Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues

by Kelli Miller

Overview

Indispensable Tips for Better Relationships

After years of counseling couples and writing an advice column, Kelli Miller identified fifteen common relationship challenges and devised three innovative “hacks” for each. Designed to address problems immediately for long-term improvement, Kelli’s solutions are simple, effective, and usable anywhere and anytime. Best of all, her clients have field-tested these techniques with excellent results. Topics include:

• strategies for effective communication, such as the “fast-food technique” of repeating what someone says to ensure it’s been understood
• tips for dealing with sexual issues, from lack of interest to infidelity
• what to do when kids affect the relationship
• advice for coping with addiction, anger, and past trauma
• ways to rekindle deep love and connection

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781608689088
Publisher:	New World Library
Publication date:	02/13/2024
Pages:	200
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.46(d)

About the Author

Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW, is an in-demand psychotherapist for individuals, couples, and families who specializes in relationships. She has been the host of All Things Relationships on Balance by Nature TV, a cohost on LA Talk Radio, and a relationship expert on SiriusXM and wikiHow.com. Kelli has contributed to various national and regional publications and podcasts and speaks to groups of all types and sizes. She lives in Studio City, California.

KelliMillerTherapy.com

Table of Contents

Introduction

Issue 1: “My Partner Doesn’t Listen to Me”

Fast-Food Communication

“I” Statements

Sounding Board vs. Feedback

Issue 2: “We Are Constantly Arguing!”

Time-Outs

Who Is More Emotionally Invested?

Assuming Positive Intentions

Issue 3: “We Don’t Make Time for Each Other”

Date Nights and Scheduling

Quick Partner Connections

Exploring the Resistance

Issue 4: “We Don’t Have Sex Anymore”

Looking at Resentments

Sensate Focus Therapy

Setting the Scene

Issue 5: “I Don’t Feel in Love with My Partner Anymore”

The Continuum of Long-Term Relationships

Love Letters

Understanding Your Connection Style

Issue 6: “I Do so Many More Chores!”

Chore Chart

Appreciating Your Partner

Becoming Teammates

Issue 7: “We Can’t Trust Each Other after Infidelity”

Starting the Forgiveness Process

Grieving and Renewing Your Commitment

Understanding the Affair and Setting Boundaries

Issue 8: “We Are too Culturally Different”

Learning about Culture

Incorporating Traditions

Having Fun Experiencing a Partner’s Culture

Issue 9: “We Spend Money Differently”

Setting Financial Goals

Generating a Budget

Creating an Emotional Inventory

Issue 10: “My Partner or I Have an Addiction”

Understanding Addiction

Planning for Recovery

Identifying Your Negative Voice

Issue 11: “Things Are Different since We Had Kids”

Experiencing the Before

Setting Up for Success

Division of Child Responsibilities

Issue 12: “I Don’t Feel Respected by My Partner”

BISECT: A Way to Show Respect

Cognitive Distortions

Respect Initiatives

Issue 13: “Social Media Is Damaging Our Relationship”

Questionnaire on Social Media

Establishing Social Media Boundaries

Using the Mirror on Why

Issue 14: “We Want Different Things”

Determine Our Needs from Wants

Values Pie Chart and Shared Dreams

The Game of Life 2.0

Issue 15: “There Is too Much Anger Between Us”

Uncovering the Emotions Behind Anger

Perspectives to Let Go

Empathizing with Our Partner

 

Conclusion

Acknowledgments

Notes

About the Author

Editorial Reviews

Kelli Miller nails it! She has her finger on the pulse of what couples need to make things better quickly! She targets the main issues and gives user-friendly solutions for couples to get back on track. Thank you, Kelli, for this great piece of work!”
— Dr. Debra Mandel, author of Sassy and Rude: Her New Attitude

“This book brings real expertise to bear on one of the most important topics most people face, how to have a healthy relationship. It does so by always getting to the point in a remarkably readable and engaging way. It is sure to enrich the lives of everyone who reads it.”
— Steven Sloman, coauthor of The Knowledge Illusion

“Since we get the largest portion of our happiness from our closest relationships, it’s so worth our time and effort to learn how to make them great. Bravo to Kelli Miller, who offers us practical wisdom for growing fulfilling relationships.”
— Linda Bloom, coauthor of An End to Arguing: 101 Valuable Lessons for All Relationships

“In this fast-paced, go-go-go world, couples need quick solutions to restore happiness to their relationship when tempers rise and disappointment reigns. Expert Kelli Miller offers quick, bite-size nuggets of wisdom to regain connection and love. A must-have for keeping the peace.”
— Arielle Ford, author of The Soulmate Secret

“This book is precisely timed! With all the recent, unexpected strains at so many levels, Kelli Miller’s Love Hacks is necessary for recapturing and rebuilding the foundation of a caring, safe, loving relationship no matter what the outside world brings.”
— Dave Pelzer, New York Times bestselling author of A Child Called “It”

“Love Hacks is a must-read for anyone who wants to have a successful, fulfilling relationship! It’s packed with smart, easy-to-follow, simple hacks to strengthen any bond.”
— Lyssie Lakatos, RDN, CDN, CFT, and Tammy Lakatos Shames, RDN, CDN, CFT, authors of The Nutrition Twins’ Veggie Cure

“Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues lives up to its title. Psychotherapist and radio personality Kelli Miller has taken her years of personal and therapeutic wisdom and created a truly user-friendly guide for modern couples. I love how practical, actionable, and completely relatable it is, with wonderful stories from her actual clients that we can easily map ourselves onto. This book is a must-read for anyone who dreams of having a thriving intimate relationship.”
— Kelly Sullivan Walden, bestselling author of A Crisis Is a Terrible Thing to Waste

“Kelli Miller, author of the bestseller Thriving with ADHD Workbook for Kids, has turned her attention to love. This easy read translates the complexity of relationships using familiar and compelling examples and provides the reader with three tools they can implement the moment they finish each chapter. If this book has half the influence on relationships as her workbook has had on kids with ADHD, look for a much more loving, safe, and trusting world courtesy of Love Hacks.”
— Joseph Shrand, MD, president and founder of Drug Story Theater and chief medical officer at Riverside Community Care

“Relationships are fraught with challenges. Psychotherapist Kelli Miller identifies the most common issues that plague romantic partners and deftly deconstructs them to offer practical solutions that anyone can implement. Grounded in Kelli’s extensive therapeutic experience, Love Hacks is a gem for anyone wanting to improve their relationship quality.”
— Kory Floyd, PhD, author of The Loneliness Cure

“Love Hacks illuminates all the patterns and challenges that modern couples face and clearly demonstrates how to make fundamental change. Kelli Miller guides us through the biggest challenges of romantic partnerships with compassion and even levity. What’s extraordinary about this book is that it takes challenges that can be so full of pain and effort and shows us how to fundamentally shift our relationships — and thus our lives — with heartening simplicity. It reminds us of what’s most important in our marriages and how to get there swiftly.”
— Faith Salie, author of Approval Junkie and contributor to CBS’s Sunday Morning and NPR’s Wait Wait . . . Don’t Tell Me!

“What makes Kelli Miller’s relationship expertise so cogent isn’t just her deep understanding of the human condition, but the tenderness with which she delivers the salient relationship solutions. Kelli’s voice comes across as equal parts seasoned psychotherapist and close friend who patiently helps you understand and avoid the follies that have unraveled so many relationships. It’s the kind of empathy we could all use more of, and it’s a refreshing and comforting read that can improve relationships that are weak — and strong!”
— Maddox, author of The Alphabet of Manliness

“I would have titled this book ‘Everything You Need to Know to Make Your Romantic Relationship Work Forever.’ Love Hacks is a practical masterpiece in which Kelli Miller brilliantly distills all the tools and practices couples need to have a successful, loving relationship. Kelli clearly identifies the typical issues that couples encounter and provides effective solutions for overcoming these problems. I’m going to recommend Love Hacks to all my patients!”
— Ira Israel, author of How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You’re an Adult

“With Love Hacks, Kelli Miller gets to the heart and soul of relationships. The book reads like an invaluable communications cheat sheet, and I will be returning to it again and again!”
— Samantha Ettus, author of The Pie Life

“Love Hacks is filled with practical, easy-to-use tips and tools for couples. Kelli Miller’s organization of the fifteen most common issues couples face will make addressing them approachable for those who want to make significant changes in their relationship from home.”
— Dr. Jenn Mann, author of The Relationship Fix: Dr. Jenn’s 6-Step Guide to Improving Communication, Connection & Intimacy

From the Publisher