Read an Excerpt
The Art of Living in Joy
By M. Eric Donlan Balboa Press
Copyright © 2014 M. Eric Donlan
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-1526-7
CHAPTER 1
Life Is Joyful!
Life is exactly what you make of it. I believe having a positive attitude is what is most important. Belief—believe in yourself, having the confidence to at least try. You do not know what you will accomplish until you try. We are all powerful, creative, unique, endowed beings. We each have the power inside to create magnificent things—just look to the past to see what other civilizations have created without any of our modern tools or electronic resources. The only thing standing in your way is yourself! Yes, I know we have all heard this before, but it is true.
Like any great skill or talent, belief in yourself takes practice. Life without limits takes a conscious effort to be open to the continuous possibilities that are presented to us. However, as we redefine our belief system and learn to let go of the baggage holding us back—our anger, resentment, grievances, and fear—our path will open up effortlessly. Each day becomes easier to connect to the people and opportunities around us. Happiness comes from inside; it's a natural state of being that allows you to handle whatever life brings your way. When you view all events as just experiences and leave your judgment out of it, you are open to a whole new spectrum of ways to view and also to handle these things. I am able to say this only by looking at my own life and seeing what I have been able to achieve and experience while maintaining my joyful spirit.
My childhood and early years were less than normal. I did not grow up in the typical American happy family—does it really exist anywhere? I did not have a father; he died a month before I was born. My mother and I lived with my grandmother, great-grandmother, and uncle. We did live in a very nice New England town named Melrose. On Main Street, up many stairs, sat our typical Victorian house with a wraparound porch and two staircases inside. I enjoyed running up one set and down the other; this proved useful when I was being chased to try to avoid punishment from some mischief I was up to. I remember being a happy child, but the arguing of my mother and grandmother often shattered this peace. They could really go at it, and at times they got physical by throwing toasters and other small appliances at each other. We even had a cabinet in the basement with broken items. I don't know why they saved them. I think it was part of their issue of never letting anything go—especially the things inside: anger, grudges, and resentment. These are the things that hold so many people back from having the lives that they desire.
I remember feeling sad at these times of arguing. I would go into my own creative world to escape. My grandmother had all the old Ed Sullivan records of famous musicals and singers, and I would play them up in my room and act out the story or sing along. I fantasized about performing and being part of something special. I think this was when I realized that I did not want to be involved in the negative energy of anger. I knew deep inside that I desired peace, contentment, and love. However, at the time all I felt was loneliness and confusion because of the way my family interacted.
Being an only child with a working parent did have its advantages. My mother worked hard but always provided very well for me. Some would say I was a little spoiled, but what parent doesn't want a better life for their kid than they had? I didn't have a lot of rules or guidance. I realized later on in life that this was more because of her lack of parenting skill and not from a lack of care. She did not learn much from her mother about being a mother; my mother's was not a happy childhood.
Ann, my mother, was the oldest of five children with a very abusive father and an uncommunicative mother. I knew from the beginning that my mother never wanted a child; I was somewhat of a mistake, created from a bad situation. She did the best she could with the resources she had—Ann was responsible in everything to a fault. Eventually I came to realize that even though she didn't want to "bring another life into this crowded world," she was glad that it was me. I was well provided for and given many opportunities that other children never had. I was usually treated as a peer rather than a child, which was good and bad. My time was my own, and I became independent at a very young age because I scared off all the sitters. Everyone in the house worked, so I was left to my own devices.
I was included in more conversations and arguments than I should have been for my young age. My grandmother was extremely outspoken and always expressed her opinion, as twisted and bigoted as it was. I remember trying to digest at an early age my grandmother saying that my mother wanted to give me up for adoption and she would not let her do that because I would have ended up in a black family. I still cannot understand to this day her warped view on many things.
These experiences somehow forged into me a very strong spirit and sense of self. I did not feel I could rely on those around me to provide me with love or happiness, so I had to go within and find my own strength. Eventually I went out into the world to experience life and learn about myself. On a deep level I knew that if I were to find happiness, it would have to come from me.
I learned to not let these elements of my childhood get to me. I used them for my advantage. At an early age of eight, I began traveling alone by air to visit relatives. I was very lucky to have family that lived in California and New York. My one aunt, my mother's sister; my cousin, her daughter; and my great aunt, who was a Salvation Army minister, lived on Long Island. My great aunt ran a big church and summer Bible school with many wonderful caring people. I believe this place was the beginning of my blessings. My experiences there gave me great balance in my life, learning about God and religion and some life truths that would later become the foundation for my spiritual awareness.
I remember flying on Eastern Airlines from Boston to New York City and getting a shiny pair of pilot wings—they were real metal back then, not plastic like today. I was very outgoing and talked to everyone. I enjoyed the attention a minor got back then when traveling alone. It was exciting, and I learned quickly that there was a great big world out there, waiting to be explored.
Every school vacation I was on a plane to Long Island or California, where my other great aunts and uncles lived. They had a more traditional family with a mom and dad, family dinners, fun outings to amusement parks, ball games, car pools, and such. I was able to see and feel what it was like to be part of a traditional family, and I became aware of things I wanted to create in my life in the future. I never focused on what I didn't have; I thought about what I would have to do to create those things for myself. I saw possibilities in life—if someone else could do it or have it, so could I. The hard part at the time was figuring out how!
My mother always supported me, at least financially, in any activity I was interested in pursuing. In grade school it was a brand-new slide trombone. Why? I have no idea. I think it was big and looked cool, and I remembered the song "Seventy-Six Trombones" from the Music Man, one of the musicals I listened to as a child. Then it was drama class at Discovery Workshop, a neat community theater group run by one of my friend's parents. I loved going there and learned to express myself better. I became even more comfortable performing in front of people.
I know I was lucky to travel. The many summers spent with my aunt Major Dorothy Saunders, were wonderful years and I remember them very fondly. Every Sunday was church, and then during the week was day camp for kids when school was out, and for 2 weeks in August we were inspired by a visiting evangelist, Miss Ruth, who taught the vacation bible school. I believe these years were very inspirational and integral in forming my good set of basic values, Love, compassion, joy, kindness, just to name a few. The teachers and mentors I met through my Aunt also inspired me spiritually. They made the many bible stories in Sunday school come alive with felt boards, characters or puppets. Even as a child I would sit in during my Aunts bible studies, usually just playing, but I guess I must have been listening on a deeper level. Being there I definitely felt loved. As a cute kid with a lot of energy, I also got a lot of attention from the senior members of the congregation. They always willing to give a good hug or a quarter to buy an ice cream! I think this was also the beginning of my entrepreneurial spirit. I remember one summer when my cousin Melanie and I made perfume from the many flowers and trees that were on the four-acre church property and we sold small bottles of it to the senior citizens.
As a young teen, I went into Boston to explore and go about the city in search of adventure. My favorite place to go was the Ritz-Carlton Hotel near the Boston Common. I don't remember what attracted me to that place, but I liked the style, the elegance, and the spa. A manicure became my favorite Saturday activity. Around the corner on Newberry Street, I would go to a fashionable hair salon to get a haircut. I liked to take care of myself, and I believed I was worth it. This knowing came from within me—I knew that I was special. I often felt I didn't belong where I was, because I had always been very different from my family. My grandmother always said that they had no idea where my "Little Lord Fauntleroy" tastes came from.
On one of my Saturday excursions into the city, I wandered past a sign for a modeling agency and decided to go into the office. I wanted to be a model. Deep inside I knew I could create anything I really wanted to, and I did. I was placed into a talent and fashion show in Boston, which I won. I went to New York City to compete in the finals. The show in New York City was an exciting experience; I began to really feel like I was living my dream. I was signed by a manager and an agent and began working right away. I booked my first commercial that I auditioned for.
At the age of seventeen, I moved to New York City to pursue my acting career. I finished high school in a special program called City-As-School, which was exciting because I got to attend some classes at New York University as well as the New School for Social Research. I had a flexible schedule that allowed me to do my acting work, take special performing classes, and finish my senior year of high school while earning college credit. It was very cool, and I was on a high! I was featured in many national television commercials, radio ads, and was a print model for many national stores. I was also booked as a day player on a few soap operas, and movies. Live theatre was my favorite. My most amazing memory was the summer I was part of the "Othello" cast starring Avery Brooks and Andre Braugher. Even then I was living my dream, but not really aware of how I was creating it.
I was very proud when I graduated, and my family came to my school in New York City to attend the ceremony. I gave a speech at graduation, which even today amazes me because my philosophy was so evident back then. This speech was written almost thirty years ago, and I can see how connected I was, but I didn't really understand it or have much clarity. Looking back, I see how and where my philosophy on life started. Everything is connected, and I see so many miracles in my life.
HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION SPEECH, 1984 Choices by M. Eric Donlan
Life is a series of choices. That which we are is that which we have chosen to be. That which we will become is that which we choose to become! We are all in control of our lives and destiny.
We do choose our own course. Even though some people decide to adhere to others' expectations of what they should become in life, that in itself is still a choice. Those with strong character insist on making all their own choices despite the opinions of others. Life choices are difficult. It is hard to determine the right course to take at times. I have learned to trust my instincts. The right decision usually comes in time.
No matter what the outcome, I still feel good about the choice—even if it turns out to be a mistake! Mistakes are only opportunities to learn from. Choice and action always outweigh indecision and apprehension. Try not to let those things hold you back. In every situation there is always something new to learn. Approach each experience as if it were the first time you beheld it. Possibilities abound when you look for them. Examine each new step in life with past experience and current expectation to determine which choice to make. Nothing in itself is ever dull or exciting—it is only how we personally perceive it. If we see things positively, we will create positive results.
Nothing can affect us that we won't let affect us. We make life what it is—and what it isn't. The quicker we face reality and the sooner we begin to control the direction of our lives, the better they will become. Attract positive, get positive! Live in the present; experience each day one at a time. Savor each and every moment. I'm not saying we shouldn't plan ahead, but work at achieving smaller goals that ascend to your peak. Slow and steady does win the race. Anxiety kills the best of deals. Everyone wants to succeed, but it usually takes time. Patience, give me patience—but hurry up already! Everyone has the ability to become successful; it is your choice what to do with your gifts. Remember, the only person who stands in our way is ourselves.
So get out of your own way—enjoy life and all that it can bestow. Take in as much as possible, but keep humble. Live in gratitude. Appreciate the small gifts. No matter how much you know, there is always more to be learned. Respect yourself, and others will too! Regardless of what we create in life, all of us possess the necessary capabilities to make our own choices and determine our own destiny. Aside from being the ones that make the choices, we also determine the various possibilities from which to pick. Life—it is my choice!
CHAPTER 2
Attitude and Attraction
I am excited to share my thoughts with you. Through my stories and sharing some of my life experiences, my goal is to assist you in creating new ways of looking at challenging situations. I want to inspire you to see things through a new perspective. If you change your perception, you can change your whole life!
The law of attraction is fueled by your attitude. The outcome of an event is largely predicated upon the state of mind with which you enter the event. If you go in with a positive attitude, you will create positive results. What you focus on, you create. Good or bad, what you resist, persists. What you insist, you manifest! Your attitude creates magnitude! Happiness begins inside. Think about it: if you meet someone on the street and smile, usually you will get a smile in return. If you come from a place of peace and kindness, you will spark that same flame in another person. Positive energy begets positive emotion, but it has to begin somewhere. Use your initiative and take the first step. Be the first one to give out positive energy. Be conscious of all you have to be thankful for; we each have so many small blessings we take for granted. What you send out to the universe, you get back in abundance.
There is a difference between trying and doing. Have you ever tried to pick up a pencil? You can't! You either pick it up or you don't. An attitude of trying to do something just gives you an out or an excuse if you fail. "Well, I tried!" It just won't work. An attitude of success with total commitment, backed by 100 percent action, will bring you to your goal. Have faith that with perseverance you can create the blessings and accomplishments you want in your life. Be the answer that you want to see in your life and in the world.
Your attitude really sets the course your day will take. In the morning I like to mentally focus on what I have to be thankful for and what I want to accomplish with my day. I stretch and do my yoga and connect with the energy of the day. I want to center myself and open up to receiving guidance. My ultimate goal is always to have peace and joy in my life. I know that I am created whole and complete. We all have the same potential—the question is how are we going to direct and use our daily energies? Sometimes I make a to-do list. Sometimes I just plan things out in my mind. Find what works best for you—a road map for the day!
(Continues...)
Excerpted from The Art of Living in Joy by M. Eric Donlan. Copyright © 2014 M. Eric Donlan. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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