My Time: Making the Most of the Bonus Decades after Fifty

by Abigail Trafford

Overview

Kids grown? Mortgage paid? Career topping out? What now? In My Time , best-selling author Abigail Trafford answers the questions more and more 50somethings are asking themselves. Thanks to the longevity revolution of recent decades, today's 55-75-year-olds are living and working longer and healthier than ever before. This generation is the first to experience the period of personal renaissance in between middle and old age — what Trafford calls "My Time." Defining this period as a whole new developmental stage in the life cycle, Trafford skillfully guides readers through the obstacles of "My Time" and offers them the opportunity to take full advantage of the bonus decades. With the same wit, compassion, and vivid storytelling that made Crazy Time one of the best-loved books ever written on the subject of divorce, Trafford blends personal stories with expert opinions and the latest research on adult development. From the doctor who gave up his practice to write books to the widowed mother of three who reinvented herself as a successful photographer, true tales of crisis and triumph sparkle on every page of this inspiring and insightful book. Like Gail Sheehy's Passages , My Time is certain to profoundly affect the journey through our adult years.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780465086740
Publisher:	Basic Books
Publication date:	12/29/2004
Edition description:	Reprint
Pages:	304
Product dimensions:	5.38(w) x 8.00(h) x (d)

About the Author

Abigail Trafford, an award-winning journalist and bestselling author, is a former health editor at the Washington Post. She is the author of My Time and Crazy Time. She lives in Washington, D.C.

Interviews

Making the Most of the Rest of Your Life

A new stage has emerged in the life cycle. This bonus period comes after middle age, but before old age. But no one told you that you have to write a new script in work and love to take advantage of this "extra" period. As James Firman, president of the National Council on the Aging says. "The concept hasn't sunk in.... We're all lost as a generation."

That is why I have written My Time -- to provide a guide to these bonus years. As a health writer I have seen how the longevity revolution has altered every aspect of the culture from sex and politics to the creative arts and family life. The emergence of an older, more vigorous population is the most significant social story of our times. The men and women who are chronicled in My Time are fit, energetic -- engaged and engaging -- thanks to recent health gains. They have something to tell you about finding your way in this uncharted territory of human development.

In the early, high-stress years of juggling children and marriage and job, you get pretty exhausted from meeting other people's needs. As one 30-something woman wailed at a college class reunion: "When is it going to be my time?"

My Time! It's here. Get used to it. And then get ready for the ride.

My Time comes when the primary tasks of adulthood have been completed, for better or for worse. Children have been raised. Marriages made -- and remade. Career goals have been achieved -- or not. You've paid the mortgage, filled out your resume. And then what?

It could be anything. Look around. My Timers are starting businesses, mentoring in schools, painting portraits, running for political office, getting advanced degrees, working on community projects, falling in love, renewing friendships, redefining marriage and family, nurturing grandchildren, and caring for older parents. All the while, they are searching for their spiritual center and changing their goals from getting ahead to getting whole and finding new meaning in life.

It is not an easy period. There are layoffs, mammograms, retirement parties. There are wrenching losses, too. The deaths of family members and close friends. Major illness. The loss of income, the loss of status in a culture geared to youth. For a significant minority, these can be very hard years. For many, this new phase involves some crisis and confusion.

Yet, it also heralds unprecedented possibility. Most people hold on to their health. You may develop a serious problem such as heart disease, but you are able to manage it and continue to live -- and live well. Researchers talk about the huge increase in "health span." Americans have gained on average 10 biological years. For some the gain may be greater. Today, a 60-year old could be about the same biological age as a 40-year-old in generations past.

"We need a name that connotes the dynamics of adolescence," says Harvard social scientist Lisa Berkman of the period when people realize they can aim for a new horizon. Indeed, you may go through a kind of second adolescence, a mercurial transition period between midlife and My Time. The primary tasks in this period are to break away from middle adulthood and lay the groundwork for the future -- just as teenagers break away from childhood and prepare for starter adulthood.

You get restless. Not so young, but restless. What are you going to do with the rest of your life? Chances are you will live for decades. You also know it could end tomorrow. You make peace with mortality -- and you live with a sense of urgency.

How do you master the Art of Reinvention?

Bernard Tresnowski of Illinois knows. He became a lawyer in his 60s. Marge and Bob Kitterman of North Carolina know. They started a new life as Care-A-Vanners, traveling the country in their RV and building houses for Habitat for Humanity. Aida Rivera of Puerto Rico knows. She counsels women who are trapped in domestic violence -- after she earned a degree to become a therapist at age 60. "I love it. In helping others, I am helping me," she says.

It takes courage to find new life. Mary Page Jones puts it this way. The Virginia native remarried at age 52, moved out of the country, and began all over again. "I've always come up to the abyss and stepped over. A lot of it is my faith. When I step into the abyss, my experience is that I'm always caught. Something good happens."

You protest. This is not the way it's happening for you. You're right. Everyone is different. You write your own script for this stage of life. But there are predictable patterns. The men and women on the pages of My Time can be your friend and guide. Their message is one of hope. The bonus decades can be a period of liberation and contentment. Losses are balanced by gains: the deepening of love, more purposeful work, greater opportunities to be creative, have fun, and help others. What's to stop you? If not now, when? Abigail Trafford

Editorial Reviews

Trafford, a former Washington Post columnist and author (Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life), turns her attention here to a stage of life she calls, "My Time." Because so many people are now living longer, healthier lives, the years from 55 to 80 represent an opportunity for growth, after career and family responsibilities have eased, that earlier generations did not have. Drawing on longevity research and a wide variety of interviews with older adults, Trafford does a credible job of examining how many men and women are taking advantage of these decades to reinvent themselves. According to the author, to move creatively into the future, one must first go through a second adolescence, a period marked by self-empowerment and dreaming about new possibilities. After this transition, Trafford maintains, an individual decides on a life purpose, such as beginning a new career, volunteering, participating in the arts or pursuing an educational goal. Since many people experience illness or changes in love relationships during this period, Trafford includes anecdotes about how those in this age group deal with these problems. An excellent section on nurturing love explores the importance of friendship and family as well as the ways romance and sexuality can bloom and deepen in these years of personal development. (Jan.) Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.

Publishers Weekly