Reaching Your Prodigal: What Did I Do Wrong? What Do I Do Now?
256
Reaching Your Prodigal: What Did I Do Wrong? What Do I Do Now?
256Paperback
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Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781617956751 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Worthy |
| Publication date: | 02/23/2016 |
| Pages: | 256 |
| Product dimensions: | 5.40(w) x 7.90(h) x 0.80(d) |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Reaching Your Prodigal
What Did I Do Wrong? What Do I Do Now?
By Phil Waldrep
Worthy Publishing Group
Copyright © 2016 Phil WaldrepAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-61795-675-1
CHAPTER 1
UNDERSTANDING YOUR PAIN
IT IS THE EYES that give me the first clue.
When I see their faces, I immediately know: this man or woman is grieving.
They are not grieving because someone died. Ask them, though, and they will tell you the pain is just as real.
They have a prodigal in their family. It might be a son or daughter who walked away from his or her faith in God, or a grandchild who is choosing to avoid the church. It could be a sibling who is isolating herself from the influence of her family. For others, it is a mom or dad — once faithful in their Christian commitment — who now has no interest in spiritual matters.
The pain these men and women feel is intense. In some cases, it is paralyzing them emotionally.
I received a letter a few years ago that turned my attention to exploring answers to the questions these family members were asking.
The words of this letter echo the pain that I often hear.
Dear Phil,
I am writing you this letter this morning because my heart is very heavy. I've been carrying a burden for a long time, and I don't know where to turn for help. I've wanted to talk to people in my church about it, but if I do, I'm afraid it will become the subject of gossip. I'm not sure I can stand that, so I'm sharing my heart with you, hoping you can give me some advice. You spoke in our church a few months ago, and we enjoyed listening to you very much. After church, you came to our house for lunch. You saw a photograph of my husband and me with our five grown sons, and you asked about them. For the next few minutes, I told you about them — well, about four of them, anyway. The three oldest live with their wives and children in Birmingham, where they were born and grew up before my husband was transferred. They are all fine young men, very much involved in their churches. Our youngest son married a pretty girl, a Methodist, and they now attend a Methodist church in Jackson. (I tease him that now he's a missionary to the Methodists.)
But Phil, I didn't tell you anything about our fourth son, Morris. Either you didn't notice, or you were gracious enough not to ask. Like the other boys, he grew up in church. Every time the doors were open, we were there. He heard the message of Christ loudly, clearly, and often. Morris was a loveable boy, and he sang in the choir. He volunteered to speak at every year's Youth Sunday. In fact, when the boys were young, I told my friends that he would be the one who would become a preacher or a missionary. He had such a sweet spirit.
After Morris graduated from high school, he went to college. For the first couple of years, he remained faithful to God, but then, something happened. I'm not sure what it was, but something turned his heart cold. When he came home on some weekends, we noticed that he didn't sing the hymns, and he backed away from my friends he had hugged only a few months before. I thought this was just one of those "phases" we hear about.
A few weeks later, a friend called us. His daughter went to the same university, and she had told her parents that Morris had been drinking and partying a lot. We were shocked, but when we tried to talk to him about it, he shook his head. He didn't want to talk about his drinking. Instead, he dropped a bomb on us. He told us that he was getting married — in two weeks. You guessed it. She was pregnant.
Morris quit college just before his senior year. His wife had the baby, and they seemed to be doing well, considering the circumstances. After about two years, though, he told his wife he didn't love her anymore, and he moved out. We found out later that he was having an affair with a woman he worked with.
He moved to get farther away from us and from his wife and child. We see him about every three months, and we talk to him on the phone almost every week, but he has made it clear that he doesn't want to talk to us about the Lord, church, or his decisions that have caused us and him so much pain. We recently learned that he is living with a woman, and they aren't married.
Phil, I'm struggling. How can a child grow up hearing the message of the gospel, have four brothers who love God and parents who would die for him, and end up so far away from God? Isn't there a verse in the Bible that says if we had raised him right he'd be serving the Lord today? I'm sure I've heard people quote that verse many times over the years, and it cuts my heart like a knife. What I really want to know is, what did I do wrong, and what can we do now to help our son return to God? Even if you don't have any advice, would you please pray for us?
Thank you for reading my letter and sharing our pain.
Sincerely yours, Dorothy
Is it possible this could be your letter with some minor changes? For you, it might be daughters instead of sons or two children instead of five. Maybe the problem with your prodigal is drugs or a prison sentence instead of an unwanted pregnancy. The one trait you have in common with Dorothy is you love someone who decided to walk away from God. Now that person's choice is causing you pain.
You, no doubt, are asking the same questions this dear lady asked in her letter:
How can it happen to me?
What did I do wrong?
And what can I do now to bring the prodigal I love back into a right relationship with God?
After reading the letter, I determined I was going to find answers to these questions. I did what every researcher would do. I looked for books to find principles to share with hurting parents. I searched for sermons that explained biblical reasons for the prodigal's behavior. I scanned magazines, all in hopes of finding insights to share with family members seeking answers.
To my surprise, I found only a few books and a handful of magazine articles about the subject. Unfortunately, most of these discussed the sociological and psychological effects of deviant behavior without addressing the root causes. Some told the story of a prodigal, either from the child's viewpoint or the parents. But, it seemed, no one wanted to address the most important questions: Why? and What now?
I kept Dorothy's letter in my computer bag for weeks. Several times I tried to respond, but answers to her questions eluded me. Over time, her concern became a burden. In fact, it became an obsession. I had to know why someone reared in a godly family would decide to ignore their spiritual heritage and begin making poor decisions. Most importantly, I had to know what parents had to do to get their wayward child back.
I searched the Word of God looking for answers. I examined every verse written about rebellion. Every biblical personality noted as running from God was the subject of my personal study. Although I understood the verses and the stories, the answers remained unclear.
My initial response was to back away. Having entered the ministry at an early age, I couldn't relate on a firsthand basis with the thinking of a "classical" prodigal. Granted, I have not lived a perfect life, but the logic of going against the moral principles of Scripture for a long time did not resonate with me. I could not write from experience. For me, there was no way to find the answers I wanted by exploring the thoughts and feelings of a prodigal.
Until, that is, I finished speaking to a group of older adults one night in a small town in Missouri. My assignment was to have a lighthearted time of encouragement by getting the attendees to laugh at some of the problems of aging. For nearly forty-five minutes laughter filled the room.
When we concluded, an elderly lady stood near the door. As I was getting ready to leave, she approached me and asked if she could speak to me privately. We stepped away from the crowd. She shared that the Lord impressed her to ask me to pray for her daughter. She briefly told me the painful story of her daughter's destructive behavior.
Then she repeated almost verbatim the questions in Dorothy's letter. "Phil," she said as tears filled her eyes, "what did I do wrong with my daughter? And please tell me, what can I do to get her to stop destroying her life and start serving the Lord again?"
I could not answer her questions. All I could do was assure her of my continued prayers for her and her daughter.
As I drove back to the hotel where I was staying, those questions became louder in my mind. Although I was alone in the car, it felt like passengers were in every seat screaming, "What did I do wrong?" and "What can I do to change this situation?"
I remember walking into the hotel room, tossing my jacket across the chair, and falling across the bed. For the next few minutes I cried out to God. "Please, Lord," I prayed, "give me insight to help these hurting people, or remove this burden from my heart. I cannot continue hearing their pain and not being able to help."
I went to bed a brief time later and, being tired from a long day, I fell asleep.
Around two in the morning my eyes opened, and suddenly I had an idea. I leaped from the bed, grabbed a pen and paper, and began writing. No, I was not writing ideas or thoughts. I started writing names. I listed the names of every person I knew well who was a prodigal or had been a prodigal in recent years.
When I completed writing all the names on the list, there were thirty people representing every type of prodigal you could imagine. Some were good, moral people who no longer had an interest in attending church. Others battled addictions and various problems. One was incarcerated for committing a serious felony.
When I returned home from my trip, I contacted every person on my list. I asked if they would be willing to meet with me. All agreed. Over the next few months I interviewed these thirty prodigals and listened to their stories. I offered no comments. I only asked questions.
As I reviewed their responses and recalled the scriptures I studied, everything came into focus. There, before my eyes, were the principles for getting a prodigal back to God.
Our heavenly Father feels the pain you are experiencing. Your prodigal is breaking His heart too. When you weep, He feels the warmth of your tears. When you cry out that you cannot take it anymore, He hears your voice. Believe me — He wants the one you love back in a right relationship with Him more than you do.
To help us understand what is happening around us and why, Jesus told a story in the fifteenth chapter of the gospel of Luke about a son who went his own way.
Although the Bible does not use the word prodigal to describe the young man, most people refer to it as the story of the prodigal son. Prodigal originates from a Latin word meaning "wasteful." Today we use the term to refer to anyone who wastes his money, his time, or his life.
Jesus always had a reason for telling a story. The day He told about this rebellious son was no different. In fact, it was the third of three stories Jesus told in one setting.
The first story was about a shepherd who rejoiced when he found a lost sheep. The second one was about a woman who was happy when she found a lost coin. Against this backdrop of two people losing and finding something precious, Jesus told the third story. It was about a son who walked away from his father's love and acceptance.
All three stories were a word picture of how God values us. Our refusal to love and honor Him breaks His heart. His love and persistent concern for us demonstrates how much He longs for prodigals to return to Him.
It is common to focus on the son when you read this story. As you read it again, I want you to focus on the words and actions of the father, not the son. When you do, you will understand why I refer to it as The Story of a Wonderful Father rather than The Story of the Prodigal Son.
Luke recorded the words of Jesus as the story begins: "A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.' And he divided to them his livelihood" (Luke 15:11–12).
From all accounts, the father was a wealthy man. It was the Jewish custom of this era for the oldest heir to receive two-thirds of an estate upon the death of his father. The other heirs divided the remainder. Since there were only two sons, the youngest son would receive one-third.
Instead of waiting for his father to die, the youngest son requested his father give him his inheritance in advance. The son made the decision to leave and take his part of the estate with him.
The father had every right to deny his request. It might mean his son physically stayed home but his heart would not be there. The father allowed his adult son to make his own decisions. The father did not agree or approve of his actions, but he granted his request.
Whatever he got from his father, he sold.
The story continues. "And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living" (v. 13).
In the mind of prodigals, the best place to be is away from any moral authority they dislike. "A far country" was a literal place to this young man. It separated him physically from his father. Regardless of where prodigals are physically, emotional and spiritual separation creates a false feeling of happiness.
The prodigal soon discovered all decisions, good or bad, have consequences.
"But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything" (vv. 14–16).
Every prodigal reaches a point when his fun turns to a famine. Wrong decisions lead to emotional bankruptcy. God, in His wisdom, designed the consequences of sin to make us desperate. Prodigals often try to fill the void with whatever they can find. Sometimes it is stronger drugs, another relationship, or moving farther away. With time, they start living in a pigpen alone. No one around them cares if they live or die.
Back at home, the prodigal's father continued to grieve. It is possible word reached him that his son was feeding pigs. For a Jewish man, having a son associated with pigs was the worst shame a parent could experience. Culturally, it was worse than any addiction, criminal behavior, or sexual immorality.
The father probably considered all his options. Would it help if he sent money? What if a servant took the boy some food? True, it would get his son out of the pigpen. The family's shame might end, but he would remain a prodigal. The son would not be home.
No one knows how long the son was gone. As the years probably passed, the father evaluated every past activity. Did he do the right thing by giving him his inheritance? What if he'd talked more when the boy was a teenager or scrutinized his friends closer? Would things be different now?
Guilt probably plagued the father.
Time passed. Finally the prodigal reached a point where his desperation turned to brokenness.
"And when he came to himself, he said, 'How many of my father's hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants"'" (vv. 17–19).
The wise father knew brokenness was the only remedy to the pride of his son. Only brokenness would make the son think of home. Fortunately, the father made sure no barriers existed to prevent his son from returning.
The greatest struggle for any parent of a prodigal is waiting for brokenness to come. Though you may try, you cannot rush the process. Nagging a prodigal to read a book or begging him to go to church will not speed brokenness. In fact, it can drive him further away.
Brokenness brings prodigals to the end of their rope. Prodigals tend to stay in the "far country" as long as they have some rope left. When parents provide more rope, they postpone the beginning of brokenness. Trying to remove the rope they have, however, will erect a barrier if loved ones are not careful.
Brokenness prompts a desire in our hearts to be restored. This prodigal's first thought of restoration was family, and in this case his father came to mind.
The hardest moment for prodigals is when they admit their error. Like their decisions of the past, they cannot predict or control what will happen.
What would his father say? How would the family react?
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Reaching Your Prodigal by Phil Waldrep. Copyright © 2016 Phil Waldrep. Excerpted by permission of Worthy Publishing Group.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Foreword Dr. David Jeremiah xi
1 Understanding Your Pain 1
2 Seeing Your Prodigal 17
3 Responding to Your Prodigal 35
4 Principle 1: Getting Over the Guilt 43
5 Principle 2: Removing the Barriers 63
6 Principle 3: Extending Unconditional Love 95
7 Principle 4: Allowing the Pain of Wrong Decisions 121
8 Principle 5: Watching Your Words 151
9 Principle 6: Praying the Hard Prayers 171
10 Hoping for the End of the Journey 187
Questions for Personal or Small Group Study 205
Acknowledgments 231
What People are Saying About This
Reaching Your Prodigal is an honest but tender book filled with wisdom. --Candace Cameron Bure, Actress, Author, Cohost of The View
. . . Understanding, encouragement, and real solutions for parents who want to do the right thing but are not quite sure exactly what that might be. This book is a must! --Andy Andrews, New York Times Best-Selling Author of The Traveler's Gift and The Noticer
An insightful, practical guide for grandparents and parents everywhere. Hopeful and encouraging, this book provides the answers you've been looking for. --Margaret Feinberg, Author of Fight Back With Joy, Wonderstruck, and Live Loved: An Adult Coloring Book