Looking for the perfect book to help you survive childbirth and parenting with your sanity intact?
For Johanna Stein (writer/comedian/forward/slash/abuser and occasionally neurotic/immature/way-too-candid mom), parenting is an extreme sport. Her stories from the trenches may not always be shared experiences— Have you ever wondered if your baby's "soft spot" is like a delete key? Trained your preschooler for a zombie invasion? Accused a nearly nude stranger of being pregnant? Made sweet, bimonthly love to your spouse while your toddler serenaded you through the adjoining wall? Attempted to calm your screaming baby on an airplane with a hand puppet, only to have it lead to one of the most disgusting experiences of your life?—but they will always make you laugh.
So, no, this book won't teach you how to deal with nipple blisters or Oedipal complexes. But if you want to learn why you should never attempt to play a practical joke in the hospital delivery room, then you're in the right place.
|Product dimensions:||5.60(w) x 8.30(h) x 1.10(d)|
About the Author
As a writer, director, and actor, Johanna Stein's work has appeared on Comedy Central, Nickelodeon, PBS, HBO, CBS, the Oxygen Network, VH1, the Disney Channel, and all across the Internets, where her comedy shorts, PSAs, and popular Yahoo! web series "Life of Mom" have been viewed millions of times. In addition to her TV and film work, Johanna's essays have been published in such outlets as the New York Times, Parents Magazine, and the Huffington Post.
Johanna lives in Southern California with her husband, their daughter, and a tiny boy-faced dog who once ate a couch.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 A Pregnant Pause 1
Chapter 2 Lights, Camera, Push! 6
Chapter 3 Spoiled Milk 21
Chapter 4 Sexual Disintercourse 28
Chapter 5 Hussssh 40
Chapter 6 How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane 53
Chapter 7 Playdate in the Park: An Ode 59
Chapter 8 Oh, You Shouldn't Have 64
Chapter 9 Fight The Pink 72
Chapter 10 My Bodies, Myself 84
Chapter 11 Twenty-Nine Things I Have Lost Since Becoming a Parent 93
Chapter 12 All The Boys I've Loved Before (Your Dad) 97
Chapter 13 The Marriage Quotient 108
Chapter 14 The Binky War Diaries 119
Chapter 15 The Most Wonderful Time of the Year 130
Chapter 16 The Very Bad Hair Day 141
Chapter 17 Ways in Which My Preschooler Has Insulted Me 153
Chapter 18 My Very American Girl 155
Chapter 19 The First Baby 167
Chapter 20 One Is Enough 181
Chapter 21 Private Time 188
Chapter 22 The First Emergency Room Visit 197
Chapter 23 Lies I Have Told My Daughter 205
Chapter 24 The Undying Truth 207
Chapter 25 The Beginning Of The End 214
Appendix A I Am My Father's Son 225
Appendix B An Uncomfortable Conversation That My Daughter Will Have With Her Teenage Daughter Sometime in the Futuristic Future 235