Kosher Movies: A Film Critic Discovers Life Lessons at the Cinema
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Kosher Movies: A Film Critic Discovers Life Lessons at the Cinema
290Hardcover
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Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9789655241853 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Urim Publications |
| Publication date: | 06/01/2015 |
| Pages: | 290 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.00(w) x 9.10(h) x 0.90(d) |
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Kosher Movies
A Film Critic Discovers Life Lessons at the Cinema
By Herbert J. Cohen
Urim Publications
Copyright © 2015 Herbert J. CohenAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-965-524-233-1
CHAPTER 1
PARENTING
I am drawn to films about fathers and sons. I am a father and I am a son, so I have a natural affinity for the topic. Moreover, I have regrets about my role as a son. I was a dutiful son, but I don't remember being a super son in terms of the way I treated my parents. I loved them, I respected them, but I did not honor them enough. I did not know how to do that until I was an adult.
The beginning of my understanding of my obligation to honor my parents was in a summer camp in the Catskills when I was twelve years old. It was a religious camp in which there was daily prayer and study of the Torah. For the first time, I saw that Judaism was a way of life, not just a family tradition, and that honoring parents was not something you did because you felt like it, but rather something you did because it was a Divine requirement. But I was only twelve, so I still didn't see the big picture.
That picture emerged once I entered Yeshiva University, where I was exposed to great teachers, a very bright student body, and a corpus of Judaic knowledge that influenced the way I thought about and practiced Judaism. In particular, I became more aware of my obligations under Jewish law to honor and revere my parents. The only problem was that I was now out of the house most of time and had less opportunity to honor my parents.
Over the years I became more cognizant of my responsibilities towards my parents, but this occurred after I married and had children. Having kids made me a better son to my own parents. I finally began to understand how important is the role of a father and how my own father taught me many life lessons, some explicitly and some by example. Inwardly, I felt I did not honor my parents enough as a youth, and as an adult I welcomed any chance to do something for them.
One incident towards the end of my father's life gave me a heightened sense of personal fulfillment as a son. My father was in the hospital and very ill. My sister Martha and I came in from out of town to be with him. One evening when I was sitting with him, he asked for an ice cream soda. I was overjoyed that he asked me directly for something and I felt happy to be able to do this for him. I ran to the local ice cream parlor, purchased the drink, and ran back to deliver it to him. I enjoyed watching him drink the beverage through a straw. If only I had been this solicitous of him when I was younger!
After he passed away, I began to think of questions I never asked him about his growing-up years, about his family customs, about his Jewish learning in Russia before he immigrated to America. Fortunately for me, he left a record of some of the events that shaped his character. Many years earlier when he was in the hospital for surgery to remove a cancer of the lung, a disease he developed after years of chain smoking, my mother and sister plied him with questions about his past to stimulate his mind and they transcribed many of his thoughts in a small pamphlet for the family entitled "The Cohen Saga."
Let me share a few of his memories. He lived in a small town in Russia where his family was the only Jewish family among about 200 Christian families. To get an education, he had to go to a village about ten miles away where he would be given meals by the local Jewish residents. Each day a different family provided the meal. Here are my father's words: "When I was six or seven years old, one lady brought a big bread and put it on the table with no knife. She was too busy to think about it. I made the blessing for the bread and waited for the lady to come with a knife to cut the bread. The lady never came and so I walked away without eating ... The next day she apologized and gave me five cents." The incident reveals a certain shyness about my father, a reluctance to draw attention to himself even if it meant personal inconvenience. This is a quality that manifested itself on a number of occasions as I was growing up and I refer to them in some of my reviews.
Another memory: this one about my sister Carol, who passed away a number of years ago. Again, my father's words about an event in the 1930s: "Carol was our very first child and the greatest disappointment of our lives. She was born retarded or mongoloid. Dr. Leff said when she was born that if we didn't want to take her home, we could leave her there. Johanna [my mom] knew nothing until seven months afterward, and then she cried her eyes out. This was the beginning of the time we took Carol to all the hospitals and doctors to see what could be done. We were told that there was not much chance of Carol improving greatly, but we did learn that after a while she would learn. Carol lay in a carriage for three years before she walked. It was a very confining life for us with our retarded child, and it still is. However, Carol now goes to a sheltered workshop in White Plains. Travels by bus herself. She is very self-reliant. Behaves quite normally in dressing, but has trouble keeping her room clean. It is always a mess and we tear our hair out when we look at it."
As Carol's younger brother, I loved my sister but had very little understanding of the challenges my parents faced. As a small child, I thought I could become a doctor and solve her problem. When I got older, and especially after my parents died, I began to understand the extent of the daily sacrifices that my parents made to give Carol a productive life. Every morning I remember my father, even in inclement weather, walking Carol to the bus stop for her ride to her workshop and then returning to the bus stop in the evening to meet her.
My parents rarely took vacations, both for financial reasons and because they did not feel comfortable leaving Carol with anyone other than themselves or close family members. I learned from them that when faced with adversity, the best way out is actually through. Accepting responsibility and not making excuses were hallmarks of my parents' persona.
I have vivid memories of some of my interactions with my parents. When I was in a high school gym class in the late 1950s, someone from the administration came to class and told me I needed to go to the office. Generally, I was not a student who was called to the office, so all sorts of things entered my mind. I began thinking that perhaps one of my parents had died and I started crying. I knew that I had an argument with them the previous night and I felt terrible that I would have to face this tragedy knowing that my last conversation with them was filled with tension and ill will. When I arrived at the office, I was told that someone had found a textbook of mine, and that's all there was to it. I breathed a sigh of relief and resolved from then on to be more sensitive and more respectful whenever I would speak to my parents.
Flash forward: In 1976, right after the Passover holiday ended, I spoke to my mother on the phone. I was in Atlanta; she was in Mt. Vernon, New York. She had recently recovered from foot surgery and I was inquiring about her welfare and sharing with her how my holiday went. It was a warm, loving interchange. The next morning around 10 o'clock I received a call from my father, crying on the phone, informing me that my mother had just died that morning from a heart attack. That telephone call that I made on Thursday night right after Passover is still in my memory today. It was the last time I spoke to my mother and, thank God, it was a good conversation. It was a sad time, but I was fortunate that my final memory was a positive one. There was no argument, no tension, just love between us and that is a memory I treasure.
In retrospect, these two incidents reminded me that parents are not here forever and we need to cherish the time we have with them. Imagine if the most recent conversation with your parent was your last communication with them? How would you feel about it?
Another aspect of parenting that continues to be food for thought is the reality that I have been a different parent to each one of my kids. I love them all, but I manifested that love in different ways because I was at a different place in my life when each of my children was born. For the first three, I was in my 20s, living in Washington Heights in New York City and did not yet have a real job, only a part-time job teaching English at a community college and receiving a graduate fellowship during my ordination studies. For the second three, I was a rabbi and school principal in Atlanta, Georgia, with a full-time job, living in a real house, and making a decent salary. I was very much consumed by my work. I am sure there were ripple effects in the lives of each of my children in relation to my work at the time.
I have learned many techniques of effective parenting from observing my teachers. Still in my memory, even though it occurred many years ago, is one particular incident. I was a guest at a rabbi's house, and his six children were a bit out of control. Running from this room to the next, it was clear there was an accident waiting to happen, and it did. His seven-year-old daughter, who was tossing a ball to her five-year-old sibling, lost control of the ball and the ball landed in the thick tomato soup of the rabbi. I expected him to reprimand his daughter, but he didn't. Instead, he calmly took the ball out of the soup and continued sipping the soup. He then paused to ask his daughter where she remembered the ball had been before it landed in his soup. Satisfied with her answer, the meal continued without interruption; and the all the kids, embarrassed at what happened, settled down quietly to finish the meal.
As a student eager to learn and not reluctant to ask the rabbi a personal question, I later asked the rabbi how he developed such patience in dealing with his children. He told me that his parenting style developed over time, but that he always knew it was important to control his emotions and not overreact. The incident with the ball was certainly not premeditated, and it would not make sense to get angry with his daughter. Moreover, he saw immediately that his child was embarrassed by the accident, and there was no need for any public correction.
The rabbi also related to me a Talmudic story that had a great impact on his parenting style. A Babylonian Jew married a woman from Israel. In the course of their marriage, he discovered that a language barrier prevented optimum communication between them. Often, when he would ask her to make a particular dish, she would prepare something totally different. In a fit of anger, he directed her to throw out the dish, which she mistakenly understood to mean to break candlesticks over the head of Baba Ben Buta, a prominent citizen. When she struck Baba Ben Buta over the head while he was engaged in a legal proceeding, he did not get angry. Rather, he praised the woman who was carrying out the will of her husband. He then promised her that she would have two pious sons. As far-fetched as the story might seem, it showed the tremendous extent to which one man, Baba Ben Buta, would go to preserve peace in the home. Moreover, the rabbi quoted a Talmudic passage, which says, "God forgives the sins of those who overlook the wrong committed against them."
The Talmud tells us "a man is recognized in three ways, through his goblet, his pocket, and through his anger." If one must display anger, Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzato, a celebrated eighteenth century scholar and mystic, writes that it should be "an anger of the face, and not anger of the heart." I have tried to keep this in mind when I interact with my kids.
Another learning experience for me: For many years as principal of Yeshiva High School in Atlanta, I would, in the course of my drive each morning to school, listen to tapes of lectures by Rabbi Avigdor Miller, of blessed memory. The rabbi would discuss the various biblical texts and then open the floor to questions on a wide range of topics. In one lecture, he spoke about the miracle of the apple.
The apple is a fragrant fruit which, by its outer skin color, tells people when is the best time to eat it. Moreover, the core is difficult to chew. Therefore, we throw it away in the ground, where the apple seed germinates and allows a new apple tree to develop. In addition to providing nutrients and vitamins, the apple tastes delicious, and cleanses our mouth and teeth. As I listened, I began to think of the tremendous miracle of the apple, and decided to talk to my own small children about it. I wanted them to appreciate the everyday miracles we see in nature that are often taken for granted. In subsequent talks, Rabbi Miller encouraged parents to tell one's children "the sun is very good" and that a "piece of bread is magic." He used the same approach to describe these phenomena as he did with the apple.
Pausing to consider the wondrous handiwork of God in each of His creations made my children recognize more profoundly how much they have to be thankful for. This mindset, which I regularly emphasized in my conversations with my children, helped make them into young men and women who appreciate everything given to them by both God and man. In their daily prayers, the liturgy speaks of the Lord, "who creates the luminaries" and who "brings forth bread from the ground." All of these prayers remind kids and adults of the source of all blessing, and create a person who truly appreciates all of God's gifts.
Judaism tells us both through its classical texts and its daily liturgy that life should be appreciated and savored. Every benefit we have can be broken down into a multitude of kindnesses that God performs for us, and we should take note of every step of the miraculous process. When parents promote this view of the world, they reinforce their own role as benefactors of children. The result: Children begin to appreciate more the lifelong kindnesses that parents do for them.
In films, we see little of this kind of parenting. Most of the movies in this section deal with dysfunctional relationships between parents and children, which, by contrast, can make us more aware of what our own behaviors should be with our parents. Since the father-son dynamic preoccupies my thinking, I often focus on that aspect of the movie even though these films contain multiple themes.
Now that I am a father, a son, and a grandfather, I see life as the great Victorian poet Matthew Arnold did. I see it "steadily and see it whole." This sensibility affects the way I perceive stories of fathers and sons, parents and children, in the cinema.
FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF (1986)
directed by John Hughes
I remember the meeting well. A teacher discovered a student who had plagiarized a paper and gave him a failing grade. The father of the student demanded a meeting with the teacher, his son, and me. He opened the meeting with a line I will never forget: "My son never lies." The teacher, a woman with a sterling reputation for excellent teaching, exemplary character, and an abiding concern for the welfare of her pupils, was stunned by the implicit assertion that she either had lied in making the accusation or made a terrible mistake in evaluating the student's work.
Having worked with students for many decades, I, like most teachers, always assume the best of students. But when confronted with incontrovertible evidence of cheating, I accept the reality that students, even good ones, may occasionally do dishonest things. The teacher in question broke down in tears from the baseless accusation. I, of course, defended and supported her. Several months later, the father apologetically confided in me that his relationship with his son was very rocky, and he felt a need at our meeting to be publicly supportive of his son even if he had doubts about the veracity of his statements.
This kind of misguided, naïve parenting is at the heart of Ferris Beuller's Day Off, a comic but true perspective on teenage life in the 80s that still resonates today. The plot, such as there is one, revolves around high school senior Ferris, who decides to cut school on a beautiful spring day and enjoy the day in downtown Chicago. He enlists his girlfriend, Sloane, and his buddy, Cameron, to join him on his self-declared vacation day.
The day begins with a lie as Ferris fakes an illness to his fawning and naïve parents, who believe everything he says. It is clear that they are preoccupied with their own lives; parenting to them is a diversion, not a mission. Cameron's dad is never seen in the film. We only see his polished Ferrari, glistening in the family's hillside garage. It is an emblem of parental neglect and a reminder of his parents' total preoccupation with material things. In fact, almost all the adults in the movie are out of touch with children. Whether it is parents, teachers, administrators, all are self-absorbed and only peripherally aware of the children with whom they interact.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Kosher Movies by Herbert J. Cohen. Copyright © 2015 Herbert J. Cohen. Excerpted by permission of Urim Publications.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
Walking in Two Worlds: An Epiphany 9
When My Passion for Movies Began 13
An Introductory Word about the Movies 16
The Movies 17
Parenting 19
1 Ferris Bueller's Day Off 25
2 A Perfect World 27
3 3:10 to Yuma 29
4 City by the Sea 31
5 Catch Me If You Can 33
6 The Place Beyond the Pines 35
7 Dead Poets Society 37
8 Quiz Show 39
9 Real Steel 41
10 Silver Linings Playbook 43
11 Searching for Bobby Fischer 45
12 Wyatt Earp 47
13 Blood Diamond 49
14 A Simple Twist of Fate 51
15 The Tree of Life 53
16 Iron Lady 55
Improving Yourself 57
1 Malcolm X 61
2 Page One 63
3 No Direction Home 65
4 Buck 67
5 Departures 69
6 Good Will Hunting 71
7 Rainmaker 73
8 Jeremiah Johnson 75
9 Zelie 77
10 Big 79
11 The Butler 81
12 The Boxer 84
13 Hero 86
14 The Island 88
15 Young Sherlock Holmes 90
16 I Am Sam 92
17 Dances With Wolves 95
Growing Older 97
1 The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel 99
2 The Hustler and The Color of Money 101
3 Hugo 103
4 On Golden Pond 105
5 Bucket List 107
Adversity 109
1 The Visitor 111
2 Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close 113
3 Marvin's Room 115
4 The Road Home 117
5 Unfinished Song 119
6 The Diving Bell and the Butterfly 121
7 The Impossible 123
8 War of the Worlds 125
9 Spartacus 127
10 First Blood 129
11 Apollo 13 131
12 Taken 2 133
13 Toy Story 3 135
14 Tristan and Isolde 137
15 Rise of the Planet of the Apes 139
16 Incredible Shrinking Man 141
17 Rain Man 143
18 Boiler Room 145
19 Heat 147
20 The Last Samurai 149
21 The Nun's Story 151
22 Leaves of Grass 153
23 Singin' in the Rain 155
24 The Truman Show 157
25 Unstrune Heroes 159
Relationships 161
1 Annie Hall 165
2 Flash of Genius 167
3 Ruby Sparks 169
4 Fill the Void 171
5 Hope Springs 173
6 Mud 175
7 Proof of Life 177
8 Say Anything 179
9 Splendor in the Grass 181
10 When a Man Loves a Woman 183
11 Sweet Land 185
12 Tootsie 187
13 The Young Victoria 189
14 Enough Said 191
Sports 193
1 42 195
2 A League of Their Own 197
3 Chariots of Fire 199
4 Facing Ali 201
5 Hoosiers 203
6 The Natural 205
7 Cinderella Man 207
8 Remember the Titans 209
Decisions 211
1 A Man for All Seasons 213
2 127 Hours 215
3 A Few Good Men 217
4 Moneyball 219
5 Saving Private Ryan 221
6 Margin Call 223
7 Equilibrium 225
8 The Untouchables 227
Second Chances 229
1 Tender Mercies 231
2 Catch a Fire 233
3 The Mask 235
4 The Words 237
5 Searching for Sugar Man 239
6 Rocky 241
7 Les Miserables 243
Time 245
1 Back to the Future 247
2 Cast Away 249
3 The Curious Case of Benjamin Button 251
4 Inception 253
5 Source Code 255
6 Stranger Than Fiction 257
7 The Adjustment Bureau 259
8 Minority Report 261
Ethics 263
1 The Bourne Legacy 265
2 The Bourne Supremacy 267
3 All the President's Men 269
4 Incondies 271
5 The King of Comedy 273
6 Crimes and Misdemeanors 275
7 A Cry in the Dark 277
8 The Hoax 279
9 The Hurt Locker 281
10 The Batman Trilogy 283
11 Gold finger 285
Acknowledgements 287