Reinforcements: How to Get People to Help You

by Heidi Grant

Overview

Humans have a natural instinct to help others.

Imagine walking up to a stranger on the subway and asking them for their seat. What about asking a random person on the street if you could borrow their phone? If the idea makes you squeamish, you're not alone--social psychologists have found that doing these very things makes most of us almost unbearably uncomfortable.

But here's the funny thing: even though we hate to ask for help, most people are wired to be helpful. And that's a good thing, because every day in the modern, uber-collaborative workplace, we all need to know when and how to call in the cavalry.

However, asking people for help isn't intuitive; in fact, a lot of our instincts are wrong. As a result, we do a poor job of calling in the reinforcements we need, leaving confused or even offended colleagues in our wake.

This pragmatic book explains how to get it right. With humor, insight, and engaging storytelling, Heidi Grant, PhD, describes how to elicit helpful behavior from your friends, family, and colleagues--in a way that leaves them feeling genuinely happy to lend a hand.

Whether you're a first-time manager or a seasoned leader, getting people to pitch in is what leadership is. Fortunately, people have a natural instinct to help other human beings; you just need to know how to channel this urge into what it is you specifically need them to do. It's not manipulation. It's just management.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781633692350
Publisher:	Harvard Business Review Press
Publication date:	06/12/2018
Pages:	208
Product dimensions:	5.70(w) x 8.30(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Heidi Grant, PhD, is a social psychologist who researches, writes, and speaks about the science of motivation. She is Global Director of Research & Development at the NeuroLeadership Institute and serves as Associate Director of Columbia's Motivation Science Center. She received her doctorate in social psychology from Columbia University.

Table of Contents

Part 1 Asking for Help Is the Worst

1 It Makes Us Feel Bad 3

2 We Assume Others Will Say No 21

3 We Assume Asking for Help Makes Us Less Likable 37

Part 2 How to Ask Anyway

4 The Inherent Paradox in Asking for Help 57

5 The Four Steps to Getting the Help You Need 79

6 Don't Make It Weird 99

Part 3 Creating a Culture of Helpfulness

7 The In-Group Reinforcement 121

8 The Positive Identity Reinforcement 143

9 The Effectiveness Reinforcement 163

Notes 179

Index 189

Acknowledgments 199

About the Author 201

Editorial Reviews

Named a Business Book of the Month by the Financial Times

Advance Praise for Reinforcements:

Daniel H. Pink, author of When and Drive--
"Everyone--seriously, everyone--will benefit from reading Reinforcements. With graceful prose and a firm grasp of the science, Heidi Grant shows how to seek assistance in ways that leave both the asker and the helper feeling positive, effective, and ready to help again."

Dorie Clark, author, Entrepreneurial You and Reinventing You--
"No one can do it alone. Whatever your project, mission, or job, you'll almost certainly need assistance to succeed. Heidi Grant's Reinforcements shows you the path forward."

Art Markman, Founding Director, Human Dimensions of Organizations program, University of Texas; author, Smart Thinking and Brain Briefs--
"As always, Grant provides a masterful blend of theory and practical advice that is as entertaining as it is useful."

David Burkus, author, Friend of a Friend--
"This brief but brilliant book will have a lasting impact on how you ask for (and get) more help in your work and life."

Thomas Wedell-Wedellsborg, author, Innovation as Usual--
"A powerful, practical book on how to attract allies and gain support for your ideas. Required reading for anyone who wants to get things done with the help of others."

Robert Sutton, professor, Stanford University; author, The Asshole Survival Guide and coauthor of Scaling Up Excellence--
"Reinforcements is a delightful and surprising masterpiece. Grant's compelling weave of stories and studies shows how to ask for help (and how not to), and--believe it or not--why, when you ask others for help, you do them a big favor."

From the Publisher

★ 06/15/2018
Social psychologist Grant (associate director, Columbia Business Sch.'s Motivation Science Ctr.; global director of research and development, NeuroLeadership Inst.; Nine Things Successful People Do Differently) directs her attention to asking for help in this new book. Grant acknowledges that such a move is extremely difficult; research indicates that most of us think asking for assistance makes us appear weak and less likeable and that everyone we ask will say no. Results from Grant's research and that of colleagues indicate these assumptions are incorrect. Humans are wired to assist one another and in fact, if we turn down a request for help, we usually feel quite uncomfortable. But as Grant says, knowing whom to ask, how to ask, and the underlying psychological principles involved in the exchange can make all the difference in our willingness to seek help. VERDICT Concise, practical guidance accompanied by applicable real-life examples; written especially for those in management and leadership positions.—Jane Scott, Clark Lib., Univ. of Portland, OR

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