The Autism Couple's Workbook, Second Edition

by Maxine Aston

Overview

This updated edition of Maxine Aston's workbook is packed full of insightful, helpful and easily accessible activities for couples where one or both partners is on the autism spectrum to understand and accept their differences. This book expands on topics including verbal and non-verbal communication, sexual issues, socialising and parenting, with case studies from couples who have successfully worked through their issues.

This edition is fully updated for the DSM-V and features new research into alexithymia, further insights into couples counselling, digital communication and sensory sensitivity, with new worksheets and opportunities for collaboration and reflection. Combining advice, guidance and activities, this book can be used independently by a couple at home or in conjunction with a therapist, encouraging communication and empathy to help make a neurodiverse relationship successful.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781785928918
Publisher:	Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Publication date:	10/21/2020
Pages:	240
Product dimensions:	6.77(w) x 9.61(h) x 0.71(d)

About the Author

Maxine Aston has an MSc in Health Psychology and has practiced as a Couple Counsellor since 1994. She is also qualified as a supervisor and a teacher in Adult Education and has specialised in individuals, couples and families affected by Autism since 1998. Maxine's book, The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome (2001) was the first book published world-wide on relationships when one partner has Asperger Syndrome.

Maxine has been running workshops for counsellors, psychotherapists, professionals and psychosexual therapists who may encounter clients affected by AS for over twenty years. In addition, Maxine's workshops, for partners that live with a person with Asperger syndrome, have been highly successful and attended by participants from all over the world, and she has spoken at both National and International Conferences.

Table of Contents

Foreword Tony Attwood 9

Acknowledgements 11

Terminology 12

Using This Book 12

Introduction 13

1 Understanding the Difference 15

The different species concept 15

Different needs 17

A different way of thought processing 18

Autism or personality 21

A different perspective 24

2 Communication 27

When not to communicate 29

Communicating on different wavelengths 32

One thing at a time 33

Memory aids 36

Whole-sentence strategy 37

The card communication system 39

3 Expressing Feelings and Alexithymia 45

What is alexithymia? 45

Who does alexithymia affect? 45

What percentage of AS individuals are affected by alexithymia? 46

What are the symptoms of alexithymia? 46

How is alexithymia assessed? 46

Alexithymia and empathy 46

What is the research telling us? 47

What are the implications of the research? 48

Therapy and treatment 48

Feelings in colour 49

4 Non-Verbal Communication 57

Assumptions 58

Intonation of communication 61

MAD moments 64

5 Meltdowns 67

Fight, flight or freeze response - different forms of meltdowns 72

Changing fight to flight 75

What about the NT partner and meltdowns? 76

Three rules for good arguing 77

Strategies to avoid breaking the three rules 78

The frustration or anger thermometer 79

Unresolved issues 80

Strategies for avoiding meltdowns 84

6 Social Interaction 95

A need for a different environment 99

Celebrations 102

Arranging surprise celebrations 110

Getting the context right 113

7 Sensory Sensitivity 115

Being aware of sensory issues 118

Ways to reduce the impact of negative stimuli 125

A note for therapists 127

8 Sexual Issues 129

Making a partner feel special 131

Sensory sensitivity 135

Finding a new way of sexual communication 142

9 Parenting 143

Being distracted 144

Understanding the kids 144

House rules 145

Sharing responsibilities 149

Favouritism 149

10 Home Life 151

Special interests 151

Time awareness 155

Selective hearing 160

Getting the priorities right 160

11 The Four Stumbling Blocks 167

Lack of emotional support 167

Saying the wrong/inappropriate thing! 170

Self-absorbed and not self-aware 172

Overreaction to perceived criticism 174

12 Couple Therapy 177

Where to look 178

How much will I pay? 178

Where will they be located? 179

What if the therapist knows me or my partner? 179

What to look for in a therapist 179

Qualifications/training 180

When do you want to go to couple therapy? 180

How long will the sessions last? 181

How long do you want to go to couple therapy for? 181

Exactly what are you both hoping to gain from therapy? 182

Arranging your first session 184

Preparing for your first session 184

Couple therapy versus individual therapy 185

When therapy ends 186

13 To Have or Not Have a Diagnosis 187

How do I find someone to see for a diagnosis? 187

Choosing to have a private diagnosis 188

Who is the diagnosis for? 189

How long will a diagnosis take? 190

Do I have to go alone, or do I have to take someone with me? 190

When will I get the results? 191

What if I do not agree with the results? 191

What can I expect after a positive assessment? 192

Ignorance is not bliss! 193

14 Who to Tell About Autism 195

A practical way to demonstrate communication difficulties to a child 196

A practical way to explain the effect of social interaction to a child 197

Telling parents 198

Telling friends 198

Employers and colleagues at work 199

15 What is Cassandra? 205

What causes the Cassandra phenomenon? 207

What are the symptoms of CP? 208

What can be done to prevent CP? 209

16 Maintaining the Relationship Together 217

Relationship assessment (RA) sheets 219

17 Difference Can Work 227

References and Further Resources 231

Index 233

Editorial Reviews

Every day I hear from either the ASD or non-ASD partner asking me what to do and what strategies to apply in their relationships. Chock-full of practical tips and perceptive illustrations, Maxine's book has long been a go-to resource for me as a clinician and a trusted companion to so many couples around the world and this updated edition is even better!

Eva A. Mendes

Full of practical advice and insights this book will undoubtedly be of help to couples negotiating the unique challenges when one partner is on the autism spectrum.

Joanna Pike