Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER ONE
He often wondered if we were all characters in one of
God's dreams.
The first thing he discerned when he regained consciousness
was a woman in white. This angel was calling
him by his first name, Tom, although they had never
been introduced.
'Are you a nun?' he said.
'No, I'm Jasmine. I'm a nurse. Come on, Tom, I've
got to wake you up. I've got to put this other pillow
under your head. And lift the top part of your bed.
Like this ...' She manipulated with her foot a lever of
the hospital bed so that he was slightly raised. 'Otherwise,'
she said, 'you might feel groggy.' She stuck a
thermometer in his mouth before he had time to speak,
and took his wrist in her hand, looking at her watch.
He saw by her watch that it was twenty past twelve.
The sun was visible behind the curtains, so it must have
been daytime.
He dozed off while she was still counting his pulse. When
he woke half an hour later as it seemed, it was dark, it was
ten-forty at night as he learned from the new nurse, the
night nurse, name of Edna so she told him. So does our
trade direct our perceptions and our dreams he thought:
Tom was a film director. Cut into the scene of the morning
with the scene of the evening. The same nurse, but was it
the same? Anyway it was Edna and the same scene.
'Where's the doctor?' Tom said.
'He looked in this afternoon. Were you awake?'
'Perhaps.' Tom wasn't sure. He thought he might
remember a doctor's face looming over him.
Edna let his bed down by manipulating the lever. There
was a drip inserted in his foot that he had been aware of
since he woke but hadn't been able to remark on. Edna
was nearly black of skin. 'Where do you come from,
Edna?' 'Ghana,' she said, or was he mixing her up with
someone else? When he woke it was the daylight of early
morning.
Enter a lady in white, this time with a head-veil. 'You are
one of the nuns?' She was. She was Sister Felicitas come
to take a sample of his blood.
'They took my blood already,' he said.
'That was your urine.'
'What are you going to do with my blood?'
'Drink it,' she said.
'What time is it?'
'Seven.'
'How can you be so larky so early in the morning?'
'It's late. We rise at five.'
'Was that you singing? I heard singing.'
'That was us in the chapel.'
She was gone in a whisk of white. In came his breakfast
tray, supporting it seemed, dusky Edna.
'Do you call this breakfast?'
'First you get liquid, then soft, then solid.'
She poured out some milky tea. He opened his eyes.
The tray had disappeared.
He was now thinking of the plans he had made, the vow
he had taken, before his operation. He intended to keep it.
'Good morning.'
Two women came in with a mop and pail. One dusted
while the other slopped the floor of that room in the
international hospital. Now two nurses came to make his
bed. They got him up. They helped him through to the
bathroom. They shaved him with expert hands. Oh go on
shaving, it's nice. But then they unplugged the razor.
Someone had put an enormous bunch of flowers on the far
table, a mixture of roses, lilies and asters, most remarkable
and expensive.
The surgeon: You're going to be all right.
What did he mean, I'm going to be all right? So earnest. I
never thought I wasn't.
Beside his bed a table on wheels, moveable to any
convenient angle. On the table was a telephone. Good, I
will wait till I feel a bit stronger, after the liquids and the
soft.
'When will I be on solids, Edna?'
'I'm not Edna, I'm Greta. You have solids tomorrow.'
'Greta, where do you come from?'
'Hamburg.'
He felt like a casting director. Greta is absolutely built for
the part. But which part?
The telephone rang.
The difficulty of his turning to lift the receiver was solved
by Greta who wheeled the table to an angle where the
phone was close to hand.
'Yes?' His voice croaked.
'Is that you, Tom? Tom, is that you?'
'I suppose so. I'll be on solids tomorrow.' He was
actually wider awake than he wanted anyone to know.
'I suppose I can come and visit this afternoon?'
'No, tomorrow.'
Claire, Tom's wife, arrived in the afternoon. He hadn't
yet told her the plans he had made. She would be intrigued
by them but not anxious. That was one advantage of having
a very rich wife. You could make plans without her
worrying immediately how it was going to affect her budget.
Tom once had a wife who referred back every action,
every thought of his, to her budget. She was much happier
divorced with a well-paid job of her own.
He had a belly-ache. Came Sister Benedict with her
injection.
'Tom! ... Tom! ...'
Claire was by his bed, smiling, holding his hand. 'You're
going to be all right,' she said.
Nobody had said he wasn't.
He said, 'I want to see Fortescue-Brown.' That was his
lawyer, full of fuss and business, never letting you get a
word in. I only keep him, thought Tom, because I am too
genuinely busy to change.
'Fortescue-Brown!' said Claire.
'Yes, Fortescue-Brown,' he said.
'At a moment like this you want to see
Fortescue-Brown?'
'That's right,' he said.
She pulled up a chair and sat close to his bed, pushing
the wheeled table out of the way. When he looked again
only the chair was there and a nurse was coming in with a
tray of filthy supper.
'What is your name?'
'Ruth.'
'Well, Ruth, I can't eat that white soup.'
'What would you like to eat? I'll ask for something else.'
'I am straining every muscle in my imagination to think of
something else. Forget it.'
'You have to keep your strength up,' said Ruth. She had
a tiny waist and an enormous backside. He couldn't keep
his eyes off it. She was about thirty with straw-coloured
hair drawn back, and a pale face. She would have cast well
as a German spy in those old days of yore. She
disappeared and to his amazement came back with an egg
en cocotte which he consumed absent-mindedly.
'Are you expecting any visitor this evening?' Ruth had
come to take away the tray. By her watch it was half past
six.
'My daughter, Marigold, an unfrocked priest of a
woman.'
Marigold was suddenly there.
'Well, Pa, I hear you're going to be all right,' said she,
with her turned-down smile, skinnily slithering
into a chair and arranging her coat over her flat chest. She
should never have married. No wonder her husband James
had decided to write travel books.
'How's James?' Tom said.
'So far as I know he's in Polynesia.'
'I said how, not where.'
'Don't wear yourself out,' she said, 'with too much
conversation. I bought you some grapes.' She said 'bought'
not 'brought'. She dumped a plastic bag on the side table.
'This is a wonderful clinic,' she said. 'I suppose it costs a
fortune. Of course nothing should be spared in a case like
yours.'
You must not imagine Marigold was particularly
deprived.
In the morning Tom rang Fortescue-Brown and made an
appointment for him to come to the clinic at three in the
afternoon.
Love and economics, Tom mused. 'I have always,' he
thought, 'considered them as opposites. Why do they
continually bump into each other as if they were allied
topics? Is it possible that what I call love isn't love?'
He was touched that lovely Cora his daughter by his first
wife had flown into London to see him. She had obtained
leave for the occasion from whatever she was doing in
Lyons for Channel Four. Her first words were 'Pa, you're
going to be all right.' She went on to say how her husband,
Johnny, had been declared redundant at his job, an
administrator in Parsimmons & Gould the
paint people. She continued that she had managed to get a
cheap bucket-shop flight to see him. 'And what,' thought
he, 'has Johnny's redundancy got to do with me, my broken
ribs and thigh? And her cheap flight? Did she come for love
or what?
'And I am glad,' he continued in his mind, 'that Johnny
has been made redundant. I am glad with the gladness of
the lover of truth: the man has always been superfluous.'
He said, 'Marigold has been here.'
'I know,' said Coral.
'She brought me some grapes,' Tom put in
experimentally.
'I know,' said Coral. 'Don't you want to watch the news?'
There was a television in the corner, stuck up on the
wall, and a controller by the side table. Tom switched it on.
A Nigerian politician being interviewed -- 'Democracy,' he
said, 'is not a one-man cup of tea.' Tom switched off.
'Are you in pain?' said Fortescue-Brown.
'Yes, indeed, Mr. Brown, I am.'
'Now, Tom,' said he, 'reflect. You are getting angry
again. Angry and arrogant. There was no need, no need at
all, for you to go up on that crane. An ordinary dolly is
perfectly all right for directing a motion picture these days.
But no, you have to be different, you have to be right up
there beside the photographer, squeezed in, and without a
seat-belt. You have to be God.'
'Are you suggesting that God wears a seat-belt?'
'Nothing, nothing would surprise me after being your
lawyer for twenty years. When do you get out of this
penitentiary?'
'Next week, but I have to take two nurses home with
me.'
'Two?'
'One for day and one for night. Is it your money or
mine?'
'I told you to take out an insurance.'
'Well I didn't. Find some money. Scratch around.'
He was no sooner out of the door than Tom chucked a
tumbler full of water at the door, so that Fortescue-Brown
could hear it. Broken glass and water all over the place.
There was something else he had wanted to say to the
lawyer, but never mind. There was a vow. But what
vow?
As the cleaners mopped it up Tom smiled sweetly at
them. 'It just flew out of my hand as I sat up.'
'Don't try to sit up, Mr. Richards. Just ring the bell.'
Tom lay thinking ... Yes, I did feel like God up on that
crane. It was wonderful to shout orders through the
amplifier and like God watch the team down there group
and re-group as bidden. Especially those two top stars and
the upstart minor stars, with far too much money, thinking
they could direct the film better themselves. There was
none of the 'Just a minute, may I suggest...' that held up my
work constantly on the floor. Right up there I was beyond
and above pausing a minute and listening to their
suggestions. What do they think a film set is? A democracy,
or something? I simply don't regret that crane for a
moment. All I want to know is who fouled us up. Who made the wheels
hiccup on the tangle of wires, so that I was thrown clean
off, crash. Twelve ribs and a broken hip, and lucky, very
lucky, to be alive.