Read an Excerpt
Part I
A Jumping-Off Point
The expression "Look before you leap!" sounds old-timey, but to me, the meaning of it never goes out of style. It's good advice! Before you jump into something new, you need to make a plan, check out what's ahead, and be sure you're heading in the right direction. Ask yourself: Am I where I want to be, doing what I want to be doing, with the people I want to be doing it with? The answer to all those questions may be yes, but I think it's valuable to be curious, to explore if there could be something more. Maybe you're feeling like a little African violet, outgrowing your pot, ready to put down roots somewhere new. Or maybe you consider your life to be fine, just fine . . . when it could be fantastic.
I think we're wired to follow the if-it-ain't-broke-don't-fix-it strategy. But that can keep us stuck in a so-so situation for far too long. Something I've learned along the way is, maybe we don't need to wait for something to break to make a meaningful leap. Maybe we can jump toward something instead of just staying put. As one of my favorite expressions suggests, "It is never too late to be what you might have been."
I know it can be draining to contemplate life, as opposed to just living it. But taking time to fully and truthfully examine where you are can prevent you from sliding into predictable patterns or putting up with what you know you shouldn't. Taking stock of your circumstances can also confirm what is working for you, and it reminds you of what you love and are grateful for. So, try to be honest with yourself. Your journey is entirely your own and unique, like you. Only you know what makes you happy and feel fulfilled.
So, yes-before you jump, look around at your life. But then take a good look inside yourself, too. Well, what do you know . . . this is getting exciting!
Moved to Make a Change
Change is something I was exposed to very early on in my life, and I never thought of it as scary. When I was a kid, my family moved from one country to another. We bounced around from city to city, following my dad's work. Relocating so frequently left a major impression on me as an adult, and in the best way possible. It showed me that traveling and experiencing the world was within my reach. All I needed was a plane ticket or a full tank of gas and I could be somewhere new!
All that uprooting wasn't always easy, but I found that over time transitions throughout life are certainly doable. Now you can send me anywhere and it won't take me too long to find my footing. I think that's because I see moving as an opportunity, not an obstacle. And I have my parents to thank for that.
My mom and dad, Sameha and Abdel Kotb, were movers and shakers right from the start. From meeting at a law firm in Cairo after college, to falling in love at my dad's boat race along the Nile River, to getting married among the pyramids, they've always been people of action. The fact that they moved to the United States just one week after getting married to pursue a new life together proves the point! But just because they were doers doesn't mean that they weren't also thinkers. They thought long and hard about the decisions they made as a couple, and later the choices they made for us as a family. However, when I was a kid, some of their decisions seemed suspect. When your parents tell you in fourth grade that you're going back to Egypt and then to Nigeria for six months because Dad has a job opportunity, the first thing that comes to mind isn't, "Awesome!" It's more like, "OMG, this is so unfair!"
But now that I'm an adult and a parent, I know how much planning went into their transitions. Before that first big move they made from Egypt to America, they looked before they leaped. It would have been so easy for my mom and dad to just stay in Cairo because things were going well for them there. They worked at the same law firm, were surrounded by family who loved them, and were starting their life together as newlyweds. It would have made sense to look around and say, "Yup, we're good!" But instead, they imagined an even better life. While grateful for all they had in Egypt, my parents decided they wanted something more-something that required a bold plan. Like so many immigrants before them, that meant a move to America.
My dad would get his PhD at the University of Oklahoma, where a full scholarship awaited him. They would leave the busy metropolis of Cairo for Norman, Oklahoma, but they would never leave behind the strong work ethic they'd learned from family. My mother's father was a supreme court judge. Her mother was a doctor and her aunt was the first female lawyer in Egypt. My mom witnessed firsthand that it was possible to carve her own path-anywhere-if she was persistent. Unfortunately, her law degree wasn't valid in the United States, so she decided to tap into her love of books and pursue a master's degree in library science. A fresh start in America meant that both my parents would be students once again. But, as newlyweds, they knew that furthering their education before starting a family here was the right thing to do.
I'm so glad my parents looked before they leaped, giving them the confidence they needed to make important decisions. That's what I've always done, too, whether it's a move across the country for work or a move to the suburbs for a new home with my girls. My approach is to be cautious but courageous.
Don't you think we can sometimes talk ourselves into settling? This is it. And that's fine. We tell ourselves that as long as things aren't terrible, we should be satisfied; that wanting more is greedy. But I think it's always valuable to wonder. Am I living my best life? Does it make sense for who I am now? To me, wondering is not rooted in greed; it's rooted in growth.
That mindset of wonder makes me think about a point in my dad's life when he worked as a professor at West Virginia University. We'd been living a happy life in West Virginia-or so I thought-when my parents decided that we were going to move to a suburb outside of Washington, DC. We kids didn't understand didn't understand and were so upset, but my parents explained that the decision had been made: we were going to live and work in Alexandria, Virginia, several hours and a world away from the West Virginia town we'd called home for what seemed like forever. Many years would pass before my siblings and I figured out why.
After my dad died suddenly at age fifty-two, my brother, Adel, was cleaning out his work desk and found a letter that my father had written to his bosses. At the time, he was the chairman of the Department of Petroleum Engineering at WVU. The letter addressed his salary, which was the lowest on staff, even though he had his doctorate and some of the other professors didn't. He had apparently looked around and realized that he deserved a promotion. No one was offering it to him, so he was going to ask for one. In the letter, he outlined his credentials and kindly requested to be brought up to scale with with his collegues.
But his request was denied. His superiors wrote back, saying essentially that he was earning all he was ever going to make. There would be no raise. There would be no promotion. There was no room for growth. So, my dad decided that if he couldn't go upward, he'd go onward, and we moved to Virginia.
And here's the amazing part. My father never shared with us that his bosses said he was earning all that they felt he deserved. He never told us that sometimes the world is unfair and oh well. He could have stayed at WVU and taught us that we're better off just accepting the status quo. But he didn't.
If he had, I might have felt differently about my own rejections when I was starting my job hunt years later. I may have put limits on myself and given in to other people's ideas of how far I could go. But I didn't. I had no bitterness or defeatism weighing me down when the time came for me to pursue my career. When things didn't work out, I knew that I had to keep moving forward and try something else. My mantra: onward-just like my dad.
I adored him, and like many kids who idolize their fathers, I thought there was nothing he couldn't do. I used to dream that my dad was the president of the United States! (Even though I knew he wasn't eligible, having been born outside the country.) But as I was to find out, he did indeed have presidential ambitions, even if they weren't political. Never one to shy away from change, when he was fifty years old, my dad made another big decision: he left his stable government job at the US Department of Energy to start his own company. I know it wasn't an easy decision; the government benefits and professional stability were appealing. Who would want to leave all that? But once again, Dad looked around and knew that there were more challenges he wanted to tackle. So, he started IPCS, International Petroleum Consulting Services. Now he was his own boss. Shortly after he started his company, I noticed his business card. The title on it: president. I knew he could do it! My dad was always at the top of his game. He had a dream, and he was bold enough to embrace change yet again and to make it happen. (I gotta say, that good man has always been my hero.)
To be clear, it's important to point out that in the middle of all these changes my family made-and that I've made-there was a lot of adjusting. Nobody sticks the landing right away, and that's okay. It takes time to find your footing with any new challenge or in any new place. But the idea is to feel good about your decision to jump because you looked first. Confidence is the key to trusting that the change you're about to make is the right one-at least for right now.
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!
Live the life you've imagined."
-Henry David Thoreau
Jumpstart
Anne Lamott
I love spending time with bestselling author Anne Lamott, who lives her life like an open book. She's honest and vulnerable and there's just something about her writing that always fills me up. So often she redefines the messy piles in our lives as little bundles of kindling that can fuel personal growth and spark gratitude. She's beyond wise, and I'm always excited to hear her perspective on anything and everything, including the topic of love.
When I interviewed Anne in 2021, I asked her how she approached dating during her decades of being single.
"It was always secretly a dream to find someone who's your soulmate and your partner," she said. "So, when it happened, I thought, Okay, what's the catch?"
Turns out, Anne had finally found the right approach to selecting a mate for life. She said in the past, she'd chosen men who could never quite capture her whole heart. But, through years of learning from failed relationships, she set a new standard for choosing a husband.
"I wanted to find a man who, if he was a woman, I would have wanted to be best friends with," she explained. "And that is, in fact, what I found in Neal."
Anne met Neal Allen on Match.com, a popular dating site. Two years after their first date, Neal proposed while they were watching the US Open on television. When they married in 2019, she became a newlywed for the first time at the age of sixty-five! While Anne jokes that she got married three days after receiving Medicare, you know what I say? Your leap to forever love was right on time, Annie!
"Love is a friendship set to music."
-Joseph Campbell
Jumpstart
Bette Midler
Big leaps deserve lots of focus, but even small hops require some reflection. After all, small daily decisions can add up and affect our quality of life. Like adding five minutes to your morning walk or swapping mustard for mayo-mini changes that might seem insignificant but that can have a big impact on our lives.
In 2024, during an interview with legendary actress and singer Bette Midler, one of her responses reminded me of that sort of "micro" managing. The two of us were laughing about the hilarious character she plays in the movie The Fabulous Four, a bride-to-be who's obsessed with TikTok. When I asked Bette how she personally felt about using the platform, she said, "I tried. I gave it a few hours of my life and thought, This is too dangerous. I looked up and asked, 'What time is it?' Someone said it was four, and I was like, 'But how can it be?!'"
We've all been there, Bette. Ticktock! It only took one look for the Divine Miss M to know that this particular time suck was not for her. So she jumped away from that app-for good. (Although I have to say, if Bette Midler did have a TikTok channel, I'd watch it!)
"Don't follow a trend. Follow your heart."
-Krist Novoselic
Your First Leap Won't Be Your Last
I've always known that I wanted to pursue a career that connected me with people. When I was very young, I thought that was teaching. I'd imagine myself in a classroom filled with kids leading the charge! (Only later in life did I realize that wanting to be a teacher was actually me wanting to be a mom.) When it came time to determine a direction in college, I was drawn to courses in writing and reporting. As it turned out, journalism was my jam. To this day, it gets my blood pumping and my brain firing. It allows me to connect, share, and learn all at the same time.
But, many years before I finally found my way to 30 Rockefeller Center, I burned a lot of gas and time trying to find someone, anyone, who would give me my first job in broadcast journalism.
When I graduated from college, I thought my dive into the "real world" would be quick and easy, so I only lined up one job interview. I was golden! After all, everyone I knew had gotten a job offer, so I'd get one, too, right? And definitely in a top-tier television market. All I needed to do was show up with my mad skills and wow them. Well . . .
