There Are No Grown-ups: A Midlife Coming-of-Age Story

by Pamela Druckerman

Overview

The best-selling author of BRINGING UP BÉBÉ investigates life in her forties, and wonders whether her mind will ever catch up with her face.

When Pamela Druckerman turns 40, waiters start calling her "Madame," and she detects a disturbing new message in mens' gazes: I would sleep with her, but only if doing so required no effort whatsoever.
 
Yet forty isn't even technically middle-aged anymore. And after a lifetime of being clueless, Druckerman can finally grasp the subtext of conversations, maintain (somewhat) healthy relationships and spot narcissists before they ruin her life.

What are the modern forties, and what do we know once we reach them? What makes someone a "grown-up" anyway? And why didn't anyone warn us that we'd get cellulite on our arms? Part frank memoir, part hilarious investigation of daily life, There Are No Grown-Ups diagnoses the in-between decade when... 

   • Everyone you meet looks a little bit familiar. 
   • You're matter-of-fact about chin hair. 
   • You can no longer wear anything ironically. 
   • There's at least one sport your doctor forbids you to play. 
   • You become impatient while scrolling down to your year of birth. 
   • Your parents have stopped trying to change you. 
   • You don't want to be with the cool people anymore; you want to be with your people. 
   • You realize that everyone is winging it, some just do it more confidently. 
   • You know that it's ok if you don't like jazz.

Internationally best-selling author and New York Times contributor Pamela Druckerman leads us on a quest for wisdom, self-knowledge and the right pair of pants. A witty dispatch from the front lines of the forties, There Are No Grown-ups is a (midlife) coming-of-age story, and a book for anyone trying to find their place in the world.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781594206375
Publisher:	Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:	05/29/2018
Pages:	288
Product dimensions:	6.10(w) x 8.70(h) x 1.10(d)

About the Author

Pamela Druckerman is a journalist and the author of four books including Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting, which has been translated into twenty-eight languages. She’s also a contributing opinion writer at the New York Times.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Bonjour, Madame 1

1 How to Find Your Calling 13

2 How to Choose a Partner 27

3 How to Turn Forty 35

4 How to Raise Children 43

5 How to Hear 51

6 How to Have Sex 59

7 How to Plan a Ménage à Trois 69

8 How to Be Mortal 81

9 How to Be an Expert 93

10 How to Have a Midlife Crisis 101

11 How to Be Jung 111

12 How to Get Dressed 121

13 How to Age Gracefully 135

14 How to Learn the Rules 145

15 How to Be Wise 153

16 How to Give Advice 165

17 How to Save the Furniture 173

18 How to Figure Out What's Happening 181

19 How to Think in French 195

20 How to Make Friends 205

21 How to Say No 213

22 How to Control Your Family 221

23 How to Be Afraid 229

24 How to Know Where You're From 233

25 How to Stay Married 245

Conclusion: How to Be a Femme Libre 255

Acknowledgments 263

Bibliography 267

Editorial Reviews

…pitch-perfect and brutally frank…[Druckerman] has a reckless candor that can make you laugh and gasp at the same time…Entering her 40s, she is determined to drill down into the hidden meaning of things. What follows is part memoir, part social comedy, but also a poignant meditation on what it means to suddenly be promoted to the ranks of the grown-ups…For those of us who regard I Feel Bad About My Neck as a bible for the midlife woman, [Nora] Ephron is simply irreplaceable, but Druckerman is the heir to her impish, unembarrassable spirit and adorable storytelling…There is so much to enjoy [in There Are No Grown-Ups], especially for those who need a little help feeling "bien dans son age," or wearing their age comfortably. Let's hope it marks a bold new chapter for older women in society—the forgotten and the madam'ed.

The New York Times Book Review - Allison Pearson

03/26/2018
Druckerman (Bringing Up BéBé) tackles the subject of entering her 40s in this amusing essay collection, with all 25 chapters cleverly entitled “How to” (e.g., “How to Be Jung,” “How to Have a Midlife Crisis”). Druckerman, who has lived in Paris for 12 years with her British journalist husband (and their three kids), opens by painting a colorful picture of her Miami childhood, where she was raised by positive-thinking, “incompatible” Jewish parents. She then shifts to life in France, including the chapter “How to Plan a Ménàge a Trois” (originally in Marie Claire) about the threesome she gave her husband when he turned 40. Druckerman claims 40 is when Parisians began calling her madame instead of mademoiselle, and when she realized she could no longer sport a youthful wardrobe (blazers and navy blue are now de rigueur, say French fashion rules). Though Druckerman is diagnosed with and treated for cancer in the course of her story, her tone remains predominantly light (“You know you’re in your forties when... you watch The Graduate, you identify with the parents”). Druckerman’s vision of aging is far from sugarcoated, and by the witty book’s end she’s matured into her role as a grown-up, making the 40s seem not so awful after all. (May)

Publishers Weekly

2018-02-26
A bestselling American author and journalist living in Paris investigates the "undeniably transitional" decade of the 40s.As she neared the end of her 30s, Druckerman (Bébé Day by Day: 100 Keys to French Parenting, 2013, etc.) suddenly noticed how people—and especially Parisian waiters—addressed her using the matronly "madame" rather than the more youthful "mademoiselle." To understand the "new rules" of maturity, the author began to assess every aspect of her life. The marriage and more stable life Druckerman acquired by her mid-30s brought with them a need to remove the dysfunctional friendships that she collected with ease in her youth. The French-born children she had with her British husband made her feel like the "ruler of a tiny country" always subject to judgment by her opinionated "subjects." Middle age also gave new impetus to last-fling experiments—e.g., the ménage-à-trois she planned for her husband's 40th birthday—and the author offers extended ruminations on wrinkles, arm cellulite, and the fashion faux pas of older women. When a diagnosis of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma (for which Druckerman was successfully treated) put her face to face with her mortality, she was unexpectedly overcome with new gratitude for being alive. Research into middle age revealed that the so-called midlife crisis was actually "a cultural construct," but one that nevertheless continued to offer those seeking answers—like the author—a narrative for how "life [was] supposed to go." In the end, French culture offered her the most satisfying answer: that aging was a matter of learning how to feel comfortable in one's skin and "live out the best version of [one's] age." Half memoir and half ironic how-to guide, Druckerman's book is not only a humorous meditation on the gains and pains of a time in life "when you become who you are"; it is also a thought-provoking meditation on "what it means to be a grown-up."A trenchant and witty book on maturity and "middle-age shock."

Kirkus Reviews

There has been remarkably little good writing about this thorny topic but here, with excellent timing, comes Pamela Druckerman’s pitch-perfect and brutally frankThere Are No Grown-Ups. . . . She has a reckless candor that can make you laugh and gasp at the same time. . . . As Nora Ephron said, “Everything is copy.” For those of us who regard “I Feel Bad About My Neck” as a bible for the midlife woman, Ephron is simply irreplaceable, but Druckerman is the heir to her impish, unembarrassable spirit and adorable storytelling.” —The New York Times Book Review

“Essayist Druckerman is both droll and wise on facing the inevitability(and occasional upsides!) of aging.” –People

“The decline of being middle –aged is probed with humor (chapter 7: How to Plan a Ménage à Trois), honesty (chapter 10: How to Have a Midlife Crisis) and heart (chapter 8: How to be Mortal).” — Family Circle Magazine

“Pamela Druckerman brings her irresistible combination of wit, humility, curiosity and insight to topics as grown-up as facing mortality and planning a threesome in her new book, which is sure to delight anyone undergoing, contemplating, or recovering from middle age. There Are No Grown-ups is a sparkling meditation on what it means to come of age as a modern human being.” —Ariel Levy, author of The Rules Do Not Apply

“Anyone in their forties will read this book and recognize so many of Druckerman’s brilliant observations and honest feelings. If ‘forty is the old age of youth and fifty is the youth of old age,’ this book hilariously meanders the purgatory of what’s in between.”—Jill Kargman, author of Momzilla and creator, writer, producer and star of Odd Mom Out.  

"This is no journalistic tome, though. Druckerman’s voice—self-deprecating but also keenly observant—will remind readers of the late Nora Ephron… Peppered with “You know you’re in your 40s when” lists, this is a delightfully funny, thoughtful coming-of-middle-age story.” — Susan Maguire, Booklist
 
“Half memoir and half ironic how-to guide, Druckerman’s book is not only a humorous meditation on the gains and pains of a time in life ‘when you become who you are’; it is also a thought-provoking meditation on ‘what it means to be a grown-up.’ A trenchant and witty book on maturity and ‘middle-age shock.’” —Kirkus

“Pamela Druckerman explores the challenges of being forty-something by sharing her own experiences with a deep, hilarious honesty. From her real-life struggles, she finds wise lessons that can help guide us all through this stage of life. There Are No Grown-Ups will make you laugh out loud. It’s funny because it’s true.” —Gretchen Rubin, author of The Four Tendencies and The Happiness Project
 
“Pamela Druckerman is a Nora Ephron for a new generation. Need I say more?” —Susan Taylor from Book House of Stuyvesant Plaza

“What makes Druckerman’s writing…so entertaining and addictive is her insatiable curiosity about humans and culture, her incessant research, and her extraordinary, comical honesty. Few people could write a book that tackles a threesome as a fortieth birthday present, different cultural attitudes towards ageing, and sudden, life-threatening illness with such a consistent spirit of enquiry, humor, and humility.”—Elke Power, Readings

“This well-researched book will keep you laughing and pondering what it really means to grow older.”—Woman’s Day

“[A] bracing primer…about life since turning 40…consistently entertaining and endearingly self-doubting.”—Editor’s Choice, The Bookseller
 
“If you really must turn 40, this is the book to do it with.  The overall effect of having Pamela Druckerman in your life is you remember not to take it all so damn seriously.” —Kelly Corrigan, author of Tell Me More 

From the Publisher

05/01/2018
Essayist and author (Bringing Up Bébé) Druckerman continues to examine her life as an American expat living in Paris with her three children and British husband. This time out, she takes on middle age. French waiters no longer refer to her as "mademoiselle"; now it's "madame." She doesn't get interested looks from strangers anymore. She discusses this with friends male and female, French and otherwise, interspersing the observations with somewhat humorous musings on a comfortable life in Paris, some family history, stories of negotiating social situations in a foreign country, and knowledgeable tips. Chapters cover "How To Be an Expert," "How To Have a Midlife Crisis," "How To Make Friends," and "How To Plan a Ménage à Trois," among other topics. Each section opens with a bullet-list of tips for 40s living. Style suggestions are generic; other midlife hacks are not very helpful for the average fortysomething, but some are funny. Her husband's comments are hilarious, and her thoroughly French children are amusants. The author's bout with a serious illness is awkwardly dropped in, then abandoned. VERDICT Amusing in parts, rambling in others, this loose-knit guide is for fans of the author and those who want to experience the expat life vicariously. [See Prepub Alert, 11/27/17.]—Liz French, Library Journal

Library Journal

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