05/29/2023
This memoir from Bolander (author of Business Basics for Entrepreneurs and other titles) delves into the true meaning of a ride-or-die relationship. The narrative centers around Bolander, a loving, rather traditionally abstruse husband, learning to cope and be a better partner as his wife Jane faces a cancer diagnosis. Bolander thoughtfully considers the shifting dynamics of the relationship—from a “type A power couple, conquering the world together” to him serving as “captain of Team Jane with a singular goal: to make sure we didn’t lose the MVP.” Throughout, he offers an intimate glimpse into what it’s like for a man’s man to feel grief, and express that grief; and perhaps most importantly, deal with that grief to go on to live a fulfilling life.
Bolander opens the memoir by giving readers a snapshot of what his and Jane’s lives looked like before the illness. There is a sense of comfortable normalcy, accompanied by the tiny irritations and disjuncts that punctuate married life. Before long, this life is left far behind as husband and wife learn to live with a new normal: Jane’s illness. Bolander is adept at emphasizing the little, cumulative ways in which life changes when one is dealing with something as grave as cancer. For the most part, there’s complex logistics to take care of, and when there aren’t, high-stress situations pave the way for personal conflicts over sometimes the tiniest of things.
Perhaps the strongest feature of the memoir is Bolander’s ability to convey raw, sometimes heartbreaking grief, while also demonstrating how to understand and cope with this grief. There’s naturally some wrenching material here, but it’s a rewarding read, that isn’t all doom and gloom, but insists on giving you a silver lining amid all the gray. Lovers of memoirs and journeys of personal growth and healing will enjoy this book, which is as educational as it is heartrending.
Takeaway: A husband’s touching, intimate story of his wife facing cancer.
Comparable Titles: Michael Coccari’s Cancer Fight, Richard E. Grant’s Pocketful of Happiness.
Production grades Cover: A Design and typography: A Illustrations: N/A Editing: A Marketing copy: A
2023 Best Book Awards Finalist in Self-Help: Relationships
2023 Living Now Book Awards Bronze Medalist in Relationships/Marriage
“The courage it took to share this story of love and loss is an incredible testament to the bond Jarie and Jane shared which I was so fortunate to witness. This book honors Jane’s memory in a way that will bring comfort and guidance to others experiencing similar tragedies.”
—London N. Breed, San Francisco Mayor
“A deft recollection that brings the journeys of both a patient and a caregiver into focus.”
—Kirkus Reviews
“. . . an intimate glimpse into what it’s like for a man’s man to feel grief, and express that grief; and perhaps most importantly, deal with that grief to go on to live a fulfilling life.”
—BookLife Reviews
“The prose is thoughtful about making use of contemporary images and figurative language to render leukemia and chemotherapy real . . . Powerful and distinctive, the memoir Ride or Die covers a couple’s struggle with terminal leukemia.”
—Foreword Clarion
"Ride or Die is an emotional read in which Jarie Bolander opens his heart to us. . . . appreciated Jarie's appealing writing style with occasional self-irony and the grains of wisdom he shares.
—Readers' Favroite (5 STARS)
2023-05-09
A young couple navigates life after a cancer diagnosis in Bolander’s memoir.
Barely a year into their new marriage, the author’s 35-year-old wife, Jane, was diagnosed with leukemia; he recalls her saying, “How can that be? I don’t feel sick.” Soon, the couple were thrust into the world of cancer care, involving seemingly endless testing, chemotherapy, a bone marrow transplant, and many new life-altering routines. At the beginning of the book, Bolander reveals that his wife is no longer alive, but he works to make this a story about her experiences as well as his own. Before her demise in 2017, the couple set up an online account called Care Circle, which allowed them to update interested friends and family on their situation with a single post; six are included here. The book’s title refers to their wedding vows, specifically the reference to “in sickness and in health…till death do us part.” The memoir doesn’t sugarcoat the hard facts of fighting a terminal illness, nor does it portray the patient or caregiver as without flaws; the author describes their feelings of bitterness. As might be expected, their work lives were also affected in major ways; for example, Jane wanted the author to keep her public relations business going until she was well, but as a trained engineer, he was confused by its lack of written protocols. Over the course of this remembrance, Bolander effectively shows how he and his spouse argued, reconciled, and remained honest with each other and how their love and devotion deepened. The author also records his own reactions to the cancer battle with uncommon depth. For instance, he expresses how he firmly believed that his primary job was to protect his wife, but as the cancer advanced, he often felt a “failure lump” in his throat, which he refers to repeatedly over the course of the book. As the story goes on, readers will get a clear sense of the sometimes-terrifying emotions he experienced.
A deft recollection that brings the journeys of both a patient and a caregiver into focus.
