Stop Avoiding Stuff: 25 Microskills to Face Your Fears and Do It Anyway

by Matthew S. Boone LCSW, Jennifer Gregg PhD, Lisa W. Coyne PhD

Overview

Afraid? Do it anyway! The 25 microskills in this little book will help you stand up to your fears, so you can live the life you really want.

To fear is to be human. But fear can also keep us stuck living lives that are stale, stagnant, or downright miserable. Fear leads us down paths that feel more safe, but that deep down we know are wrong for us. The good news is that you can stand up to your fears and change your life for the better. If you’re ready to stop avoiding stuff and say yes to opportunity, the easy-to-implement strategies in this book will help you break the avoidance habits that have been keeping you in a rut.

Drawing on evidence-based acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), this accessible guide offers 25 microskills to help you face your fears so you can live a truly courageous and meaningful life. With this book, you’ll learn:

• Why you avoid stuff
• Tips to increase self-awareness in moments of fear
• Strategies for untangling from distressing thoughts
• How to hold the inevitable pain and discomfort of life lightly
• Ways to connect with your values and take action

 

We are hardwired to avoid, control, and escape the stuff that makes us uncomfortable. But if you’re ready to stop living scared, the tips and tools in this little book will help you pivot back to what really matters to you.
 

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781684036059
Publisher:	New Harbinger Publications
Publication date:	11/01/2020
Pages:	192
Product dimensions:	4.90(w) x 6.90(h) x 0.60(d)
Age Range:	5 Years

About the Author

Matthew S. Boone, LCSW, is a social worker, psychotherapist, and educator who specializes in translating mental health concepts for the general public. Boone is a nationally recognized, peer-reviewed trainer in acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), coauthor of Stop Avoiding Stuff, and editor of Mindfulness and Acceptance in Social Work. He is associate director of student mental health services at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences, where he is an instructor in psychiatry. He regularly gives ACT workshops around the country.

Jennifer Gregg, PhD, is a psychologist, author, professor, and trainer. She is a professor at San Jose State University, and has spent twenty years treating cancer patients and their families. Gregg has been studying, delivering, and evaluating ACT since 1995, and she has published dozens of research papers, book chapters, and articles on ACT. She is coauthor of Stop Avoiding Stuff and The Diabetes Workbook.


Lisa W. Coyne, PhD, is founder and senior clinical consultant of the McLean OCD Institute for Children and Adolescents (OCDI Jr.), and assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. She also founded and directs the New England Center for OCD and Anxiety, and is coauthor of The Joy of Parenting (with Amy Murrell) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Clinician's Guide for Supporting Parents with ACT (with Koa Whittingham). She lives near Boston, MA, with her family and two therapy dogs, Doog and Peach.

Table of Contents

Welcome to This Book 1

Meet Your Avoidance 9

Part 1 Build Awareness of the Moment to Seize the Moment

Microskill 1 Get Curious About the World 24

Microskill 2 Observe All the Comings and Goings 29

Microskill 3 Deepen Awareness of Your Inner Experience 34

Part 2 Feel Your Feelings Without Running Away

Microskill 4 Understand How Your Emotions Work 41

Microskill 5 Feel Emotions-Don't Fight or Feed Them 46

Microskill 6 Practice Willingness 51

Microskill 7 Breathe In and Out of Pain 57

Part 3 Free Yourself from the Tyranny of Fearful Thoughts

Microskill 8 Step Back and Notice Your Thinking 65

Microskill 9 Admit the Truth ("I Don't Know") 71

Microskill 10 Emphasise Workability over Truth 76

Microskill 11 Let Go of Being Right 81

Part 4 Shift Your View So It's Bigger Than Your Fears

Microskill 12 Author Your Values 92

Microskill 13 Make Values a Verb 98

Microskill 14 Change the Small Stuff 103

Microskill 15 Take Perspective 107

Microskill 16 Be the "You" You Want to Be 111

Microskill 17 Make One Small, Bold Move at a Time 117

Part 5 Take Small Steps Toward More Engagement

Microskill 18 Notice Positive Emotions Too 125

Microskill 19 Practice Gratitude 130

Microskill 20 Tip Toward the Amazing 135

Microskill 21 Be Gentle with Yourself 140

Microskill 22 Spread Lovingkindness to Others 145

Part 6 Get Through Avoidance Urges and Get Going: On the Spot Strategies

Microskill 23 Five Thinking Traps to Notice and Spring Free From 153

Microskill 24 Nine Ways to Disentangle from Your Mind 159

Microskill 25 Ten Strategies for Showing Up with Willingness 165

Acknowledgments 171

Resources 173

References 175

Interviews

Boone resides in Little Rock, AR; Gregg resides in Redwood City, CA (Greater San Francisco Bay Area); and Coyne resides in Melrose, MA (Greater Boston Metropolitan Area).
 

Editorial Reviews

If you find it hard to engage in everyday practices to help your anxiety, then this book is for you. I loved the micro-skills, and wanted to get out my own journal and start practicing the smallest of daily tasks right away. I am sure this will help you change your anxiety and worry, and give you much more. It’s written by experts in the field of ACT, and I highly recommend it.”
—Louise Hayes, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of The Thriving Adolescent, Your Life Your Way, and Get out of Your Mind and Into Your Life for Teens

Louise Hayes

Life doesn’t come with a rule book, but if it did, this would be a pretty cool one. It’s bite-size, fun to read, and covers the most important things. Once you are oriented, you can bounce around and acquire the skills that most interest you or that you really need right now. You could even put it in the bathroom and read it there. Not every book that can change your life needs to be a tome. Instead, stop avoiding stuff—one tiny bit at a time.”
—Steven C. Hayes, PhD, Nevada Foundation Professor in the department of psychology at the University of Nevada, Reno; and originator and codeveloper of ACT

Steven C. Hayes

Is fear holding you back in life at times? Then this book is for you. It’s packed with practical and manageable suggestions on how to thrive and step out of stuff that sucks, and into stuff that matters. It takes you through an easy-to-read, at times personal, down-to-earth, humorous, and loving journey too. Read this book. Your life is waiting for you to join it.”
—Rikke Kjelgaard, MSc, author; licensed psychologist; chief rock and roller and expert in ACT; and creator of Fierce, Fabulous, and Female

Rikke Kjelgaard

This delightful little book is chock-full of kitchen-table wisdom, presented in a simple, humble, genuine, and accessible way. It both humanizes our natural tendency to avoid stuff we don’t like, while giving us a variety of healthy ways to turn back toward the stuff we are running from. This book is perfect for the time-challenged reader who might be willing to spend ten minutes each day building a conscious, intentional way of living. Beware though, this book can easily become a real ‘page-turner,’ as you get more and more intrigued about the impact of little behaviors on your ongoing sense of personal vitality and life meaning.”
—Kirk Strosahl, PhD, cofounder of ACT, and coauthor of The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Depression

Kirk Strosahl

By breaking down effective strategies into simple-to-digest, bite-size pieces, this is a book that will really help you take small steps toward a life that matters to you. The authors bring a wonderful combination of authenticity and expertise. It is clear they wouldn’t ask you to do anything that they themselves are not willing to do, and it’s great to know these ideas have a good scientific foundation behind them too.”
—Ben Sedley, PhD, clinical psychologist, and author of Stuff That Sucks

Ben Sedley

Boone, Gregg, and Coyne have pulled off a marvelous feat—they have distilled down many of the core principles of ACT into a format that is fun to read! The book strikes just the right tone—you feel like you’re learning and even being challenged, without being lectured to or judged. I love the opportunities for teeny tiny practice—just the right size to make realistic change!”
—Sonja V. Batten, PhD, psychologist, executive coach, past president and fellow of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS), author of Essentials of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and coauthor of Committed Action in Practice

Sonja V. Batten

Everything in my life that works better now than it did before is a result of me stopping avoiding stuff. As this delightful book makes perfectly clear, stuff is not just activities that we avoid, but thoughts, feelings, and experiences in the body. Stop Avoiding Stuff does an impressive job highlighting all the ways we can learn to be more flexible, and how we can use that flexibility to suffer less and lean into more of what life has to offer. It was easy not to avoid writing this endorsement.”
—Jon Hershfield, MFT, director of The OCD and Anxiety Center at Sheppard Pratt, author of When a Family Member Has OCD and Overcoming Harm OCD, and coauthor of The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD and Everyday Mindfulness for OCD

Jon Hershfield

Stop Avoiding Stuff is the perfect balance of skills, wisdom, authenticity, and humor. I fell in love with this book. I saw myself—all too well—in Jen, Lisa, and Matt’s personal examples. As I read this book, I saw subtle ways and areas where I avoid stuff, and found compassionate microskills to help move me closer toward a life guided by values rather than dictated by old fears.”
—Aisling Leonard-Curtin, CPsychol, PsSI, chartered psychologist with The Psychological Society of Ireland; peer-reviewed ACT trainer; and coauthor of the #1 best seller, The Power of Small

Aisling Leonard-Curtin

Stop Avoiding Stuff offers concrete, practical, doable microskills that will help you get out of the avoidance trap. Grounded in scientific research, this approachable yet thorough book breaks down the tools needed for sustained behavior change into manageable steps. I’d recommend this to anyone who is ready to take action in their life, and is looking for the tools to help them move toward what really matters to them.”
—Jenna LeJeune, PhD, licensed psychologist; president of Portland Psychotherapy Clinic, Research, and Training Center; and coauthor of Values in Therapy

Jenna LeJeune

If you’re like me and your attention span is shrinking, this is the perfect book for you. ‘Teeny Tiny Practices?’ ‘Microskills?’ Yes, please! Using helpful examples and relatable personal experiences, the authors provide the scaffolding to understand the ‘why’ behind each bite-size acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) practice. Stop Avoiding Stuff is easy to digest, practical, and really fun to read. If you want to live a mightier life, I highly recommend this book!”
—Jill A. Stoddard, PhD, author of Be Mighty

Jill A. Stoddard

In a world of unknowns, there are plenty of reasons to bury our heads in the sand. What if, by doing teeny tiny exercises, we faced our stuff, talked about our stuff, and, in the process of making our stuff feel better, we improved everyone else’s stuff as well. Now, that would be some great stuff, and you can learn how to get started on all that stuff right here in this book.”
—Patrick B. McGrath, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist, head of clinical services at NOCD, and president of Anxiety Centers of Illinois

Patrick B. McGrath