The Eternal Mark of a Mom: Shaping the World through the Heart of a Child

by Linda Weber

Overview

A nurturing mother is vital to the character and future of a child. But what is a nurturing mother? Linda Weber describes in detail how important it is for moms in all situations to focus on nurturing the hearts and souls of their children, and she shows them how to do so. By sharing encouraging true stories—including her own—and new research, Weber offers moms a detailed and updated rationale that defends the value of motherhood while urging women to embrace the value and power of their role.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781589979673
Publisher:	Focus on the Family
Publication date:	04/09/2019
Pages:	272
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.80(d)

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

DO WELL-ADJUSTED KIDS JUST HAPPEN?

As a mom, you've probably given deeply of yourself to your children — physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. On hard days, you may sometimes wonder if it's all worth it, whether what you do day in and day out really matters in your child's life.

I'm here to tell you that everything you do as a mom is definitely worth it. And your role as a mother does matter — immensely!

Consider this Facebook post I came upon that took my breath away. I hope this post will motivate you to never give up and to realize that your behind-the-scenes work as a mother changes many lives for the good.

There once was a young boy who had potential, but he did not know it. However ... the boy had a mother, who was always active and on alert. Her work would soon help him see the potential he possessed. It seemed as though she never slept. She was always awake when he awoke and worked hard far after he fell asleep.

Every time the boy's heart hurt, his mother was there to fill him with comfort and confidence. Every time there was danger, she scared off his aggressors. Every time the boy was sick, she cared for him. Every time he had the flu and vomited, she was right there rubbing his back, telling him it would soon pass.

Every night, and through the day, she would sing with him and taught him to be joyful despite life's circumstances. She constantly made him food, washed his clothes, cleaned up his messes, and navigated his dangerous and adventurous world to keep him safe. She not only tolerated his constant noise and activity that annoyed everyone else, but she also loved it.

He could tell she loved him. She put her life and desires on hold for his. With each act of love, even those the boy didn't understand at his young age, it strengthened his young heart and gave him courage and peace that would last a lifetime. When the boy became a man, he realized that his mother's tireless, selfless acts were responsible for everything he had, and all that he knew, every outlook he had, and the fun he always encountered.

When life became difficult for the young man as he grew, he knew he could not only make it through it but he could also come out on top, with joy and having learned something, because he remembered his mom's commitment as she tackled countless unknown obstacles for him. When the boy's obstacles came, he could hear a voice whispering encouragement, and he could feel his mom's hands on his back. He knew the difficult times would pass, and he would sing songs of God's providence that his mom taught him, as he rolled up his sleeves to be like her.

Mom, thank you. Linda Weber, there is no one like you. I do not deserve your love. But I am so grateful for it. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for giving up your life to make mine. I love you, Mom!

That Facebook post was written by my son Ryan, and it blew me away! What he wrote so graciously shows the difference we moms make in our children's lives. I hope this post will help you feel the power of your hard work, moms. You do make an impact.

I know that a lot is expected of moms today. I want to say things were better for my mother. I suppose they were in a way. Being a mom was considered a full-time effort back then. No one chided, "Lean in to your career. Get out in the world and make a difference." She was never challenged to opt for a different focus. In her generation, if you were a mom, that's just who you were, first and foremost. Anything else was extra and secondary, even though she did have to work to keep us alive.

On the other hand, things were a lot harder for Mom. She had three children to raise and an angry, abusive husband to contend with. Eventually, my father abandoned us, which tells that story very mildly. He should have been in jail. This type of home situation could have caused many children to have major life problems. Instead, my siblings and I are a redemption story, praise God! (And you can be a redemption story too, if your circumstances weren't good.)

The responsibility of providing for the family always fell on Mom's shoulders. If we were going to eat, she had to work. And back in the 1960s, the job market for women was limited, both in choices and in pay. As I recall, she never made more than 200 dollars a month.

We lived in an apple orchard in a small structure built to house migrant workers. A couch sat against one wall of our tiny living room, and an old family upright piano covered the opposite wall. If I stood in the center of the room, I could reach out and touch both pieces at the same time.

Cold floors. No carpet. An oil stove for heat. The rent was 25 dollars a month. We used spare apple boxes for cupboards and dressers and covered them with old tea towels. We were allowed to collect the fallen apples and add to them the wild asparagus that grew here and there among the trees.

When the school year began, if we kids were lucky, we'd get to choose one pair of shoes to last us the year. Most of our clothes were hand-me-downs from other families, and they were limited. Occasionally, our grandmother would buy Easter dresses for my sister and me. When I got to high school, a friend's mother made clothes for me so I could look like everyone else.

What Mom lacked in wealth, however, she made up for in character. She was a devout Christian woman with a steady, thankful heart. She loved her God and read the Bible morning and night. She never did anything she feared was wrong, not even reusing a postage stamp that had been missed by the cancellation stamp. She trusted that God could handle anything we had to face, and she told us time and again, "God knows our need. He loves us. He'll provide."

The list of God's character traits, which she kept telling us about, was long. And those facts stay in our minds today: God will never leave us (He is always with us). God never makes mistakes. God is good because His way is perfect. God has the power to do all things. God never changes. God always keeps His promises. God is fair and will judge the wrong. He dispels confusion.

We knew we had this big enough God, so we could trust and follow Him with everything. We could do anything, and we didn't have to fear. As a result of Mom's strong faith in God, and since her God was our God, we were not reduced to becoming insecure people. What a gift. Because of this, my favorite Scripture verse is Matthew 19:26: "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

For all her sacrifices, for all she did without, Mom never made us feel it was our fault or that she was missing out on something. She never gave the impression she was "stuck" raising the three of us. She never gave those impressions because she never felt that way.

Mom was doing all she knew how to do in being a good mom. Working at a job outside the home was a necessary part of that, but we knew that she loved us. She didn't see any way to remove us from the traumas in the home — where do you take a family of four when you have no money? She was proud to be Mom to us. She invested her life in her children; she taught us about the hope we have in a strong God, and she did that with passion.

Was she perfect? No. Would it have been better if she had moved us to a women's shelter, away from the dad we had at home? Yes. Without shelters available in those years, she instead confided in her pastor about the abuse, but nothing ever transpired to move us all out of there.

We got by, but it wasn't easy. Even so, Mom kept a positive attitude while she focused on the heart and spirit. That's what she developed in us, and that need is still important for today — inner strength to face all the battles around.

Because she had a focus, because she knew one thing was more important than anything else, she has three successful, well-adjusted children who adore her. Her son, Bruce, is a pastor. Her two daughters, Judy and myself, married pastors. And all of us raised our children with the same passion and focus Mom showed when we were young.

Well-adjusted children are shaped through hard work, incredible insights, and a large portion of unselfish giving of ourselves. (Glory in any field comes with sacrifice.) As with anything in life, however, there are no guarantees. Children become adults, and God made them with a will of their own. But this is your chance to do all you can to shape your child.

Despite any overwhelming circumstances you find yourself in, Mom, your chosen optimism and unwavering positive outlook will make huge differences in the life of your child.

Let's consider how a mother of six, while leading an overwhelmed life, would teach her children that being happy wasn't dependent on their circumstances. And years later, her sons reflected on this principle and said, "She showed us that optimism is a courageous choice you can make every day, especially in the face of adversity."

You see, this mom and dad were in a near-death car accident when the kids were little. Mom survived with only a few broken bones, but the father lost the use of his right hand. Through the stress and frustration that the father felt, he developed a harsh temper. Life was not perfect, but Mom still believed that "life was good." Because of this, the kids did not develop a victim mentality.

Each night at the dinner table, this mom said to her children, "Tell me something good that happened today." Her sons Bert and John Jacobs were so influenced by their mom's emphasis on being a master of attitude and gratitude that they started making and selling "Life Is Good" T-shirts, which has developed into a $100 million clothing empire. It was their mother who planted that seed. Now you and I may not inspire huge business ventures, but our influence is powerful and substantial.

Moms, we need to see mothering — developing a child's heart and spirit — as the main thing, the central focus of our efforts. And as the German proverb says, "The main thing is that the main thing always remains the main thing."

Well-adjusted kids come from families in which mothering is seen as a complex, beautiful challenge worthy of everything a mom can give to it. Mothering shapes lives and attitudes, one way or the other.

That's not to say you have to stay home all the time to be a decent mother. My mom worked at outside jobs. She had to. Today, more moms than ever have to fit work into their schedules. In fact, in 2017, the labor force participation rate of mothers with children under six years old was 65.1 percent.

My mom understood the importance of giving her best efforts to what was most important — her children. Despite all the demands on a working mom in the 1960s, she understood the need to be there during the rehearsals of life — the learning stages of our youth — so that when the curtain went up for each of us, we could perform well. That meant setting the stage by developing our character and confidence. Though Mom didn't give us a high standard of living, she gave us a high standard of life. It didn't matter how many rooms our little migrant worker's house had. What mattered was how our hearts and spirits were developed in those rooms.

These days, moms need to be increasingly astute. Raising children in a rapidly changing culture presents new challenges, of which you are undoubtedly well aware: rampant teen suicide, sex trafficking, sexting, an increasingly genderless society, transgender/transition living, social media bullying, same-sex marriage, legalized marijuana, the easy availability of drugs, school shootings by troubled kids, pornography — this tragic list could go on and on.

One nice girl I knew from a diligent, caring home actually crawled into her parents' bedroom while they were asleep to retrieve her phone — her parents kept it under their bed in an effort to keep her safe. This girl wanted to interact with a guy she had met online, but the parents woke up and stopped that advance. The mom messaged the guy and later called him, telling him to never contact her daughter again or there would be serious consequences for him.

Yes, a lot is expected of moms today. The truth is, motherhood can't be discounted. It can't be devalued. And it can't be approached casually. If we want to do well at mothering, we're going to have to study, which you are seeking to do here.

Conscientious mothers nurture a healthy self-esteem and emotional security in their kids; their children enjoy self-confidence and a sense of direction for their lives.

Doesn't it just make sense to give mothering your best efforts? Trying to raise well-adjusted kids requires an investment of your life in theirs — the best of your life, not the leftovers. It takes lots of time, lots of energy, lots of commitment, lots of wisdom.

Mom, if you don't do it, who will? If this isn't all-important, next to the nurturing of your marriage, what is? The challenge is yours. Will your family enjoy the positive results of your efforts?

"I need my shortsighted vision of motherhood corrected with an eternal perspective," writes Gloria Furman, mama of four and author of Missional Motherhood: The Everyday Ministry of Motherhood in the Grand Plan of God. "Otherwise I will not keep my gaze fixed on the horizon of eternity."

If you haven't done it before, won't you commit yourself right now to making the main thing the main thing? What better legacy could you leave to your children than your full investment in their growing-up years?

If you've already made that nurturing commitment, take pride in your decision. Affirm it. Motherhood is the greatest cause you could follow, and you've given yourself to it. Now do all you can to live out that decision with excellence!

(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "The Eternal Mark of a Mom"
by .
Copyright © 2019 Linda Weber.
Excerpted by permission of Tyndale House Publishers.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Introduction xiii

1 Do Well-Adjusted Kids Just Happen? 1

2 Is There Light at the End of This Tunnel? 11

3 Did You Say Just a Mother? 21

4 Can We Really Make a Difference? 33

5 Oh, They'll Turn Out All Right … Won't They? 49

6 What Is Nurturing, Anyway? 61

7 The Nurturing Process, Part 1 69

8 The Nurturing Process, Part 2 85

9 How Can the Single Mom Do It? 103

10 What Is Quality Child Care? 113

11 But What About Personal Fulfillment? 123

12 What Do You Say to the Working Mom? 133

13 What Do You Do When Your World Falls Apart? 145

14 Measuring Your Eternal Mark as a Mom 159

15 Are You a Team Player? 175

16 Do I Have to Let Go? 185

Afterword: How Does God Fit In? 207

Appendix: What in the World Does Mom Do All Day? 217

Acknowledgments 227

Notes 229

About the Author 239