Life Lessons: Two Experts on Death and Dying Teach Us About the Mysteries of Life and Living

by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, David Kessler Narrated by David Kessler

Overview

Ten years after Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's death: “An inspiring...guide to life, distilled from the experiences of people who face death” (Kirkus Reviews)-the beloved classic now with a new introduction and updated resources section.

Is this really how I want to live my life? Each one of us at some point asks this question. The tragedy is not that life is short, but that we often see only in hindsight what really matters.

In her first book on life and living, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross joined with David Kessler to guide us through the practical and spiritual lessons we need to learn so that we can live life to its fullest in every moment. Many years of working with the dying have shown the authors that certain lessons come up over and over again. Some of these lessons are enormously difficult to master, but even the attempts to understand them can be deeply rewarding. Here, in fourteen accessible chapters, from the Lesson of Love to the Lesson of Happiness, the authors reveal the truth about our fears, our hopes, our relationships, and, above all, about the grandness of who we really are.

Editorial Reviews

Kirkus Reviews

A sometimes inspiring, sometimes quotidian guide to life, distilled from the experiences of people who faced death. Most of what the dying discover (about themselves and about their lives) is"usually too late to apply," according to Kübler-Ross, best known for On Death and Dying (1991). She and hospice-worker Kessler (The Rights of the Dying, not reviewed) hope to motivate readers to work on"unfinished business" before they approach the end. Based on their experiences, case histories generally take the form of"I walked through the valley of the shadow of death and learned a lesson. . . . " These are the lessons, 15 in all, ranging in subject from love and loss through fear, anger, patience, and happiness. Many of them are variations on familiar, almost trite, themes: find your authentic self, express your anger, learn to receive as well as give, remember that forgiveness is good for the soul. Others challenge very basic assumptions: it is not true, we are told, that children learn to love from being loved by their parents—in fact, most children are not loved so much as rewarded for good behavior. Kübler-Ross's own experience of pain (she is now partially paralyzed as a result of a stroke) adds depth to these lessons: she describes how she struggled with—and vehemently expressed—anger over her fate and is still unable to forgive some who took advantage of her helplessness to steal from her. Over-the-counter remedies for spiritual malaise—but sometimes plain aspirin works better than more sophisticated prescriptions.

Patricia Devine

"This is a thought-provoking book, one which in my opinion should be made compulsory. It is insightful, inspirational, intelligent, soothing, emotive, and informative about our seemingly arbitrary existence."

From the Publisher

Patricia Devine The Irish Independent This is a thought-provoking book, one which in my opinion should be made compulsory. It is insightful, inspirational, intelligent, soothing, emotive, and informative about our seemingly arbitrary existence.

Product Details

BN ID:	2940170567348
Publisher:	Simon & Schuster
Publication date:	11/04/2014
Series:	An Inspiring Guide to Life
Edition description:	Unabridged

Read an Excerpt

Foreward

A Message From Elisabeth

We all have lessons to learn during this time called life; this is especially apparent when working with the dying. The dying learn a great deal at the end of life, usually when it is too late to apply. After moving to the Arizona desert in 1995, I had a stroke on Mother's Day that left me paralyzed. I spent the next few years at death's door. Sometimes I thought death would come within a few weeks. Many times, I was disappointed that it did not come, for I was ready. But I have not died because I am still learning the lessons of life, my final lessons. These lessons are the ultimate truths about our lives; they are the secrets to life itself. I wanted to write one more book, not on death and dying but on life and living.

Each of us has a Gandhi and a Hitler in us. I mean this symbolically. The Gandhi refers to the best in us, the most compassionate in us, while the Hitler to the worst in us, our negatives and smallness. Our lessons in life involve working on our smallness, getting rid of our negativity and finding the best in ourselves and each other. These lessons are the windstorms of life, they make us who we are. We are here to heal one another and ourselves. Not healing as in physical recovery, but a much deeper healing. The healing of our spirits, our souls.

When we talk about learning our lessons, we're talking about getting rid of unfinished business. Unfinished business isn't about death. It's about life. It addresses our most important issues, such as "Yes, I made a nice living but did I ever take time out to really live?" Many people have existed, yet never really lived. And they expended tremendous amounts of energy keeping a lid on their unfinished business.

Since unfinished business is the biggest problem in life, it's also the primary issue we address as we face death. Most of us pass on with a great deal of unfinished business; many of us have at least some. There are so many lessons to learn in life, it's impossible to master them all in one lifetime. But the more lessons we learn the more business we finish, and the more fully we live, really live life. And no matter when we die, we can say, "God, I have lived!"

A Message From David

I have spent a great deal of time with people at the edge of life. This work has been enriching and life expanding. I can trace much of my growth, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually, to my work with the dying. While I am deeply grateful to those I have worked with and who have taught me so much, my lessons did not begin with them. Instead, they began many years ago with my own mother's death and continue to the present as I lose people I love.

During the past few years I have been preparing to say good-bye to a teacher, mentor, and dear, dear friend, Elisabeth. I have spent a great deal of time with her, being taught final lessons. Having taught me so much about my work with the dying, she was now facing death in her own life. She shared how she was feeling -- angry a lot of the time -- and her views on life. She was completing her last book, The Wheel of Life, and I was writing my first, The Needs of the Dying. Even during this challenging time of her life she was profoundly helpful to me, dispensing advice on publishing, my patients, and life itself.

Many times, it was enormously hard for me to leave her house. We would say our good-byes, both believing that this would be the last time we would see each other. I would walk away in tears. It is so hard to lose someone who has meant so much, yet she said she was ready. But Elisabeth did not die; she slowly got better. She was not finished with life and it was clearly not finished with her.

In days long gone, the community would have gathering places where children and adults listened as the older men and women told stories of life, of life's challenges and the lessons that can be drawn from the edge of life. People knew that sometimes our greatest lessons lie in our greatest pain. And they knew that it was important to the dying, as well as to the living, that these lessons be passed on. That is what I hope to do, pass on some of the lessons I have learned. Doing so ensures that the best parts of those who have died will live on.

We find many things on this long, sometimes strange journey we see as life, but we mostly find ourselves. Who we really are, what matters most to us. We learn from peaks and valleys what love and relationships really are. We find the courage to push through our anger, tears, and fears. In the mystery of all this, we have been given all we need to make life work -- to find happiness. Not perfect lives, not storybook tales, but authentic lives that can make our hearts swell with meaning.

I had the privilege of spending time with Mother Teresa a few months before she died. She told me that her most important work was with the dying, because she considered life so precious. "A life is an achievement," she said, "and dying, the end of that achievement." Not only do most of us not see death as an achievement, we don't see our lives as achievements -- and yet, they are.

The dying have always been teachers of great lessons, for it's when we are pushed to the edge of life that we see life most clearly. In sharing their lessons, the dying teach us much about the preciousness of life itself. In them we discover the hero, that part that transcends all we have been through and delivers us to all we are capable of doing and being. To not just be alive, but to feel alive.

Copyright © 2000 by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross Family Limited Partnership

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