Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge

by Melody Wilding

Overview

An indispensable guide to navigating power dynamics, building effective relationships with higher-ups, and earning more authority, freedom, and confidence at work—from one of today’s “most innovative career coaches” (Insider).

“Outstanding. Wilding's scripts and strategies show us a better way to get ahead at work.”—Greg McKeown, New York Times bestselling author of Essentialism and Effortless
 
Do you feel vulnerable to the whims of your boss, peers, or internal politics, pushing through each day with a nagging undercurrent of anxiety? Maybe you’re micromanaged, interrupted in meetings, saddled with busy work, or overlooked for career opportunities. But what if you could subtly teach those above you to value your ideas and treat you with respect—without ever changing your job title?

Human behavior professor and award-winning executive career coach Melody Wilding has helped thousands of clients advocate for their needs at work while navigating the minefield of office politics. In this clear, tactical guide, Wilding shows you how to operate from a position of power—even if you lack formal authority—to build the emotional intelligence, relational capital, and negotiation savvy to succeed in a world of competing stakeholders and remote work. 

Drawing on real-life client stories and the latest research on trust and persuasion, Managing Up distills a vital skillset into ten key conversations, including:

• The Alignment Conversation: How can I get in my boss’s head to understand their needs, motivations, and goals?
• The Styles Conversation: Will I earn more respect from my manager if I get to the point quickly, or should I try swapping stories and building rapport? 
• The Boundaries Conversation: How do I say no and push back with tact when my manager saddles me with yet another task?

Packed with time-tested strategies, detailed scripts, and transformative insights, this book is a must-read for professionals of all levels ready to reclaim control of their careers.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780593444658
Publisher:	Crown Publishing Group
Publication date:	03/04/2025
Pages:	320
Product dimensions:	5.80(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Melody Wilding is a professor of human behavior at Hunter College and was recently named one of Insider’s “most innovative career coaches.” Her background as a therapist and emotions researcher informs her unique approach, weaving evidence-based neuroscience and psychology with professional development. She is the author of Trust Yourself.

Read an Excerpt

Introduction

Laura was used to getting tough feedback, but nothing in her career had prepared her for the mixed messages and moving goalposts she faced in her role as head of communications. Weeks earlier, her boss—the CEO—had praised her work overhauling the company’s website. But then, just the day before, he had sat Laura down and told her, “I’m not sure if you’re in over your head, incompetent, or both.”

Laura had joined the startup two and a half years earlier, transitioning from director of public affairs for a large university to the faster-paced and less bureaucratic tech world. At first, she flourished as product communications manager, writing compelling white papers, implementing a dashboard to track campaign metrics, and even jumping in to field press inquiries after a major software crash affected thousands of customers. Her drive, scrappiness, and ability to motivate her team of five direct reports stood out, and within eighteen months she had been tapped to head communications for the entire company.

Laura enthusiastically stepped into her leadership role, eager to prove herself to her new boss and peers right away. Sensing that the CEO was swamped raising venture capital and not wanting to “bother him,” Laura took it upon herself to redo the company’s online messaging and positioning. In her product role, she had observed that average customers were turned off by technical jargon, so she decided that the company’s website and all of their materials would benefit from more user-friendly language.

In spite of all her hard work and the appreciation of her peers, Laura was still adrift when it came to her boss. One day, he’d tell her the new copy she had put together was so impressive that they’d featured it in an investor pitch deck. The next, he’d question why she was wasting time on “low value” tasks instead of focusing on strategy. When Laura pinged him on Slack with questions, he’d ignore her for days, then suddenly respond with a barrage of requests. Laura felt like she couldn’t get a clear read on what her boss really wanted . . . and might never be able to figure it out.

She was losing confidence in herself. Once a top performer, she now found herself totally clueless about what was required to succeed at this new level. She was putting in long hours, striving to make big changes and prove her value, yet it seemed like her moves weren’t well received by the person who mattered most in her career: her boss. As she watched other senior leaders navigate their roles with apparent ease, she couldn’t help but feel inadequate—and really annoyed.

Laura’s not the only one. During the last few years, the number of professionals who believe they have little to no control over their careers, futures, and work relationships has doubled. A staggering 40 percent of workers grapple with a sense of helplessness. And for more than a decade, as an executive coach to professionals and leaders at some of the world’s top companies, I’ve witnessed countless clients struggle to figure out where they stand in the workplace, a challenge that’s become even more urgent and pronounced since the pandemic. These smart, successful people end up constantly questioning whether to share their thoughts or stay silent and blame themselves for missing out on opportunities because they’re “not good enough.” Others feel boxed in by office politics, frustrated by a lack of change, sidelined by an ambiguous decision-making process, or exhausted by miscommunication and butting heads with colleagues. Though their difficulties seem distinct at first—from “How do I get my ideas taken seriously by upper management?” and “How can I disagree with my boss without jeopardizing my job?” to “Why do I always get overlooked for opportunities despite my hard work?”—their problems often boil down to one thing: They don’t know how to manage up.

I define “managing up” as strategically navigating relationships with those who have more positional power than you, namely your boss. It’s a critical skill set for maneuvering through the complex web of power dynamics, conversations, and unspoken expectations that shape our daily work lives. The idea of managing up has been around for decades, but in a search for greater insight and innovative tools I could use in my own practice, I surveyed a diverse group of twelve thousand people and held interviews with dozens of future readers (if you were one of them, thank you!). From the moment the results started to come back, it was clear that most professionals know they need to manage up, but few know how to do it well. They understand that in today’s workplace, it’s no longer necessary to bow to their boss’s every wish, but they don’t know how to achieve a sense of freedom and control at work without stepping on toes.

You probably picked up this book because you can relate. Even if you have a steady paycheck, a nice title, or other external markers of success, you want more. Maybe you’re searching for greater peace and ease in your interactions at work so you can get things done with fewer barriers and less stress. Perhaps you want a bigger say in how, when, and where you do your job and to have greater influence on the direction your career takes. Whatever it is, we’re going to turn what currently seems impossible into your new reality.

In the old days, managing up equated to making the boss happy, no matter what. That meant keeping your head down, sticking to your job description, and following orders without a peep of disagreement. And let’s not forget sucking up. Talk about a recipe for feeling undervalued and stuck! It’s not your job, as some books and articles will tell you, to charm and flatter your boss into treating you well, read their mind when they aren’t communicating clearly, or work double time to compensate for their incompetence. Some managers truly are too difficult or disorganized to have a healthy relationship with. But most of the stress and frustration that people experience with their bosses is fixable, stemming not from pure incompetence or antagonism but from a lack of awareness on both sides about how to work together effectively.

This book offers a modern, assertive approach to managing up. It’s about learning how to get your needs met, whether you want approval to hire a freelancer to help finish a big project on time, the flexibility to work from another city, or the safety of an office environment where you’re not afraid to speak your mind.

I’ve spent the past decade wearing many hats—therapist, human behavior researcher, executive coach. And in that time, I’ve helped thousands of professionals—from early-career managers to senior leaders at Fortune 500 companies—learn to navigate workplace dynamics and advocate for themselves with confidence. This book will show you exactly how to apply the principles of emotional intelligence, influence, persuasion, negotiation, and more to give yourself a competitive edge at work. After all, without understanding psychology, the workplace—and the people within it— can seem mysterious and infuriating. But once you know what makes your boss tick, you’ll be able to work with them so smoothly it’ll feel like cheating.

The first step is to adopt a strategic, investigative mindset. When you start to see your boss not just as a gatekeeper or an overseer but as a human being who’s contending with their own pressures, distractions, and demands from higher-ups, you’ll start to uncover what drives their decisions and unlock how best to communicate with them. That knowledge is key to advocating for what you need. When you can identify the fears and motivations that drive upper management’s decisions, you can present your ideas and opinions to get a yes. And cracking the code on your organization’s unspoken rules and norms means you can pick the perfect time to ask for more money or a promotion. Want the exact words to say in a tough negotiation or the perfect response to use when you need to push back on a project? I’ve got you covered. You’ll see how to apply surprising, research-based strategies in ways you never thought possible, turning every managing-up moment into one that grows your confidence and advances your career.

You might be wondering, “Why is managing up my responsibility? Shouldn’t my manager just be better at their job?” It’s a fair point—leaders definitely need to pull their weight, and organizations must make sure workplaces are good for our mental health. But here’s the deal: Managing up isn’t really about making your boss’s life easier. It’s about taking control of your own work experience. Think of it this way: Even if you have a good relationship with those above you, why settle for good when it could be great? Instead of seeing this process as “extra effort” or “invisible labor,” consider it an investment in your satisfaction at work. Don’t ask, “Why should I have to manage up?” The real question is “Why wouldn’t I want to seize every opportunity to make my career better?”

Editorial Reviews

This book helps you decode your boss’s behavior and unlock the career success you deserve.”—Daniel H. Pink, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Drive, To Sell Is Human, and The Power of Regret

“A book chock-full of practical advice.”—Katie Couric Media

“Wilding has accomplished something rare and invaluable, combining bigger-picture insight with concrete, practical advice to experiment with.”—Sheila Heen, coauthor of Difficult Conversations and faculty at Harvard Law School

“In this sophisticated yet accessible guide, Wilding transforms what most of us learn through painful trial and error into a clear, research-backed blueprint for taking control of our professional future. She masterfully explains how to thoughtfully navigate those difficult conversations that often define our career trajectory, and turn what can be an anxiety-ridden, transactional relationship with our boss into a true partnership.”—Amy Gallo, cohost of HBR’s Women at Work podcast and author of Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People)

“Finally, a science-based book that reveals how to influence others regardless of where you sit on the org chart. A resource you’ll return to again and again!”—Tasha Eurich, PhD, New York Times bestselling author of Insight

“If you struggle to figure out where you stand in the workplace, you need this book . . . to take back your power and advocate for yourself with confidence.”—Liz Fosslien, coauthor of Wall Street Journal bestseller No Hard Feelings and Big Feelings

“A refreshingly modern, easy-to-follow instruction manual for navigating workplace dynamics with integrity and emotional intelligence.”—Dorie Clark, Wall Street Journal bestselling author of The Long Game and executive education faculty at Columbia Business School

“Outstanding. Wilding’s scripts and strategies show us a better way to get ahead at work.”—Greg McKeown, New York Times bestselling author of Essentialism and Effortless

“Expertly managing up is an essential skill that everyone needs to learn. Whether you are at the start of your career or have just stepped into a leadership position, Wilding is the perfect mentor for teaching you how to leverage your manager.”—Vanessa Van Edwards, founder of Science of People and bestselling author

“Managing Up is not just a book about navigating relationships in the workplace, though it certainly is that—it’s a call to arms to reclaim autonomy in your career. Whether you’re just joining the workforce or a seasoned manager, there’s something in this practical, empowering, and deeply-human book for you.”—Simone Stolzoff, author of The Good Enough Job

From the Publisher