Read an Excerpt
Chapter One
Before we get into the actual tips, there are some preliminary things you should know. Gay men look at every sexual encounter as a once-in-a-lifetime performance. While women get gold stars for having food in the fridge for the next morning, gay men know that their partners may not hang around that long. They want everything to be perfect and do their best to design the most fabulous experience ever—whether they expect to see that person again or not. So while some of these tips may seem obvious, they're worth keeping in mind.
Clean Up Your Act
A nice shower is always a good idea whether he smells like he just got back from the gym or not. In your old life it may not have mattered, because you were the wide receiver and he was the star quarterback. But now that your hands, mouth and, yes, your nose will be in places they might not have been before — and for a longer time, at that — you'll want to be sure that he's squeaky clean. We're not saying that a natural manly scent isn't a turn-on, but no one wants to stick their face into an old gym shoe. Hot and sweaty after sex is good, but before is another matter altogether.
If you're out on a date, chances are that he took a shower before heading out. But if he just came upstairs from walking the dog or fixing your washing machine, you'll feel a whole lot better if you're not gagging from the smell of 3-in-1 oil or other unpleasant odors. Likewise for eliminating that ambient barroom smell of smoke and Scotch. The same thing goes for you. Those silver plastic pants you saw in Vogue may look hot, but they might leave you smelling like the beach after a nasty storm.We're not saying you have to get crazy about this, but it does make things more pleasant.
Rumor has it that Cher, upon sighting a particularly sexy specimen, ordered, "Have him washed and brought to my tent." She can probably get away with that, but unless you're Claudia Schiffer or fabulously wealthy, do not, under any circumstances, suggest that he take a shower. This could make him feel momentarily undesirable or inferior to your royal pristineness. It is much better to say, "Hmm, looking at you like that makes me warm. I think I'll cool off in the shower." After that, look him in the eye and remove an article of clothing. He'll be mesmerized — honest. As you walk toward the bathroom, he probably won't need any coaxing to join you. If he's really dense, don't hesitate to offer a sincere invitation. If that doesn't do the trick, just say that you feel the need to take a shower. Leave the bathroom door open a bit, get naked, get under the water, and beckon him to bring you more soap, a washcloth or your body lotion from the nightstand (see chapter 2). The rest is up to you.
And while we're on the subject of you, there are a few other don'ts that women's magazine sometimes overlook.
Baubles and Beads
Did you ever notice that gay men might admire your cool jewelry but they don't wear much of it themselves? Maybe it's true that men are dazzled by shiny, dangling earrings and fluffy hair accessories, but he really doesn't want your tennis bracelet caught in his pubic hair, and neither do you, for that matter. Even the smallest diamond studs, whether they're in your ears, nose or belly button, can do serious damage. Remember, if it can cut glass, it can cut skin. Ditto on the watch, rings and ankle bracelets.
There's no doubt that sexy lingerie is a turn-on. It becomes a royal pain when those delicate pearl beads and crystal buttons get tangled and stuck in his chest hair, or leave a dent in his skin. Keep it simple. Chances are very good that you won't be wearing it for long anyway.
Don't Get Nailed
While men are fascinated by your fabulous French manicure, and look forward to a gentle back rub with your nails, no one wants to be fishing around in bed for a fake nail tip. If he finds a Vamp lacquered nail tip between the sheets the day after, he might freak out because he doesn't know what it is, or worse, he might think you're a total fake. Civilized gay men, and we've never known one who isn't, are fastidious about clipped and filed nails. Keep your nails trim and smooth, because you never know where they might end up.
Scents and Sensibility
Women's magazines are big on fragrance, but remember, they get paid big bucks to run those ads. Contrary to what the salesperson says, men do not equate a certain fragrance with fabulousness. It doesn't make any difference anyway. If they can hardly remember your birthday, why would you expect them to remember your perfume? He may like your Windsong on his mind, but not on his sheets, shirts and sofa. A well-placed dab here and there is fine. Just don't overdo it. Also on this subject, the world is now filled with pollutants and allergens to which few are totally immune. A sneezing fit when he leans forward to kiss you is a surefire way to kill the moment.
Tips on Texture
Do wear suede, cashmere, silk and leather for their sensual feel or smell. Don't wear scratchy wools, cheap stiff lace or things that make you sweat like a pig. Another word on texture: You may never suspect it, but your pubic hair can be just as irritating on his lips and chin as his beard can be on your face. Good sexual grooming tells us that the use of a simple, over-the-counter hair conditioner can prevent a bad case of brush burn.
