Help! I need to master critical conversations: How to communicate what you really think without ruining the relationship

by Trevor Manning

Overview

Have you ever worried about delivering truthful feedback at work? If you water down the message, the real issues do not get aired or understood. On the other hand, if the brutal truth is delivered, you may risk damaging your work relationships.

This book provides practical frameworks to plan and deliver a critical conversation in such a way that the brutal truth can be communicated while still maintaining good relationships. It is designed as a practical how-to guide with real-world examples tested in a business coaching environment.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780648191513
Publisher:	Trevor Manning Consultancy Pty Ltd
Publication date:	09/24/2018
Series:	Help for Engineering Management , #2
Pages:	138
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.32(d)

About the Author

Trevor Manning graduated with an Engineering degree prior to moving into Senior Management. His roles included: being Chief Engineer of a Telecommunication group in a large Electric Utility in South Africa; the Technical Director for Europe, Middle East and Africa in an American Wireless Manufacturer; the COO of an International Software company specialising in the optimisation of Cellular Telecom networks as well as his previous role as COO of an Australian Telecommunications carrier. On reaching board level, Trevor became acutely aware of the massive gap that often exists between what senior management - and company owners - think the staff are doing, and what they are actually doing. Trevor set up his own consultancy business (TMC Global) to help coach and train staff to align their activities and mindset to achieving business outcomes, and in doing so, also feeling empowered and motivated as they understand that leadership is required at all levels of the business, not just the C-suite. Working closely with predominantly technical people, helping them apply leadership principles and advanced communication skills in their daily jobs has helped shape the material in this book series. Apart from business coaching, Trevor also runs leadership training seminars for Oxford University (UK) and the University of Wisconsin (USA), as part of their continuing education programmes for engineers. Trevor is an Advisory Board member for Australia's largest private Telecommunications Wireless Operator, where he is also actively engaged in running innovation projects and coaching the executive team.

Table of Contents

Preface

Acknowledgments

1: Recognizing a Critical Conversation

• Introduction
• Giving and receiving feedback
• What makes it critical
• Why it can go wrong
• How to spot a critical conversation
• Avoiding the fool’s choice

2: Planning the Conversation

• Shared goal
• Story in full
• Selection and filtering
• Suitable setting
• Starter and recovery phrases
  
  • 5-step conversation starter framework
    
    • Find alignment
    • Feelings
    • Facts and a For instance
    • Friendly preamble
    • Fear buster
    • Recovery phrases
    
    
    
    
  
  
  
  
• Case study examples

3: Having the Conversation

• Johari window
• Active questioning
• Active listening
• Active listening techniques
  
  • Mirroring and labeling
  • Silence and priming
  • Paraphrasing
  
  
  
  
• Staying in dialogue
• Case study examples

4: Emotional Control

• Karpman drama triangle
• Telling yourself a new story
• Unhelpful stories - hero games
• Truthful stories
• Trigger depth and recovery speed
• Controlling emotions and feelings
• Dealing with emotional triggering

5: Difficult Conversations

• Process to deal with difficult conversations
• Apology as a safety pre-check
• Accusation Audit in the safety pre-check
• Admitting your contribution
• When conversations go bad
• Recovery strategy
• Case study examples

6: Closing Well

• Agreeing on the action plan
• Follow up after the conversation
• Conclusion

Appendix 1 - Memory joggers

Appendix 2 - Examples of having truthful conversations

Appendix 3 - Conversation planning template

Appendix 4 - Directive style conversation template

Appendix 5 - Supportive style conversation template

Appendix 6 - Recovery strategy

References

Review and feedback

About the Author