The Grown Woman's Guide to Online Dating: Lessons Learned While Swiping Right, Snapping Selfies, and Analyzing Emojis

The Grown Woman's Guide to Online Dating: Lessons Learned While Swiping Right, Snapping Selfies, and Analyzing Emojis

by Margot Starbuck
The Grown Woman's Guide to Online Dating: Lessons Learned While Swiping Right, Snapping Selfies, and Analyzing Emojis

The Grown Woman's Guide to Online Dating: Lessons Learned While Swiping Right, Snapping Selfies, and Analyzing Emojis

by Margot Starbuck


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Does the thought of joining a dating site invoke feelings of fear and anxiety—or, worse, insecurity or unworthiness? If so, then The Grown Woman’s Guide to Online Dating is the book for you. With practical advice about how these sites work, what to expect, and when to join and quit, along with proven tips for making the most of them, The Grown Woman’s Guide equips readers with all they need to take the plunge.

Four years after an unexpected divorce, bestselling writer and funny lady Margot Starbuck found herself venturing into the unknown waters of online dating. What she discovered surprised her—and changed her. With her signature sharp wit and a solid biblical foundation, Margot shares what she learned, including how to:

  • determine which sites are best and what to expect;
  • write a first message that is most likely to get a response;
  • avoid common pitfalls in creating your profile; and
  • live out the truth that you are God’s beloved.

So dive into embracing your true value and drawing closer to God even in the midst of fear and questions. Because whatever your endgame might be, richness awaits. Margot promises, “You got this, girl!”

“Gives you concrete steps for dating well, from the beginning to the end, all while reminding you just how loved you already are.”

—Chrystal Evans Hurst, bestselling author and speaker

“With humor, wisdom, and practical answers, Margot’s heart and voice shine through this book, and I can’t wait to send it to my single friends!”

—Bianca Juarez Olthoff, pastor, speaker, and author of the bestselling How to Have Your Life Not Suck

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781400217007
Publisher: Nelson, Thomas, Inc.
Publication date: 08/11/2020
Pages: 224
Product dimensions: 5.45(w) x 8.35(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Margot Starbuck is an award-winning, New York Times bestselling author, writing teacher, and speaker. She earned a masters of divinity from Princeton Theological Seminary and a bachelor's from Westmont College. She lives in Durham, North Carolina, with her three fabulous teenagers, in a community built around friends with disabilities. Learn more at

Table of Contents

Introduction: What Is Most True xiii

Getting Started

Chapter 1 Launching: Taking the Plunge into Online Dating 3

Chapter 2 Hesitations: Overcoming Your Fears and Diving In 8

Chapter 3 Say Something Only You Can Say: Going Beyond "I Love Eating Out" 17

Chapter 4 Don't Say Nothing: Show a Reader Who You Really Are 24

Chapter 5 Shine: 8 Tips for Crafting an irresistible Profile 31

Chapter 6 "Say Cheese!": Because Each Picture Really Is Worth a Thousand Words 37

Browsing Men's Profiles

Chapter 7 A Man's Looks: Though It's Not All About Appearances, Some of It Is 45

Chapter 8 Keep Your Eyes Open: Noticing the "Wins" in the Profiles You Read 50

Communicating Well

Chapter 9 Starting Strong: The Two Things Every Strong First Message Must Do 61

Chapter 10 Let's Talk About Sex, Baby: The Conversation You Can't Not Have 69

Noticing What We Bring to Dating

Chapter 11 What We Bring to Dating from Our Past: Moving Forward by Choosing What Is Most True 77

Chapter 12 Doing It Differently This Time: Releasing the Old Patterns That Have Never Worked for Us Before 91

Seeking Discernment

Chapter 13 Read the Signs: Signals a Man Might Be a Good Match 99

Chapter 14 Attraction: What Charles Darwin Did and Did Not Know About Online Dating 104

Chapter 15 First Things First: The Secret That Fierce Single Mama Bears Can Teach Us All 112

Chapter 16 Courage: Taking a Risk and Trusting God 116

Practicing Self-Care While Dating

Chapter 17 Red Flags: Warning Signs You Can't Overlook and What You Can Learn from Them 123

Chapter 18 Practicing Self-Care While Dating: Two Women Open Up and Break it Down 136

Chapter 19 Suspicion, Smarts, and Safety: Catfish Cautions 141

Chapter 20 When Our Culture Can't See Us Clearly: Honoring Our Own Value 148

Weathering the Journey

Chapter 21 Resilience: Bumps, Bruises, and Bouncing Back 155

Chapter 22 When He Doesn't Respond: Why the Story You Make Up Matters 160

Chapter 23 Loneliness: When the Wait Is Longer Than We'd Like 164

Chapter 24 One Happy Ending: When Exercising Courage While Weathering the Journey Pays Off 171

Navigating Endings

Chapter 25 Endings: The Four Ways Every Online Relationship Will Conclude 179

Chapter 26 "I'll Check My Calendar": Signs a Guy Might Ghost 186

Chapter 27 Ending Well: Be Grown, Be Clear, Be Kind 191

Implementing Six Healthy Practices

Chapter 28 Friendship: Rolling with Your Support Squad 199

Chapter 29 Intuition: Trusting Your Gut 203

Chapter 30 Sabbath: Practicing App Sabbath 207

Chapter 31 Love: Being for Others 214

Chapter 32 Authenticity: When You're Spicy and When You're Mild, Be Who You Really Are 218

Chapter 33 Hope: Not Quitting Before the Miracle 222

Resources for the Journey: Eight Prayers for the Dating Journey 226

Acknowledgments 235

Notes 237

About the Author 241

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