Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife

by Donna Henes

Overview

From one of the leading spiritual practitioners writing and working today, a landmark book that celebrates a new mythic model for the middle years of a woman's life-the Queen!

Millions of women are now entering or in the midst of midlife. With unprecedented freedom, education, longevity, and wealth, they hold positions of unheard of responsibility and stature. No longer Maidens, nor Mothers, and not yet old Crones, the question arises: Where do these dynamic, accomplished middle-aged women fit into the traditional description of the three stages of womanhood?

In The Queen of My Self, Donna Henes proposes a completely original paradigm - that of the midlife Queen, a woman in her prime who has achieved wisdom, mastery, and self-esteem - that reflects more accurately the realities and needs of women today. Henes draws on history, mythology, and literature, her own life experience, as well as stories from women in many different societies, situations and stations to provide upbeat, practical, and ceremonial inspiration for all women who want to enjoy the fruits of an influential, passionate, and powerful maturity.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780975890608
Publisher:	Monarch Press
Publication date:	11/30/2004
Pages:	224
Product dimensions:	6.70(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Donna Henes is an internationally recognized urban shaman, writer, and artist whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people in more than one hundred cities for thirty years. She is also the author of The Moon Watcher’s Companion, Celestially Auspicious Occasions™: Seasons, Cycles, and Celebrations, and Dressing Our Wounds In Warm Clothes, as well as the CD, Reverence To Her: Mythology, the Matriarchy, & Me. In addition to teaching and lecturing worldwide, Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, publishes an acclaimed quarterly journal, Always In Season: Living in Sync with the Cycles, and maintains a ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy where she works with individuals, groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.

For further information about Donna Henes’s work or to request a calendar of upcoming events, a list of publications and services, and a complimentary copy of Always In Season, contact Mama Donna at www.thequeenofmyself.com

First Chapter

Ladies In Waiting
Treading Water in Turbulent Times

The old woman I shall become will be quite different from the woman I am now. Another I is beginning, and so far I have not had to complain of her.
-George Sand, French writer 1804-1876

As I anticipated my fiftieth birthday, I naturally assumed that I should have a special ceremony to mark a full half-century of life on Earth. Such a milestone clearly deserves a spectacular commemorative event, particularly since I am, by profession, a celebrationist. I have spent the better part of my adult life designing, organizing, officiating, and writing about auspicious occasions for all of life's seasons and transitions for individuals and the general public, alike.

My first thought was that my own ritual should be a Croning Ceremony to honor the end of my tenure as a potentially fertile woman as well as my entry into the next phase of my life. Cronings are all the rage these days among women of my generation. Invitations and announcements pour in monthly from friends who choose to celebrate this major rite of passage, this scary fiftieth birthday, in a manner that honors the emotional and spiritual impact of its importance. My phone lines have been burning up with requests from midlife women who want me to guide them spiritually through this great transition from Mother to Crone.
 
But when it was my turn to mark this passage, a Croning Ceremony just didn't feel right. I was definitely not a Crone. The Crone archetype describes a woman in the third and final stage of her life who is an all-knowing, all-giving source of wisdom dispensed with steady grace. Serene in my wisdom, I was not. My body and emotions were flaming, my systems, my equilibrium, fluctuating madly. I was all over the place. Too hot. Too cold. Too tired. Too anxious. Too sad. Too irritated.

I hadn't slept eight hours in a row in eons. For months on end, my major aerobic activity had been my nightly wrestling match with my on again, off again covers. No one ever told me that a common associate of menopause is insomnia, not to mention headaches. No one ever told anyone anything. Menopause was a dirty little secret, never discussed. All I ever heard was that you stop bleeding and you go crazy. Well, no wonder. Constantly exhausted, I was overly sensitive, frazzled, scared, furious, rubbed raw by all this nerve-wracking upheaval. I was in the midst of a hugely profound change and I wasn't altogether sure of whom I would be when the process was complete. I was a masterpiece-in-progress, but hardly the weathered old wise one.

My resistance was not born of fear of aging - especially considering the alternative. As Woody Allen put it, "I don't want to be immortal through my work. I want to be immortal through not dying." I have absolutely every intention of being a very, very old woman. Actually, I look forward to my tenure as a delightfully outrageous, brazenly courageous Crone, living her golden years to the hilt. And believe me, I practice daily to achieve that romantic and ambitious end. When I grow up to be a Crone, I want to be a Grandma Moses, a Mother Teresa, a Maria Sabina, a Martha Graham, a Georgia O'Keefe, or a Delaney sister - a truly stellar elder whose visionary influence extends far into the future.

How could I, in all honesty and any modesty at all, claim the mantle of the Crone while a mere middle-ager? That would be like saying that someone in who is in their twenties is as smart and as practiced as I. What did I know of the enormity, the complexity of life compared to someone who has lived thirty, forty, fifty years longer than I? How many more births, deaths, tragedies, pleasant surprises, and simple twists of fate has an eighty-five year old woman witnessed, participated in, learned from? Certainly I hadn't been a Maiden for decades, and any day now, I would no longer be Mother material, either. I was a powerful woman coming into my prime. It seemed to me that an entire stage of life - my stage -was missing from the widely accepted mythological descriptions of the Three Ages of Womanhood.

Table of Contents

Introduction:  Finding Myself Middle Aged    
With No Role Model I Could Relate To
 
Chapter One:  Ladies in Waiting      
Treading Water in Turbulent Times

Chapter Two:  Reverence to Her      
Mythology, the Matriarchy, and Me

Chapter Three:  Enter the Queen       
Creating a Modern Mythic Model

Chapter Four: Reigning Monarch      
Casting Off Our Cocoons

Chapter Five: The Queen and I
Embracing Her Majesty
 
Chapter Six: Crowning Glory        
Celebrating Our Sovereignty

Chapter Seven: Royal Flush        
Strutting Our Stuff 
 
Chapter Eight: Empress Energy      
Extending Our Influence Out Into the World

What People are Saying About This

Olympia Dukakis

"Insightful, funny, a treasure, from one of the best 'goddess gals' around."

Christiane Northrup

"Finally, an archetype of midlife power and maturity that I can relate to - The Queen. Thank you Donna for providing this much-needed missing piece of women's wisdom."
—M.D., author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom and The Wisdom of Menopause

Vicki Noble

"This is the book we've been waiting for - blunt, witty, truthful, intelligent, and downright astonishing in its lucidity. Donna Henes bravely paves the way for women through 'the Grand Canyon of midlife change.' For those intrepid ones among us who intend to take ownership of our lives no matter what, this book is our revolutionary manifesto."
—co-creator of Motherpeace Tarot and author of Shakti Woman and The Double Goddess