The Sh!t No One Tells You: A Guide to Surviving Your Baby's First Year

by Dawn Dais

Overview

A laugh-out-loud guide to the first year of motherhood, filled with helpful advice and wisdom from real moms and dads who aren't at all afraid to tell it like it is

There comes a time in every new mother's life when she finds herself staring at her screaming, smelly "bundle of joy" and wishing someone had told her that her house would reek of vomit, or that she shouldn't buy the cute onesies with a thousand impossible buttons, or that she might cry more than the baby.

Best-selling author Dawn Dais, mother of two tiny terrors, is convinced that there is a reason for this lack of preparedness. She believes that a vast conspiracy exists to hide the horrific truth about parenting from doe-eyed expectant mothers who might otherwise abandon their babies in hospitals and run for it. Eschewing the adorableness that oozes out of other parenting books, Dais offers real advice from real moms-along with hilarious anecdotes, clever tips, and the genuine encouragement every mom needs in order to survive the first year of parenthood. The Sh!t No One Tells You is a must-have companion for every new mother's sleepless nights and poop-filled days.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781580054843
Publisher:	Basic Books
Publication date:	06/04/2013
Series:	Sh!t No One Tells You , #1
Pages:	264
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.20(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Dawn Dais is an author, freelance writer, and designer. Her previous books include The Sh!t No One Tells You series of parenting titles. She lives in Sacramento.

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

My Moms on the Front Lines 5

1 And You Thought Pregnancy Was Hard 13

2 Please Censor Your Birth Story 17

3 Raid the Hospital 31

4 Breastfeeding Is Really F'n Hard 37

5 They Will Let You Take a Baby Home! 49

6 So Many Tears 55

7 Your Newborn Is Not Cute 63

8 It May Not Be Love at First Sight 69

9 No One Is Loving This as Much as Their Facebook Posts Would Have You Believe 79

10 You Just Pooped Out a Baby (Your Body Post-Baby) 85

11 Your Life Is Officially Over 93

12 Poop, Puke, and Pee 103

13 Children's Books Are Ridiculous 111

14 You Are a Horrible Mother Whether or Not You Vaccinate 125

15 Having Pets Did Not Prepare You for This 133

16 Who Needs a Health Plan When You Have the Internet? 143

17 You'll Never Sleep Again 149

18 Your House Is Way Too Small 159

19 Babies Don't Like Bragging 169

20 You Can't Afford This 173

21 Teeth Are the Devil 181

22 You'll Be Blamed in Therapy Someday 189

23 You Can't Have It All 195

24 A Dysfunctional Relationship 207

25 Remember Your Memory? 213

26 Your Body Is Ruined 219

27 You'll Probably Want a Divorce 225

28 It Does Not Go By "Soooo Fast" 235

Epilogue 241

Editorial Reviews

"The Sh!t No One Tells You took me right back to those first weeks of new motherhood — truly the most empowering and frustrating (and frightening!) of times. With heartfelt encouragement and insight, Dawn Dais is a must-read for first-time moms."—Rebecca Woolf, author of Rockabye: From Wild to Child

"Humorous revelations offer insight into a natural process that can and often does completely overwhelm the mother... An amusing and accurate examination of life with an infant." —Kirkus Reviews

"Babies are wonderful — we all agree. Can we also acknowledge that bringing home that first bundle of joy is one of the hardest things you'll ever do? Dawn Dais bravely goes where other baby books don't in her wisecracking new release called The Sh!t No One Tells You. She spills the truth about everything from breastfeeding to getting along with your partner post-baby. Pregnant women who want an honest peek inside what's to come will be convinced to nap while they still can, and moms with kids will laugh out loud at Dais's quirky insights and strong opinions."—Parents magazine

"From poop to post-partum depression, she presents a no-holds-barred look at all of the changes and challenges that new moms and dads can face, along with the three little words every infant-toting parent wants to hear: It gets better."—Parade

"Let's face it: there's a lot of shit that happens when you become a parent that you have to find out for yourself, especially in that first year. This brilliant book will cover it all."—Scary Mommy

"Having a baby is magical, amazing, and beautiful. It's also super hard and sometimes (especially on sleepless nights) a seemingly impossible challenge. As the title, uh, delicately puts it, this book covers all the sh!t that no one tells you so you can actually survive your baby's first blissful/crazy year."—Woman's Day

"Dais and her team of MOFLs (moms on the front lines) guide parents (moms, especially) through the first 52 weeks of your child's life with honesty, clarity, humor, complaints and encouragement on a myriad of important subjects from breastfeeding, endless crying and vaccinating to relationship problems, loss of freedom and inaccurate Facebook statuses ("OMG, I love my life!")."—Kirsten Ott Palladino, EquallyFamily.com

Named one of "3 Must-Have Books on Parenting" —Fit Pregnancy

Named one of "27 Baby Gifts That'll Make New Parents LOL" —PopSugar

Named one of the "Best Parenting Books That Are Definitely Worth a Read" —Woman's Day

From the Publisher

A behind-the-scenes look at childbirth and a newborn's first year. No book and no amount of personal advice can fully prepare a woman for pregnancy, birthing and the first year of a child's life. However, Dais (The NonCyclist's Guide to the Century and Other Road Races, 2009, etc.) provides a comprehensive take on the very real and not-so-pleasant aspects of parenting, from the various and often yucky scenarios that can unfold during the birthing process to the seemingly endless waste an infant can create. "My intention is not to frighten you or to scare you off having children," she writes, but she does want to prepare women for the completely topsy-turvy world they are about to enter. She uses intimate details of her own child's birth as well as stories from many other mothers with infants and toddlers to bring a much more realistic slant to an event that "changes everything." The humorous revelations offer insight into a natural process that can and often does completely overwhelm the mother. Birthing without drugs, the bodily functions of the mother and infant, and the sheer amount of stuff needed to maintain your new infant are just a few of the subjects she explores. Although humor abounds, topics like postpartum depression, the difficulties in breast-feeding and sleep deprivation are real issues, and Dais' willingness to tackle such issues lets women know that they are not alone in their struggles. "Knowing you are not alone actually helps a little," she writes. "Trust me, misery does love company, especially during 3 a.m. feeding sessions." Dais' information will help ease new mothers into child-rearing and offer comic relief for those who have ventured onto that path. An amusing and accurate examination of life with an infant.

Kirkus Reviews

“Dais and her team of MOFLs (moms on the front lines) guide parents (moms, especially) through the first fifty-two weeks of your child’s life with honesty, clarity, humor, complaints and encouragement on a myriad of important subjects from breastfeeding, endless crying and vaccinating to relationship problems, loss of freedom and inaccurate Facebook statuses (“OMG, I love my life!”)."

Equally Family

“From poop to post-partum depression, she presents a no-holds-barred look at all of the changes and challenges that new moms and dads can face, along with the three little words every infant-toting parent wants to hear: It gets better.”

Parade

"The Sh!t No One Tells You took me right back to those first weeks of new motherhood—truly the most empowering and frustrating (and frightening!) of times. With heartfelt encouragement and insight, Dawn Dais is a must-read for first-time moms.”

author of Rockabye: From Wild to Child Rebecca Woolf

11/15/2013
There's no doubt that first-time motherhood is one of the most soul-altering awakenings women experience, and it's almost never a cakewalk. Freelance writer Dais aims to tell those would-be blindsided moms what really happens during and after childbirth, and she's not pulling any punches ("My hope is to give you what I didn't have: the ability to say, 'I am not the only parent in the history of the planet to have their asses handed to them by something they could fit in a purse.'"). The author combines her own advice with that of several BFF moms in chapters that range from "You Just Pooped Out a Baby (Your Body Post-Baby)" to "It May Not be Love at First Sight." VERDICT Dais gives mothers decent guidance with a wisecracking, tongue-in-cheek style ("raid the hospital for everything that isn't nailed down"), interspersed with some memorable and worthy insights ("Just because breast-feeding is natural doesn't mean it will come naturally."). Great for public library collections.

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