Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities

by Kevin A. Patterson, Ruby Bouie Johnson (Foreword by), Kevin A. Patterson (Narrated by)

Overview

The issues that make monogamous dating daunting for people of color—shaming and exclusion by white partners, being fetishized, having realities of everyday racism ignored—occur in polyamorous relationships too, and trying “not to see race” only makes it worse. To make polyamorous communities inclusive, we must all acknowledge our part in perpetuating racism and listen to people of color. 

Love's Not Color Blind puts forward the framework—through research, anecdotal testimony, and analogy—for understanding, identifying, and confronting racism within polyamorous communities.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781944934460
Publisher:	Microcosm Publishing LLC
Publication date:	03/30/2018
Edition description:	New Edition
Pages:	184
Product dimensions:	5.25(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.50(d)

About the Author

Kevin A. Patterson, M.Ed., is the creator of the Poly Role Models project, an interview series that serves as a platform for the diversity of polyamorous relationship structures.

Table of Contents

Dedication

Foreword ix

Acknowledgments xiii

Beginning Stuff … 1

Disclaimer One: The "Bookening …" 3

Disclaimer 2: Electric Boogaloo … 5

The Format of This Book … 7

Alternative Lifestyles Be Like … 11

Forced Ambassadorship 13

Presentation and the Angry Black 19

Intentional Communities 25

Why Does It Matter? 29

Barriers For Entry 37

White Feminism and Polyamory 39

Othering 48

Dating Preferences 56

Breakdowns In Representation aka White People Shit 65

Tokenism 79

Fetishization 87

Class … 95

Fostering Inclusivity … For White Folks 105

Owning Your Shit… 107

Don't Pander … Engage 117

Intentional Planning 120

Joint Events 124

Fostering Inclusivity … For People Of Color 127

Show Up … Or Don't … 129

Your Events Are Yours 132

Make Your Own Group 134

Start Creating 136

How I Started Creating … 140

Creating Around Class … 142

Creating Around Tokenism … 144

Creating Around Othering … 148

Creating Around Fetishization … 149

Too Long / Didn't Read 151

Endnotes 153

Index 159

What People are Saying About This

co-authors of Designer Relationships - Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson

“Love’s Not Color Blind should be required reading for people who are sex positive, as well as those in alternative relationships or communities. Kevin A. Patterson addresses inclusivity masterfully—with humor and a gentle touch—even when the issues are challenging. This book will inspire you to engage in much needed conversations during this critical time in our history."

anthropologist and polyactivist - Lola Houston

"Kevin Patterson offers a wonderful honesty about who he is, how he loves, and the difficult challenges affecting all of us around race in American society and, more precisely, race as a marker for those who participate in alternative relationship styles. The clarity of writing here is impressive, and his book contributes not simply to a dialog on polyamory, but to a larger, vital dialog on race and privilege. Love's Not Color Blind is an essential read for polyamory communities everywhere."

author of The Polyamorists Next Door, Stories from the Polycule, and When Someone You Love is Polyamorous - Elisabeth Sheff

“Smart and witty, engaging and provocative, Kevin Patterson’s outstanding new book, Love’s Not Color Blind, is required reading for everyone who wants an inclusive polyamorous community and a deeper understanding of intersectionality. Filled with big thoughts presented in straightforward language, Love’s Not Color Blind is about race in polyamorous communities but would be a great read for anyone interested in race, sexuality, relationships, community, and social equity.”

writer and editor of The Beautiful Kind - Kendra Holliday

"Kevin A. Patterson uses everything from pop culture to scientific studies to open your eyes to a different perspective. The lens shifts from an angle of separation of sub-culture to a focus of centering. As a sex-positive event planner, I need all the tools I can get in order to ensure our events are inclusive. As the author says, 'If you aren't being actively inclusive, you are being passively exclusionary.’”

Editorial Reviews

"Love’s Not Color Blind belongs on the shelf next to The Ethical Slut. For both people of color and their allies, this is a powerful offering that dismantles myths about polyamory and builds a bridge to better understanding."—Claire Foster, Foreword Reviews

From the Publisher

"Love’s Not Color Blind belongs on the shelf next to The Ethical Slut. For both people of color and their allies, this is a powerful offering that dismantles myths about polyamory and builds a bridge to better understanding."

www.forewordreviews.com - Claire Foster

"Kevin Patterson offers a wonderful honesty about who he is, how he loves, and the difficult challenges affecting all of us around race in American society and, more precisely, race as a marker for those who participate in alternative relationship styles. The clarity of writing here is impressive, and his book contributes not simply to a dialog on polyamory, but to a larger, vital dialog on race and privilege. Love's Not Color Blind is an essential read for polyamory communities everywhere."

anthropologist and polyactivist - Lola Houston

Smart and witty, engaging and provocative, Kevin Patterson’s outstanding book Love’s Not Color Blind is required reading for everyone who wants an inclusive polyamorous community and a deeper understanding of intersectionality. Filled with big thoughts presented in straightforward language, Love’s Not Color Blind is about race in polyamorous communities but would be a great read for anyone interested in race, sexuality, relationships, community, and social equity.”

author of The Polyamorists Next Door - Dr. Elisabeth Sheff

"Kevin A. Patterson uses everything from pop culture to scientific studies to open your eyes to a different perspective. The lens shifts from an angle of separation of sub-culture to a focus of centering. As a sex-positive event planner, I need all the tools I can get in order to ensure our events are inclusive. As the author says, 'If you aren't being actively inclusive, you are being passively exclusionary.’”

writer and editor of The Beautiful Kind - Kendra Holliday

“Love’s Not Color Blind should be required reading for people who are sex positive, as well as those in alternative relationships or communities. Kevin A. Patterson addresses inclusivity masterfully—with humor and a gentle touch—even when the issues are challenging. This book will inspire you to engage in much needed conversations during this critical time in our history."

co-authors of Designer Relationships - Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson

It's incredibly hard to talk about racism with people who are not receptive to education. Kevin does amazing work in this book both centering the voices of people of color and educating white folks on privilege. His words will positively influence polyamorous communities for years to come.”

The Frisky Fairy - Rebecca Hiles