The Housewives: The Real Story Behind the Real Housewives

by Brian Moylan

Overview

INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

From Brian Moylan, the writer of Vulture’s legendary Real Housewives recaps, a table-flipping, finger-pointing, halter-topping VIP journey through reality TV’s greatest saga…

In the spring of 2006, a new kind of show premiered on Bravo: The Real Housewives of Orange County. Its stars were tanned, taut, and bedazzled; their homes were echoey California villas; and their drama was gossip-fueled, wine-drenched, and absolutely exquisite. Fifteen seasons on, RHOC is an institution, along with The Real Housewives of New York, Atlanta, New Jersey, Miami, Potomac, and more. Over the years these ladies have done a lot more than lunch, launching thirty-one books, a cocktail line, two jail sentences, a couple supermodel daughters, Andy Cohen’s talk show career, thirty-six divorces, fourteen albums, a White House party crash, and approximately one million memes.

Brian Moylan has been there through it all, in front of the screen and behind the scenes. The writer of Vulture’s beloved series recaps, he’s here to tell us the full story, from the inside scoop on every classic throwdown to the questions we’ve always wanted to know, like—what are the housewives really like off-camera? (The same.) How much money do they make? (Lots.) He has a lot to say about the legacy and fandom of a franchise that’s near and dear to his heart, and inextricable from pop culture today.

A must-have for any fan of real drama and fake [redacted], The Housewives is the definitive companion to an American TV treasure.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781250807625
Publisher:	Flatiron Books
Publication date:	05/24/2022
Pages:	320
Sales rank:	158,442
Product dimensions:	8.20(w) x 5.60(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Brian Moylan is a Real Housewives anthropologist and writer for Vulture, The New York Times, The Guardian, and elsewhere.

Table of Contents

Introduction: The Sky Top's the Limit 1

1 Mention It All: The Making of a Housewife 7

A Real Housewives Taxonomy 25

2 Bravo, Bravo, Fucking Bravo: The Fine Art of Selling Out 28

Ten Things a Real Housewife Should Never Do 48

3 He Paid for Your Life: Andy Cohen and the Bravolebrity Machine 50

How to Write Your Own Tagline 73

4 I'm Not a Bitch, but I've Played One on TV: The Housewives' TV Parents 75

5 The Only Thing Artificial About Me … Is Ibis: Producing the Housewives 94

These Housewives Fought the Law, and the Law Won 120

6 Don't Call It a Comeback, Call It a Takeover: How to Build an Empire 124

Real Housewives International Editions, Ranked 152

7 Prostitution Whore!: The Golden Age of Housewives 155

8 I'm Rich, Bitch: How the Housewives Cash In (or Don't) 174

The Real Housewives Dance Singles Top 10 195

9 You Need to Get a Hobby: When Fandom Is a Full-Time Job 197

10 You Have a Little Family Van!: My Vacation with Vicki 220

The Sexiest Men of the Real Housewives Universe 234

11 I Hang Out with Queens Only: Loving Life at BravoCon 237

12 Pretty Is Smarter Than You Think: Housewives Gone Highbrow 253

Five Essential Episodes for Those Who Have Never Watched Real Housewives 268

13 That's My Opinion!: Why We Watch 270

Epilogue: The Future of Housewives 282

Afterword 289

Acknowledgments 297

Editorial Reviews

07/16/2021

Lavish spending, brushes with the law, and drama galore: Bravo's Real Housewives franchise, a series of reality shows following fame-hungry urbanites of New York, Atlanta, Beverly Hills, and other cities, is generally considered the ultimate guilty pleasure. Moylan (of the blogs Vulture and Gawker) would disagree. Aware that the programs are often objects of derision, he fiercely defends them, arguing that they offer vicarious thrills, a social outlet, and the opportunity to bond with fellow viewers. Moylan approaches his work with the ardor of a fanboy, attending BravoCon and a weekend-long meet-and-greet with a former Housewife. Appealingly snarky, Moylan turns gossipy at times—though he doesn't unearth quite as much dirt as he might have liked; because he and his editor turned down a deal with Bravo, the network forbade Housewives from speaking with him. While his affection for the show and the women is palpable, his research is also meticulous, detailing the ins and outs of filming and the history of reality TV. Moylan's argument that dismissing Real Housewives is sexist ("A love of reality TV…is a tiny stab in the heart of the patriarchy") isn't entirely convincing, though it is intriguing nevertheless. VERDICT A smart, entertaining tribute that no Real Housewives fan should miss.—Mahnaz Dar, Library Journal

Library Journal

2021-05-10
Behind the scenes of one of TV’s most absurd spectacles.

Any history of the Real Housewives franchise would have to be messy. This inconsistent account certainly embodies that odd legacy. Sometimes, Moylan’s writing is gloriously entertaining, especially in his recaps of classic moments from Housewives history—e.g., Teresa Giudice flipping tables or Aviva Drescher removing her artificial leg and tossing it into the middle of “famed New York eatery Cipriani.” Here’s how Moylan, a self-described “Real Housewives anthropologist” who has been recapping the show for more than a decade for Gawker and Vulture, describes Atlanta Housewife Kim Zolciak before she battles frenemy NeNe Leakes: “She’s also sporting a cheaper wig than usual, her original nose, and lips without the filler that would turn them into balloon animals.” Sometimes, Moylan takes interesting detours into the online world of Housewives fans, real-life encounters at the BravoCon convention, or a Puerto Vallarta Hyatt for “Vacation With Vicki,” a weekendlong event with Orange County Housewife Vicki Gunvalson. Unfortunately, many of those bright and shiny moments are clouded by a lack of direct sources and vague identifiers like “according to someone working on the show at the time,” and many of the early chapters are packed with tortured attempts to explain things without quoting anyone in a position of power at Bravo who could directly answer simple questions. It’s not until near the end that we learn the reason: “Bravo did me the favor of contacting every single real Housewife, past, present, and possibly future, and told them they were not allowed to talk to me.” That’s a gutsy reality check for a book that sets out to reveal the inner workings of reality TV. It also helps explain the numerous knocks against Bravo executive Andy Cohen. But in a meta way, it still sort of works.

Moylan gives the flawed, delightfully weird reality series the flawed, delightfully weird history it deserves.

Kirkus Reviews