Marriage: 21 Years of Doing It Wrong 21 Days to Make It Right
120
Marriage: 21 Years of Doing It Wrong 21 Days to Make It Right
120Paperback
-
PICK UP IN STORECheck Availability at Nearby Stores
Available within 2 business hours
Related collections and offers
Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781456737948 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | AuthorHouse |
| Publication date: | 09/15/2011 |
| Pages: | 120 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.28(d) |
Read an Excerpt
Marriage
21 Years of Doing It Wrong 21 Days to Make it RightBy Winston T Jackson, Sr
AuthorHouse
Copyright © 2011 Winston T Jackson, Sr.All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4567-3794-8
Chapter One
Day OneSow the Seed of ... Realizing God's Love for You
The first and most important element towards creating a spirit-filled marriage resides in this understanding: God Loves You! Plant this seed in your heart, water it and nourish it daily by praying, reading and applying His Word. From this very moment in time to the second you breathe your last breath, understanding God's love for you is the seed you need in order to begin loving your spouse and seeing the fruit of a God-blessed marriage. Knowing God loves you means that you can trust in His Word, His leadings and in the Holy Spirit.
Here's the good news! God desires you to have a great marriage. If you are separated, in divorce court, divorced, in an "okay" marriage, or already in a great marriage, God wants to give you more. His Word says in Ephesians 3:20 (NKJV), "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us." The key, to receiving the exceedingly, abundantly and above, is having "the power working in us." You obtain and increase this power by your knowledge of and obedience to the Word of God. Now the words "exceedingly," "abundantly," and "above," are Paul's way of saying God's giving is an unceasing increase that has no end. So regardless of where you are in your marriage life, God's desire is to give you a better marriage and then improve upon that; then improve upon the improvement and so on and so on ... He loves you just that much!!! Continue to sow the seed of God's love for you and watch as you reap a harvest of love multiplied again and again.
Affirmation
Today, I commit to receiving all of the love that God has for me. I know and understand that He and He alone is my source of self-control, joy, peace, patience and most of all, love. Regardless of my current marital status, I KNOW that God is willing to meet my needs and then continue to exceed them.
Prayer
Father, I thank You for Your love. Thank You for loving me so much that You gave Your only Son, Jesus. I believe in Him, I rely on Him and therefore receive Your gift of a good life filled with Your blessings of love, joy and peace. Romans 8:37-39 states that nothing (no thing) can separate Your love from me. Forgive me, O Lord, for the times when I am weak; I trust in You to restore me, cleanse me and make me pure in Your sight. Whatever I ask You for, according to John 14:14, You will do it. Thank You for far more than I could ever imagine. It is in Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Day Two
Sow the Seed of ... Learning to Love You
One key to a successful marriage is learning to love you. Many people seek an external source to find love for themselves. They believe if they love others, they will receive love in return. That is somewhat true; however, the foundation to loving someone else is first built on knowing God loves you, then second, learning to love yourself. You must first possess love in order to give love. God gives love to you; you receive that love for yourself and then give to love others.
When Jesus says in Matthew 19:19 that we should love our neighbors as ourselves, the qualifier to loving your neighbor is having a love for yourself. In Ephesians 5:28 (NKJV), Paul speaks to husbands along this same line when he says, "Husbands ought to love their wives as their own body; he, who loves his wife, loves himself." Again, the qualifier is to love you.
You will learn to appreciate the beauty of God that He placed in you by way of the Holy Spirit. When God breathed the breath of life in you, you were made complete with ALL of the fruit of the Spirit in you. Galatians 5:22 (NKJV) says, "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Although some may find this hard to believe, He's in you; that's who you are! Let me put it another way. God placed a seed in you (The Holy Spirit) and the harvest from that seed is the fruit of the Spirit. So not only do you have love in you, you are love. No external force can tap into that love other than you; once you get it, you can freely give it.... unconditionally and never-ending.
This seed of loving yourself is one that mass-produces internally; yet, its fruit is displayed externally. A person who loves himself/ herself is confident and self-reliant; not dependent upon someone else's love to feel good about him/her. This person of self-worth and self-confidence is very attractive, especially to your spouse.
Affirmation
Today, I commit to a full investigation of the love of God placed in me. I will seek God for the Holy Spirit to reveal and increase my understanding of what a precious gift of love I am to God and to myself. I will look beyond those things the world sees as attractive and only seek to please the Father and myself; therefore pleasing my spouse.
Prayer
Father, I realize that before I can love others, I must first love myself. I am created in Your image and likeness: therefore, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, according to Psalm 139:14. I submit my thought life to come into agreement with Your thoughts concerning me. I thank You Lord for loving me, even more than I love myself. Your love is shed abroad in my heart and I will love others just as I love myself. As a husband, I look to Christ as my example of how to love my wife. As a wife, I submit to my husband as is fitting to the Lord. I give You all honor, glory and praise in Jesus' name. Amen.
Day Three
Sow the Seed of ... Committing to Change YOU
Most couples enter into a relationship because there are so many positive things they like about each other. However, as they really get to know each other they begin to notice "character flaws." They either decide they can deal with it, or think the other partner will change. What they really mean is "I can change that!" This is one of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships. You cannot change the things you consider as flaws in another person. Only God and the person can change themselves. What you can do is change the way you respond to those imperfect behaviors!
The only person you truly have control over is yourself. Therefore, if you commit to change your response to the things you do not like, you will find more peace and tranquility in your marriage. There is nothing wrong with letting your spouse know you do not like certain behaviors or disagree with something said or done. If you discover that it is a part of whom they are, do not let their actions impact you, your actions or your emotions. Even if what they are doing is un-godly, your response and reaction should always be godly. A godly response is one that promotes righteousness and peace. Be willing to love your partner enough to adjust to them. When both parties are making adjustments, you are bound to get the perfect fit.
As it says in 1 Corinthians 13:7, "Love endures ALL things." In order to reflect the true love of God, we must endure the things that we do not necessarily like or agree with. The word "endure" means to remain firm under suffering or misfortune. We may have to endure something for a very long time. If you are going to deal with it; you may as well make the best of it.
To help you with planting the seed of changing me, refer to a familiar passage of scripture found in Romans 12; renewing your mind to the things of God. You want to think with the mind of Christ, which is one of humility, esteeming others higher than yourselves, becoming a servant and putting aside your desires and our aspirations for those of others. In this and all seeds, look to God for your harvest, He is faithful to reward you greatly.
Affirmation
Today, I commit to changing ME and not my spouse. I realize that it is within my control to react or not. The way I handle my dislikes is my choice, so I choose to respond in a way that promotes peace and brings glory to God. I am in control of my emotions, actions and reactions. No one can make me angry, nor make me unhappy unless I give them permission to do so.
Prayer
Father, in the name of Jesus, renew my mind to the things of God that I might prove what is Your acceptable and perfect Will for my life. Let nothing I do be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind, esteeming others better than myself. Make me like-minded with Christ that I might endure all things in lowliness and meekness of heart; serving others as I serve You, in Jesus' name, Amen.
Day Four
Sow the Seed of ... Controlling Your Thought Life
"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:8-9 NKJV).
"I wonder who she is with?" "Why did he say that?" "I know she likes him." "Look at her, smiling in his face." "He is not answering the phone because he does not want me to know where he is." ALL of this thinking is out-of-control thinking and this will destroy your marriage. Even if your thoughts are valid, if they are rooted in fear, they are of the devil! God desires for you to live in peace, yes even in the midst of a storm. The Bible says, "Cast your burden on the LORD, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved" (Psalm 55:22, NKJV).
Know this: you are in control of what goes on in your mind. Poor thoughts can lead to poor choices, which can lead to poor actions, which can lead to destructive behavior. A destructive behavior can lead to divorce, jail and even worse, death.
Affirmation
Today, I commit to replacing ALL thoughts that do not line up with the Word of God. Should any thought of fear, anxiety or selfishness attempt to enter and control my mind, I vow to replace those thoughts by meditating on whatever things are true, noble, just, pure, lovely and of a good report.
Prayer
Father, I thank You for Your Word; for it brings life to my very bones. Forgive me, O Lord, for allowing even my thoughts to not line up with Your Word; I desire only to meditate and to think about things that are just, pure, lovely, noble, of good report, virtuous and praiseworthy. I cast all of my cares upon You and depend on You to sustain me. Although, I walk in the flesh, I do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of my warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds. I decree 2 Corinthians 10:5 and cast down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. I submit my thoughts unto You and I guard them diligently, knowing that they affect everything I do. I bless, praise, and glorify Your name. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Day Five
Sow the Seed of ... Self-Examining: You vs. Scripture
In Ephesians 5:22-25, you will notice that the Word never gives a command to the couple, but to the individual that makes up the couple. To the wife, he says, "Submit to your husband as unto the Lord" and to the husband he says "Love your wife also as Christ loved the church and gave His life for her." You don't see God's commandment to the wife saying, "Your husband is to love you as Christ also loved the church." The intention is for you to do what is commanded of you to do, not looking at what the other party has to do or is failing to do.
Sow the seed of a daily Self Examination to see if you are in line with the way God instructed you to love. If you are failing in any area, make it a commitment to fix you and let God do the work on your spouse. This takes a great deal of trust in God: but who better to trust with your marriage and spouse than the One who created them both.
Take a close look at 1 Corinthians 13: 1-8: Do you love with humility, placing the needs of your spouse ahead of yours? Are you patient, longsuffering and kind? Are you truthful with your spouse? Have your actions been rude, provoking or self-gratifying? If you find any areas where YOU are lacking, pray and seek God's counsel on how to fix them. This seed of self-examination will help you to see yourself. It will produce the fruit of a better you: easier to give love and easier to receive love. Remember, this cycle of sowing and reaping never ends, it only gets better.
Affirmation
Today, I commit to a daily Self-Examination of my contributions to the health of my marriage. Anything that I find that does not agree with God's plan, I vow to remove it. Then, I will ask God for wisdom and understanding on how to be a better wife/ husband for my spouse. I know He will answer and give it to me liberally.
Prayer
Father, I thank You for Your Word. For your Word is alive in me; therefore I call it forth to illuminate my areas of weakness. I commit to meditate on Luke 6:41-42 and examine myself daily. Forgive, sanctify and cleanse me, O Lord, according to Ephesians 5:26 that I might be Holy by the washing of water by the Word. The Spirit of the Lord is within me; therefore I have knowledge, wisdom and understanding of Your Word. I receive Your instructions and submit to Your way. Thank You for hearing and granting this prayer, in Jesus' name, Amen.
Day Six
Sow the Seed of ... Making Your Spouse Most Important
I might say this seed is THE MOST VALAUBLE seed you can sow. If not the most valuable, it is certainly in the top three. This seed will probably produce a harvest faster than any other seed. Why? It's simple. We were all created with some basic needs. The need to love and to be loved; to be cared for, heard and to feel like we matter to someone. What makes it produce a harvest so quickly? When it is planted, it is actually being planted in both you and your spouse. It grows in two separate places; yet, it grows together. In you, it meets the need of loving someone and that activates compassion within you and makes you want to love more. In your spouse, it meets the need of knowing that they matter to you, that they are heard, cared for and loved.
Besides your relationship with God, nothing or no one else comes ahead of your spouse. Learn to put the Urgent, Important and the Traditional, in their proper perspectives. Put away the laptop, get off the telephone, turn the television off and give your undivided attention to your spouse. You may be a master at multi-tasking; however, you cannot give 100% attention to your spouse while doing anything else. Church, work, children, finances, parents, friends all take a back seat to your marriage. Remember, we were made in the image and likeness of God and this characteristic is the same as one of the 10 Commandments, "You shall have no other gods before me" (Deuteronomy 5:7 NKJV). When you place a person, activity or thing ahead of your relationship with your spouse, the message you are ultimately sending is "that thing/person is more important than they are." This can do great damage to your marriage.
Spending dedicated time with your spouse should be done with the same level of intense attention as you have when watching the game of the week or that favorite talk show. LISTEN!!! Know what's going on with your spouse. Be able to provide a play-by-play of what they are saying and follow-up with them from time to time on that particular subject. This lets your spouse KNOW that you are interested in them. This seed will produce and reproduce faster than you can keep up.
Affirmation
Today, I commit to focusing on the needs of my spouse. Whatever things or people might be preventing me from showing my spouse that he/she is the single most important thing to me next to my relationship with God, I vow to eliminate or re-prioritize.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Marriage by Winston T Jackson, Sr Copyright © 2011 by Winston T Jackson, Sr. . Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.