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Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781449064600 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | AuthorHouse |
| Publication date: | 05/06/2010 |
| Pages: | 264 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.75(d) |
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POTPOURRI FOR AND ABOUT WOMEN
By JoAnn Oppenheimer
AuthorHouse
Copyright © 2010 JoAnn OppenheimerAll right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4490-6458-7
Chapter One
Reflections One can rise above adversity; all one has to do is ask!
My turning point was the day I read words I had heard and read before ... words I fundamentally knew, however which had never registered with me personally.
They were "WITHOUT RISK THERE IS NO GROWTH".
Why would a woman, who was raised in a very strict, however loving, religious and traditional environment, in the east, be so impacted by those words?
Having witnessed my two older Sisters marry and bear children at young ages, I was determined not to follow the same path. When I said, "I do", it was three weeks before my 21st birthday. Back then, that was thought to be "old maid" age, which was just fine with me. However, my first mistake was agreeing to elope even though I told my husband to be, "Johnny", it had been a lifetime dream of mine to have a wedding with close friends and family members and wear a white wedding gown with a long train. It may sound silly, but that meant a lot to me - it didn't happen. (Whom should I blame?) Well, I thank God I didn't let him try the shoe to see if it fit - at least I had that! I wasn't a prude, just an ole fashioned gal. On a picnic outing with many friends and adults at age fourteen, I had fallen approximately 75 feet down a mountain cliff. I will spare you the details of all that - excepting that three major surgeries resulted leaving me doubtful of normal child bearing. For that reason Johnny had agreed, prior to marriage, that we would wait until "I was ready". I became pregnant one year and four months after marriage. That is when it all began ...
Someone, who had occasional beers with friends or relatives, began coming home late and inebriated. During my pregnancy, Johnny promised to attend a prenatal class with me held at the hospital after work. Johnny never showed. Instead, I came home to find him hovering over something I was not familiar with; he looked like a caged animal on the floor of our den, our home was reeking of fumes. Johnny was not ready for parenthood. In my naivete, I did not realize that. Johnny was not the person I thought he was either. I did not have a clue or know what to do! Still desiring to achieve the white picket fence, happy loving family environment, I did the best I could do at the time. Being employed, I took a maternity leave at seven months and refinished furniture, decorated the family heirloom cradle, and prepared for one of the most wonderful events of my life, my first-born son, Christopher. My innermost fear proved true. A doctor performed a "C" section after 36 hours of labor. We both almost died. The love of my life, God's gift, was such an unexplainable delight.
Unfortunately, Christopher's Dad continued his increase of alcohol intake, once the old wore off. Although he loved his son, he hated the attention I gave Christopher, instead of himself.
After leaving Johnny a couple of times during the first four years of Christopher's young life due to his excessive drinking. I finally conceded to having another child. We all wanted a brother or sister for Christopher. The four-year span was solely because I wasn't sure I wanted to stay with Johnny, despite all his promises and lies. Likewise, I knew the more children - the more difficult as a single mother, on them and on Mom to survive and prosper. At this time, another wonderful event in my life - my second son was born - Mitchell. Again, how do you describe the miracle of birth? Mitchell has also been God sent. How lucky we were to have two beautiful miracles and gifts of love!
With the continuation of Johnny's excessive drinking, and at the advise of my doctor, I returned to the professional world, for I was then on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Please understand, my upbringing taught me many things, one of which was, YOU DO NOT DIVORCE. No one in my family has ever divorced to this date. This had always been a major consideration in my decision-making. It was never stated "it's okay if you are married to someone who is drinking to excess, abusing drugs, cursing, and exercising mental cruelty and anguish". It was simply "YOU NEVER DIVORCE "... All the cliches "for better or worse", "the woman keeps the family together" and on and on simply do not apply under these circumstances. After all, he never laid a hand on me, my Mother-in-law was sure to point out. I allowed privy to many horrifying events only to my in-laws. I preferred to spare my family.
At eighteen years of marriage, we lost my dear mother, totally unexpectedly. I was devastated. I returned home after burying my mother on my birthday, to find my birthday card waiting in the mailbox from her; I cannot put it into earthly words how I felt My salvation was the Lord in his miraculous way let me know she was happy-radiant and joyous-she was beautifully content.
We lost my beautiful father five years later, then aunts, uncles, cousins, and a brother-in-law all so dear to us.
For twenty-five years, I "hung in there". Those years consisted of some good memories of course, however, the bad went away at my loyalty and any respect I once had for my husband, also. Have you ever widdled on a bar of soap as a child? Some of us know full well what is remaining over time. LOVE? Yes, I'll always love Johnny for he is the father of my two sons, and there will always be a place in my heart for him. Our son Mitchell, to this day, suffers for having remained with his father when I left. That was his choice. Mitchell had left home previously, however, returned and stayed with Johnny during this time, which was a period of hysteria and much more excessiveness.
What then??? Here was an alcoholic who wanted me to pay him alimony, as he had not been working for some time. Here is an alcoholic who stands to inherit a great financial estate (if his addictions don't kill him first), telling me he will ask me for alimony. I ended the career I had and undertook a new career for which I was compensated solely with commission. I undertook a renovation of a very large property we had recently acquired (based solely upon my financial standing) in hopes of coming out with something to make life a little easier in the future. During this undertaking, one of the most traumatic things happened in my life. My precious beautiful Sister died of lung cancer, at age fifty-two, in less than a month from diagnosis. Only my heavenly Father knows the heartbreak and devastation. As I write this, I succumb to tears.
All deaths of loved ones described herein occurred between 1981 and 1991. When it comes right down to it, "life is very short". Should we live it for someone else, as he or she would have us think, speak, or act? Not me. I've done that. How about You? I now say, "I am the Captain of my ship". As you know from this writing, it hasn't always been that way in my life. To be so, for me, it took perseverance, faith in God at all times, and action. Without a sense of direction, a plan, a motivation, and yes "risk", you can remain in the same position for 25 years. I am living proof of that! This story leaves a great deal out, but for those of you who have lived around an alcoholic, you can read between the lines.
The "Prayer of Serenity" brought me peace and understanding - simple and lovely thing such as watching ducks swimming in the water, water falls, beautiful landscapes and blue skies. Surrounding myself with good people - dancing - laughing - loving life and people - experiencing experiences - that's how I enjoy life now. Thank you Lord.
The Lord is my best friend, and for that I am eternally grateful He is always there to help. All you have to do is ask. God bless you and give you the faith and strength to excel above it all-JUST ASK.
Chapter Two
Death of a Salesman Life is full of surprises!
In 1962 when I married a man, with whom I had fallen in love with, there was never a question or discussion of anything other than that was who I had chosen as my "husband for life". Growing up as a farm girl in Oklahoma, there was never a discussion about sex, marriage or children. We just grew up thinking when someone came along we wanted to share our life with and make a family, we tied the knot and all was lovely. Yeah right! Little did I know that the man I married was a type "A" personality, very controlling, domineering, and "by G-d," whatever he said was law and gospel. I was raised to believe that his word was the final word. Of course, I had seen my own mother behave exactly in that manner all my life, so why question it? Much later in life, I realized that I had married a man, who I will refer to as George, exactly like my father. However, I never saw that side of him until months after we married and our first son was on the way.
Our first son was premature, though he was born quite healthy. We had a few problems and his father was nowhere to be found when I needed his emotional and moral support. His mother and grandmother were very helpful. We finally moved into a small house in gramma's neighborhood, and she was a godsend. However, at that point, she had a number of health problems, and therefore her help became limited. My husband took a job driving a delivery truck for the food industry. The hours were long, but the money was better.
I got pregnant again, when my first son was 4 months old. I became so depressed. This was not how I had imagined life was to be, but honestly, I am not sure what I expected. My husband didn't think birth control was important and besides, that wasn't 'his' problem. I had a difficult time accepting this pregnancy, and I was so afraid to tell our families. G-d knows, we were doing well to support the one child. My parents had retired and moved to a more rural small town. We had helped them move and decided we would like to move there. A friend of my father had spoken to my husband about going to work in the automobile sales business. Our second son was born 13 months after our first son. We were just surviving and my parents were a big help. After several months, my husband began coming home late after work, and I sensed the smell of alcohol. Of course, he denied it and implied I was hallucinating. I got so bad that I spoke to my doctor and he prescribed Valium to help me cope with two babies under 14 months old and a drinking husband who was no help at all. I couldn't possibly let my parents know because they absolutely would not understand. When some friends came to visit, Larry was very helpful in getting my husband to get a grip and get his life back on track. We resumed our involvement in church and my husband rededicated his life, to God and to be the kind of man I had supposedly married. Maybe there was hope; after all, we were both raised in a church that absolutely did not condone this behavior from anyone. His grandmother was one of the first Pentecostal women ministers in West Texas and had built many churches, and my father had been a deacon in the Pentecostal Church for more than 40 years. When all this business began, arriving home late, etc I was so afraid something had happened to him. I couldn't imagine any man deliberately doing this to his family.
About 10 months in Northern California was all we could stand so we moved back down south. There he had the support of his friend Larry, but Larry was diagnosed and became very ill. He wasn't around long to help. My husband refused to get work, again.
After having 3 sons in four years, I reached a very traumatic point in my life. Sitting alone at home with those beautiful children, day after day, week after week, while their father came home, if and when he pleased, and at whatever hour he chose, I worried myself sick. In his sales position, his shift would alternate daily 8-3pm or 3pm-10pm. It made no difference at what hour he got off work; he would show up at home sometimes so drunk I was embarrassed and did not dare tell either my family or his. After all, I had met him in church. I was the youth choir director and he was convinced he had a "call from G-d" to be a minister and together we would do great things. That lasted all of 14 months and his approach to Christianity was nothing I was remotely familiar with. We were living in a 'dump', with no money for anything. In 1963, he gave up the preacher idea and began his sales career in the automobile business. Our car and much of our furniture had been lost because of non-payment. In retrospect, my family knew I was in trouble and began to bring food by and drop off things to help me out, but there was never one critical word about my decision to marry this man.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from POTPOURRI FOR AND ABOUT WOMEN by JoAnn Oppenheimer Copyright © 2010 by JoAnn Oppenheimer. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Contents
One can rise above adversity; all one has to do is ask!....................1Life is full of surprises!....................7
The simplest of prayers can have the strongest of meanings ....................15
A little act of kindness can save a life....................21
Life can change in an instant....................27
Perseverance throughout a lifetime has rewards that make it worthwhile....................31
Nothing is worse than burying your child....................37
No feelings of guilt for a mate's suicide....................45
Disappointments in life can make one appreciate what one has and become stronger through losses....................51
A parent's worst nightmare....................59
Crisis can catapult a person into a higher horizon....................65
Every dark cloud, containing major losses, has a silver lining....................71
Unexpected health challenges makes one appreciative of good days and loved ones....................77
The incurable disease goes on and on... Will it end me too?....................81
There is always light at the end of every tunnel....................87
The importance is in how we live our lives, not how long....................91
When the sky turns the darkest, there positively will be sunshine sometime afterwards....................97
To have blind faith in what you're told can be life threatening; to challenge and investigate can have life saving merit!....................101
Patience is a virtue ... especially when it's a gift from G-d....................109
Through loss and tragedy, we become strong....................115
Life can be wonderful, but after "lightening" strikes, it will never be the same!....................121
Try once and try again; if it doesn't work out, try again and third time could be the charm....................129
Life goes on if you don't give up....................135
Better late than never to experience pure love....................139
Money is not everything ... but being happy is!....................147
Financial loss is not the end of the world....................151
When life problems seem overwhelming, the solutions can be near at hand....................157
If it is worth the prize, it is worth the price....................167
It takes endless experiences to know oneself!....................173
Being content with oneself makes you a hero within yourself....................177
There is life after the rug is pulled out from under your loved career....................183
The importance of our parents' positive attitudes and encouragement put children on the path to have self-confidence and inner security....................187
In retrospect, the past helps us to understand the present....................195
The sun breaks through the clouds when your best efforts are put forth....................203
Is loneliness a state of mind?....................209
How well do we know ourselves when life is so full of surprises and our destiny is in the balance?....................213
Life is themed....................221
One can prevail through a seemingly hopeless existence ....................227
The seemingly impossible can be accomplished in spite of the huge hurdles along the way....................233
Birthday surprises are the most memorable....................237
Love, affection, and acceptance are more important than materialism....................243