Keeping Your Child in Mind: Overcoming Defiance, Tantrums, and Other Everyday Behavior Problems by Seeing the World through Your Child's Eyes

by Claudia M. Gold

Overview

Being understood by someone you love is one of the most powerful feelings, at all ages. For a young child, it is the most important of all experiences because it allows the child's mind and sense of self to grow. In the midst of the perennial concerns parents bring to Dr. Claudia Gold, she shows the magical effect of seeing a problem from their child's point of view. Most parenting books teach parents what to do to solve behavior problems, but Dr. Gold shows parents how to be with a child. Crises are defused when children feel truly heard and validated; this is how they learn to understand, and, eventually, control themselves.

Dr. Gold's insightful guide uses new research in developmental psychology and vivid stories from her practice to show parents how to keep a child in mind and deepen this central relationship in their lives.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780738214856
Publisher:	Hachette Books
Publication date:	08/30/2011
Series:	A Merloyd Lawrence Book
Pages:	240
Product dimensions:	5.60(w) x 8.30(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Claudia M. Gold, MD, is a pediatrician and writer with a long-standing interest in addressing children's mental health needs in a preventive model. She practiced general and behavioral pediatrics for over twenty years, and currently specializes in infant-parent mental health. She is the author of Keeping Your Child in Mind, The Silenced Child, and The Developmental Science of Early Childhood. She writes regularly for Psychology Today, and speaks frequently to a wide range of audiences. She is on the faculty of the Infant-Parent Mental Health Fellowship Program at the University of Massachusetts Boston and the Brazelton Institute at Boston Children's Hospital.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments ix

1 "It's Not About the Soup": Holding Your Child in Mind 1

2 Strengthening the Secure Base: Listening to Parents 27

3 Living with "Colic":Holding Your Newborn in Mind 51

4 Managing Sleep:Holding Your Infant in Mind 73

5 Discipline and Limit Setting:Holding Your Toddler in Mind 97

6 Separation Anxiety and "Explosive" Behavior: Holding Your Preschooler in Mind 123

7 Learning and Social Challenges:Holding Your School-Age Child in Mind 145

8 Supporting the Search for Identity:Holding Your Teenager in Mind 163

9 Beyond Medication 183

Notes 209

Useful Websites 217

Index 219

Photo Credits 228

About the Author 229

Editorial Reviews

Gold, a behavioral pediatrician in Great Barrington, Mass., and Boston Globe columnist on children's mental health, focuses not on what to do but "how to be" with a child. Gold guides parents to "hold the child in mind," which means that the parent strives to understand the child's behavior in terms of the child's level of development, empathizes with the child's feelings, and helps the child to contain and regulate his or her emotions. It's also crucial that the parent remain calm and not become overwhelmed. Gold covers a range of issues from birth to adolescence, using vignettes and composites culled from her own practice to illustrate how holding a child in mind works (when faced with a colicky baby, Gold encourages parents to tolerate, contain, and be with the baby's distress). She addresses helping a baby learn how to sleep on its own, covers limit-setting for toddlers, and reveals how to use empathy in dealing with teenagers. Rather than behavior problems that need to be fixed, the author approaches such issues as excessive crying, sleep problems, and explosive behavior from a developmental perspective. She also helps parents examine past experiences and change negative family patterns that can be passed from generation to generation. Though not a quick fix, readers seeking a comprehensive approach to child-rearing will welcome this thoughtful book. (Sept.)

Publishers Weekly

"Publishers Weekly, "8/1/11
"Readers seeking a comprehensive approach to child-rearing will welcome this thoughtful book."

"Kirkus Review," 9/15/11
"Would be especially useful for new parents in search of holistic guidance. A panoply of hypothetical situations offering broad-based solutions."

Bookviews, September 2011
"The book looks at various ages and stages of development, imparting excellent advice that will make the job of parenting much easier.""Salt Lake City"" Desert"" News," 9/11/11"Engaging and enlightening, "Keeping Your Child in Mind "is a book worth reading and rereading for any parent who is looking for understanding, support and a loving method that will bring out the best in a child. It is a breath of fresh air that parents may not have known they needed."
Infodad.com, 9/15/11
"Valuable...Gold couples an understanding of recent scientific and medical research with insights into parent-child relationships gleaned from her own work ... Connectedness is the point here... Gold's examples of families with which her approach has worked are helpful."

"San Francisco Book Review," 10/5/11
"Gold supports her recommendations using easy-to-understand situations, examples and solutions gathered from her interactions with her clients and referring to current research in child development."Examiner.com, 9/29/11"Gold's book is a powerful way to bring decades of developmental research and attachment theory to everyday parenting situations. It gives all parents the insight needed to understand the emotions that undermine best intentions and explains why there isn't "one right way" in parenting..."Keeping Your Child in Mind" can offer relief to parents frustrated by frustrated by day-to-day parenting or help change a self-defeating parenting pattern. It holds the key to enjoying your child again and creating a satisfying family life." "Mid-Ohio"" Valley"" Parents Magazine," October 2011
"Give[s] parents a lot to think about." Cleveland Psy

"Publishers Weekly, "8/1/11
"Readers seeking a comprehensive approach to child-rearing will welcome this thoughtful book."

"Kirkus Review", 9/15/11
"Would be especially useful for new parents in search of holistic guidance. A panoply of hypothetical situations offering broad-based solutions."

Bookviews, September 2011
"The book looks at various ages and stages of development, imparting excellent advice that will make the job of parenting much easier."

"Publishers Weekly, "8/1/11 "Readers seeking a comprehensive approach to child-rearing will welcome this thoughtful book."

From the Publisher

A behavioral pediatrician reflects on the importance of understanding problems from a child's perspective, with emphasis on "right brain" communication.

Based on composites of patients as well as personal mothering experiences, Gold introduces scenarios spanning the newborn to teenage years that are often resolved by examining context, underlying emotions and events in the parents' lives rather than by fixating on controlling behavior. What matters is understanding "how to be" with one's child rather than figuring out "what to do"; considering the meaning behind actions before reacting; and formulating healthy responses that acknowledge a child's real needs while setting respectful boundaries. Gold readily admits this process will not come easily for everyone; it is most effective when primary caregivers have a strong support system of their own. The intersperses anecdotes on topics including colic, sleep management, attachment, separation anxiety, discipline and the development of individual identities with well-known studies from the fields of psychoanalysis, neuroscience and behavioral genetics (among others), citing John Bowlby's attachment theory and Donald Wood Winnicott's idea of the good-enough mother. Though parents may have experienced difficulty in their own childhoods, which could influence their current perspectives, they do not have to fall into the same traps as their own parents, and can learn more nurturing methods. Gold's simple, direct assurances, while not groundbreaking, would be especially useful for new parents in search of holistic guidance.

A panoply of hypothetical situations offering broad-based solutions.

Kirkus Reviews