Ready or Knot?: 12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have before Marriage

Ready or Knot?: 12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have before Marriage


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The wedding day is just one day in the life of a couple. But God's design is for marriage to last a lifetime. So how can someone know that the person they're with is the one they can truly build a life with—especially when so few marriages around them work?

Pastor Scott Kedersha has worked with more than 5,000 premarital couples to prepare them for the biggest decision of their lives. In Ready or Knot? he offers practical and Christ-centered guidance for couples for all of the days after the wedding day. Through authentic stories from real couples about the decisions they made (or wish they'd made), Scott asks the hard questions so his readers can break free from the watered-down Hollywood version of marriage and build their lives together on the right foundation—the unchanging Word of God.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780801077937
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Publication date: 02/05/2019
Pages: 240
Sales rank: 230,317
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x (d)

About the Author

Scott Kedersha is the director of marriage ministry at Watermark Community Church, where he has served on the marriage team for more than 12 years. Through this ministry, he has helped more than 5,000 couples answer the question, "Ready or Knot?" He lives in the Dallas area with his wife and four sons. Learn more at

Table of Contents

Foreword Gary Thomas 11

The Best $20 You Will Spend on Your Relationship 15

1 What Is the Point of Marriage Anyway? 23

Why "You Complete Me" Is a Big, Fat Lie

2 Are We Looking to Win or Seeking to Understand? 37

The Most Important Skill You Need in Your Relationship

3 How Much Does Our Faith Really Matter? 55

Budding Your Marriage on the Right Foundation

4 What If You Say Tomato and I Say Tomahto? 71

Learning to Live with Each Other in an Understanding Way

5 Will We Clip Coupons or Max Out Credit Cards? 85

A Biblical View of Money and Financial Stewardship

6 Who's in Charge, and What Are Oar Biblical Roles? 99

The Part of Marriage TV Shows Never Get Right

7 How Can We Pursue Emotional Intimacy? 113

How to Be Completely Naked while Fully Clothed

8 What Do We Need to Know about Sex? 129

Finding Fulfillment between the Sheets

9 Do I Have to Visit Your Parents? 147

How to Thrive in Your Relationships with Family and In-Laws

10 Are We Roomies for Life or Best Friends? 161

Doing Life with Your Constant Companion

11 None of Their Business or Better Together? 177

Pursuing Community as a Couple

12 What about the Kids ? 193

Figuring Out the Future of Your Family

How Do We Break Up, Stop Having Sex, and Eight Other Frequently Asked Questions 207

Final Word: Till Death Do Us Part 219

Acknowledgments 223

Notes 227

About the Author 233

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Ready or Knot?: 12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have before Marriage 5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 31 reviews.
RevMHamilton More than 1 year ago
This is a great book to read for any couple that is planning on getting married. It is also a great resource for any pastors or professionals that work with couples in premarital counseling. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading through this book, which I received an advance copy from the publisher for my honest review. I believe it is great to read through for couples who are married as it reminds of a lot of good conversations that you can still have! One of my favorite chapters talks about the need for at least one if not more couple hobbies: things that both of you are enjoy doing together. I also have enjoyed the author's discussion on the faith background for marriage. I really appreciate the two sets of questions at the end of each chapter that bring the conversation to each individual and then to the couple. I also love that each chapter closes with prayer relating to the topic of conversation. This is a must read/must have on everyone's shelf that is looking to get married or working with couples preparing to get married!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
If you are looking to get that perfect couple the perfect wedding gift, look no further! Scott Kedersha does an amazing job of revealing twelve important conversations that couples should have before the "tie the knot". Not only is this a great book for couples who are pursuing marriage, but it is also a must read for couples who are already married. This book gives real-life examples of couples who have walked through challenges and helps you understand what God's purpose is for marriage. Whether it is discussing faith, finances or family, Kedersha is not afraid to address the topics that often cause the most disagreements and provides questions to ask yourself and your significant other to see if you are "ready or knot".
ClaressaB More than 1 year ago
I was blessed to be given an advance copy of this book from the publisher and it’s just a terrific, easy to read, thought provoking guide to marriage. There are great questions for couples to walk through as well as real life stories which help make each topic in this book more relatable. The author is even honest enough to tell you if there are “red” or “yellow” flags in your relationship which should cause you to stop or pause heading into marriage. While it’s designed for seriously dating or engaged couples to walk through, as a married person it has also been a great reminder of the important things in marriage. Thank you Scott Kedersha for sharing your wisdom in this book!!
CustisCross More than 1 year ago
I was given an advance copy of this book and had a chance to read it. Even though I've been married for 18 yrs this book revealed areas in my marriage that needed improvement. I so wish I had this book 20 years ago when we were dating. GET THIS BOOK!! Excellent for those seriously dating, engaged, just married and beyond. Thanks Scott Kersersha for writing such an awesome book. Great real life stories, amazing questions at the end of each chapter to reflect and ask each other, and thoughtful ways of strengthening the knot we are tying together. MUST BUY!!
JulieW07 More than 1 year ago
My husband and I work with seriously dating, engaged and newly married couples and this book is perfect to get couples talking about 12 common topics. Each chapter has wonderful “Am I Ready?” personal questions and marriage questions to help the engaged couple “strengthen their knot.” Kedersha is a talented author that ties in scripture, humor, authentic and personal stories, and uses everyday examples from couples that have worked through different situations. I’m so glad to have read this book after receiving an advanced copy from the publisher and look forward to leading engaged couples through this applicable book in the future.
ask_ More than 1 year ago
This is a great book to gift to your adult children who are walking towards marriage. As a parent, I was on the lookout for a book like this. I received a free advanced copy from Baker Publishing Group. I found that the book is both biblical and practical. I feel the readers will get a lot out of the real life examples presented. These examples illustrate the importance of the conversation that each chapter highlights. When my husband and I got engaged, we were given a literal STACK of books to read. This one book covers it all. The author has given parents and couples a great resource in this book.
summer_no9 More than 1 year ago
This book had very unique writing and compelling to read with also base on the relationship before or after married that can be used for guide line and teach them of how to tie the relationship with the knot of conflict resolution, communication, finances, friendship, extended family dynamics, sexual intimacy, and spiritual intimacy. I highly recommend to everyone must to read this book. “ I receive complimentary a copy of this book from Baker Book Blogger for this review”.
MereNunley More than 1 year ago
Ready Or Knot is a wonderful, encouraging book that will truly help any couple set their marriage up well! I wish I had this book when I was engaged and dating my now husband. Even now, after 5 years of marriage, I learned (or was reminded of) so many biblical truths as well as practical ways I could build into my marriage. Throughout the book, the author helped me to reflect on how my husband and I are currently doing, look at what Scripture has to say, AND point to practical ideas of what to do now. Not many books are interactive, biblical, and practical, but this one knocks it out of the park in all three arenas! If you are seriously dating or engaged, read this book. If you are a parent to someone seriously dating or engaged, read this book. If you are newly married or married 50 years, read this book! I received an advanced copy of this book so that I could give my honest review.
Heather480 More than 1 year ago
If you know a seriously dating, engaged or newly married couple you have to get them this book! Even after 24 years married I was finding things in this book that I wanted to be sure I was doing or keeping in mind. I love the questions to ask each other and the red and yellow flag warnings for dating couples. So much great information!
Caleb Hall More than 1 year ago
Scott Kedersha wrote this book because he noticed a lack of pre-marriage books that were Biblical, practical, and authentic. Ready or Knot fills that void. He hit the nail on the head and wrote a book that is all three- Biblical, practical, and authentic- making it the perfect book to help guide a couple through the pre-marriage stage.
OneFleshMarriage More than 1 year ago
We are passionate about couples having good, practical, biblical premarital counseling, for many reasons, one of them being that we did not! Scott's Kedersha's new book brings crucial conversations to light, that every couple should have before their wedding. Seriously dating couples, engaged couples, pastors, marriage ministry leaders and volunteers-this book is for you!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
A Must Read for Couples! I received an advanced copy of this book from the publisher, and I am happy to say it exceeded my expectations (which were really high to begin with). Whether you are seriously dating, engaged or newly married, these are definitely the 12 conversations you should have with your significant other in order to set a firm foundation. Author Scott Kedersha's years of pastoring young couples has given him a great deal of knowledge through experience and he always bases his advice on biblical wisdom and not just on his own opinion. The stories he shares are authentic and relatable and his writing style is very entertaining. This is definitely a book I will be giving to friends and family members who are in in this stage of life.
RHaynes More than 1 year ago
This book is amazing! Highly recommend it for anyone seriously dating or engaged! Scott Kedersha has shared years of wisdom gained from his time in marriage ministry that will help you work through conversations that every couple should have before going to the alter. It will save you from much heartache if you fully prepare for marriage together in advance. Go get it NOW! Today is the official release date! You won't regret it and it may save your marriage.
Amurt More than 1 year ago
Do you know someone getting married? Do you know someone that wants to get married? THIS IS FOR THEM! This book does an incredible job relating to those in this stage of life but not feeling overwhelming. The discussion questions are worth it all. Practical tips, real-life stories, and biblical content that helps guide your relationship to the next level. Scott's humor and tone allows the reader to feel like you're having a conversation rather than being told what to do and how to do it. HIGHLY RECOMMEND!
Lauras412 More than 1 year ago
What an excellent read! I just finished reading my copy and have been so encouraged and challenged by it! I may already be married, but because of this I see the important truths this book offers and how crucial it is for couples to understand these potential challenges and joys prior to marriage. Communication, beliefs, finances are all such important things to discuss before marriage and the author hits all three as well as so many more. I love all the practical applications throughout the book that help you to navigate these issues in your own relationship. I also enjoy reading personal stories in ever chapter of couples who have faced these challenges themselves. This is a must read for anyone who is considering marriage! Great resource to start heading any couple towards a healthy, fun, and God-honoring marriage! Thanks to Baker Books for sending me a free copy in advance!
MistyKeith0822 More than 1 year ago
Ready or Knot is a book worth reading! It is a newly released book that is all about having the right conversations for building the right marriage foundation, something that each seriously dating or engaged couple should aspire to obtain. I received an advance copy of the book from the publisher in order to be able to give an honest review. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the book is also a great read for married couples as well. After reading the book I realized that the book teaches couples how to create healthy communication and grow in oneness as a married couple. The book ends with a final word section that helps readers to build a strong and right marriage foundation. I am forever grateful for reading Ready or Knot and look forward to accessing and reviewing it from time-to-time in order to work on and build my marriage stronger.
dwells1016 More than 1 year ago
This book is both inspirational and practical. It challenges you to a higher view of marriage, while providing the steps to take in order to achieve the best marriage possible. I wish there would’ve been a book like this when I was engaged or newly married. I love the relatable stories of real couples that have been through each topic discussed. This makes the reader feel like they are not alone in any struggle they may face as a couple. The questions at the end of each chapter provide an excellent way for couples to have healthy, deep and much needed conversations as seriously dating or engaged couples. I believe any couple that takes the time to read this book will be stronger entering marriage and have a firm foundation for a great relationship.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I could not recommend this book enough! I have already bought it for all my seriously dating/engaged friends. I’m a newly married woman and I so wish I would’ve had it while we were dating!! I definitely wondered to myself in my first month of marriage, why I wasn’t in “Wedded Bliss”. Turns out I was very self-focused. This book has taught me to draw the circle around myself and fix everything inside. The author, Scott Kedersha, uses the Bible to explain so many questions I had about the roles of husband and wife, sex, and what spiritual intimacy is. This book was an excellent reminder for us WHY we are married and what kind of struggles we may still see in our future and how to combat them using scripture. I especially love the interactive questions you can go over with your significant other while reading the book. #DateNight My husband and I hope to encourage many pre-married couples to read and learn from Scott Kedersha's book. It was a GREAT refresher for us in our continued marital growth. I believe our marriage has never been better. My husband and I are best friends and go out of our way to serve each other...something we have not always done or known how to do well. Go buy this book, it will be the best $$ you will ever spend!
BWang More than 1 year ago
There is so much truth being shared in Marriage Books today. Still, there is one area I have noticed that has been lacking in the marriage book category, helping couples process before they tie the knot. That is why this book is such an important addition for couples pursuing engagement or pursuing their wedding day...and have they truly processed if they are ready or knot! Scott Kedersha takes couples through this process with 12 conversations that every couple needs to have before they get so focused on the color scheme and location of their wedding. Marriage is such a joy, but for many it can also be one of the loneliest and dissatisfying relationships they could have never imagined. That's why this book is such a game-changer, because it allows couples to have essential conversations and whether or not they should pursue to walk down the aisle. I see Ready or Knot going on the offensive and giving couples a great opportunity to process through whether they are ready for the next step and ready for to death to us part. I know this book is going to be a beautiful ministry to so many as couples will look back through the hard processing and be so thankful they had these conversations before they pursued engagement or said 'I do'. I'm also excited to hear the stories of couples that walked away from these conversations knowing that they need not to pursue marriage. Though that would be hard, it is much easier than an empty marriage or divorce! If your already married, know that you can glean so much wisdom for your marriage even though the conversations are directed to those that aren't married yet
Indianalady More than 1 year ago
I was given this book by the publisher Baker Books before it launched! As you can see from the review it is highly recommended! There are A LOT of books out there written for those in a serious relationship and those that are engaged! I have read many books on being engaged and after your married and I so wished my husband and I had this book 36+ years ago! I love how each chapter has a conversation with a couple...hence "12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have before Marriage" ! As you read through each chapter not only is there a conversation but scripture is weaved in and out and as each chapter closes there are 2 sections one is "Am I Ready" the other is "Strengthening Our Knot" and then closing in prayer! Even after my husband and I being married 35+ years it helped me...he is reading it now but it is like a renewing of our marriage! I have already given 2 copies away and it will be the engagement or wedding gift that I give often! Read this book it will bless you no matter where you are in your dating or marriage stage!
OchoaAdventures More than 1 year ago
“The heart cannot love what the mind does not know” – Jen Wilkin I had the privilege of receiving an advance copy from the publisher, and I am beyond grateful. This book serves as an authentic resource to navigate engagement & marriage. I appreciated how the author brought in real life testimonies and blended them in with every chapter to help convey the importance of each conversation. These conversations are a BIG DEAL, and no one else is going to have them for you. This book serves as an amazing opportunity to build your marriage on a rock solid foundation. If you put in the time and hard work, you will finish this book better off and fully known with your significant other. It’s an easy read and the chapters are incredibly insightful and full of solid truth to help your marriage or engagement flourish. It’s been a blessing to read and would encourage you to check it out too!
AggieCal More than 1 year ago
When it comes to marriage lots of people think preparing before hand isn’t important. So wrong! My wife and I know the value that pre-marriage education can be to marriage. Since it gave us such a good foundation we have sought to help other couples out too. We have guided many couples through preparations prior to their wedding for a successful marriage. We are always on the lookout for great resources to provide to these couples. This book right here is one of the best I’ve found. We will not only recommend it but most likely will give a copy to every couple we mentor. It does a great job balancing easy to read language, great examples from real couples, biblical truth, practical lessons, and reflection questions. The questions are great to start conversation on topics that are not usually addressed without some prompting. I really enjoyed every bit of this book. My wife and I just entered into parenthood with our firstborn after 10 years of marriage. The parenting chapter at the end was especially helpful as we begin to discuss exactly how we want to raise our daughter and what we want her to value. In that chapter Betty from the example couple stated that they “would value character development and spiritual progress more than home runs, baskets and grades.” I loved reading that and knowing that my wife and I want to do exactly that.
ChrisLandry More than 1 year ago
Let me tell you, Scott Kedersha’s book (Ready or Knot?) is about preparing for marriage in light of God’s design. Not just another premarital book. I found it to be an easy step by step guide to really vital conversations to know whether you can/should be moving forward, slowing down, or stopping altogether. Don’t be afraid of that though. Marriage IS a big deal. Prepare for it!! My favorite aspects are three characteristics about his advice that jump off the pages: Biblical, Authentic, and Practical. It’ll be worth the ~$20 to prepare for your lifelong commitment. PS: It is a GREAT resource to do with a premarital mentor couple. Thanks for this resource, I love the book!
Kalyn Gereg More than 1 year ago
I received an advanced full version of the book from the publisher for the purpose of giving an honest review. After struggling in the beginning of our marriage and heading on a fast track to divorce, my husband and I discovered only God’s truth could change our selfish hearts and give us wisdom on how to have a healthy marriage. This book is filled with that type of wisdom: truth from God’s word. After reading it, I felt even more equipped and encouraged to seek Him and could tell the author’s advice was going to positively influence every aspect of my marriage, even after being married for 10 years. I absolutely recommend this book to any couple in any stage - dating, engaged or married. The principles in this book are going to “strengthen your knot” and draw you closer to one another and Christ - they sure did for me!
RedFlag More than 1 year ago
This book is a great resource to anyone in a serious dating relationship and/or considering marriage. The author, Scott Kedersha, truly has a heart for marriage and for couples to experience the joys of marriage. The 12 Conversations that Every Couple Needs to have before Marriage will help you to navigate through some of the stumbling blocks that can catch newly marrieds off guard. Do yourself (and significant other) a favor and GET THIS BOOK!! I was a walking "Red Flag" before my wife and I got married, but the one thing that I think we got right was to invest in marriage training like Scott teaches in this book which helped us decide if we were Ready of Knot?