Showing Up: How Men Can Become Effective Allies in the Workplace

by Ray Arata

Overview

“More people recognize the importance of Allyship—and that’s great. Unfortunately, many men still don’t know what they need to do to effect change so everyone feels valued and empowered at work. In Showing Up, Ray Arata provides clear guidance on how to turn good intentions into action. I strongly recommend it to everyone interested in helping create a more equal and productive workplace.”

—Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and founder of LeanIn.Org and OptionB.Org

Showing Up is a revolutionary step-by-step guide—by and for men—to end toxic masculinity and enact heart-based leadership, increase diversity, bolster the bottom line, and create a workplace culture where everyone wins. The Time's Up, Me Too, and Black Lives Matter movements have sounded a wake-up—especially for men. Organizations worldwide now realize the critical importance of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) for underrepresented people.

It’s abundantly clear: the default model of masculinity isn’t working for anyone. But for a new and healthier infrastructure, for permanent and transformational shifts, we need a plan that includes men. In Showing Up, Ray Arata details the proven methods he's shared with such companies as Verizon, Bloomberg, Moody's, Intel, Toyota, Hearst, and more, teaching men to:

• Embrace healthy masculinity as a cornerstone of inclusionary leadership

• Identify unhealthy masculine behaviors in the workplace—like mansplaining, manterrupting, and manopolizing

• Adopt behavior modifications aligned with being an inclusive leader and ally

• Incorporate specific language to use in healthy discussions

• Leverage power and position to elevate underrepresented groups.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781635769111
Publisher:	Diversion Publishing
Publication date:	01/04/2022
Pages:	288
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Ray Arata is an award-winning leader in the field of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI), specifically known for his work in engaging men as allies. The founder of Better Man Movement LLC, he is a sought-after speaker, consultant, and trainer who delivers keynotes and facilitates trainings for massive global clients, such as PWC, StubHub, Genentech, eBay, Walgreens, Sierra Club, Google, Bloomberg, and many more.

Ray’s Better Man Conference (as seen in Forbes, The Good Men Project, and Fortune) is an international industry-leading event that focuses on the development of healthy masculinity and men as allies and partners. With locations in London, New York City, and San Francisco, the conference draws almost 200 major organizations annually.

Ray was recognized in 2016 with a HeForShe Champion for Change award by UN Women, and honored with the Ron Herring 2020 award (originally named for the ManKind Project, a global network of charitable foundations).

Ray lives in Fairfax, California, and can be found online at rayarata.com and bettermanconference.com.

Table of Contents

Introduction ix

Chapter 1 Set to Win 1

Chapter 2 Too Often Excluded Voices of Masculinity 23

Chapter 3 Simple Steps to Take Right Now 35

Chapter 4 Step One of the Ally's Journey: Acknowledge Your Stuff 65

Chapter 5 Step Two of the Ally's Journey: Listen, Really 103

Chapter 6 Step Three of the Ally's Journey: Take Responsibility 121

Chapter 7 Step Four of the Ally's Journey: Think, Talk, and Act Like an Ally 141

Chapter 8 The Multiyear Game Plan 163

Afterword: Where You Go from Here 185

Acknowledgments 193

Selected References 197

Index 199

About the Author 205

Editorial Reviews

Praise for Ray Arata and Better Man LLC

Showing Up is a critical and timely book that inspires men to stand up for gender and racial justice on the job. Ray Arata makes a compelling case that men care deeply about good leadership and equality in the workplace and Showing Up is the ‘how to' manual for how they can intervene in ways that make them better men. This book is a must read for corporate leaders and any man who wants to live up to his potential as an ally and a leader who can shift the world—one workplace at a time.
—Jennifer Siebel Newsom, filmmaker and founder of the Representation Project

Showing Up gives us the game plan we need to consciously and continually be better allies, men, and humans by showing us how to take our intentions and turn them into impact; how to connect with, stay in, and lead from our hearts.
—Justin Baldoni, actor, filmmaker; co-founder of the Wayfarer Foundation; and author of Man Enough: Undefining My Masculinity

Ray is an award-winning and devoted ally and extraordinary role model for other men, bringing a deep understanding of human needs, knowledge of behavioral change, and a huge vision for inclusionary leadership and organizations.
—Amy Logan, President, US National Committee for UN Women San Francisco Bay Area; CEO, Gender Innovation

As men we're trained to split ourselves in two: the rational worker in public, the emotional human at home. What a loss—on both sides of the equation. Ray Arata's great gift is that he can help men connect heads and hearts, passion, and productivity. Read this book and let him show you how to be more present at work and in life!
—Michael Kimmel, author of Angry White Men: American Masculinity at the End of an Era

Diversity, equity, and inclusion leaders understand how critical it is to have everyone, especially men, engaged in the work of creating an inclusive workplace (organization, society!) where all people can thrive. The challenge is making the space for men to truly connect, reflect and then eventually act—one that doesn't also cast shame, blame, and do more harm than good. Showing Up explores healthy masculinity through Ray Arata's inimitable voice to create that space. It's a must read for practitioners to then share with the men in their lives and organizations.
—Cristina Santos, Head of Diversity & Inclusion and Equal Employment Opportunity, North America, Sanofi

In my experience, active engagement from men is a critical factor in our shared journey to achieve gender partnership and gender equity. I'm grateful to the women in my life who welcomed, fostered, and mentored my growth—enabling me to be a better leader, father, spouse, and friend. Ray Arata's book is a helpful guide for how men can be better sponsors and advocates for women.
—Mike Kaufmann, CEO of Cardinal Health

In a historical moment when men are called to, and must show up as allies, Ray Arata provides a clear roadmap for what that takes. His approach is brutally honest, self-reflective, and direct. Showing Up is a must read for men on this journey, and for all those who want to call men in as true allies.
—Gary Barker, PhD, Co-founder and CEO, Promundo-US
In Showing Up, Ray Arata provides clear guidance on how to turn good intentions into action. I strongly recommend it to everyone interested in helping create a more equal and productive workplace.
—Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and founder of LeanIn.Org and OptionB.Org

A Revolutionary Step-by-step Guide—by and for Men—to Ending Toxic Masculinity

Organizations worldwide are finally realizing the critical importance of diversity, equity, and inclusivity (DEI) for underrepresented people. Men are being called to enact heart-based leadership, increase diversity, bolster the bottom line, and create a culture so everyone in the workplace wins. The Times Up, Me Too, and Black Lives Matter movements have been wake-up calls to all of us, but perhaps mostly for men. And It's abundantly clear: the default model of masculinity isn't working for anyone. For a new and healthier infrastructure, for permanent and transformational shifts, we need a plan that includes men.

Enter Ray Arata, a world-recognized industry expert on engaging men in workplace DEI. The founder of the Better Man Conference and co-founder of Better Man Leadership, Arata argues that mainstream gender training and its focus on the avoidance of toxic masculinity is not enough.

In Showing Up, you'll discover the DIY method of heart-based leadership Ray has used with such companies as Verizon, Bloomberg, Moody's, Intel, Toyota, Hearst, and more—a male-modeled, real-solutions approach by and for men to increase diversity, bolster the bottom line, and create a culture so everyone in the workplace wins.

What you'll get from this book:

• Embrace healthy masculinity as a cornerstone of inclusionary leadership
• Identify unhealthy masculine behaviors in the workplace—like mansplaining, manterrupting, and manopolizing
• Adopt behavior modifications to become an inclusive leader and ally for underrepresented groups
• Incorporate specific language to use in healthy discussions
• Leverage power and position to elevate underrepresented groups

Showing Up is a how-to book for men in organizations seeking to be better allies and leaders. The book also gives guidance to HR, Diversity & Inclusion Professionals on how to engage their men in diversity efforts.

Unlike other ally work which is often heady and data-driven, Arata provides a road map for supporting men to be authentic, vulnerable, and accountable including:

• Six Principles of heart-based Leadership
• Four steps of the Ally's Journey
• The Better Man Pledge
• The Five States of men in organizations

With stories that illuminate common missteps, followed by key learning sections, and deep-dive training exercises to support the development of allyship, Showing Up turns good intentions into specific actions you can implement immediately.

From the Publisher