How She Died, How I Lived

by Mary Crockett

Overview

Girl in Pieces meets The Way I Used to Be in this poignant and thought-provoking novel about a girl who must overcome her survivor's guilt after a fellow classmate is brutally murdered.

I was one of five. The five girls Kyle texted that day. The girls it could have been. Only Jamie—beautiful, saintly Jamie—was kind enough to respond. And it got her killed.

On the eve of Kyle's sentencing a year after Jamie's death, all the other "chosen ones" are coping in various ways. But our tenacious narrator is full of anger, stuck somewhere between the horrifying past and the unknown future as she tries to piece together why she gets to live, while Jamie is dead.

Now she finds herself drawn to Charlie, Jamie's boyfriend—knowing all the while that their relationship will always be haunted by what-ifs and why-nots. Is hope possible in the face of such violence? Is forgiveness? How do you go on living when you know it could have been you instead?

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780316523820
Publisher:	Little, Brown Books for Young Readers
Publication date:	11/12/2019
Edition description:	Reprint
Pages:	416
Sales rank:	70,977
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.20(h) x 1.20(d)
Age Range:	14 - 18 Years

About the Author

Mary Crockett grew up the youngest in a family of misfits in southwestern Virginia. An award-winning poet, she has her MFA from the University of Virginia, where she was a Henry Hoyns Fellow. Her debut YA novel, Dream Boy, coauthored with Madelyn Rosenberg, published in 2014. Mary lives in an old farmhouse along the old Great Road in Virginia and teaches creative writing at Roanoke College.

Editorial Reviews

* "The writing grabs readers and never lets go. Crockett delves deep into the heart of grief and pain through her narrator, who is witty and vulnerable, making this a quick but heartrending read. An outstanding debut."—School Library Journal, starred review

"One of my absolute favorite books of 2018! An unforgettable and unputdownable read."—Shelf Awareness

"Crockett has crafted dynamic characters that will stick with readers long after the book is closed."—Booklist

"The narrative voice is highly credible as it canvasses the fluctuating range of emotional highs and lows, the sine curve of fear and empowerment, and the fully realized ethical dilemmas that follow a trauma that hits far too close to home."—BCCB

"[How She Died, How She Lived] authentically portrays the real feelings of someone who survives a tragedy. Recommended for readers of realistic fiction and those who have lost someone close to them in a senseless crime."—VOYA

From the Publisher

★ 11/01/2018

Gr 9 Up—On a fateful July evening, Kyle Paxson texted five local girls with offers to hang out. Jamie was the only one kind enough to answer, and when she met up with him, he brutally murdered her. One year later, the unnamed narrator—one of the five girls who was texted—is still struggling with survivor's guilt. It doesn't help that Kyle's sentencing hearing is coming up. While she struggles with the knowledge that someone had premeditated her murder—Kyle was quoted as saying that he didn't care who showed up—she is also dealing with feelings for Jamie's boyfriend Charlie who has become angry, brooding, and distant after Jamie's murder. As Kyle's sentencing draws nearer, and her feelings for Charlie grow stronger, the narrator must reconcile a maelstrom of emotions. Can love and hope exist in the wake of such random and senseless violence? Crockett's first novel defies genre; it is a book about grief, acceptance, and forgiveness. Written in short, digestible chapters, the emotion-filled narration so authentically captures the traumatic experience, that the reading experience could be overwhelming for some. The writing grabs readers and never lets go. Crockett delves deep into the heart of grief and pain through her narrator, who is witty and vulnerable, making this a quick but heartrending read. VERDICT An outstanding debut that explores the deluge of emotions that follows a tragedy. Highly recommended.—Tyler Hixson, Brooklyn Public Library

School Library Journal

2018-09-02

Coming to terms with a brutal murder in small-town Virginia gets complicated when the unnamed narrator falls for Charlie, the victim's bereaved boyfriend.

Of the five girls Kyle texted, one of whom was the protagonist, only Jamie responded. Kyle said he needed a listening ear, and Jamie was kind. After confessing to her murder, Kyle was jailed immediately. A year later, the other four girls are asked to testify at the sentencing hearing for which the death penalty is sought. Coping with her feelings is still hard for the narrator; when her relationship with Charlie turns intimate, his violent grief and hatred of Kyle threaten to destroy their romance. While the protagonist barely knew either killer or victim, she nearly responded positively to Kyle's text suggesting they get high—a near miss that haunts her during a year of agony. The female characters object to threats from boys while passively tolerating other behavior and comments that amount to sexual harassment. The protagonist's sharp eyes, wry views, and judgments are highlights, but excessive length, low stakes, and dead-end plot twists that work against suspense try readers' patience. The presence of genuine literary merit, particularly in the portrayal of intense grief, only serves to highlight aspects of the book that fall short, such as insufficient development of Kyle's character. One girl's Asian boyfriend excepted, characters are presumed white.

A veneer of gravitas hides little substance. (Fiction. 14-18)

Kirkus Reviews