"Maggie Scarf brings greatinsight to this important and fascinating subject. And who knew that good sensecould be so entertaining!?"
The dilemmas of remarriage have received little attention compared with the abundance of literature on divorce and separation. This lucid, well-researched book will correct that deficiency. It should be required reading for those contemplating remarriage and for therapists, lawyers, judges and extended families who are the advisers, supporters and decision makers for these families. “
Ever since its medieval debut in The Book of Common Prayer, the wedding vow has warned couples what marriage can bring - poverty, illness, and a bucket list of what turns out worse instead of better. Does hard-won experience make a second, or a third, attempt at wedlock more successful? Articulate, compassionate, and wise, Maggie Scarf has placed herself between fresh hopes and, sometimes, new disappointments, to come back with a guide for the perplexed.
"I picked up this book and couldn't put it down. This is the perfect subject for the wise, engaging Maggie Scarf. I was riveted because Scarf writes about the issues that wrecked my own remarriages. I didn't understand the problems until I read this book. Scarf has done a dazzling job. Brava!"
As a couple and family therapist, I’ve often wondered how the unresolved issues that couples bring to second marriages get played out. Through her thought-provoking interviews, Maggie Scarf sheds new light on these processes, as well as the ways in which second marriages create entirely new issues for such couples to tackle.
"Maggie Scarf tells the stories of seven very different remarried couples and masterfully captures the details of each family's triumphs and struggles. This is a rich, thoughtful book, written with clarity and compassion."
For people ready to try it again, this time with their eyes open, Maggie Scarf's thoughtful book is a sober and sobering exploration of the pitfalls as well as the satisfactions of remarriage.
"Invaluable insight for anyone contemplating or struggling with remarriage. Scarf helps readers face the illusions, secrets, conflicting cultures, money problems, and (especially) difficulties of step-parenting that can distort the structure of family life. An extremely helpful book on a topic that receives too little attention."
"The Remarriage Blueprint is a thriller, a total page-turner. In eloquent prose and vital interviews Maggie Scarf discusses questions many of us did not even realize we needed answered before remarriage. Scarf can help you make remarriage the pleasure and the joy it should be. Love this book!!"
Though divorce and remarriage rates are on the rise, the dynamics of blended families are not well understood. They function differently than traditional families, and troubleshooting can be extremely difficult. Scarf (Intimate Partners), a visiting fellow at Yale University’s Whitney Humanities Center, draws from extensive interviews she conducted over the course of more than a decade, examining possible remarriage scenarios—both good and bad—and solutions to common problems. Right off the bat, she warns readers that remarriage will likely require even more hard work and understanding in order to be successful than a first marriage. She bases her analysis on Dr. Patricia Papernow’s “architectural model” and goes through each of five “structural” challenges to be expected in a remarriage (e.g., “the uniting of two disparate family cultures” and the friction of different parenting styles), as well as “the Great Unspoken”: money. Scarf’s writing is technical but accessible, however her advice is relatively ho-hum. Still, the eight extended case studies featured in the book offer intimate and candid glimpses of the struggles faced by remarried couples and their families. Agent: Melanie Jackson, Melanie Jackson Agency. (Sept.)
"I picked up this book and couldn't put it down. This is the perfect subject for the wise, engaging Maggie Scarf. I was riveted because Scarf writes about the issues that wrecked my own remarriages. I didn't understand the problems until I read this book. Scarf has done a dazzling job. Brava!"
"Maggie Scarf brings greatinsight to this important and fascinating subject. And who knew that good sensecould be so entertaining!?"
"The Remarriage Blueprint is a thriller, a total page-turner. In eloquent prose and vital interviews Maggie Scarf discusses questions many of us did not even realize we needed answered before remarriage. Scarf can help you make remarriage the pleasure and the joy it should be. Love this book!!"
“Maggie Scarf brings laser-like powers of perception to bear in The Remarriage Blueprint, and the result is a compelling survey of how different couples handle the challenges—and opportunities— that come with second (or third) marriages. The combination of riveting personal stories and practical knowledge makes this book a must read.”
“As a couple and family therapist, I’ve often wondered how the unresolved issues that couples bring to second marriages get played out. Through her thought-provoking interviews, Maggie Scarf sheds new light on these processes, as well as the ways in which second marriages create entirely new issues for such couples to tackle.”
"Maggie Scarf tells the stories of seven very different remarried couples and masterfully captures the details of each family's triumphs and struggles. This is a rich, thoughtful book, written with clarity and compassion."
“The dilemmas of remarriage have received little attention compared with the abundance of literature on divorce and separation. This lucid, well-researched book will correct that deficiency. It should be required reading for those contemplating remarriage and for therapists, lawyers, judges and extended families who are the advisers, supporters and decision makers for these families. “
"Invaluable insight for anyone contemplating or struggling with remarriage. Scarf helps readers face the illusions, secrets, conflicting cultures, money problems, and (especially) difficulties of step-parenting that can distort the structure of family life. An extremely helpful book on a topic that receives too little attention."
“For people ready to try it again, this time with their eyes open, Maggie Scarf's thoughtful book is a sober and sobering exploration of the pitfalls as well as the satisfactions of remarriage.”
“Ever since its medieval debut in The Book of Common Prayer, the wedding vow has warned couples what marriage can bring - poverty, illness, and a bucket list of what turns out worse instead of better. Does hard-won experience make a second, or a third, attempt at wedlock more successful? Articulate, compassionate, and wise, Maggie Scarf has placed herself between fresh hopes and, sometimes, new disappointments, to come back with a guide for the perplexed.
Scarf provides a complete instruction manual for dealing with the challenges of remarriage, especially when dependent children are involved. Lisa Bunting’s narration gives gravitas to this well-organized book without dampening its optimistic tone. Notable for its appealing range of emotional tones and nuanced phrasing, her performance sounds fully engaged with this helpful material. Presenting a rich supply of relationship wisdom, Bunting offers Scarf’s interviews with seven remarried couples to illustrate a variety of challenges remarried couples face—practical, financial, parenting, and those of dealing with ex-spouses and extended family members. The writing is confident, her advice decidedly pointed. Overall, Bunting expresses the author’s compassion, and that is what lingers and makes this must-hear marriage advice. T.W. © AudioFile 2014, Portland, Maine
Scarf provides a complete instruction manual for dealing with the challenges of remarriage, especially when dependent children are involved. Lisa Bunting’s narration gives gravitas to this well-organized book without dampening its optimistic tone. Notable for its appealing range of emotional tones and nuanced phrasing, her performance sounds fully engaged with this helpful material. Presenting a rich supply of relationship wisdom, Bunting offers Scarf’s interviews with seven remarried couples to illustrate a variety of challenges remarried couples face—practical, financial, parenting, and those of dealing with ex-spouses and extended family members. The writing is confident, her advice decidedly pointed. Overall, Bunting expresses the author’s compassion, and that is what lingers and makes this must-hear marriage advice. T.W. © AudioFile 2014, Portland, Maine
A field guide to the emotional labyrinth of remarriage. Remarriage is the odd man out in research and family therapy; only in recent years, with divorce rates on the rise, has it begun to garner any sustained attention in scientific circles. In the 1990s, Scarf (September Songs: The Good News About Marriage in the Later Years, 2009, etc.) began research into the subject, but when she began interviewing couples using a "remarriage journey" framework, the study fell apart; there was too much disparity in couples not being at the same point on the "journey." Returning to the subject years later, the author began working with an architecture metaphor, based on an uppermost "level" of five challenges. The first is the challenge of navigating the push and pull of insider/outsider forces, the insiders being the family structure already in place and the outsider being the new wife or husband. The second challenge is the feelings, both positive and negative, of those children toward the new partner and how that affects feelings toward the now "outside" parent. The third challenge comes through the intensity of new parenting roles and how to define them and redefine them. The fourth and fifth: the challenge of uniting two disparate family cultures and the expansion of the family boundaries--new siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. Underlying these challenges are the interpersonal skills the couple is able to bring to bear on navigating those challenges and also the emotional and relational "baggage" carried over from the all-too-often acrimonious split of the previous marriage. After laying out the strategies for navigating these challenges, the author devotes more than half the book to case studies, which drive home the strategies in genuine, relatable ways. It also helps that the study couples were people she worked with in the 1990s; the many years since serve to provide even more insight. A compelling book that can serve anyone looking to tie the knot once more.
