God's Design for Man and Woman: A Biblical-Theological Survey

by Andreas J. Köstenberger, Margaret Elizabeth Köstenberger

Overview

Husband-and-wife biblical scholars set forth a robust biblical theology of gender, examining key texts, employing sound hermeneutical principles, and considering important historical influences related to the Bible’s teaching on manhood and womanhood.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781433536991
Publisher:	Crossway
Publication date:	08/31/2014
Pages:	384
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Andreas J. Köstenberger (PhD, Trinity Evangelical Divinity School) is the theologian in residence at Fellowship Raleigh, a cofounder of Biblical Foundations, host at Oak Tree Cottage, and the author, editor, or translator of over sixty books. He and his wife, Marny, have four grown children and live in North Carolina.

Marny Köstenberger (ThD, University of South Africa) is a teacher and women’s consultant, the author of Jesus and the Feminists, and the coauthor of God’s Design for Man and Woman and Parenting Essentials. She previously served as director of women’s programs and mentoring, and professor of theology and women’s ministry at various churches and seminaries. Marny and her husband, Andreas, live in North Carolina.

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

God's Original Design and Its Corruption

Genesis 1–3

Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female?

Jesus (Matt. 19:4)

"Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop."

Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Key Points

1. Genesis 1–3, cited by both Jesus and Paul, provides the foundational biblical teaching on men's and women's identities and roles.

2. Genesis 1 makes clear that humanity, male and female, was created in God's image to rule the earth jointly as God's representatives.

3. Genesis 2 indicates that men and women have different roles or functions in the fulfillment of God's creation mandate to humanity to multiply and subdue the earth. The man is ultimately responsible for leading in the marriage and the fulfillment of God's mandate, while the woman is his partner, his suitable helper. Different functions or roles don't convey superiority or inferiority.

4. The Old Testament bears witness to several ways in which humanity compromised God's design for marriage, such as polygamy, divorce, adultery, and homosexuality.

5. Even after the fall, God's ideal for men and women continues unabated and constitutes the abiding standard for male-female relationships.

At a recent lunch stop at a Cracker Barrel on the way back from a family road trip north to Canada and New York City, we got into one of our lively family discussions. We were reflecting on the Cinderella Broadway performance the girls had just seen. One of our daughters mentioned that this Rogers and Hammerstein musical was a feminist version of the fairy tale. Though we didn't all agree with this opinion, the topic of male-female roles and identities came up. In the middle of the discussion, our teenage daughter expressed her opinion that men and women are "equal." She assumed we would all understand what she meant without further elaboration. Trying to tease out her thinking, we asked her in what way she thought women and men are equal since, after all, there are also some obvious differences! "Are there not also unique identities and roles associated with men and women being created unique?," we asked. Our daughter retorted, "Well, of course, everybody knows that!" Andreas then talked about the man's responsibility to provide for his family. Our teenage son quickly added that men who let their wives bear the main load of providing for the family are "wimps." Trying to wrap up our discussion (our food was just about to be served), Andreas pointed out that many people in our culture believe that our male and female roles are simply determined by preferences and personal arrangements and that fewer and fewer people seem to base our male-female identities on the way in which we've been created by God.

Creation (Genesis 1–2)

You only have to look at the starry sky or a butterfly's wings to see that God is a master designer. The psalmist exclaims,

O Lord, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory above the heavens....
When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him?
Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.
You have given him dominion over the works of your hands;
you have put all things under his feet. (Ps. 8:1–6)

The apostle Paul concurs: "For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made" (Rom. 1:20). God, our creator, has put an indelible imprint on all of his creation, whether the starry skies or his crowning work, the making of man and woman, which the Creator himself pronounced "very good" (Gen. 1:31).

What ought to give cause to much wonder and amazement, however, is also the cause of much consternation. A large part of humanity, in the first (and, sadly, also in the twenty-first) century, has set aside God's design for men and women. As Paul continues in his epistle to the Romans,

So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal men. ... Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies. (Rom. 1:20–26)

We see that God's design, in all of its beauty, wisdom, and goodness, is ignored at great peril. While God loves the man and the woman he has made, judgment awaits those who treat lightly the purpose for his creation. So whether our motive is the love of God or the fear of God, we should strive to rediscover and seek to live in accordance with his divine design.

What, then, is God's design for men and women? As we will see, an engaging study of what Scripture teaches about God's plan for males and females from beginning to end provides clear and abundant guidance on the purpose for our gender. We'll start at the very beginning: the biblical account of creation (Genesis 1–3). This part of the Bible lays the foundation for God's purpose in creating man and woman unique and different and shows the serious consequences of the fall on the male-female relationship.

After this, we will begin to engage the important matters of how these truths relate to our lives. We will also cull Israel's history and demonstrate how the divine ideal continues unabated. Later in the book, we will move on to the rest of the story and discover that God's original plan is abiding, consistent, and missional.

Overview of the Creation Narrative

Before we delve into the teaching of Genesis 1–3 on biblical manhood and womanhood in greater depth, it will be helpful to catch a birds' eye view of the scriptural narrative of humanity's creation and fall into sin. The biblical creation story provides us with a wonderful, coherent presentation of God's creation of the man and the woman according to his divine design. In the Genesis story, read as a continual narrative, we move from a general account of God's creation to a more specific presentation focusing on the male-female relationship and then to the fall. Chapter 2 acts as a necessary link between chapters 1 and 3 and has often been compared to a zoom lens that focuses on the general presentation of creation in chapter 1 in greater detail.

Read as part of a consecutive narrative, Genesis 1 tells the story of God's creation of the universe, culminating in the creation of humanity as male and female in God's image (Gen. 1:26–27). Genesis 2, then, goes on to elaborate more specifically on God's purpose and manner of creating the man and the woman and the divine design expressed in distinct male-female roles: the man is to serve as the leader while the woman has been created to come alongside him as his partner, his suitable helper (vv. 18, 20). We also learn that the fact that God made the man first constitutes a deliberate act and important indication of the man's primary responsibility to God for the marriage relationship.

Looking at Genesis 2 in greater detail, we see that following the creation of the first man, God then makes the woman. God's purpose for creating the woman is to bring her to the man to alleviate his aloneness, to provide him with companionship, and to enable humankind to fill the earth and to help govern it for God. We see that the woman is the result of a unique creative act of God who fashioned her from a rib of the man, an act that sets her apart from the manner of creation of the animals. The way Scripture tells the story, the woman was created for a special purpose. She was created both from the man and for the man.

Following the dual creation narrative, then, Genesis 3 tells the story of an ominous role reversal at the fall of humanity where the Serpent (Satan) approaches the woman, who leads the man to join her in transgressing their Creator's command. This turns biblical lines of authority on their head, according to which God rules over the man who is responsible to lead and care for his wife and together with her is given charge of the animal world. Consequently, God holds each party accountable and pronounces a series of judgments on the Serpent, the woman, and the man.

Created in God's Image to Rule the Earth for God (Gen. 1:26–28)

We'll pick up the creation narrative in chapter 1 at its climax:

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion ... over all the earth. ..."

So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.

And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion." (Gen. 1:26–28)

Strikingly, at the outset of the passage, God emphatically announces his intention to make humanity in his own image. In verse 26, he declares his intention and purpose for creating humanity: to have dominion over all the earth as his representatives. In verse 27, the narrative switches from prose to poetry, each of the three lines registering an important point: (1) humanity has God as its source; (2) humanity bears resemblance to God; and (3) humanity exists in the plurality of male and female. Verse 28 records God's blessing of humanity and his mandate for the man and the woman: to be fruitful and multiply and to fill the earth and subdue it. Let's now briefly discuss some of the most salient points in interpreting this important passage.

First, what are we to make of the plural in the divine declaration, "Let us make man," in verse 26? Is it: (1) a reference to the Trinity? (2) a reference to God and the court of heavenly angels? Or (3) a reference to God's deliberation within himself? A reference to angels is rendered unlikely by the fact that humanity is made in God's image, not that of angels. A reference to God's deliberation within himself is also rather unlikely because in passages such as Genesis 18:17, the first-person singular is used in such instances ("Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do?"). Most likely, therefore, the reference is to a plurality within the Godhead ("Let us make man") issuing in a plurality in humanity, male and female ("male and female he created them").

Second, what are we to make of the equally momentous affirmation that God made humanity in his image (Gen. 1:27)? The declaration that humanity bears God's likeness is startling, awesome, and almost incredible, but what exactly does it mean? Scholars debate the specifics. Two primary, and not necessarily contradictory, views are: (1) the substantive view, according to which humans share some aspects of the nature of God (intelligence, emotions, etc.); and (2) the functional view, according to which humans act like God in their divinely given role to rule the earth. The immediate context, with the language of dominion and subjugation, suggests that the functional interpretation is primary. Let's stay close to the text, then, and interpret this passage in the context of the Bible's overall story line.

On the heels of the statement that God created the man and the woman in his image is God's foundational mandate for humanity, which is expressed in a series of five imperatives: "And God blessed them. And God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth'" (v. 28). The fact that humanity is said to have been made in God's image as a plurality ("male and female he created them," v. 27), along with the plural pronouns "them" at the beginning of verse 28 ("And God blessed them. And God said to them"), indicates that ruling the earth is a joint function of the man and the woman. Humanity is conceived as a plurality.

Understood in this way, verse 28 teaches that the primary means of carrying out humanity's representative rule is that of procreation. Neither the man nor the woman can fill the earth and subdue it without the other. Fulfilling the mandate to "be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it" takes both a man and a woman. Being made in God's image thus involves joint dominion of the earth involving procreation. This truth has abiding relevance. In a day when birthrates drop in the civilized world and when many choose to have fewer or no children at all for lifestyle reasons, and when some countries, in order to curb population growth, limit the number of children a couple may legally produce, Scripture reminds us that procreation is at the very heart of God's creation purpose and mandate for humanity as male and female.

So what's the ancient cultural background? Today, when you hear the word image, you may think of a picture or drawing, but in the day when Genesis was written, the term carried a slightly different connotation. In the ancient Near East, the image of a ruler commonly represented the potentate's presence in his kingdom. A ruler's image thus signified his rule, such as when his or her likeness was minted on a coin. In the case of humans, as the male-female image of God, they symbolize his rule, having been created to reflect his glory to all creation (see Ps. 8:6–8). Neither the angels nor the animals are in charge of creation — humans are, created in God's image. At the sametime, they are to exercise dominion not in an abusive or oppressive manner but as responsible guardians of the earth for God.

Essentially, therefore, God at creation commissioned humanity to serve as representative rulers of the earth on his behalf. As the sovereign ruler and creator of the universe, God delegated to humanity as male and female the power to rule and to procreate. He put humans on the earth to take care of it for him, requiring them to reproduce as male and female. While there is not yet in the creation narrative any clear indication as to the exact role differentiation between the man and the woman, male headship is suggested by the fact that the name for the man (adam) in Genesis 1:26–27 (and later in 5:1–2) is the Hebrew name for the race at large. Table 1.2 shows how God made hu-man-ity (adam) male and female, while at the same time the man (adam) is given primary responsibility for humanity at large.

The Man's Leadership in the Marriage and the Wife's Role as His Suitable Helper (Genesis 2)

We've seen that Genesis 1 focuses primarily on the creation of humanity as male and female in God's image. How does Genesis 2, then, build on and supplement Genesis 1? In Genesis 2:4, the narrative returns to the creation of humankind that was mentioned in Genesis 1:26–28, yet provides additional details. Genesis 2:7–8 describes how God forms the man from the dust of the ground, breathes life into him, and places him in the garden of Eden. Genesis 2:15–17 records God's command to the man to work the garden and his gracious permission for him to eat from every tree except for the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. The woman is not present to hear the command (she hasn't been created yet!), so it's the man's responsibility to pass it on to her at a later time.

In Genesis 2:18 we are given important information regarding God's purpose for creating the woman and her design in relation to the man: "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit [i.e., suitable] for him." The Creator is about to make a special companion and soul mate for the man. Yet rather than record this creative act immediately, the following verse describes how God brings all the animals to Adam so he can name them. What's going on here? Most likely, God is leading the man through a process of understanding, helping him to realize that he needs a counterpart, human but different, with whom he shares the image of God and can exercise representative rule through the procreation of offspring. In verse 20, then, the same phrase recurs once again: "no suitable helper was found for him."

"What's going on here? Most likely, God is leading the man through a process of understanding ... that he needs a counterpart, human but different, with whom he shares the image of God and can exercise representative rule through the procreation of offspring."

(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "God's Design for Man and Woman"
by .
Copyright © 2014 Andreas J. Köstenberger and Margaret E. Köstenberger.
Excerpted by permission of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

List of Tables 11

Introduction 13

1 God's Original Design and Its Corruption (Genesis 1-3) 23

2 Patriarchs, Kings, Priests, and Prophets (Old Testament) 57

3 What Did Jesus Do? (Gospels) 79

4 What Did the Early Church Do? (Acts) 121

5 Paul's Message to the Churches (First Ten Letters) 159

6 Paul's Legacy (Letters to Timothy and Titus) 193

7 The Rest of the Story (Other New Testament Teaching) 237

8 God's Design Lived Out Today 257

Appendix 1 The Three Waves: Women's History Survey 293

Appendix 2 The Rules of the Game: Hermeneutics and Biblical Theology 321

Appendix 3 Proceed with Caution: Special Issues in Interpreting Gender Passages 335

Helpful Resources 355

General Index 359

Scripture Index 371

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

“The eclipse of the family in human society is one of the most disastrous developments of our age. Sadly, the eclipse of the biblical model of marriage and family has also happened within far too many evangelical churches. Andreas and Margaret Köstenberger come to the rescue with biblical and theological insight and practical wisdom.”
—R. Albert Mohler, Jr., President and Joseph Emerson Brown Professor of Christian Theology, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

“Models the best of Christian discernment about matters of gender, theology, justice, roles, and gifts. It is faithful in its representation both of God’s character and our own propensity to sin, pastoral in its application of faithful biblical hermeneutics, insightful in its explanation of original word usages and their application, concise in its framing of hot-button issues and the hermeneutical fallacies that often fuel them, and charitable in its handling of the motives of those who disagree.”
—Rosaria Butterfield, former tenured Professor of English at Syracuse University; author, The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert; mother, pastor’s wife, and speaker

“A refreshingly clear, well-informed, balanced, thorough, biblically faithful overview of the teachings of the entire Bible about manhood and womanhood as designed by God and intended for the joy and well-being of both women and men. A significant achievement!”
—Wayne Grudem, Research Professor of Theology and Biblical Studies, Phoenix Seminary

“Scriptural, thorough, scholarly, irenic, and practical, this vital resource will help any serious student of the Bible understand God’s good, wise, and wonderful design.”
—Mary A. Kassian, Professor of Women's Studies, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary; author, Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild

“The brilliant and respected Andreas and Margaret Köstenberger are wise experts, guiding us through the Bible for a substantive, gospel-rich, and pastorally applied theology of masculinity, femininity, and the goodness of our differences by God’s design.”
—Russell D. Moore, President, The Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission; author, Tempted and Tried

“Whenever we consider our God-given design, we must do so with humble hearts. What a gift to be able to appreciate how the triune, eternal God made us! This study on God’s design will be useful in every field of Christian work all over the world.”
—Gloria Furman, Pastor’s wife, Redeemer Church of Dubai; mother of four; author, Glimpses of Grace and Treasuring Christ When Your Hands Are Full

“Some books are unhelpful, others are helpful, and a select few are spectacularly helpful. God’s Design for Man and Woman belongs with that select few. With thoroughness, nuance, and textual insight, it simultaneously unfolds biblical complementarianism as a coherent, life-giving worldview and answers common questions related to it.”
—Owen Strachan, Assistant Professor of Christian Theology and Church History, Boyce College; President, The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

“As the consequences of gender distortions permeate more relationships, families, and churches, the need is urgent for biblical clarity about God’s design and the work of the Spirit in restoring us to our original purpose. Here is a faithful guide to living as God created us, for our good and his glory.”
—Candice Watters, Assistant Editor, CMBW.org’s Family Channel; co-founder, Boundless.org; co-author, Start Your Family

“Andreas and Margaret Köstenberger have teamed up to write one of the most helpful, comprehensive, and practical books to date on what Scripture teaches about God’s design for men and women and its implications for marriage, families, relationships in the church, and in our society.”
—Stephen J. Wellum, Professor of Christian Theology, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary; Editor, The Southern Baptist Journal of Theology

“God’s Design for Man and Woman is rigorously biblical, and the exegetical work is what we have come to expect of the Köstenbergers. Those who believe in the inspiration of the Bible will find this presentation compelling and hard to dismiss. Even those who do not accept biblical authority will, if honest, respect the arguments that are made. This book will serve the church of the Lord Jesus well.”
—Daniel L. Akin, President, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary

“Returning to a topic on which they both have already shown mastery, the Köstenbergers here round off their achievements with a full, lucid, and compelling demonstration that all Scripture treats male leadership as the creational pattern. Complementarians in particular will find here an invaluable resource, as indeed will any other open-minded Bible students.”
—J. I. Packer, Board of Governors' Professor of Theology, Regent College

“From Genesis to Revelation, Andreas and Margaret Köstenberger masterfully present God’s plan for manhood and womanhood in the home, church, and society. This thought-provoking, insightful, and theologically grounded resource could not be timelier. This is a must-read that I highly recommend!”
—Monica Rose Brennan, Associate Professor and Director of Women’s Ministries, Liberty University

“The authors break no new ground; they do not intend to. What they have done is put together biblical material in convenient and broadly comprehensive textbook format—material that brings together historical surveys, along with some exegesis, biblical theology, and pastoral application. One need not agree with every detail of the argument to see that this book meets a need to inform students and others who are new to the debate of some of its most inescapable parameters.”
—D. A. Carson, Research Professor of New Testament, Trinity Evangelical Divinity School

“This unique and accessible book presents a positive, constructive, and winsome case for the whole gamut of biblical teaching about the divine design for men and women, as well as much practical application for how to live it out in both the home and the church. All who read this book will profit greatly by both their biblical theology and their godly example.”
—Gregg R. Allison, Professor of Christian Theology, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary

“While academic in nature, the text clearly interprets Scripture and makes practical life application. I wholeheartedly recommend this book for all Christians and encourage teachers in Christian colleges and universities to use it as a textbook.”
—Rhonda Harrington Kelley, Professor of Women’s Ministry, president’s wife, New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary

“Moving beyond debates that discuss men’s and women’s roles in isolation from one another, Andreas and Margaret Köstenberger take a biblical-theological approach that seeks to understand God’s design for men and women from the progressively unfolding narrative of Scripture. Responding to the profound influence of feminism, the authors call on men to exercise leadership in ways that exhibit genuine care and responsibility for those they are charged to nurture and protect.”
—Daniel I. Block, Gunther H. Knoedler Professor of Old Testament, Wheaton College

“The Köstenbergers have masterfully traced the Creator’s plan for man and woman by methodically stepping through Scripture. This approach makes it easy for the reader to understand the comprehensive design God intended from the beginning. It is certainly a book I will enjoy sharing with my students.”
—Denise O’Donoghue, Director of Women’s Life and Assistant Professor of Ministry to Women, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary

“This meaty (but not technical) volume will equip readers to grasp the beauty, utility, and missional importance of being created in God’s image, male and female. It deserves a wide readership in church and college or seminary classroom.”
—Robert W. Yarbrough, Professor of New Testament, Covenant Theological Seminary

“Using the primary picture of the household and pointing to a call for men to carry out their calling, this book is a careful and sober study of biblical texts. It calls on us to reflect on what Scripture teaches, making many important points along the way.”
—Darrell L. Bock, Executive Director of Cultural Engagement, Howard G. Hendricks Center for Christian Leadership and Cultural Engagement; Senior Research Professor of New Testament Studies, Dallas Theological Seminary

“We live in a day when God’s order has been turned on its head, resulting in confusion and heartache—even in the church. Margaret and Andreas Köstenberger team up to present a comprehensive and thoroughly biblical exposition of manhood and womanhood.”
—Teresa Wigington Bowen, Pastor’s wife; mother; Founder, Candle in the Window Hospitality Network

“The Köstenbergers have thoroughly researched Scripture concerning God’s design for men and women, and their efforts have produced a book that will challenge much of what the church does today. Anyone wanting to devote serious study to the topic of men’s and women’s roles in the church needs to read this book.”
—William Jones, President, Columbia International University

“For years now, Andreas and Margaret Köstenberger have labored to help the church recover a biblical vision of manhood and womanhood in the midst of a culture that is moving increasingly away from God’s design. We are so pleased to see the fruits of their labors gathered together into this wonderful new volume. Thoroughly biblical, deeply theological, and also practical and accessible, the Köstenbergers have given the church a great gift in an hour of great need.”
—Michael J. Kruger, President and Professor of New Testament, Reformed Theological Seminary, Charlotte; author, Canon Revisited

“The issue of biblical manhood and womanhood is long overdue for a resource that takes the entire storyline of the Bible, from Genesis to Revelation, into account. This book will be tremendously helpful to pastors, teachers, married couples, parents, singles, and especially college students.”
—Matt Schoolfield, Lead Pastor, Fellowship Raleigh, Raleigh, North Carolina

“Christian women today are hungry to know what a biblical woman really looks like. If you really want an accurate picture, I encourage you to read—no, study—this book. Not only will you get the biblical portrait of woman, but you will also discover what the Bible says about man and how they relate to each other.”
—Chris Adams, Senior Lead Women’s Ministry Specialist, LifeWay Christian Resources

“Sexual ethics and complementary gender roles have far more to do with the effectiveness of the church than we tend to admit. Dr. and Mrs. Köstenberger have given a comprehensive biblical theology calling the church to biblical gender roles and a God-glorying sexual ethic that will once again display the glorious covenant love of Christ and his church to a world in need of redemption.”
—David Miller, Church Planter and Lead Pastor, Sentral Church, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

“In a day and age where men’s and women’s roles are under attack, this book gives a thorough and essential exposition of such a foundational topic. It’s comprehensive. It’s practical. It is sure to be a helpful resource for the church as well as personal discipleship!”
—Dana Cordell, Pastor’s wife, Treasuring Christ Church, Raleigh, North Carolina

“The whole of the Bible helps women understand their purpose as followers of Christ. The Köstenbergers have served both men and women by unpacking the distinction of gender roles and sexual identity in the entirety of the Scriptures. This is a personal, well-researched, comprehensive, and very useful book.”
—Kay Milioni, Pastor’s wife, Open Door Baptist Church, Raleigh, North Carolina; mother

“The result of more than two decades of research by two competent scholars, this clear, compelling, and accessible book fills a gap in literature on this subject.”
—Pete and Vicki Schemm, Senior Pastor, Cave Spring Baptist Church, Roanoke, Virginia; Vicki is a mother and pastor’s wife