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Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781426940330 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Trafford Publishing |
| Publication date: | 03/18/2011 |
| Pages: | 188 |
| Product dimensions: | 8.25(w) x 11.00(h) x 0.40(d) |
Read an Excerpt
"MAMA, 'BABE' AND ME"
By Eddie Marie Jones Durham
Trafford Publishing
Copyright © 2011 Eddie Marie Jones DurhamAll right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4269-4033-0
Chapter One
"Mama Babe"History is a record of what was done in the past. It is an account of most things included, from first to last. Things we remember, including things about which you want to say, "I forgot. There are actions, happenings, and deeds we cherish and others we do not. In every family things happen, we think highly of, and want everyone to know And a lot of stuff we strongly, wish just weren't even so. We wonder about the folks in our lineage, the ones here before we came Wonder what they did, what they were like or what they were called, by name. These are the questions we all are inclined to ask. But, trying to gather all that information can, for someone be a real task.
* * *
"Mama, Mama, is dead? Mama is dead!"
"Are they sure?"
"What are we going to do with Mama gone?" These are the thoughts that went through my head when I learned that my dear, sweet mama was no longer with us.
I had been all ready registered to attend a conference in Corpus Christi, Texas. I just sat there numbly for some time. I kept having these disturbing thoughts. "My Mama is gone! What am I going to do? Why did Mama Have to go?
The questions didn't go away after the funeral. They would only get worse when I would visit Laura's, my sister where Mama stayed for the last more than twenty years of her life.
I still expect to see Mama when I went there. After a while I decided to put together all the things I could gather on Mama's life and the lives she touched while she sojourned on this side. Her life was such an example of God's grace, in granting one person the strength to be the person she was. Thinking of her and trying to organize her life history is a help and maybe a hindrance too. It keeps her close as I let my mind refresh loving memories. I have learned a few things about her that I didn't know while she was alive.
I wanted to begin at the beginning, but pulling Mama's background together including her parents, grandparents, great-grandparents and others, has proven to be quite a problem, because so many of the people I needed to get the information from are already dead and gone too. I decided to have talks with as many members of the family and others who knew something about the things I wanted to include. These were people who knew people were "in the know" before they also died.
My gathering of Mama's background history, her three husbands and, the families her life touched, is a real engaging experience. That is bringing not only information but deeper feelings for many family members.
I'd like to show how Mama; Nayme Everlena "Babe" Hayes Weaver Jones Durham, influenced my life and the lives of other family members as well. Not all of her background histories I wanted are obtainable. Yet, I decided to make an attempt to put as much together in this write-up, as I could and as well as a bit of something just about me.
Mama had three husbands, Austin "Butch" Weaver, Will Dexter Jones and Luke Durham. I decided to include as much of their family history, and as many of their family members I was able to get the information for. This I did for grandchildren, great grands and future generations that would have the desire to know something about their history.
My view of Mama's life was that she was a God fearing, gracious, hard working wife and loving mother who was determined to do God's will in every way she knew how. She depended on Him, GOD, and His Word. She had to be a woman of tremendous courage and stamina who withstood much in her life. Her strong belief in God helped her to survive. I know she could not have done it without the strength, and guidance, of the gracious God she pointed us, her children, too. She demonstrated it for all of us and all others who got to know her, with the life she lived before us and, by her steadfast faith in this loving God.
I will begin this record with her grandparents who had to have been slaves. Wade and Laura Collins, Great-Grandpa Wade and Great-Grandma Laura produced two girls, Ella Bruce (in 1881), and Angie and two brothers, Melvin, "Pal", and DeWitt Collins.
Grandma Laura I got to know for a little while. But, by the time I came along Grandpa Wade had already passed away. In Grandma Laura, one saw a very proud woman with determination and stamina. (When I think of her propensity for wearing high heel shoes, I think maybe, I think I inherited some of her good qualities.)
I know that she had a good affect on Mama, because I think much of her stamina came from the training and love she received from Grandma Laura. The visits we made to Grandma Laura's home were happy, informative experiences.
She told us one day we were visiting, "You know ya'll are real lucky children. Both your Mama and your Daddy are out there with you."
"Why does that make us so lucky, Grandma Laura?"
"Cause y'all still have both of your parents. I had to be there to see mine being sold when I was small. I never got to see them anymore. Yeah I'd say you are lucky."
"What was that like Grandma, Laura?"
"Honey, you don't want to know that. Besides I have this food ready for the family."
I don't remember her telling us too much more about her life because we just had fun playing when we were there. Her history was not what was on our minds at that early age.
I feel that Grandma Laura had a hard time coming through this horrid experience from the comments she made then, and I feel there were many others she did not tell us about. Yet she did come through it all with pride, and a strong will to do good things for everyone. She seemed to have been the kind of person, she believed God, wanted her to be.
I knew, and was impressed by Grandma Laura but, I have no information about what Grandpa Wade was like, nor do I remember anyone talking about him. These persons were our maternal grandparents.
We were told of Mama's fraternal grandparents, Frank and Liza Hayes, who were the parents of Isaiah Hayes, our grandfather. If he had siblings I have not been made privy to that knowledge.
Isaiah Hayes and Ella Bruce Collins, my grandmother, married somewhere along the way. To their union on May 3, 1910 a baby girl they named Nayme Everlena was born after her two other sisters: Lellure Jane, born July 24, 1902, Arlena who was born December 3, 1909. They had two brothers, J. P and Artis Hayes whose birth information I have no knowledge of.
Mama's sister Arlean got the nickname "Sis," and somewhere along the way Mama became known by the nickname of "Babe." (I have a feeling it was because she was the youngest child of the family.) Babe is what family, friends and acquaintances always called her. She was called by that name until her death. She was known as Aunt Babe, Cousin Babe, Miss Babe and even Grandma Babe, later by her grandchildren and one or two friends of ours.
She stopped using her first name as a child, and I doubt that even many family members even knew it was part of her name until her death and it was placed on her funeral program. None of them had ever heard before.
Grandpa Isaiah and Big Mama, (to Mama's children,) and Mama Ella, (to her other grandchildren) had four lovely children. They didn't stay married to each other. Their marriage was dissolved. After its dissolution, Big Mama, remarried, separated, and remarried. We believe, from the comments she made, that it at least 6 more times!
She married and lived in so many different places, even though, she had legal custody of the children, Mama and her siblings were reared by Grandma Laura. Big Mama had no stable place for herself or them. Big Mama had no more children.
I believe Big Mama's marriage history and, her frequent relocations had a lot to do with her, what one would term in today's society, illness or ailment. Without a diagnosis I will refer to it as an ailment, disorder or disease. She suffered from this ailment as long as I knew her. The term used in the Bible would have been 'one possessed by demons.'
I came up with this idea when she came over to stay with us in between her stays in the many different places she called home. During the day, she would seem just like anyone else, except at times a bit cranky or grouchy, and most of the times when quiet for a minute, sleepy. At night she changed completely. You would be sound asleep and all of a sudden you would be awakened by arguments and other noises. In the area where Big Mama was, you would also hear many voices. Some of the voices would be in a conversational tone and some quite hostile. They would be talking and yelling about all kinds of things.
It could be one frightening experience! You are sound asleep, suddenly you hear someone scream, or yell then someone talking loudly. There would then seem to be two or three voices in a heated exchange! Yet you would know, that only Big Mama in the room. In the morning she would act as if nothing had gone on. The only thing you would notice was that she'd be sleepy or nodding off most of the day.
Grandpa Isaiah also married again. His second wife was Ms Alice. He did have more children. Mama gained three more sisters; Alberta, Nola, and Phoebe as well as another brother Artis Hayes. They all grew up in an area of Freestone County that is known then and today as Plum Creek. The community was on the Farm to Market Road, #489, leading from what is now Interstate 45, (which was, Highway 75) passing through the Shiloh/Butler Community to Highway 84 between Fairfield and Palestine, Texas at a place labeled The Crossroads.
They attended the Plum Creek Baptist Church there in the Plum Creek Community. What schooling they received was there in the Thorndale-Plum Creek Communities. However, the school regulations back then were totally different from the ones we know today. There was a lack of any laws governing the education of Black children, if there were they were not enforced, and because of it, many of the children didn't receive much in the way of an adequate education. Some of the children received none at all. Mama was only able to get through the 3rd grade. This time was so soon after the Blacks were freed that many were glad to get any education at all, even a substandard one. Many were just glad to learn how to read a bit, so many didn't ever learn to do more than sign their names. Some couldn't even do that.
What happened in their teen years I have little knowledge of, but the little I do recall her talking about was that it was very difficult. Since they were living with just the basic necessities of life much of the time one can only imagine what it was like.
I do know that Mama grew to be an attractive young woman. She was still ... when she became my mother years later. To me she was, until her demise.
MARRIAGE
There is a lovely golden bond, That is to unite two hearts together as one It is to enrich two lives, filling them with joy If love, care and consideration both participants employ. It gives each one, a person with whom to share thoughts, worries, and plans And to share the thrills of passion or just the comfort of just holding hands It provides a companion to walk with through the passing years And the person who is there, in good times, bad times, through sorrows and tears It is when one gets a soul-mate, partner, one's other half and friend United together in matrimony hoping to love to the very end Many become parents by the direct will of God For some it might be quite easy and other times very hard
1st Husband, Austin "Butch" Weaver
Sometimes we get what we want But find we do need what we get When that happens to one Heartache is a very likely the occurrence, on that you can bet!
In our culture that no matter where one is, in recent history, girls dream of the day they will fall in love and marry that special man. It is a dream almost all girls have of getting that special mate. In most girls' lives it is a much anticipated time that she looks forward to. I expect that Mama was no different from the average girl. She was probably looking forward to that date with her destiny. In central Texas where she lived, there was a Reverend Will Weaver, who was said to have been part descendent of the Choctaw Indians. The community was not far from Plum Creek. He was the father of one daughter, Golden and one son, J. W., before marrying his second wife Maggie. After marrying Mrs. Maggie, Reverend Will, as he was called by most who knew him, became the parents of Aile, Robert, and a set of twins; Missy and Austin Weaver. Austin was later nicknamed "Butch."
Austin "Butch" Weaver grew to be a tall, handsome, light-brown-skinned, curly-haired young man. He met Mama somewhere along the way. He was what some of the young people today would refer to as a 'Bad Boy.' From all indications, Mama was only about fifteen when she met and married, Butch Weaver. His mother did not approve of their marriage at all.
Their marriage did not turn into what Mama, or any other girl, for that matter would have dreamed of having. Problems developed very early, lots of them! Yet, in spite of those problems Mr. Butch and Mama had two handsome sons. The older boy, Otis, was born March 27, 1927 when Mama was two months short of her seventeenth birthday. Cotis, her second child was born the very next year on November 14, 1928. Mama was at this point 18 years and 7 months old. She now had two children less than two years old to take care of!
Tumultuous, was one way one could describe the relationship of Mr. Butch and Mama. They had some very serious issues. He was a husband who was not there for her most of the time from all she said. It must have been very hard for her. He would be gone for days sometimes. Her being pregnant so soon after marriage, then giving birth with only the help of a midwife, in a home with so little support, must have been quite traumatic. Especially, for one as young naive as she was then. After giving birth to the second child the very next year, it must have made for quite a bit of work, heartache and frustration. Mrs. Maggie had not approved of the marriage in the first place so, it was no surprise that Mama said that she gave her a very cold shoulder much of the time. She even received reprimands from her about one thing or another. This must have been hard to take since they all lived in the same house. One still has no idea of what kind of help she was given, but she must have gotten some, because of what happened later.
Her husband, Mr. Butch, drank excessively and while doing so was many times stayed away from home for days at a time, yet the major problem in the marriage was the physical abuse Mama received from him. When he did come home from a binge there would be even more trauma than usual. This must have made life really miserable. The exact reasons he gave for most of his physical abuse I never heard her say.
I learned the reason why she received the first beating when I overheard someone comment to Mama about how splendid her brown flour-gravy always was. She made no comment at the time of the compliments, except to smile and say, "Thank you." (This was on one of the many occasions when she was serving guests that were at our house. Because, for some reason even though it was such a small house we often had lots of company that she cooked for.)
I asked her later, "Mama how did, you learn to make the gravy so good all the time?"
Her reply was, "I learned to do it well because Butch, beat me until I knew how to do it that way. When I first married him, I knew how to 'raise a gravy' with meat while smothering it, but he wanted it alone. He wanted gravy with nothing in it!
"So the making of this type of gravy brought on me as I said, the first beating. It was by no means the last."
Mama's and Mr. Butch's marriage was short. They separated when Otis was three years old and Cotis was only two. I have speculated that since they were in the home with her in-laws, Rev. Will and Mrs. Maggie is why Mama left the boys. I do know that when they separated she did not get to see them afterward for years! They then stayed with Mrs. Maggie, and were reared by her.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from "MAMA, 'BABE' AND ME" by Eddie Marie Jones Durham Copyright © 2011 by Eddie Marie Jones Durham. Excerpted by permission of Trafford Publishing. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Contents
"Mama Babe"....................1Marriage....................6
1st Husband, Austin "Butch" Weaver....................7
Family, That's Us....................11
2nd Husband Will Dexter Jones....................13
She was the Best Mama....................44
Family Back Home Again....................58
Life Goes On....................63
Luke Durham....................64
Growing Into Adulthood....................69
My First Job....................70
I Got Married....................71
Kenneth Was Born....................77
Our Trip to California....................83
We Traveled to Mexico....................86
Bobby Junior is Born....................89
Repairs to Our Home Place....................93
Cotis Is Taken from Us in 1975!....................96
My Texas Brogue, Takes a Hike!....................98
Uncle Luke Passes, Mama Is Widowed Again....................103
Mama's Moves to Dallas....................105
My Accent Causes Problems, Again....................106
Bobby Junior's and My Trip to Florida....................110
We Travelled with Mama....................113
We Loose Lean and Ausie....................115
One Memorable Trip to Memphis, Tennessee....................119
My Dear In-laws are taken....................120
Carlton Says So-long....................125
We Face Other Challenges....................126
Family Members remember Mama....................132