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CHAPTER 1
JANUARY 1
"Now is the future you promised yourself last year, last month, last week. Now is the only moment you'll ever really have. Mindfulness is about waking up to this."
— Mark Williams
Traditionally, New Year's Day is a day of reckoning. It's the one day each year that's culturally set aside for considering the year before and envisioning the year ahead. Well, that and watching football ... In other words, today is supposed to be a planning day.
But what Mark Williams is saying in the quote above is that projecting the future and living mindfully today can be at odds with one another. If we spend too much time and energy making promises to ourselves about next week, next month, and next year, we're not fully living this moment.
So today, let's resolve to wake up to what's right in front of us. Let's savor each moment of football, family time, feasting, relaxation — or whatever the day brings. At least for today, let's worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
Now is the only moment I'll ever really have. I am mindful of this.
JANUARY 2
"Awareness is the greatest agent for change."
— Eckhart Tolle
When we are aware, we are paying attention to whatever we are thinking, feeling, or doing. We may also be really and truly focusing on what our five senses are bringing in. We are not just hearing, but listening. We are not just seeing, but looking.
Imagine awareness as a flashlight. In any moment, we can choose to shine the flashlight wherever we want. If we want to bring awareness to an emotion we may be having, we turn our attention to it, fully experience it, and, importantly, ask ourselves why we are feeling it.
If there is something we want to change in our lives, our flashlight of awareness is a powerful tool. By shining the flashlight on it so we can acknowledge and examine it, we are opening the door to heightened understanding and more effective ways of being.
My awareness is a powerful tool. Its light can reveal my life to me.
JANUARY 3
"You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes every day — unless you're too busy. Then you should sit for an hour."
— Old Zen adage
On the path to mindfulness, meditation is a powerful tool. It teaches you to empty your mind of its incessant thoughts and worries and instead simply exist and breathe.
If you're a beginner, just sit in a comfortable chair, close your eyes, and focus on your breath. Counting sometimes helps. Count one, two, three, etc. on your in-breath, until you're naturally "full" of air, hold for a count of one, then count your out-breath one, two, three, etc. until you're naturally depleted of air. Or you can breathe in to a short, silent phrase, such as "All is well," and breathe out to a different short phrase, such as "Everything belongs."
I'll admit: I myself am guilty of thinking I'm too busy to meditate, which probably means I really need to meditate. I'll commit to five minutes a day if you will. Maybe we can work our way up to twenty.
A few minutes of meditation each day enhances all the hours.
JANUARY 4
"I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It's amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor."
— D.H. Lawrence
It's natural to worry, but many of us worry too much. We spend hours each day mired in our "what if?" thinking. What if this happens? What if that happens? What if both things happen and then this third thing happens? Oy.
Worry is the opposite of mindfulness. If you are mindful, you are here, now. If you are worrying, you are living in a predicted, theoretical future.
One surefire antidote to worry about the future is hands-on activity today. When you feel yourself slipping into worry, engage your body. Go for a walk and place your awareness on the sights and sounds. Grab a broom and sweep. Putter in the garden. Cook. Knit. Fish. Play solitaire — with real cards!
When I feel myself slipping into worry, I will shift with purpose to a hands-on activity.
JANUARY 5
"Some moments are for Instagram, some are just for the moment itself. I've learned to really live my life and not worry so much about documenting every split second of it. The most magical, exquisite, spontaneous things happen when there is no time to grab your phone. I wish you a lifetime of moments too beautiful to capture on film."
— Taylor Swift
Social media is all about connecting and sharing ...with people who are not here. Yes, I agree it's important to keep in touch with those we love but may not have the opportunity to see often, but do we really need to share photos and random thoughts with them multiple times a day?
Our lives happen in the now, but when we constantly try to document the now, we cut our nows short. If we immerse ourselves in an experience for five seconds then spend ten seconds getting a good pic of it then another 15 seconds commenting and uploading ... we've just spent five seconds in the now and 25 seconds on documentation and sharing. Not a great ratio.
The next time you feel the urge to whip out your phone and document something, resist it. Instead, focus your awareness even more intensely on the experience itself. Notice how you feel.
Experiencing the now of my life is much more essential than documenting the now of my life. I can't do both.
JANUARY 6
"People living deeply have no fear of death."
— Anaïs Nin
What does it mean to live deeply? To me it means to authentically experience each moment as it unfolds, to reach out to others to strengthen connections, and to pursue our passions with gusto and persistence. If we are doing these three things, is it true, as author Anaïs Nin said, that we will no longer fear death?
First, living deeply allows less time for worry. We're simply too busy participating in this world to be overly concerned about what comes next. And second, fear of death often goes hand-in-hand with regret. When we regret things we've done, we sometimes fear going to our graves without having made things right. And when we regret things we haven't done but yearn to, we sometimes fear death will take us before we've had the chance. In both of these cases, living deeply as defined above largely eliminates regret.
So yes, I agree that living deeply helps tame our fear of death. If we make our lives epic and joyful adventures, we're putting death where it belongs for now — not in the trunk but in the backseat. We're not pretending it's not there; we're just not putting it behind the wheel yet.
Living deeply helps me befriend death.
JANUARY 7
"Your breathing. The beating of your heart. The expansion of your lungs. Your mere presence is all that is needed to establish your worth."
— Iyanla Vanzant
Low self-esteem can hamper mindful living. That's because deep down, some people don't feel worthy of the beauty, joy, and grace life lays at their feet every day.
Have you ever walked by a shop or restaurant and thought, "That's lovely, but it's too nice for me"? Have you ever yearned to try something then thought, "But I'm not smart/coordinated/handsome/good enough"?
I'm here to tell you that just by being born into this fantastic world, you are good enough. You do deserve whatever you are drawn to. Each day, choose to follow your desires. Be vulnerable. Take chances. You are as rightful a recipient of the fruits of life and love as anyone who has ever walked the planet.
I am deserving of everything I desire.
JANUARY 8
"Practicing mindfulness involves a willingness to be touched by life, and that requires courage. We so want to control our experience so that it's pleasant. That's habit mind. Some of us enlist mindfulness to that end. If only we can be mindful enough, difficulties won't arise. You need the courage to ride the elephant."
— Ed Halliwell
Oh boy is this an essential point! Mindfulness is not the same thing as control. It's easy to get lured into thinking that if we are mindful, we can stay on an even keel. We might believe that when bad things happen — and they will — we can simply train ourselves to focus on the miracle of the flowers in our garden or immerse ourselves in meditation and everything will be just fine.
On the contrary, I agree with Ed Halliwell that true mindfulness means having the courage to be touched by life. When someone we love dies, for example, we live in the now of our grief. We hurt, and we embrace the hurt. When a loved one has a health scare, we honor our fearful thoughts and feelings.
Being mindful means that no matter what this day brings, we will encounter it authentically and fully. We will have the courage to ride the elephant.
I have the courage to be touched by life. I want to ride the elephant.
JANUARY 9
"In a true you-and-I relationship, we are present mindfully, nonintrusively, the way we are present with things in nature. We do not tell a birch tree that it should be more like an elm. We face it with no agenda, only an appreciation that becomes participation."
— David Richo
Mindfulness in our relationships with others can be even more challenging than solo mindfulness. And yet, perhaps you agree with me that love and connection give our lives the most meaning. This means, of course, that learning to live in the now with others may be the pinnacle of our practice.
To be present mindfully to others requires both attention and non-judgment. We set aside our electronics and distractions, we look the other person in the eye, we lean in, and we actively listen. We appreciate the person's uniqueness, and we express empathy for what she is saying and feeling. We also refrain from any critical evaluations, expressed or unexpressed, of her appearance, ideas, behaviors, etc.
David Richo's suggestion that we work on being present to people as we are to trees is a good one. Whenever we are with loved ones, let's try to remember this.
I am mindfully attentive to others. I spend time in the now with them without judgment or expectation.
JANUARY 10
"There's only one reason why you're not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it's because you're thinking or focusing on what you don't have ... But right now you have everything you need to be in bliss."
— Anthony de Mello
What might prevent you from living mindfully today? For many of us, it comes down to the concept of lack. We're thinking about something we don't have (or don't have enough of). We're obsessing about something we want. We're worried we're missing out on essential news, gossip, trends, social happenings, etc.
We don't like this feeling of lack, so we spend lots of time, energy, and money scheming and strategizing to minimize it. We buy stuff. We buy more stuff. We spend hours every day consuming media.
But are we any happier because of this mindless pursuit of abundance? What if today we focus on enjoying the bounty we do have instead?
Right now I have everything I need to be in bliss. I lack nothing essential.
JANUARY 11
"Life is movement. The more life there is, the more flexibility there is. The more fluid you are, the more you are alive."
— Arnaud Desjardins
Sometimes we confuse mindfulness with stasis. We picture the ancient guru perched in the lotus position on a mountain ledge, unmoving and meditating for years on end. But while meditation and calm awareness are one face of mindfulness, another is full-tilt engagement with life.
If you're fully absorbed in a game of tag with your kids, you're living mindfully. If you're changing jobs or relocating because that's where your heart is leading you, you're living mindfully. If you're immersing yourself in foreign places or new experiences of any kind, you're living mindfully.
I agree: Life is movement. Change, though it can be challenging, is life's default setting. Learning to stay fluid and roll with the punches is mindfulness in action.
The more fluid I am, the more alive I am.
JANUARY 12
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."
— Dalai Lama
Mindfulness and kindness go together like soil and seed.
If we are fully present, living in this moment and this moment only, we are less likely to be summoning old hurts and grievances. In other words, we've left our old baggage behind us, and we're approaching each new situation with openness and equanimity. We're also working on being egoless. We have no expectations or me-me-me demands.
It is in this fertile soil that kindness blooms. We can respond with empathy, appreciation, and good humor almost no matter what happens. Those around us are bolstered by our kindness, and they are more likely to pay it forward to people in their sphere of influence.
And just like that, we've helped make the world a better place.
Mindfulness makes me kinder.
JANUARY 13
"When we perform an act mindfully — be it meditating, vacuuming, or playing Scrabble with a child — we nourish ourselves as well. Rather than scattering our concentration on a dozen things at once, we focus. We slow down. We may not get as much done by day's end, but we can feel more peaceful and satisfied with the work itself. That's a good way to think of it: Mindfulness is quality time for the soul."
— Shana Aborn
It doesn't matter what we are doing. If we are doing it mindfully, we are living in the now and we are experiencing quality time.
You've probably noticed by now that human existence is not joy after joy after joy after joy. If we gathered up all the most deliriously joyful moments of our lives — special family times, memorable days with our significant others, the births of our children — and cut out the rest, how many days would we be holding? Not that many.
Mindfulness makes all the day-to-day stuff more special. It elevates the ordinary to the extraordinary. It awakens us to the millions of miracles hiding in plain sight.
Whatever I am doing, I will do it mindfully. Mindfulness is quality time for my soul.
JANUARY 14
"When someone is going through a storm, your silent presence is more powerful than a million empty words."
— Thema Davis
Presence is rare and powerful, all right. Actually, it's a synonym for living mindfully, so this entire book is about presence and all the ways that practicing it can make life richer for you and everyone around you.
When someone you care about has experienced a significant loss or is going through a rough patch, the very best way you can help them is by simply being there. You don't have to say the right thing or even anything at all. You don't have to do anything in particular. You just have to show up, stick around, and be willing to pay attention to them and actively listen if they want to talk.
You see, we need each other, especially when we're suffering. We need love and compassion. We need the presence of those who care about us. You can be that presence for someone and in doing so, transform hurt into healing.
How can I help my friends and family? By being present to them.
JANUARY 15
"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."
— Annie Dillard
This admonition reminds us that each day is important. After all, how we choose to spend today and tomorrow and the day after that will determine how we spend our lives.
What matters most to you? Make a list with three columns: Lifelong, Ten Years, This Year. In each column, write down what really and truly matters to you — things you would really regret not having done in each timeframe.
Now pick two or three items in your "This Year" list and take a baby step toward each of them today.
How I spend my days is how I spend my life.
JANUARY 16
"When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap."
— Cynthia Heimel
Why don't we try new things? Why don't we reveal what's in our heart of hearts? Why don't we pursue our dreams? Because we're afraid. We're afraid to fail. After all, what if we're bad at whatever it is? What if people make fun of or reject us? We don't like the feeling of uncertainty. It's safer not to take the risk.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "One Mindful Day at a Time"
by .
Copyright © 2017 Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D..
Excerpted by permission of Center for Loss and Life Transition.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
