How to Untie a Balloon: A Negotiator's Guide to Avoid Popping Under Pressure (Conflict Resolution Strategies, Difficult Conversations)

by Ryan Dunlap, Kwame Christian (Foreword by)

Overview

(hfour)Avoid Popping Under Pressure(/hfour)

Pressure management is the key to effective leadership, conflict resolution, and staying composed when life feels like it’s stretching you to the limit. In How to Untie a Balloon, former hostage negotiator and founder of Conflictish® Ryan Dunlap provides practical strategies for managing stress, mastering conflict management, and building emotional resilience.

Dunlap reveals the profound effects of pressure on our decision-making, relationships, and emotional well-being. Through the vivid metaphor of a balloon, he illustrates how unmanaged stress and unresolved conflict can lead to self-sabotage. By introducing the F.I.R.S.T. Steps framework—Feelings, Interests, Relationships, Situation, and Toll—Dunlap delivers a proven system for mastering negotiation, enhancing communication skills, and achieving breakthrough results in both personal and professional arenas.

Experience immediate and lasting benefits, including the ability to remain composed during difficult conversations, strengthen relationship communication, and approach every negotiation with clarity and confidence. Whether you are navigating business deals, couples communication, or leadership challenges, these strategies empower you to transform pressure into opportunity.

Through each step of the F.I.R.S.T. Steps framework, you’ll learn how to:

• Recognize and regulate your emotions to maintain respect, influence, and composure in negotiation and conflict resolution.
• Distinguish between surface frustrations and underlying priorities, sharpening your conversation skills for meaningful dialogue.
• Foster relationship communication and prevent conflicts from escalating, whether in couples communication or organizational settings.
• Approach high-pressure scenarios with assurance, mastering difficult conversations and leadership communication.
• Deconstruct complex conflicts into manageable elements for strategic negotiation and problem-solving.
• Integrate real-world tactics from a seasoned negotiator to build emotional intelligence and resilience in response to human emotions.

With its blend of compelling real-life stories, expert frameworks, and actionable advice, How to Untie a Balloon is the definitive resource for anyone committed to personal growth, effective negotiation, and lasting conflict resolution.

If you have valued works such as The Anatomy of Peace, Getting to Yes, or The Next Conversation, this book will be an indispensable addition to your collection.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781684817306
Publisher:	Key Lime Publishing
Publication date:	05/13/2025
Pages:	218
Product dimensions:	5.00(w) x 7.90(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

With more than 20 years of combined law enforcement, ministry, and executive leadership experience, Ryan Dunlap is an internationally recognized conflict management coach and trainer. He is a Certified Leadership Coach as well as the founder and Chief Conflict Officer at Conflictish, a conflict strategy firm dedicated to helping leaders improve how they lead themselves and others through conflict. He is the creator of The Real Tact Model®, a custom framework for developing conflict competence. To date, he's coached leaders to build their conflict competency around the globe and in several industries including biotech, government, nonprofit, faith-based, healthcare, pharma, education, food & beverage, and commercial construction, among others. Informing Ryan’s conflict expertise is experience as a decorated law enforcement officer. As a former SVU Detective, SWAT Hostage Negotiator, and Crisis Intervention Officer, Ryan has facilitated hundreds of high-stakes interviews, interrogations, and negotiations.  He lives in Atlanta.

Kwame Christian is the founder and CEO of the American Negotiation Institute, where he conducts training that helps make difficult conversations easier. Under Kwame’s leadership, ANI has coached and trained several Fortune 500 companies on applying the fundamentals of negotiation to corporate success. He’s the host of the world’s most popular negotiation podcast, Negotiate Anything. The show has over six million downloads and listeners in more than 180 countries. His book, Finding Confidence in Conflict, has helped countless individuals navigate difficult conversations and was inspired by Kwame’s popular TEDx Talk of the same name.

Kwame was the recipient of the John Glenn College of Public Affairs Young Alumni Achievement Award in 2020, The Ohio State UniversityMoritz College of Law Outstanding Recent Alumnus Award in 2021, and the 2022 Columbus 40 Under 40 Award. He also serves as a business lawyer at Carlile Patchen & Murphy LLP; contributor at Forbes; professor of negotiation for The Ohio State UniversityMoritz College of Law, the top-ranked dispute resolution program in the country; and professor of communication and negotiation at the MBA program at Otterbein University. Kwame’s proudest achievement is his family. He’s married to Dr. Whitney Christian, and they have two lovely sons, Kai and Dominic.

Read an Excerpt

(hfour)From: Untying the Knots(/hfour)

The first standoff I ever responded to as a rookie crisis negotiator was both overwhelming and exhilarating. The callout involved a person who was experiencing a mental health crisis. Prior to the arrival of the SWAT team, the individual in crisis fired at least one shot from an unknown firearm through the wall of their apartment into a neighboring unit before barricading themself in their apartment.

As I arrived on the scene, I couldn’t help but take in the scale and complexity of what was happening around me. And it wasn’t only the complexity that was overwhelming, but also the pace at which the complexity was moving. Somehow, I was supposed to play a part in all of it, but admittedly, it took me some time to get my bearings.

In a matter of minutes, the SWAT team deployed what felt like a small city in the parking lots around the suspect’s apartment building. Entry and containment operators and snipers deployed around the perimeter of the main building ensuring that no one came in or out. Members of the SWAT Support and Explosive Ordinance Disposal (EOD) Units arrived with a cache of technological tools including armored vehicles, robots, cameras, and communications devices. Echoing off the buildings, I could hear the fast-paced, rhythmic pulse of police and local news helicopter blades cutting through the air just overhead. As the SWAT team continued its setup to assume command of the scene, countless uniformed patrol officers facilitated a number of support functions including the evacuation of neighboring apartments to protect residents from sporadic gunfire, establishing an outside perimeter to keep the curious crowds away from harm, and traffic control in and around the scene.

In the middle of all of that was the Crisis Negotiation Team (CNT). Popularly known as the Hostage Negotiation Team, this was the unit I was assigned to and my specific task during this operation was to make contact with the suspect by way of a large remote-controlled EOD robot. But there was more to do than just communicate with the suspect. Contrary to popular belief, negotiators aren’t solo artists and instead work in a team, a majority of whose members spend more time gathering information than speaking directly to a suspect or hostage taker. Considered the intelligence arm of the SWAT team, members of our unit were tasked with gathering critical information by way of interviews with neighbors, co-workers, friends, and family members of the suspect in an effort to gain a better understanding of who the suspect was, and how best to connect with them. Additionally, the unit was responsible for securing warrants while also assisting with the overall operational planning process with the tactical unit.

As I took inventory of all of the different things that were happening around me, I began to recognize that what felt like chaos amidst one massive tactical operation was more like organized chaos. It was a well-orchestrated, systematic, intentional, and efficient use of time, energy, and resources. I began to see the inner workings of a fundamental framework that underpinned our operation—four distinct phases that guided our approach to solving complex problems during high-pressure situations:

(hfour)1. Identify & Isolate the Problem:(/hfour)

We began by containing the scene to make sure it didn’t spread while working diligently to understand the full scope of the crisis. This was primarily done by identifying the key individuals involved. We wanted to know who the suspect was and what they were feeling and experiencing that led up to the incident. We identified key witnesses and victims to understand what those relationships could reveal about the suspect and what might have led up to the crisis event. We also identified the essential personnel from our teams and established clear roles and responsibilities for how they would work together to bring the situation to a successful resolution.

(hfour)2. Simplify the Problem:(/hfour)

Our next step was to break our big crisis plan down into smaller, manageable tasks to be completed. By simplifying the operation into smaller tasks, we ensured clarity and focus amidst the intensity and minimized opportunities to overlook important details.

(hfour)3. Prioritize the Issues:(/hfour)

With the operation simplified into smaller tasks, we next prioritized each task based on urgency and significance. This step ensured that critical tasks were addressed promptly, while less urgent matters were managed more fluidly.

(hfour)4. Iterate the Solutions:(/hfour)

Recognizing the fluid nature of crisis situations, we adopted an iterative approach. Rather than banking on one definitive solution, we made several, small incremental decisions based on evolving circumstances. This metered approach ensured that we could pivot if needed, avoiding irreversible decisions and maintaining our ability to remain flexible throughout the operation.

While this was not an explicitly established phased approach for negotiations, it was a loosely observable standard operating behavior that emerged during countless operations I participated in. It provided a blueprint for navigating complex situations simply and efficiently. Fortunately, this same blueprint can be adapted and applied beyond crisis response, offering a strategic framework to simplify and manage the pressures we face in our daily lives and leadership roles.

Table of Contents

Introduction: We’re All Full of Hot Air

Chapter 1: Pressure Points: Recognizing How Pressure Affects You
Chapter 2: Pop Quiz: What Does It Mean To Pop?
Chapter 3: Untying The Knots: The F.I.R.S.T. Steps Framework
Chapter 4: Overinflated Balloon Animal: Navigating Strong Feelings When Under Pressure
Chapter 5: Untangling Your Interests: Needs, Wants, and Everything in Between
Chapter 6: A Deflated Sense of Self: Managing Relationships
Chapter 7: Reading The Air: Finding Situational Clarity and Understanding
Chapter 8: Bouncing Back from a Set Back: Recovering From the Heavy Toll of High-Pressure
Chapter 9: Take a Deep Breath: Prioritizing & Iterating Relief
Chapter 10: Staying Afloat: I Popped, Now What?

Acknowledgments
About the Author

Editorial Reviews

In How to Untie a Balloon, Ryan Dunlap, a former hostage negotiator, unpacks why we struggle under pressure despite knowing what to do. The issue isn’t tactics but managing emotions and pressure in critical moments. This book is both inspiring and empowering, giving readers the tools to close the gap between potential and performance. It’s a must-read for anyone serious about elevating their communication skills.”

—Kwame Christian, Esq., MA, founder and CEO of the American Negotiation Institute, host of Negotiate Anything podcast, and author of Finding Confidence in Conflict

“Ryan knows his stuff. This book will show you exactly how to manage the internal pressure we all face during difficult negotiations.”

—Mark Raffan, author of 9 Secrets to Win Deals and Influence Stakeholders

“In a world overwhelmed by disconnection and division, Ryan charts a new path where conflict becomes an opportunity for self-awareness, growth, and healing. As a planetary community, we need Ryan’s wisdom now more than ever!”

—Brandon Nappi, DMin, Berkeley Divinity School at Yale

“How to Untie a Balloon shifts your perspective and compels you to reflect on who you are under pressure. Ryan holds up a mirror, challenging you to own your reactions and redefine how you respond when the stakes are high. This is more than a book; it’s a wake-up call to lead with intention and integrity, even when the heat is on.”

—Glin Bayley, negotiation specialist and author of The Negotiation Playbook: Strategies That Work and Results That Last

“Ryan’s work is timely and extremely important in today’s current climate of division and misunderstanding. I would highly recommend anyone to not only read his book, but to work with him as well. I guarantee it will be a transformational experience!”

—Rennie Curran, former NFL linebacker, keynote speaker, and author

“Having lived out high-pressure situations with Ryan, these principles are tested and true. It’s an authentic work and must-read for those seeking to lead themselves and others more effectively.”

—Tra Battle, president of Battle Solutions

“Ryan Dunlap’s How to Untie a Balloon is a refreshing and practical take on navigating life’s challenges with grace and resilience. Whether you’re a mom of three little ones or an executive with a team of twenty, Ryan’s insightful strategies and relatable anecdotes empower readers to apply his methods to tackle stress head-on and find clarity in even the most chaotic moments. This is a must-read for anyone seeking balance and calm under pressure.”

—Angela Turner-Carruthers, meeting professional and author

“How to Untie a Balloon is a compelling and refreshing take on leadership and conflict management principles. Ryan has pulled back the curtain on what’s really behind conflict—our difficulties with managing our own emotions when the stakes escalate. He describes our human tendencies in a kind, non-judgmental, compassionate, and straightforward way while providing actionable steps to help readers make the positive changes they desire within themselves and tools to manage their interactions with others. More importantly, his wisdom, insight, and compassion will make readers feel cared for and empowered as they reflect and grow. This book and Ryan’s work is exactly what is needed in today’s world. This book ought to be required reading for anyone in a leadership position or with leadership aspirations.”

—Susannah Margison, JD, CPC, conflict strategist, coach, and counselor

“Ryan Dunlap has taken a simple metaphor to explain one of the most complex struggles we face: managing conflict. Reading this book will give you practical skills to manage and prevent conflict in a way that is completely within your control. This is an easy read that will make a difference for you and those around you.”

—Marsha G. King, PhD, president of Polaris Leadership Consulting

“How to Untie a Balloon offers an invaluable glimpse into the art and science of negotiation, drawing from Ryan Dunlap’s firsthand experiences on the front lines. With a conversational yet purposeful tone, he combines practical advice with timeless wisdom, equipping readers to navigate even the most difficult human interactions with confidence. Whether you’re a seasoned leader or simply seeking to improve how you navigate high-stakes conversations, this book is a must-read.”

—Dr. Dawn Marie Kier, chief heart doctor at New Dawn Consulting, executive coach, and pastor

From the Publisher