That's So You!: Create a Look You Love with Beauty, Style and Grace

by Ginger Burr

Overview

With the help of stories from real women, expert stylist Ginger Burr is your guide on a style transformation journey. Whether you are stuck in a fashion rut or feeling lost because your body has changed but your desire to look good hasn't, That's So You can help you:
- tap into your inner beauty
- stop sett ling for a wardrobe that is "good enough"
- let comfort and beauty coexist in your wardrobe
- create your signature style
- dress stylishly and compassionately
- avoid fashion no-nos
- age gracefully, and
- shop successfully
"When it comes to addressing the inner and outer obstacles that prevent women from feeling terrific about how they look, there's no one more qualified than Ginger Burr. She is a fashion master!"
--Cheryl Richardson, author of New York Times bestsellers Take Time for Your Life and Life Makeovers
"Ginger truly is interested in empowering women and helping every woman develop her own unique style. And, she does it with gentle humor, verve and pizzazz!"
--Jean Kilbourne, author, filmmaker, social theorist

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781452568737
Publisher:	Balboa Press
Publication date:	03/07/2013
Pages:	298
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.67(d)

Read an Excerpt

That's So You!

Create a Look You Love with Beauty, Style and Grace

---

By Ginger Burr

Balboa Press

Copyright © 2013 Ginger Burr
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-6873-7

---

Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

Tapping Into Your Inner Beauty

Who are you? I ask because this is an important aspect of creating a look you love. When you dig really deep down inside, who do you see? Don't worry if your answer feels a bit unclear right now. You're here because you want to figure out the answer, and this chapter will help you begin.

Tapping into your inner beauty means addressing inner obstacles that keep you stuck—all those learned behaviors and limiting beliefs that do not serve you but have dictated your wardrobe choices up to now. It means looking at what makes you special and being sure your personal essence is reflected in the wardrobe and style choices you make.

I know that this is often an unfamiliar step, and that's exactly why so many women regularly wear clothes they don't love. Did you know that every time you enter a room you make a statement without saying a word? This statement is first and foremost visual, and so many people are, at most, only vaguely aware of the statement they are making. In fact, often they hope to be as invisible as possible, and they figure that if they just blend in no one will notice them. But the statement you make is about more than how you look. People pick up on your energy—how you feel about how you look. When you feel tentative about the statement you are making with your wardrobe choices or you don't like how you are dressed, others can often sense that discomfort.

This is not about dressing the way you think you should look or how you think others expect you to look; it's about purposefully creating the visual image you want to project. When you do this in an authentic, heartfelt way (that's where tapping into your inner beauty comes in), it will give you confidence and a more empowered presence and offer others valuable insight into who you are. Plus, when you look in the mirror, and you will feel good! This, in turn, boosts your self-esteem, bolsters your confidence and draws people to you with a very clear message about who you are.

Are you ready for some realignment? Take a deep breath, open your mind, open your heart, and let the new you emerge. Welcome to the first step in your magnificent journey!

Does How You Look Really Matter?

It's no secret that our society is obsessed with image. We hold women to an unrealistic standard of beauty with the expectation that every woman should be young, tall and thin. Really? It's no wonder so many women feel excluded! But, as you know, this is nothing new. In fact, over three decades ago, when I was in my early twenties I realized this and rebelled. I outright rejected the idea that someone else would tell me how I was supposed to look in order to fit in. I decided to do something about it, so I stopped shaving my legs, wore androgynous clothes and relinquished my mascara. I know that doesn't sound all that impressive, but since I have blonde eyelashes mascara was the only makeup product I wore, and it significantly changed my appearance. It was a bigger sacrifice than you think.

This rebellion lasted about three months, and then I had an epiphany. It was an awakening that eventually influenced the work I do now. I realized that even in my rebellion I was letting others direct the choices I made rather than letting my personal preferences and inner spirit guide me, and as a result, I felt out of sorts. I started paying more attention to what made me happy and less to what others expected. That mindset has served me well ever since.

So the question remains, does how we look really matter? You bet it does. But maybe not in the way we've been led to think it does. Let's talk about this some more.

In the show Wife Swap, two wives switch families for two weeks: In the first week, they live by the new family's rules, and in the second week, they set their own rules by which the new family must live. For the sake of dramatic tension, the producers choose families whose values and philosophies are diametrically opposed.

I don't watch the show much because it often feels mean-spirited and just too stressful, but I remember one show where the wives expressed their views about personal image. One woman believed that how you look is all that matters. The other, who felt strongly that beauty comes exclusively from the inside, was appalled at how much time her temporary family spent on grooming and dressing and was very outspoken about it. She rarely brushed her hair, never cared if her clothing matched, and shopped exclusively in thrifts stores and only when absolutely necessary. (As I said, the show is about extremes.) As you can imagine, much drama ensued!

So, who is right? Does how we look matter above all else? Do clothing, makeup and hair choices have that much influence? Or should our personality and inner essence be our primary focus with no attachment to how we look on the outside?

Over the years the most important thing I have realized is that the key to feeling deep satisfaction with how you look is matching your outer appearance with full appreciation for and expression of who you are on the inside. Here are three steps to get you started:

1. Dress with intention: Many women have fallen into a state of unconsciousness about how they look. Is it any surprise when you consider the factors working against us (e.g., body image issues, social pressure, compromised self-esteem, disinterest in fashion)? Women are bombarded by messages about how we "should" look and what we "should" wear. After a while, many give up and resort to dressing in what is safe and easy.

After this pattern is repeated enough, dressing becomes an unconscious act. If this sounds familiar, take a look in the mirror, and ask yourself this: "If my clothes could talk, what would they say about me?"

Do you like the answer? If not, it's time to make changes. Ask yourself what you would like your clothes to say about you.

Then, keep that message front and center as you go through the rest of this book. It is a very clear and important message for you to heed and is part of what will give you great satisfaction when you get dressed each day.

2. Know the rules: I once spoke to a large group of young professional women. Most were incredibly appreciative of what I shared, but a couple of them were up in arms and called my talk sexist. They said that the organization that brought me in would never do the same for a group of men. Wouldn't they be surprised to know that, yes, it would?

Little did they know that I am a feminist from way back (possibly, yikes, before they were born) and that my passion has been and still is to empower women. Knowing the rules—both spoken and unspoken—of how to dress for the workplace can be critical to professional success. And who would want to risk that—especially because they didn't know any better (talk about disempowering!)?

If you understand the rules about dress, then you are well equipped to make choices that serve you. Knowing the expectations, you can then make a conscious decision to disregard them if you choose to and are better prepared to deal with, or circumvent, the consequences.

3. Show respect: Take pride in how you look. Good grooming habits are essential and have nothing to do with where you shop or how big or fancy your wardrobe. Others notice when you take good care of your body and your clothes—and when you don't—and, most importantly, you feel best when you give yourself some TLC.

Fair or not, people will make assumptions about you based on what they see, so you must feel confident that you are creating visual cues with authenticity—which is not what I was doing when I rebelled many years ago. Let me assure you that it is not possible to meet everyone's expectations, but one thing is for sure: You can meet your own expectations. That's what we'll be focusing on for the next nine chapters.

Are You Settling for Good Enough?

When you choose a doctor, do you want the best, or do you say, "What the heck, good enough is good enough"? Of course you don't!

When you help your child with her homework and she tells you that two plus two equals five, do you say, "Oh, sweetie, that's good enough"? I doubt it!

When you go out for dinner and order spaghetti and they bring you lentil soup, do you send it back or say, "That's good enough"? Chances are good you send it back!

So why do you get dressed every day in something that is just good enough?

Recently, I was shopping with Tracy for the first time. We had a number of outfits with us in the dressing room, and the first thing she tried on was a magenta top. As she looked in the mirror and assessed what she saw, I could sense her mind whirling. I asked her how she liked it. She hesitated and then said, "I'm not sure I like the fabric. But it fits well, so I think it's good enough."

Oops. I think not! That was her old way of doing things, but I was there to help her move beyond that and never settle for less than great or fabulous or terrific. There is never a time when good enough is good enough!

Tracy looked relieved, although maybe a tad skeptical as well, when I explained this to her. Up until then, good enough had been her default. She always felt thankful when she at least met that (low!) standard.

When you think of Bette Midler, what do you picture? Perhaps it's a woman with incredible energy, a quick wit and a quirky style. You have to admit that whether you love her style or cringe when you see it, her message is something we can all admire. Bette is Bette—loud and clear!

There is a somewhat famous quote attributed to Bette: "I have my standards. They're low. But I have them."

This is probably more her quick wit speaking than her own fashion sense. However, I don't personally know Bette, so I can only guess. Regardless, I know she speaks for many women when it comes to creating a wardrobe: You have your standards. They're low. But you have them. The question is why are they so low?

It is not unusual for new clients to tell me that I really don't need to see their wardrobe. They can show me a couple of pictures, or I can just look at what they are wearing now; that's their "uniform." They've settled on something that gets them out the door in the morning, doesn't stand out too much and is comfortable.

A "uniform" certainly gets the job done, but what happens to their soul, their heart, their inner beauty? They finally rebel! One day these women take a peek in their closets and think, "I don't want to do this anymore." But then what?

Over the past twenty-six years of working with women on how they look (and, of course, thirty years of my own personal reflection before that), I have found that there are at least four reasons why women settle for less—often wearing the same few personally uninspiring outfits day in and day out. See if you can relate to any of these:

1. You feel clueless. You do not know how or where to begin to create a wardrobe you love. Although you long to look in the mirror and feel great about how you look, you mostly feel lost and overwhelmed.

2. You hate to shop. You do not like shopping, primping or any of the planning that goes into creating a wardrobe, not to mention whether you even know how. You want to be comfortable, and you want to get through the process quickly. As a result, personal expression takes a backseat to comfort or ease.

3. You do not like your body. Your first inclination is to cover it and hide until you feel better about how you look. This, of course, perpetuates the bad feelings about yourself, and the cycle continues. For you, shopping is a nightmare experience. Finding things that fit properly is challenging, and because you feel uncomfortable with your body, you cannot imagine loving anything that would actually fit anyway. Besides, with a body like yours, you do not think you deserve to buy something you love. This is a common underlying theme I hear often.

4. You do not have time. This is usually present in conjunction with at least one of the other three reasons. You buy things on the run, often settling for something adequate rather than extraordinary because it is quicker. You do not have time to organize your wardrobe, and exhaustion causes you to toss things haphazardly into your drawers and your closet at the end of the day. Even if you do own pieces you love, finding them and coordinating them just takes too much time and effort, and, of course, more important obligations take precedence. You keep thinking that someday you will get to it, but someday never comes.

Does any of that ring a bell? Have you settled for less because you are unsure how to take a step forward that feels good and all of your attempts so far have been frustrating?

Here are three steps to help you get out of your Bette Midler rut:

1. Become aware. Congratulations! Yes, you have already taken a giant step forward. Not only have you acknowledged that you let your standards slip a bit, but you have also not given up—or you would have stopped reading a long time ago. Yay for you! The important thing now is to do something to move you forward so you don't fall back into "good enough" thinking.

2. Build on what is working. Chances are good that not everything in your wardrobe is a complete disaster. Almost always when I go into a client's closet after she has told me she doesn't like anything in there, she will come across something she loves. Maybe it's a pair of shoes, a favorite jacket or a scarf. It doesn't matter. The point is that she owns and can identify something she enjoys wearing.

Now it's your turn. Take a peek in your closet and pull out one thing that delights you (even if you can't complete the outfit—sometimes that's the biggest frustration, but let's not go there yet). Analyze it. What is it about it that you love? The color, the fabric, the pattern, texture, style details, the way it shows off your waist or legs or shoulders? You get the idea.

Do this with three or four items. Write down what you discover and then see where you can find commonality. Maybe you'll find out that you love paisley or a particular collar design or a specific fit. Maybe everything you chose is made out of linen or has a similar texture. This is invaluable information.

3. Practice, practice, practice. Make a list of what you learned and write it on an index card. Keep it handy in your handbag. Now, go shopping. It doesn't have to be a long shopping trip. Just venture out to your favorite store and wander through, or really branch out and try a new store altogether!

Look for the things you discovered you loved about your favorite items in your wardrobe. Try on some things. Even if you walk out with nothing, pat yourself on the back for practicing what you've learned (and for leaving without buying something that wasn't great if that's what happens!). Afterward, take a few minutes to jot down what you learned.

Practice is the only way you will make any changes, so keep it as positive as possible and try to make it fun instead of work. Each time you do this you will get closer to your goal.

One last word: Go into this exercise (or go back and do it again) with an open mind. Imagine that as you take these three steps, you will find a key that will help you move forward. You don't have to know in advance what that key is, just go in and explore. Let it reveal itself.

If you go in thinking, "This won't work. I already know that nothing in my closet is any good and nothing looks good on me. It's all hopeless," then that's what you will find. If this is your natural tendency (and trust me, it is for many of us!), take a deep breath, and go explore your wardrobe with a newly open mind!

This is the kind of exercise you can do over and over and learn something new each time. Creating a wardrobe is as much an inner experience as it is an outer one.

Pam, one of my clients, put it very well:

"Building a strong sense of ourselves gives clarity, especially for those moments when it's important to stand up for ourselves and make the right choices for us. Your work has certainly helped me with all this, and I am more aware of saying YES or NO, embracing or discarding, rather than just going with the flow."

Here's the bottom line: Since you spend time every day of your life (at least once a day) getting dressed, you deserve to have this be a joyful—or at least peaceful—experience. If it isn't, you are missing a delicious opportunity for self-expression and creativity.

I cannot emphasize this enough. You can have a wardrobe you love no matter what your body shape, age, size, coloring or budget (yes, budget!). This is not a hopeless situation for anyone.

A couple of weeks from now, check in with yourself. Are you and Bette Midler still best friends, or have you parted ways? All joking aside, let Bette inspire you to raise your standards and find a personal style that increases your joy factor each time you go into your closet.
(Continues...)

---

Excerpted from That's So You! by Ginger Burr. Copyright © 2013 by Ginger Burr. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

---

Table of Contents

Contents

Foreword....................     xiii     

Preface....................     xv     

Acknowledgements....................     xvii     

Introduction....................     xix     

Chapter 1: Tapping Into Your Inner Beauty....................     1     

Chapter 2: Taming Your Closet....................     37     

Chapter 3: Real-life Fashion Advice....................     67     

Chapter 4: Shopping with Joy and Ease....................     109     

Chapter 5: Accessorizing: The Finishing Touches....................     143     

Chapter 6: Casual Matters....................     163     

Chapter 7: Making Your Work Wardrobe Work for You....................     185     

Chapter 8: Vegan Fashion: A New Way of Looking at Beauty...................     211     

Chapter 9: Aging with Beauty, Style and Grace....................     235     

About the Author....................     269     

What Do You Do If You Get Stuck?....................     271