Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World

by Devorah Heitner

Overview

NATIONAL BESTSELLER

The definitive guide to helping tweens and teens set boundaries online when technology and social media prioritize being online 24/7 over privacy

“Essential reading . . . With empathy and insight, Devorah Heitner sheds light on how parents’ scrutiny and monitoring of teenagers can intensify the stress of growing up with social media.”—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

Between social media, constant connection, and addictive tech and smartphones, the boundaries of privacy are stretched thin. We can track our kids’ every move with apps, see their grades within minutes of being posted, and fixate on their digital footprint, anxious that a misstep could cause them to be “canceled” or even jeopardize their admission to college.

All of this adds pressure on kids, particularly Gen Z, who are coming of age immersed in social media platforms that compete for their attention and emphasize “personal brand,” “likes,” and “gotcha” moments. How are kids supposed to figure out who they really are with zero privacy and constant judgment? Growing Up in Public shows us that by focusing on character, rather than the threat of getting caught or exposed, we can support our kids to be authentically themselves. The key is mentoring, not monitoring.

Drawing on her extensive work with parents and schools as well as hundreds of interviews with kids, parents, educators, clinicians, and scholars, Heitner offers strategies for parenting our kids in an always-connected world. With relatable stories and research-backed advice, Growing Up in Public empowers parents to cut through the overwhelm to connect with their kids, recognize how to support them, and help them figure out who they are when everyone is watching.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780593420966
Publisher:	Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:	09/12/2023
Pages:	304
Sales rank:	292,516
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.70(h) x 1.20(d)

About the Author

Devorah Heitner, Ph.D., is the authority parents turn to for empowering advice on raising resilient and kind kids in our always-connected world. Her previous book, Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World, was an Amazon bestseller and widely praised. She is a featured speaker at conferences and independent and public schools in the United States and abroad. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, CNN Opinion, and Fast Company, among others. Dr. Heitner earned a Ph.D. in media, technology and society from Northwestern University and has taught at DePaul University, Lake Forest College, and Northwestern.

Editorial Reviews

07/17/2023

Heitner (Screenwise), a former media studies professor at Lake Forest College who now runs parenting workshops, offers astute advice on how parents can help their children navigate social media and other technology. She warns against using tech to surveil kids, suggesting apps that track teenagers’ whereabouts limit their chances to learn to “make good decisions independently.” Offering an evenhanded assessment of social media, she notes that while platforms can produce anxiety about not getting enough likes, they also provide opportunities for self-expression; for instance, she shares the story of a mother who learned of her son’s dancing abilities from watching his TikToks. The levelheaded guidance is a refreshing antidote to more alarmist takes on the topic (Heitner suggests that sexting can be a “healthy form of teenage sexual exploration” and outlines talking points to discuss with teens about sexting ethically and safely, such as excluding one’s face from intimate photos), though she’s elsewhere short on specifics, as when she urges parents to help “kids grapple with their ‘public’ audience in an intentional, empowered way” without clarifying how to do so. Still, parents will find this a useful roadmap for helping children cope with the perils of growing up online. (Sept.)

Publishers Weekly

"Devorah Heitner's fantastic new book begins with a clear-eyed message for those of us raising or shaping young people in this moment. Kids feel watched but not seen."—Heidi Stevens, Chicago Tribune

"Growing Up in Public gives parents a gentle guide on how to keep lines of communication open between them and their child.... This is an important guidebook for all parents as they seek to give their children the skills they need to navigate our brave new world."—BookPage

"Astute advice on how parents can help their children navigate social media and other technology.... The levelheaded guidance is a refreshing antidote to more alarmist takes on the topic."
—Publishers Weekly

"Expert advice for parents and teens backed by relevant research and clear thinking."
—Kirkus

“Parents would do well to heed Devorah’s advice to stop agonizing about their kids going viral for the wrong reasons and focus instead on helping them figure out who they really are.”
—Jessica Lahey, New York Times bestselling author of The Gift of Failure

“A must-read for every parent, Growing Up in Public brilliantly guides us in how to use conversations with our kids about the digital world as opportunities to develop their character and deepen our relationship with them. Emphasizing the importance of our children feeling seen instead of watched, mentored instead of monitored, this book is all at once a roadmap for preventing digital problems, a resource for what to do when things go wrong, and a crash course in how to empower our kids to become responsible, independent, and thoughtful digital citizens.
—Tina Payne Bryson, LCSW, PhD, New York Times bestselling coauthor of The Whole-Brain Child

“With empathy and insight, Devorah Heitner sheds light on how parents’ scrutiny and monitoring of teenagers can intensify the stress of growing up with social media. We need to listen to kids to understand the ways they are re-writing the rules about what we share about ourselves. This is essential reading for anyone who cares about kids and teens.”
—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

“Every parent needs this book! Growing Up in Public is the smart, frank, and compassionate advice we need so we can protect our kids from the land mines they face in a digital world. Heitner levels up our understanding, delivers us from fear, and empowers us to confidently mentor our kids.”
—Julie Lythcott-Haims, New York Times bestselling author of How to Raise an Adult

“Devorah Heitner really gets why young people deserve privacy, respect, and autonomy. She translates teens’ social and technology landscape for parents so they can help their children thrive. Her focus on character instead of the threat of consequences is a rare antidote to the fear-based parenting that so many others have espoused.”
—Rosalind Wiseman, New York Times bestselling author of Queen Bees and Wannabes

“Growing Up in Public is a book for our times, helping you balance your impulse to protect your children with their fundamental needs to create their identities, develop independence, and learn to successfully manage the powerful technologies that are interwoven in their lives. Dr. Heitner shares how to do so in ways that bolster your most potent parenting tool: your relationship with your child.”
—Ned Johnson, coauthor of The Self-Driven Child

“Heitner’s approach to raising kids in our hyper-connected world is empowering and reassuring. With each page, I felt more confident, less worried, and more aware of what our kids are grappling with. Best of all, now we have the tools to meaningfully connect and support our kids."
—Michelle Icard, author of Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen

"A comprehensive resource on a topic that interests many parents. Will prove essential for parents of children in the elementary through teenage years."—Library Journal, starred review

From the Publisher

★ 11/01/2023

Heitner's (Screenwise) goal is to close the technology knowledge gap between parents and kids through education. These days, parents are afraid of a myriad of issues, like their children's texts, online bullying, sexting, and a private post becoming public and destroying one's reputation or job possibilities. But Heitner indicates that a fear-based approach leads to children feeling distrusted. She believes conversation is a wiser strategy than reading texts, though she acknowledges that tracking can feel easier than building trust and having challenging discussions. She also addresses parents' own social media usage, or "sharenting," which can cause college pressure, social embarrassment, and discouragement in their children. The book addresses neurodiversity, mental health, and sex and gender identity. It also offers readers sound ideas for supporting BIPOC kids and promoting antiracism. Sexting and sexual harassment are also tackled here. VERDICT A comprehensive resource on a topic that interests many parents. Will prove essential for parents of children in the elementary through teenage years.

Library Journal

2023-05-24
A map to the social media maze for parents and their teenagers.

Parenting a teenager has never been easy, but social media has made it much more difficult. Heitner specializes in this field, and her 2016 book, Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World, was widely praised. In this follow-up, she returns to some of her previous themes, punctuating the text with accessible advice and numerous anecdotes. She believes that trying to prohibit a teen from using social media is unlikely to work. After all, kids have grown up with the internet and can circumvent bans. She suggests that a mentoring approach is better than stern rules. Heitner acknowledges that finding the right balance in parental supervision and intervention is often a tricky matter of judgment. For example, some teens are opposed to being tracked by their phones, but others accept it as an appropriate security measure. Many teens see social media as a crucial part of their lives, especially in being part of a peer group. One major problem is that the rules about what is acceptable and what is not keep changing, and some teens constantly worry that a wrong word could see them shunned. Parents are often concerned that unsuitable posts might affect their teen's application to a desired college, although research shows that such cases are rare. They can advise their kids to think before they post anything, and a useful guide is to think about whether they would put whatever they are posting on a T-shirt. In the end, the best ways to mentor are by examples and through communication. "Parents should shift their focus from consequences to building character," writes Heitner, "and to teaching their kids to respect their own privacy and reputation by modeling that respect for them."

Expert advice for parents and teens backed by relevant research and clear thinking.

Kirkus Reviews