidget—“Bad is good, Baby!”—wants out, Bill wants Gidget and the show must go on. Through it all the enigmatic Ice Man, an exhibit of uncertain origin, lies in the freezer, his history changing with Frost’s storytelling whim.
In Freezer Burn, you’ll root for all the wrong people for all the wrong reasons, as Bill worries about crossing the line. Could be that Lansdale’s right—“There isn’t any line. The only line is the one you draw yourself.”

Product Details

BN ID: 2940013147119
Publisher: Gere Donovan Press
Publication date: 07/28/2011
Sold by: Barnes & Noble
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 245
Sales rank: 537,075
File size: 393 KB

About the Author

With more than thirty books to his credit, Joe R. Lansdale is the Champion Mojo Storyteller. He’s been called “an immense talent” by Booklist; “a born storyteller” by Robert Bloch; and The New York Times Book Review declares he has “a folklorist’s eye for telling detail and a front-porch raconteur’s sense of pace.” He’s won umpty-ump awards, including sixteen Bram Stoker Awards, the Grand Master Award from the World Horror Convention, a British Fantasy Award, the American Mystery Award, the Horror Critics Award, the Grinzane Cavour Prize for Literature, the “Shot in the Dark” International Crime Writer’s Award, the Golden Lion Award, the Booklist Editor’s Award, the Critic’s Choice Award, and a New York Times Notable Book Award. He’s got the most decorated mantle in all of Nacogdoches!

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Freezer Burn 3.7 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 9 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I am a dark grey cat with a whiye streaj down he side. I have silver eyes. I am very lean. May i jiin?
Guest More than 1 year ago
Really funny book, great characters, good plot line, lots of twists and turns, some predictable but still funny. Started out fast out of the gate but slowed down a little in the middle and the end just kind of flatlined.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Wierd, nasty, fast, funny and oddly insightful. Lansdale writes in his own genre. This book is a gem.
Guest More than 1 year ago
First, let me talk for a moment about the writings of Joe R. Lansdale. I¿m now totally addicted to this remarkable East Texas author. I think his novel, THE BOTTOMS, is one of the true masterpieces of modern American literature. I love the ¿Hap/Leonard¿ series and could read a new novel about these two hilarious and utterly heroic characters every week, if Mr. Lansdale could write the books fast enough. I¿ve read his novellas THE BOAR and THE BIG BLOW and have wondered why a mainstream publisher didn¿t pick up these two great little books. I¿ve also read his children¿s story, SOMETHING LUMBER THIS WAY COMES. So far, I¿ve enjoyed every piece of writing by him that I have read. FREEZER BURN is no exception. Though certainly different from the above books, it nevertheless is pure Lansdale at his best. This is the story of Bill Roberts, a low life who simply doesn¿t know any better. He¿s been living with his dominating mother for a long time, and when she finally dies, he decides to keep her body in the bedroom so that her social security checks will continue to come in. The only problem with the plan is that Bill is unable to successfully forge her signature on the checks. So, with a handful of checks he¿s unable to cash, a raucous smell permeating the house, and a couple of cans of beets in the kitchen cabinet left to eat, Bill makes the less-than-lucid decision to rob the firecracker stand across the street on the fourth of July with the help of two equally stupid acquaintances, Fat Boy and Chaplin. Like everything else in Bill¿s life, the robbery goes terribly wrong. The owner of the firecracker stand is murdered and then Fat Boy (he encounters a nest of water moccasins in the swamp!!!!) and Chaplin are killed in the getaway. Bill hides out in the Bottoms for a day or so, feeding the mosquitoes with his face, avoiding the poisonous snakes, and praying the law doesn¿t catch up with him. When he eventually comes out of hiding, he sees a carnival in a nearby field and goes to them for help. The owner of carnival, Jack Frost, takes Bill in and allows him to stay until he¿s completely healed from the mosquito bites, and then offers him a job. This carnival is special. It¿s filled with freaks: Conrad the Dog Man, U.S. Grant the Bearded Lady, the two-head Buckwheat, pin heads and punk heads, midgets, and the Ice Man. Even Frost has a hand growing out of his chest. The only other normal person (except for a couple of nasty roustabouts) besides Bill is Gidget, the wife of Jack Frost. Gidget¿blonde, beautiful, sexy, and as deadly as one of those cottonmouths in the Bottoms¿is every husband¿s worse nightmare. Over a period of weeks, Bill gradually begins to see Frost and some of the other freaks in the carnival as human beings, but it isn¿t his destiny to be a nice guy. Gidget has other ideas for him. It isn¿t long before she seduces Bill with her body and talks him into helping her kill Frost so that they can take over the carnival. Of course, like Bill¿s other endeavors, the plan to kill Gidget¿s husband will have its drawbacks and pitfalls, and nothing will turn out quite as he expects. FREEZER BURN is definitely not for everyone. I think the reader has to have a rather bizarre sense of humor and a willingness to allow the author to take him/her down a path that may seem somewhat weird to the average person, yet is actually a journey about life and what it means to be different, not to mention what goes around, comes around. This novel is Mr. Lansdale¿s homage to James M. Cain¿s THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE, using the themes of lust, adultery, and murder, only with a slightly different twist. Though funny from beginning to end (yes, I have a rather bizarre sense of humor about life), this novel is also filled with poignant insights into how people treat those who are different. I also think that Mr. Lansdale is a firm believer in karma. When people do bad things, it always comes back to bite them in t
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book ain't for Squares or Protestants, but it was right up my alley! Freaks, murderers, hustlers and gross greasy carnies -- life is an ugly business, and what I like about this book is the author doesn't try to deny that or to gussy it up... he just makes it funny! The idea of Jesus being in a carnival freakshow is amazing enough, but the rest of the book is pretty damn good, too. I'm pretty sure anyone with a healthy offbeat sense of humor would like it.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Although I have enjoyed Lansdale's Hap and Leonard series, five books in a row was a bit much. I was excited to see Freezer Burn available, a new and original Lansdale story, and grabbed it. The story starts off fast paced but slows down in the middle. Some of the characters in the freak show are enjoyable but the main characters are shallow and unbelievable. Bill, an otherwise normal guy, keeps his dead mother's body so he can continue to collect her checks. By the end of the novel I just didn't care what happened to anyone. The plot itself could have been taken from one of those bad late night movie you watch just because nothing else is on. I expected more from an author I've enjoyed for many years.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I finished this novel in record time. Due to the quick witted dialogue, and interesting storyline. But after finishing, I was a little disappointed. It could have been so much better. The use of the word 'nigger' got old really quick. Overall, a good page turner, but not a great novel.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I read this novel in two hours. It started out great with a fast pace and made you eager to find out what was going to happen next. And even though you hated it you actually began to cheer for Bill. However by the last few chapters the story plummets downhill just as fast as it had skyrocketed in the begininng. I am an avid reader and do not have the opportunity to get allot of newer novels where I am (that is why I order them for download). So if you are like me, and love a great read, and want to feel like you have spent your money on something that will leave a lasting impression I suggest you find another title. Freezer Burn was a great story, with great characters, but the ending will leave you with a bad aftertaste.