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Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781452013152 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | AuthorHouse |
| Publication date: | 05/06/2010 |
| Pages: | 476 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 1.06(d) |
Read an Excerpt
The Momma Guide
By Traci Davis Vicki Holleman-Perez
AuthorHouse
Copyright © 2010 Traci Davis and Vicki Holleman-PerezAll right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4520-1315-2
Chapter One
Definition of Mother's Day
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing ~ Helen Keller
A mother is just a mother. That is what many people think. They do not see the sacrifices us moms make daily for our children.
When a woman decides to have a family, she fully knows what is involved, or, at least I would hope so ...) This job is more of a challenge than any other job in the world.
You have to be a teacher, mediator, nurse, taxi driver, nutritionist, and many other things. We wear many hats! Nevertheless, nobody seems to recognize our contributions.
We do not think most mothers care whether they are honored or not. Most are alive with the knowledge that they can take care of their family.
Some mothers work, go home, and are a mom. We have to cook dinner, cart the kids around to their activities, balance the checkbook, wash, fold clothes, and various other tasks. This makes it very hard to balance work and family life.
Some people put these moms down because they feel she should be at home with her kids. Of course, most of the time, this comes from women without kids.
If you work, you do not have as much time to spend with family and friends. Most of your "chores" have to be done on the weekends. You are constantly being distracted by your children and worry if they are okay.
It is impossible for some people to stay at home and moms shouldn't feel guilty about it. On the upside, your children are learning how to play with other children and having fun. Many times, our children do not even want to go home! That hurts a little ... I am sure we have all been through that at some time or another!
You will also know that you are contributing to the family's income. Many women love their job and want to continue with it, even though she could afford to stay home. That's okay too. A mom needs to fulfill her life in any way she can.
At least there is a special day for mothers. This is when our families honor us for all we've done. Real moms don't care ... we're just doing our job!
Foster Mother
The child welfare system places children in "foster homes" when the natural parents cannot raise them because of the parent's physical or mental illness. The child's behavioral struggle, troubles within the family, sexual, mental, or physical abuse may be the problem. This is a short-term placement until authorities decide what to do with the child.
Some of you may have experienced fostering children. I suspect that it is a very rewarding job, even though we hate to see them go ... most of them anyway.
Foster placements are supervised until the birth family can present right and proper care or privileges of the birth parents are ended and the child is adopted.
Foster mothers are there for these children because they want to be. They should be as loving and caring as a birth mother ... maybe even more, since they know what the child has been through.
"The world is round, and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning."
When the child is sent back home or adopted, there is a bond that needs to be broken. The child has bonded with the foster mother and vice versa. This can be hard on both the child and the foster mother. Mothers are nurturing creatures that grow to love anyone in their care ... but they know this going in.
In some cases, the foster family adopts the child should they become available because they have actually become a part of that family.
Step Mothers
It's always hard when daddy marries again. The children think of the step-mom as the big, bad, wolf. It really has nothing to do with the woman; they just think that she took their dad away from their mom.
You must help your children adjust. Be sure not to talk bad about their new step-mom around them ... although if you need to vent, catch a friend.
Encourage your ex to take them fun places as a family. This way the children can get to know the step-mom. You know she probably feels funny too, so that will be good for everyone.
Try not to be jealous of her. (A lot to ask, huh?) One day you will probably meet someone else with kids, and then you'll be in her shoes.
Adoptive Moms
If you decide to adopt a child, be ready for a great change in your life. You have to be sure that is what you want ... as well as the child. Of course, when it's a baby, it is much easier. They haven't bonded with anyone yet. Nevertheless, babies still have feelings too.
Hold them a lot, play with them, talk to them, etc. Babies are resilient and adapt a lot better than older children.
Okay, adoptive moms, you have to win the child over. They may be a little shy at first but, never fear, it should go away.
Don't get your feelings hurt. Remember this is a child whose world has been turned around ... for the best I hope.
Your spouse has to play an active part as well. He needs to experience feeding, bed-wetting, and changing diapers. For a toddler or older, there are many different things that need to be done.
Both of you take them out on little excursions, teach them something every day, try to get them to talk to you, praise them, and let them know you are there whenever they have a problem and want to talk. This will help them bond to you.
Some of these children do not even remember their birth mothers; others do and still love them. Maybe they don't know the whole picture. They can still remember their mother if they want to, but eventually YOU will become their mom.
There are many changes for the parents too. Be prepared to help them with problems, communicate, show them things that they have never seen before, reward them for good things they do, and so on.
Long Distance Mothers
When daddy is on active duty, you must balance parenting with the needs of the armed forces.
Nervousness may show up in many ways. Your child/children might act younger than normal, have trouble with sleep, cannot concentrate, or stomachaches. What they need most now is encouragement that they're safe and keep up the stability of routines.
Remember that old television. Limit television time. Try not to let them see the news, because we all know there can be menacing reports. Make sure they stick to their schedules. Reassure them that dad will be home soon. Say a prayer each night for his safe return.
Moving, changing jobs, and helping children to change to a new school is a way of life that is both challenging and gratifying. This really takes a "super mom" because you are balancing more than most of us non-military mothers.
You need to know what it's like to be in a military mom's shoes. She must be conscientious with money and worry about their husbands as well. It is a hard lifestyle; learning to be a military wife.
Find fun ways to help your children in a constructive manner. Get a calendar and mark down the days until their father will return from deployment. This will be fun for them and lets them know that the day is getting closer.
The most nerve-racking times for a military wife is when their husbands are supposed to transfer, but they don't know when or where they're going. You usually find out at the last minute.
While your husband is gone, you are on "active duty" yourself.
Single Moms
Being a single mom is very demanding. We moms are the ones that have to work, take care of our children, pay bills, fix dinners, and buy things we need for extracurricular activities.
If you're lucky, your ex will give your child support and help you with extra expenses. Nevertheless, there are many "deadbeat" dads out there. I'm sure there are many of you that have experienced this frustrating situation. Bad, bad ex.
We all need "our" time too. Many of us may be dating or have something that we would like to do, but cannot because we have to be there for our children.
Get a babysitter if your children are young, or ask your ex to watch them if you have somewhere you want to go. You NEED this time or else you will end up a "screaming mimi." Then who would take care of your kids ... you might even lose them if you cannot take care of them.
Positive anything is better than negative thinking.
As a divorced parent, you need to move on with your life. After awhile, you need to start meeting people again. This can be awkward for you and twice as awkward for your children.
Maybe you don't want to marry again, or you might meet someone right away. Don't listen to others ... it's your life!
However, they can lend an ear, and if you are lending the ear, do not judge. Just be there for your friend.
The parting that takes place in divorce can often times be as final as death.
Love has a way of finding you when you least expect it.
The children feel that someone else is taking the place of their dad and will take you away from them.
Sit them down and let them know you will always be there for them, and that you could never love anyone more than them. This is very common, but you can overcome it with careful planning.
We should not introduce the new fellow until we are sure that he might be someone we would be willing to marry. This way the children aren't attached ... but they usually bond after awhile. If you break up, you will have to deal with another loss (both you and the children.)
Every now and then, talk about dating a little. See what the child thinks about it without telling them you are already dating. This will give you an idea of how things will go when you meet someone you want to bring home.
Explain to your new guy how you feel. He may think that you just don't want him to meet your kids. If he is a good feller, he will understand. You both will know when the time is right.
First babies can be taxing and wonderful at the same time. Trust in yourself and know that you automatically have the skill to care for your child. Your children will give you strength.
Mother's Day was fashioned as a day for each family to honor their mother. It celebrates motherhood in general and the optimistic contributions of mothers to the world. It is celebrated on the second Sunday in May.
Mother's Day is a modern belief, not to be confused with the 16th century celebration, of Mothering Sunday.
It is the result of a campaign by Anna Marie Jarvis, (1864-1948) who, following the death of her mother on May 9, 1905, dedicated her life to creating Mother's Day as a national and later international, holiday.
There are many names for mothers ... mom, momma, mamma, mum, and Madre, etc.
No matter how we say it, it means LOVE and LOTS OF IT!
There are two ways of meeting difficulties: you alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them. - Phyllis Battome
Quiz
Put your interest in the future, because you are going to spend the rest of your life there.
Chapter Two
Balancing Life, Work, and Family
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells
To balance everything in our lives can make us feel like we are trying to accomplish the "impossible dream." We've been there and it's not impossible to balance your lives; you just need some tips.
A filing cabinet is a great way to keep things organized. Purchase a box of Manila folders, hanging folders, labels, and magic marker. Use the hanging folder for major categories, with subfolders.
For example, the major category is Insurance. Sub folders would be Car, Life, Medical, or Homeowners. Label each folder. Some others could include banking, loans, taxes, medical, and more.
We, as moms, should delegate tasks to our children (and hubby) no matter how old. This will help them become responsible adults ... even your spouse will become more responsible.
Everyone needs to know how to wash dishes, (even with a dishwasher) make beds, and carry out trash ... just sharing that will help you out. We know that this might be a tug of war to get your family to do this, however, hold your ground. We all need help and moms are not the only ones who live under the same roof.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from The Momma Guide by Traci Davis Vicki Holleman-Perez Copyright © 2010 by Traci Davis and Vicki Holleman-Perez. Excerpted by permission.
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