The Truth Doesn't Have to Hurt: How to Use Criticism to Strengthen Relationships, Improve Performance, and Promote Change

by Deb Bright

Overview

Ignoring someone’s weaknesses only turns them into big-time company problems. Always praising and reaffirming a lackluster worker never turns them into the employee of the month. But when handled carefully, criticism—honest, genuine, hard-to-hear criticism—promotes trust and respect, motivates individuals, and serves as a catalyst for change. If that sounds far-fetched, it's because few understand how to properly give and receive the kind of critical feedback that brings positive results.In The Truth Doesn’t Have to Hurt, executives, managers, team leaders—anyone whose job requires them to temper praise with a dose of reality—will learn how even they can:• Deliver the truth—and have it understood as being helpful• Create an atmosphere of acceptance• Avoid mistakes that sabotage an exchange• Control how they receive and can benefit from criticism themselves—even if it’s presented badlyYes, the truth can hurt . . . today. But not telling the truth will hurt even worse—today, tomorrow, and the next day . . . until someone realizes that well-crafted criticism can reinvigorate and stimulate, putting a turbocharge into both workplaces and careers.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780814434819
Publisher:	AMACOM
Publication date:	10/08/2014
Pages:	256
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.80(d)
Age Range:	18 Years

About the Author

DEB BRIGHT, PH.D. is founder and president of Bright Enterprises, Inc., a consulting firm devoted to enhancing performance. Her impressive roster of clients includes Raytheon, Marriott, Disney, GE, Chase, Morgan Stanley, and other premier organizations.

Read an Excerpt

INTRODUCTION

The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.

—NORMAN VINCENT PEALE

Standing 10 meters above the earth, balancing on the edge of a diving platform, I would listen to my coach yelling corrective instructions about what I needed to do to make my next dive better.

Most people would consider his harsh admonishments mixed with encouragement as criticism, but for me, it was direction, instruction a and insight. Through training and a plentiful amount of no-holdsbarred criticism from him, I was able to exceed even my own expectations as a diver. Because I accepted his criticisms as helpful, I eventually became ranked among the top ten women divers in the United States.

Unfortunately, my career in platform and springboard Olympic compe-ition ended suddenly when doctors discovered retinal tears in both my eyes. Had I continued, I was told, blindness would have been the inevitable result.

Initially, I was devastated by the loss of my Olympic dreams. I was determined, however, not to let my years of training experience go to waste, so I used my knowledge in competitive diving as the foundation for starting my career in the area of improving others’ individual performance. In the years that followed, I emerged as a nationally recognized expert in the fields of criticism, stress management a communication skills, and leadership development.

CRITICISM, STRESS, AND JOB PERFORMANCE

Research initiated by our office, Bright Learning Enterprises, resulted in a national study that ran from 2003 to 2010 and led to some signifi-cant findings on the relationship between stress and criticism. These findings were compiled and formed a workplace program we called

Strategies for Enhancing Performance Study and Program. The goal was to understand the power of criticism and the best ways that individ-uals could use criticism for positive change. The skills that were introduced in the study have been proved to yield consistent positive results among study participants. a conducted other national studies on criticism with Simmons

Market Research Bureau, which led to my writing two books about criticism. Now, I lecture around the world on the subject, and I have designed licensed training programs for some of the most prestigious organizations in the United States. Rather than calling myself an executive coach or consultant, I jokingly refer to myself as an “insultant.”

Though being an Olympian was not in my stars, as it turned out, I did gain a kind of blue-ribbon expertise when it came to the three sides of criticism: giving criticism, receiving criticism, and the silent destructor—self-criticism.

Findings from the Strategies for Enhancing Performance Study show that being on the receiving end of criticism and having to give criticism rank among the top ten most stress-producing challenges in the workplace. When asked, most people declare that they are not proficient at handling criticism. How about you? Can you think of the last time you were criticized by your boss, your mate, your friend, or maybe even your kids? How did you respond? Were you hurt, upset, or even angry? When it comes to criticism, the awful truth is that it takes only a few words or maybe just a perceived frown of disapproval to create a drama that has the potential to jeopar-dize or, in time, even destroy an important relationship. In fact a through my research, it was found that more than any other form of communication, criticism has the potential power to fatally ruin relationships. Nevertheless, as diligently as we might try to avoid it a criticism is inescapable and inevitably plays a major role in shaping our lives. If we are to succeed as parents, employees, leaders, or play-ers, it is critical that we learn how to deal with criticism as both givers and receivers.

Table of Contents

CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS VII

INTRODUCTION 1

PART ONE Understanding the Power and Use of Criticism

CHAPTER 1: Criticism Doesn’t Have to Hurt 13

CHAPTER 2: Criticism Manners: Common Mistakes, and Some Dos and Don’ts 29

CHAPTER 3: Creating an Atmosphere of Acceptance: Establish Clear Relationship Expectations 63

PART TWO Making the Criticism Exchange Work for You

CHAPTER 4: Delivering Criticism with Confidence in Sensitive Times 93

CHAPTER 5: Receiving Criticism: You Have More Control Than You Think 127

CHAPTER 6: Avoiding the Tendency to Personalize Criticism 157

PART THREE Using Criticism for Positive Change

CHAPTER 7: Managing Work and Volunteer Teams: The Crucial Role Criticism Plays 185

CHAPTER 8: Handling Difficult Situations 205

NOTES 233

INDEX 237

Editorial Reviews

Bright’s suggestions for how to give honest and constructive feedback are amazing.” —Joyce Lain Kennedy, Tribune Media Services

“A useful book for almost anyone, giving helpful insight into ways to deliver (and receive) criticism so that it can do good, not harm.” —Library Journal

“…explains how we can use criticism to raise our game, and offers a framework for giving and receiving criticism in a way that leaves everyone feeling inspired.” —MindTools

“...offers plenty of tips for correcting and criticizing in ways that improve relationships and performance. You need to read it right away.” —Accounting Today

“…instructive and valuable volume…offers healthier ways to approach challenging situations, and illustrates how both givers and receivers can manage their reactions.” —Success Magazine

From the Publisher