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Mingling with the Enemy: A Social Survival Guide for Our Divided Era
200Overview
From the bestselling author of The Art of Mingling, an essential how-to for navigating today’s conversational minefields. We are living in a new social era: The Powder Keg Era. These days almost every subject leads straight to politics, and the conversation goes straight to hell. In a nation that is completely polarized, with most of us continually pummeled by social media and the 24/7 news cycle, our social lives are taking a hit. It can happen anywhere: at a friend’s birthday bash, a wedding reception, the gym, your local cafe, or your family Thanksgiving dinner. Even a group Zoom with colleagues or office mates can be dangerous. Suddenly, what began as a perfectly innocent chat about chocolate cake or seasonal allergies takes a bad turn, and you find yourself in an ugly argument about genetically altered foods or the healthcare system. Every day the tensions among us seem to be rising; the ever-widening ideological chasm is hurting our ability to communicate. So, how can we learn how to converse with people who are on the “other side”—without anyone getting hurt? With an insightful and down-to-earth sensibility, bestselling author Jeanne Martinet offers a practical and encouraging guide to navigating conversations in our current social climate. She illustrates easy-to-learn techniques and strategies to help you: keep your mind open, know your own triggers, pick the best topics, change course to avoid disaster, be an active listener, master the ability to yield without losing, employ humor and storytelling to ease tension, go undercover when necessary, be a brilliant subject changer, and find common ground. She also provides important tips on knowing when it’s time to take up the gauntlet and when it’s better to make a graceful escape. We have to keep talking to each other at all costs. Social interaction is a positive force that we need in order to thrive, individually and as a society, especially in today’s fractured world. Learning to mingle with the “enemy” is about figuring out how to have conversations with people that may make us afraid or angry. It’s about recognizing the presumptions—even prejudices—we all have when coming into contact with certain people. With the ultimate goal of teaching us how to connect with each other more fully, Mingling with the Enemy furnishes a road map for successfully traversing any and all hostile territories—without anyone getting blown up.
Product Details
ISBN-13: | 9781684035212 |
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Publisher: | New Harbinger Publications |
Publication date: | 12/01/2020 |
Pages: | 200 |
Sales rank: | 289,141 |
Product dimensions: | 5.90(w) x 8.80(h) x 0.50(d) |
About the Author

Table of Contents
Preface Fear and Loathing at the Dinner Table vii
Introduction Socializing in the Powder Keg Era 1
Chapter 1 Pre-Mingle Prep 13
The Dangers of "Anti-Social" Media
Embracing Small Talk
Unset Your Mind
Spiritual CliffsNotes: Get Centered
Self-Checklist: Recognize Your Own Triggers
Bad Blood Warning: Stay Clear of Open Wounds
Chapter 2 Safe Starts and Innocuous Initial Forays 31
Rule Number One…and Two and Three: Never Assume
Avoiding the Third Rail: The ABCs of Some Common Volatile Topics
Safe Doesn't Have to Mean Boring
Chapter 3 Entering the DMZ: Taking Chances 43
The Rewards of Respectful Debate
Conversational Recon: How to Test for Friends, Foes, or Fanatics
Telltale Warning Signs of Impending Conversational Doom
Don't Be a Knee Jerk: Techniques for Avoiding Overreaction
Chapter 4 The Way of the Empath 61
Listen with All Your Might (Then Listen Some More)
Ask Real Questions
Visualization: Picturing the Inner Three-Year-Old
Love and Flattery Are Your Best Friends; Keep Them Close
Yielding Without Losing: Applying Tai Chi Principles in Conversation
Chapter 5 Creative Survival Strategies 73
Storytelling as a Smoothing-Over Technique
Conversational Camouflaging: How Going Undercover Is Sometimes Better Than Wearing Your Opinion on Your Sleeve
The Power of Silence
Humor: A Mingler's Greatest Tool
Chapter 6 Diversionary Tactics 85
Swimming to an Island of Common Ground
Deflection: Six Subject-Changing Techniques
The Ejector Seat: Essential Escape Maneuvers
The Party Pause
Graceful Retreat
Chapter 7 Helping Others: Being a Social Diplomat 109
Peacekeeping Missions
The Fine Art of Distraction
Beware of Death by Triangulation
Helping a Partner
Lending a Hosting Hand
Chapter 8 When Mingling Online 129
How to Don Your Virtual Armor
Seven Rules to Post By
Counting to Ten (Hours)
Dealing with Trolls
Chapter 9 Channeling Your Inner Buddha: Family Get-Togethers 141
Pre-visit Instructions
Love Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry (That You Voted for Someone Else)
Divide and Conquer (or at Least Contain)
Baby Steps: Venturing Out of the Neutral Zone
Chapter 10 Handling Special Circumstances 159
Advice for Handling Upsetting Public Altercations
Tangling with the Tangential: Doctors, Doormen, and Dry Cleaners
A Word About Facing Nonpolitical "Enemies"
Picking Battles: When It Is Worth a Skirmish
Epilogue The "Enemy" Dispelled 179
Acknowledgments 181
Endnotes 183
Interviews
Martinet resides in New York, NY.