The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right

The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right

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The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Ellen Fein, Sherrie Schneider

Following the success of the New York Times bestseller How to Marry the Man of Your Choice, The Rules is a blunt, effective, controversial, funny, and definitive guide to marrying the man of your dreams. The Rules will be featured on an Oprah show, set to air close to Valentine's Day.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780446602747
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
Publication date: 02/28/1996
Edition description: Reissue
Pages: 192
Product dimensions: 4.12(w) x 6.75(h) x 0.50(d)

Table of Contents

Chapter IThe History of The Rules1
Chapter IIWhat Are The Rules?5
Chapter IIIMeet a Rules Girl11
Chapter IVBut First the Product--You!15
Rule 1Be a "Creature Unlike Any Other"22
Rule 2Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)26
Rule 3Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much33
Rule 4Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date36
Rule 5Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls40
Rule 6Always End Phone Calls First45
Rule 7Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday51
Rule 8Fill Up Your Time before the Date57
Rule 9How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 360
Rule 10How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time64
Rule 11Always End the Date First68
Rule 12Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day70
Rule 13Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week74
Rule 14No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date78
Rule 15Don't Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy80
Rule 16Don't Tell Him What to Do85
Rule 17Let Him Take the Lead88
Rule 18Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him90
Rule 19Don't Open Up Too Fast94
Rule 20Be Honest but Mysterious99
Rule 21Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads102
Rule 22Don't Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment)108
Rule 23Don't Date a Married Man112
Rule 24Slowly Involve Him in Your Family and Other Rules for Women with Children115
Rule 25Practice, Practice, Practice! (or, Getting Good at The Rules)118
Rule 26Even if You're Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules125
Rule 27Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends and Parents Think It's Nuts130
Rule 28Be Smart and Other Rules for Dating in High School134
Rule 29Take Care of Yourself and Other Rules for Dating in College138
Rule 30Next! and Other Rules for Dealing with Rejection141
Rule 31Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist144
Rule 32Don't Break The Rules147
Rule 33Do The Rules and You'll Live Happily Ever After!155
Rule 34Love Only Those Who Love You160
Rule 35Be Easy to Live With163
Last But: Not Least--12 Extra Hints169
The Rules-at-a-Glance172

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Rules 3.5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 86 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Are you the really nice, doormat girl, who is always getting hurt? I sympathize. I was one of those people who didn't want the rules to be true. I thought, oh, how ridiculous, this is all about manipulation and playing games. Well, that was before I realized that that is EXACTLY what men want, no matter how much they may try to deny it. It's funny how all men say that they want a 'nice girl who is honest and doesn't play games'. Please!! It's always the not so nice girls who play games who end up with the guys who treat them like gold and the 'nice girls', who do nice things for him and don't play games always ends up hurt and rejected. I always thought that playing games was stupid but now I know better and believe otherwise. I can look at every failed relationship of mine and my friends and see where we broke the rules and how that affected it. The only reason some men hate this book is b/c it puts the truth out there. It gives away their secrets and how they really are. And the only reason women hate this book is b/c like myself in the beginning, they do not want to believe it is true. It amuses me that the authors get so much **** for encouraging women to play games. Oh yeah, as if men neeeeever do that to us! Please! How many woman have been strung along and lied to? How many guys have lied to women and led them to believe something just so they could get what they really wanted? i.e. easy sex or convenience. THE RULES prevents women from making those mistakes, and from hanging around where they are not wanted. It also keeps them from dumping all of their problems on one guy, it or not...we do have to play games ladies. When we don't , we end up hurt. Men seceretly want us to play games. Think about it. How many times have you seen a nice guy with a girl that wasn't exactly real appreciative or nice to him? She didn't go out of her way and yet she is treated like a queen whereas the nice, understanding girls are treated like dirt and taken advantage of. In fact, I have several guy friends who have even admitted to me that when they treat their girlfriends badly, it is ON PURPOSE! They are trying to make HER break up with them so that they won't be the 'bad guy'. They are doing that on purpose! Instead of just being mature and ending things, they play games like that b/c that is how men are. That's the truth! I have treated my bf's sooooo great and guess what? None of them appreciated it, in fact, it seemed the nicer I treated them , the worse they would treat me. Same thing with my girlfirends and their boyfriends. So ladies, if a man is not treating you right, don't stick around. And that is the true message of the rules. These women(Ellen & Sherrie) have done alot to help other women not waste their time. The Rules saves women from being unnecessarily hurt, rejected, or ignored. Alot of women will try to come up with excuses as to why the rules don't work, but they do! The Rules work whether some people want to admit it or not. For a long time I didn't want to admit the rules worked but they do! The guys that I have been real nice to and showed interest too ran off quickly, the guys I was not interested in or pretended to not be interested in were the ones I couldn't get rid of so, I no longer feel bad or deceotive about doing the rules. It is necessary!! good luck ladies, and believe in the rules!
Guest More than 1 year ago
karriethelibrarian on LibraryThing 2 days ago
Just another desperate attempt at trying to save my marriage. It failed -- the attempt and the marriage.
celineM More than 1 year ago
This book is truly dedicated to all the girls who wants happy ending on their love problems.I admit,all the rules inside this book is truly hard to follow at first but as you go used to it,you'll find the rules soooo easy to follow.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Guest More than 1 year ago
When this book was initially published, I heard quotes from it and saw news stories about it and thought, ¿What sexist, petty, backwards garbage.¿ I had recently graduated from an Ivy League women¿s college, was working at the top women¿s center in the U.S., and was on my way to dominating the world. I happened to come across the book years later (along with Rules II), in another country, and in another reality for me except for the fact that I was still single and had (again) come out of what had started out as a promising relationship with an egalitarian, ¿progressive¿ man that had crashed and burned because I had done every single thing the book says not to do. What had made the relationship promising initially was the fact that I had done certain things by chance that the book does say to do (without realizing it at the time), but it wasn¿t until it was all over and I would finally listen to advice that I actually read it. When a year later I met the man whom I would later marry, a highly educated gentleman who was very shy with women as a result of failed past relationships, every last thing that the book had said proved to be true. There is no doubt in my mind that if I had not read it before meeting him, any relationship with him would have met the same fate as the others (and I would probably not have met him in the first place, since I had made a point of joining activities through which I could meet men, as the book suggests doing). When I first read the book, the suggestions that it makes took me about six weeks to digest before I realized that they were valid. They turned everything I had ever read in print about relationships or had heard from (single) friends on its head. And fortunately, unlike most of the other men who had left me, this last one spoke up about why he had done it, confirming most of the authors¿ observations. Later, in discussing the book with people, there were those who agreed with it, and those who didn¿t, just like the reviewers here who give the book five stars and those who give it one. Like certain friends and the negative reviewers, there are those who say that it advocates manipulation and mind-games, but those are for the beginning of the relationship (if that is in fact what they are, and not just concrete suggestions for behavior, as one might follow for a job interview or a sales presentation, while always remaining truthful and respectful) and are more about how not to scare a potentially good partner away. When you¿ve met the ¿right¿ partner and the relationship has solidified, based on mutual love and respect, there is not much need for manipulation anymore (or almost, anyway¿read on). In the almost seven years I¿ve been with my husband, the only low point came at the time that I didn¿t think I needed to do the rules anymore, and began living with him. From then on, the relationship plodded along until I left him alone to go on vacation with my family. Then, because the mutual love and respect were there, (and because, unwittingly, I had done the rules again) the marriage proposal followed, and with that security, the happiness ever since. Years later now, I don¿t think about the rules too much anymore or go around touting them, but I can only say that the only friends I have known who believe in them are happily married to (desirable) men like I am, and those who don¿t (usually women who haven¿t read all of the book or who go by what has been quoted out of context, and loser men) are still clueless as to why they¿re still unhappily single or being jerked around. Do I know any relationships that have worked even though the woman approached the man first, or slept with him right away, or lived with him before marriage? Of course I do! But the point of the book is to save time in the search for a mate by focusing on the actions that keep a man interested because they were done, not in spite of the fact that they were done, particularly at the most critical time in the relatio
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book has saved my sanity. Before I purchased this book, I was constantly doing the opposite of what the book suggested and I had ALOT of stress in my life. Now when I date, I just take it for what it is-dating. I just have fun and focus less on rushing into a relationship. What we women need to realize is this book is basic common sense. What man would want to deal with a naggy, clingy woman? This book is not teaching woman to be a prospective 'Stepford Wife'. It teaches self-respect and to live your life to the fullest and not revolve your life around a man.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I totally love the book i made some mistakes but I have learned a few things like if he doesn't call you by wenesday for the date and tries to schedule one for friday on friday it taught me to be less clingy and more wanted. It also taught me not to call him he should call me if he likes me he will call. This is a good book for any girl who starts to date because they don't need to be hurt and it's good to read the book to freshen up on the skills you're taught.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Hey GirlsS! THESE RULES WORK! They should be deemed a guidelines for life and throughout all your relationships!!! You don't invest time and energy into unfulfilling people and relationships..follow the rules no matter how hard it may seem!! Believe me..think longevity not short term gratification! The initial discomfort u may experience does not even come close to how great you feel once the advantages start sh0wing...hang in there! JUST DO THE RULES AND YOU WILL BE A BELIEVER!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I feel sorry for the trees that were sacrificed to make this thing! I was tipped off when I read the line 'First the product -- YOU.' PRODUCT? What kind of nonsense is that? Products are THINGS. A can of food. A package of meat. A car. A chair. I thought human beings were just that. Human beings. These immature twits tell you how to land a man who enjoys the chase and the thrill of the hunt. I'd rather have a man who enjoys ME. Animals in wild habitats hunt and chase their FOOD. When a cheetah chases a zebra, he doesn't want to partner with it. he wants to kill and eat it. For crying in Manhattan, we're civilized human beings. Why would we want to emulate BEASTS? 'Make sure you're busy doing your own thing so your Dream Hero will feel he's landing the Prom Queen.' Give me a break! Prom queens belong in high school -- and playing stupid games belongs in seventh grade! If you're TOO wrapped up in your own thing, your Dream Hero will think you don't care enough about him to make time for him, and he'll disappear faster than a speeding bullet! And this stuff that these nitwits spout about limiting phone convos and not returning phone calls! Not returning phone calls -- from anyone -- doesn't make you seem alluring and glamorous. It makes you seem RUDE. And limiting conversation time will make the dashing caballero you're eyeing, once more, think you don't care enough about him to take some time out from your oh-so-busy day to make time for him. Gee, i thought men liked to feel cared for. Dump him if he doesn't give you jewelry on Feb14 -- materialism turns guys on -- NOT! See him PLUS a lot of oher guys and only see him once a week. That's adolescent socializing, not an adult relationship. The message of this book is -- be a doll, not a person. Be an adolescent, not a grown-up. Pretend you don't have feelings or thoughts about anything besides trips, parties, and pretty clothes. Hubby had a hard day at work -- the copier jammed, and they ran out of glazed donuts at coffee break -- so please don t tell him about about having lost your job or Junior getting an F in math or your Uncle Gordon having cancer. Interesting thing is -- one of the dimwitted duo who authored this contemptible piece of stupidity underwent an ugly, messy, dirty divorce, Hmmmm, I wonder why? I gave this piece of nonsense ONE star because I couldn't give it ZERO
Guest More than 1 year ago
I finished this book shortly after Christmas and it has changed my life... not only in how I deal with men but how I feel about myself. I have recommended all my close friends read it! I actually started to pass it on and my friends and I now say 'You are breaking The Rules!'
Guest More than 1 year ago
Talk about relief. I am newly single. I purchased both of these books and my whole attitude has changed about life, love and even about myself. These books are my new best friends because the advice they give is realistic. Let's face it, men do what they want to do. Now, we have to teach them what they want, and that is to be with us! These books have given me a new self confidence. I can no longer settle for mediocre, tedious, precarious relationships. I would rather be alone than with some yahoo that doesn't respect me and value me. Let the rules begin!And guess what Mr? If you want to find me bad enough, you will!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I'd consider myself to be pretty conservative and old-fashioned when it comes to dating and relationships (dating should be courtship, the man should do the asking out, etc.), but I was blown away when I opened up this book. Basically it was written for women in the 17th century or for those whose only goal in life is to get married fast. 'The Rules' all seem to entail getting done up and decked out to catch a man's eye, then half-ignoring him and expecting him to be a fairy-tale prince instead of a human being, and definitely not listening to anyone who might tell you that there's more to life than getting married quickly. On the one hand it does recommend some good ideas like not wasting time on a man who's just not that into you. However, once he's magnanimously decided to end all your troubles by asking you to marry him, 'The Rules' recommend that you be submissive, meek, unquestioningly supportive, and 'don't get sloppy about your looks.' In other words, just thank your lucky stars that you're finally worth something because you have a man in your life. Come on, ladies, there's more to life than being in a relationship! Get out there and do what you love and you'll find the right person on the way without having to change yourself. There are too many passive barbie dolls (or those who aspire to be) out there already. Don't try to be anything but your own unique self.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Excellent read..when you think about it afterwards it makes total sense. A must read. I can't wait to try it out.!!
Guest More than 1 year ago
So many books try to copy the rules, but they don't even come close. This book is all you need for dating.
Guest More than 1 year ago
A great gift. If you've ever known a woman who allowed men to walk all over her, 'The Rules' could be her salvation. This little book reveals the behavior that accompanies self respect. Ultimately, 'The Rules' teaches women to 'get a life'. If you have a life, you won't be available on short notice. It's not about manipulating men, it's about manipulating yourself into a well-rounded, active life.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I found out about this book the other day while at lunch with some girlfriends. I went out and bought it the same night! I will admit when I first started off reading it, I found it to be very hilarious, but as I read further it really got interesting. I've been following some of the rules lately, without even knowing it, as well as breaking some. Also, I've been on the guy's side before always pursuing men who seemed to have been following the rules and found myself reacting the same as these authors said that men would react (of course I'm a woman). I've met someone new and fully intend on trying the rules with him! I think this book is great for someone such as myself, of course who is 26 and has not had a serious relationship in a few years, so what do I have to lose? I just wished I had discovered this book when I first started college. I don't think this book has anything to do with what degreees, education or profession that a person has, for those of us who wish to profess that when telling whether or not it's a good book, that has nothing to do with matters of the heart. I highly recommend the book, its very easy and quick to read, I'm going to check out the Rules II very soon also!
Guest More than 1 year ago
Here's the problem, ladies...and this is coming from a of the 'rules' is that 'if he doesn't call he's not interested.' So what do these women tell you to do? 'Don't call him and don't return phone calls.' Ummm...Remember? No phonie, no interest-ee?? Why should men believe you're still interested if you do what you are being told is a sign of us not being interested in you? It just doesn't make sense. One of the biggest give-a-ways that this stuff is just a money-making scheme gone terribly, terribly wrong is how fast these women churned out the sequels to this dreck. THINK, Ladies...THINK. If A = B and B = C, then A = C. If no phone call means no interest, that works both ways. By following this advice you're just asking for trouble.
Guest More than 1 year ago
If you wanna play games with a guys head read this book! If you want a serious relationship with a guy then don't EVER touch this book. This book will ruin your relationship, I was happy and my mother told me to read this book, and I ruined a very happy relationship, and I know other people that have had this happen to them too. If you value your relationship then do what you feel is best for your relationship, you don't need a book to tell you!
Guest More than 1 year ago
My mother always told me how, but she never went into detail. Thank you.
Guest More than 1 year ago
the Rules is all of the stuff my mother taught me and her mother taught her...etc. It's a good book that teaches women to have respect for themselves and the men they are dating. These aren't games. These are the counters to all the games. Read this book and you'll never spend another night starting at the phone wondering why he doesn't call.
Guest More than 1 year ago
If you want to have a relationship based on 'making someone love you' and playing games this is the book for you. If you want a healthy relationship based on mutual respect, attraction and being best friends, don't go anywhere near this book. Love is not about 'capturing men' it is about finding someone who you love and who loves you for you, even if they commit the fatal sin of asking you out on Thursday or forget Valentine's Day one year. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about but I'm a happily married woman to a sweet, loving, committed man who is a wonderful husband and father. I never did any of the things in this book and I wouldn't go anywhere near this book if I were single.
Guest More than 1 year ago
It's not being 'fake', it's being smart. If you want to marry the man of your dreams, play hard to get and it will work. It's all about respecting yourself, and learning to let them treat you right! Good book!
Guest More than 1 year ago
Men don't want to admit it and some women don't want to believe it, but actually doing the things it says in this book (although some sound way out there)really works! I have been doing these things all my life and men have always responded to me! It seriously works! The more unavailable, hard to get we are, it works! We all wish we didn't have to play the game and act this way with men, but in reality, this is what we must do in order to get a man these days! Unfortunately we do have to be someone else and pretend sometimes, that is the only drawback in this book, but it seriously works. For example, pretending you are busy when you really aren't is a must. You'll have to respond to a man who you are beginning to date by saying things like, 'Oh, I'm sorry, I'm busy tonight but maybe tomorrow would be best' as opposed to jumping at any man saying 'Sure, great, I can do lunch with you right now.' Men want a challenge and that's why they love football! That is what we must become - a challenge and this book shows you how to do it in a subtle classy way.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Ladies... come on!! What are you doing?? You actually believe this kind of a relationship will make you happy?? You are your own person. What are you doing reading some stupid book telling you how to get a man? These so called 'rules' are nothing but a bunch of 1950's stereotypes that are oppressing and harmful to all women who follow them... why don't you take my advice, & simply be your self, think for your self, and respect your self.