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Introduction -The Human Struggle for Happiness
Happiness, nothing so enigmatic has been pursued for so long and with such passion by humans who have been willing to start revolutions and drive civilizations to their ruin for the sake of achieving it. Meanwhile philosophers, religious leaders, scientists, psychologists, and even politicians have spent centuries on defining what “it” is? And, to this day, there is no more clarity on the meaning of happiness. Aristotle, the great philosopher proclaimed it as the “ultimate purpose of human existence.” The pursuit of happiness still consumes the lives of every human being on the planet. After all, who doesn’t want to be happy? Yet, if the research is to be believed, it still seems to escape most of us.
The real question is, how do you, personally, define happiness; and, if you could define it, would you know how to purposely achieve it; then, would you even know happiness if you achieved it?
We all experience moments of happiness—the warmth of another human being, the joy of a puppy, the extra bonus in a paycheck, the birth of a child. In one sense, happiness is all around us; but so is the weather; and it can change from good to bad in an instant. The moments that bring us happiness can evaporate in an instant, replaced by periods of darkness that can bring despair. Can happiness even be controlled?
Aristotle, who actually introduced the “science of happiness,” concluded that, in order to achieve true happiness, we must depend on ourselves. He was convinced that genuine happiness required the realization of a number of conditions that shaped our physical and mental well-being; not limited to material things, but that involved the cultivation of virtue over our lifetimes. As the “ultimate purpose of human existence,” a true state-of-happiness is not a quest, but, rather an end which is desirable for the sake of itself, not for the sake of something or someone else.
Translated into today’s terms, happiness cannot be achieved through possessions or even cumulative moments of joy; rather, it is the culmination of a purposeful journey with complete self-fulfillment as the final destination. Perhaps, that is why happiness is so elusive for so many.
Happiness is too often measured by what we have or how we feel, here and now versus what we hope to achieve through a lifetime dedicated to purpose. The reality is that, too many people go through life without a purpose—knowing what it is that can bring them true happiness.
In the modern world, especially in this country, happiness is typically equated with the feeling of well-being at any given moment. But, if all it took was a cold beer on a hot summer day, or, for the hardcore among us, a shot of drug, to create a feeling of well-being, happiness could only be measured in terms of minutes or hours versus a lifetime. Aristotle believed that genuine happiness could only be measured after a lifetime of accomplishment.
Does that mean we can’t know happiness until late in life? Not necessarily. In life, as in any kind of journey, if you know your destination, and you know you’re on the right path to that destination, each step along the way brings an increment of fulfillment. As long as we are advancing towards the goals we want to achieve, we can enjoy happiness. Without a life destination—a defined purpose or vision of where you are headed—we are destined to take any path, with each step adding to the confusion and conflict of an uncertain future.
The complete difference in these two life approaches is that one exerts internal control over the extent of happiness to be realized along the way while the other must rely on external stimuli (a drug, an impulse purchase, a funny TV show) to bring fleeting moments of happiness. It’s the difference between being happy on purpose, with a purpose, versus waiting for happiness to find you or having to create it superficially.
The Extremely Complex Link between Happiness and Decision-Making
For many of us, our immediate futures – tomorrow, next week and maybe even next month—seem pretty clear. But, over the longer time horizon it becomes more difficult to correlate the choices we make now with the future consequences of those choices. It’s a disconnect that often leads to choosing instant gratification over a future reward largely because the abstract of time seems to allow it. There’s always more time to do the right thing, right? I want to hit the snooze button on my alarm once, twice, maybe even three times because it brings me the instant gratification of additional, blissful sleep. With 24 hours in the day, what difference will additional half hour of sleep make?
These seemingly insignificant decisions can accumulate throughout the day—choosing a piping hot pastry over a healthy breakfast; spending four dollars on a Starbucks drink, skipping an afternoon workout, watching three hours of TV right before bedtime —all bringing fleeting moments of well-being without noticeable consequences. However, when one such day turns into two days, or a week, or a month, the fine line between what are wrong choices and what have become uncontrollable habits gradually dissolves and the consequences are compounded.
To put this in a familiar, real life perspective, consider the compounding effect of impulse purchases. When we toss our budget aside to buy the next great gadget, the justification is found in the amount of time we have to make up for the purchase—“I’ll put aside additional savings next month.” But, how do we know we won’t be tempted next month by another shiny object? And, what if the next price tag requires several month’s worth of additional savings to make up the financial difference?
Impulse purchases, though seemingly inconsequential in the moment, are typically not isolated occurrences; they tend to occur in patterns dictated by habitual behavior. One hundred dollars spent this month on a gadget isn’t likely to bankrupt anyone; even a monthly habit of spending a few hundred dollars on goodies can be sustainable for most people earning a decent paycheck. But what is the future consequence of these short term decisions? Would you be shocked to learn that it could cost you tens of thousands of dollars when you need it the most – when you are no longer able or willing to earn a paycheck? That’s called, retirement, which is often forced upon us; and it may seem as if it’s far enough down the road that minor indiscretions couldn’t possibly have an adverse impact. Think again.
Consider the effect of just $100 not saved today for retirement. If, instead of buying a new gadget with a useful life measured in just months, you invest that $100 in a mutual fund that earns an average of 8 percent over the next 25 years—compounded annually—it would grow to nearly $700. Not a big deal you say? Well, to begin with, had you bought the gadget, it would be long gone by then; and you would have lost any opportunity to earn that $600.
Now, consider the extra $100 a week you spend on things you can’t account for—the daily lattes, restaurant and fast food meals, drinks with friends, brand-name clothes, silly, gas for trips to nowhere, etc. If, instead, you invested the $400 (about $13 a day) in some mutual funds that earns an average 8 percent per year—compounded annually—it would grow to $366,000.
Here’s the kicker: If you choose instant gratification over future rewards and wait, say, 10 years to start investing, you would have to invest nearly three times that amount, almost $1,100 a month in order to accumulate the same $366,000. Such is the cost of time wasted. So trying to use the amount of time you think you have as justification for waiting just increases your costs which can reduce your chances of success.
“But, I’ll be earning more money in ten years, so I can afford the increased cost of retirement.” If you haven’t heard anyone actually say this, you know they’re thinking it.
But, there is a fundamental problem with that strategy. When people receive a pay raise, the rational and responsible action to take would be to increase their savings by that amount or at least proportionately. However, for most people, especially those without a clear vision or plan for the future, the tendency is to simply apply the additional dollars to their life-style. That’s because people who lack a purpose for the additional dollars they earn tend to fall prey to the “more is better” philosophy thinking that each incremental improvement in lifestyle will bring more happiness.
Of course, we know that not to be true. At best, happiness rooted in consumption is fleeting which only increases the “risk of more” Think back to a time when you were earning one third less income than you are now. Were you happy then? Most people would tend to say they were. For those who say they weren’t, the chances are, if they weren’t happy then, they aren’t happy now. But, for the rest of us, more money and spending didn’t necessarily improve our happiness; it only produced more situations of happiness.
If the ability to increase our consumption was truly a source of genuine, sustainable happiness, how do we explain the disturbing fact that, according to the Center for Disease Control, the suicide rate for Americans, age 45 to 64, has increased by more 30 percent over the last decade?* Among white, middle-aged men—supposedly the highest-earning and wealthiest (relatively speaking) segment of our population, the rate has jumped by more than 50 percent. What choices do these people make along the way that leads to the ultimate choice of suicide; and what guided their decisions? Their decisions couldn’t have been based on a life purpose; otherwise, they would have chosen life.
False Happiness can be Hazardous to Your Health
When you consider all of the leading causes of death—self harm, heart disease, road injuries, aids , cirrhosis, murder, stroke, drug abuse, lung cancer, and alcohol abuse—decisions and choices were made along the way that led to a diseased heart, or wreck less speeding on the highway, or that one last pill too many. How many of these people left behind situations of happiness—a family, a dream house, lots of friends, etc.—that couldn’t bring them genuine, sustainable happiness?
Nobody sets as their life’s purpose to destroy their lives or the lives of people they love; so, the only conclusion that can be drawn is that they “life with no purpose”. Their decisions along the way were guided by impulse, instant gratification, or the need to numb (or end) the pain of emptiness. To be sure, you can count among those who choose to take their own lives or wreck them gradually over time, people confronted by an unexpected, catastrophic, life-changing event, who lacked the mechanisms for coping. But, how many of them began their painful journey with decisions as small, and insignificant as hitting the snooze button three or four time each day because they had no purpose that would propel them out of bed?
Thankfully, most people, regardless of whether or not they’ve discovered their life’s purpose or have defined their goals, are not prone to such extreme behavior. There still exists in most of us a moral compass that, even amidst the chaos and confusion of indecision or bad decisions, steers us away from that which can cause us or others the most harm. But, lacking a clear purpose in life, it can’t always steer us in a direction that can do the most good for ourselves and others—and that’s what, ultimately, brings each of us the happiness and fulfillment we desire.
Happiness Doesn’t Come Easily
Unless you’ve won the lottery of life and are naturally pre-disposed to happiness regardless of what life throws at you, which is rare, you will eventually come to realize that happiness is a choice. Of course, choosing happiness doesn’t simply make it so. If our lives, and ultimately, our happiness, are the sum total of all of the choices we make, the very first, significant choice must be to discover our own path to happiness and then make the decisions, large and small, that will keep us moving forward.
When you are on your path to happiness, suddenly risks are worth taking, hard choices are worth making, and the prospect of mistakes or failure is alluring, not frightening, because, with each one, you know you will be propelled further down your path. With each milestone you reach, your outlook grows even more positive and the power of external forces working to derail you is diminished. With each day, whether you achieved success or not, you can tell yourself you did your very best with no regrets. And, with each additional minute you spend on your path to happiness, your appreciation for what you have grows, ruling out any sense of wanting.
Is it as blissful as I’m making it sound? Not at all; it’s actually a lot of hard work. You’re not just changing your appearance, which might only require a diet or a makeover; you are changing your state-of-mind, which requires the rewiring of the most complex computer on the face of the earth—your brain.
It’s your brain that controls your traits, your habits and the thousands of minute decisions you make every day. But your brain, which only wants to do what you think you want, is in a constant struggle with a more powerful human force—your emotions, your feelings. And, in the end, feelings and emotions almost always trump rational thought. More often than not, your brain caves to your emotions and acts accordingly; except when the brain is trained to control them as well. However, absent discipline and the proper state-of-mind, training the brain to overcome emotions is a steep uphill climb.
Finding and staying on your path to happiness requires a Commitment to purpose, Discipline (the ability to follow your path regardless of what life give you), and Contentment (appreciating what you have along the way)—three critical ingredients not typically found together in the human DNA. Commitment to purpose without discipline can still result in chaos, and, without contentment, there is always the “risk of more.” Few people are wired with all three at once, and most people have yet to develop any of them.
Why this Book had to be written?
I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to follow my own path to happiness, pursuing my passion for helping others to become high achievers in all aspects of their lives. In my work with people of all backgrounds, I have found that the true high achievers—those who are ascending to the pinnacle of success in both their professional lives and personal lives—are the ones who can constantly convert their thoughts into decisions that lead to positive outcomes. Having the ability to do that, deliberately and effortlessly, enables them to stay focused on their purpose which is the key to forming decisions with clarity, confidence and conviction. Does this make them immune from making bad decisions? Not at all; however, their confidence is what allows them to absorb the risk of bad decisions while forging ahead until they get it right. With a clearly defined purpose as their compass, they know they will eventually get back on the right path.
What separates true high achievers from other “successful” people is how they measure success. High achievers don’t measure their success in terms of their bank account or the size of their business; rather, their only benchmarks are the life accomplishments that keep them moving down their path to happiness.
I know from my work with my clients, that anyone can develop the necessary traits and the ability to master their decision-making so that it puts them in control in their pursuit of happiness. This book is a personal journal of my experiences working with high achievers, utilizing the concepts, practices and advice of people who have achieved success in all aspects of their lives—their finances, their relationships, their business and, most importantly, their inner selves.
Essentially, I wrote the book I’ve long searched for but could not find as recommended reading for anyone who wants to transform their life that doesn’t contain psychological jargon or impractical, beneficial applications. In fact, within the pages of this book are several technology-based applications that can be downloaded to your smart phone and applied as simple, daily activities designed to coach you in the development of the critical habits and decision-making capabilities shared by high achievers.
The first section of the book takes you on your own personal journey to finding your path to happiness offered with practical applications for developing the traits and habits to keep you there. You’ll discover that the potential for leading a happy life resides within you; but, more importantly, you’ll uncover the tools that can unleash that potential.
The second section provides a detailed guide for simplifying your decision-making in all aspects of your life, which will clear your path of obstacles and wrong turns. Simplifying the decision-making process doesn’t guarantee you’ll always make the right decisions; however, it is the essential key to eliminating the chaos and confusion which can cloud your vision and put you off track. The chapters are full of simple, practical applications and exercises that, with each use, can multiply your happiness on a daily basis.
Above all else, "The Daily Happiness Multiplier" was written to remind you that the journey to happiness, while full of hard choices, hard work and even disappointment, should bring you immense enjoyment and the satisfaction of daily fulfillment along the way. That is the essence of happiness.
