This Is Where It Ends

This Is Where It Ends

by Marieke Nijkamp

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Overview

This Is Where It Ends by Marieke Nijkamp

This Barnes & Noble exclusive edition contains a letter from the author, a bonus chapter: Jay, a prequel chapter: Tomás, a Q&A with Marieke Nijkamp, a This Is Where It Ends playlist, and special art.

This #1 New York Times Bestsller chronicles the 54 harrowing minutes of a school shooting and follows four students who must confront their greatest hopes, and darkest fears, as they come face-to-face with the boy with the gun.

10:00 a.m.
The principal of Opportunity, Alabama's high school finishes her speech, welcoming the entire student body to a new semester and encouraging them to excel and achieve.

10:02 a.m.
The students get up to leave the auditorium for their next class.

10:03
The auditorium doors won't open.

10:05
Someone starts shooting.

A Buzzfeed Best YA Book
A Bustle.com Most-Anticipated YA Novel
A Goodreads YA Best Books Pick
A Goodreads Choice Award Finalist for Young Adult Fiction
Kids Indie Next List Pick

"Marieke Nijkamp's brutal, powerful fictional account of a school shooting is important in its timeliness." —Bustle.com

"A gritty, emotional, and suspenseful read and although fictionalized, it reflects on a problematic and harrowing issue across the nation." —Buzzfeed

"A compelling, brutal story of an unfortunately all-too familiar situation: a school shooting. Nijkamp portrays the events thoughtfully, recounting fifty-four intense minutes of bravery, love, and loss." —BookRiot

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781492675402
Publisher: Sourcebooks
Publication date: 09/04/2018
Edition description: B&N Exclusive Edition
Pages: 320
Sales rank: 666
Product dimensions: 5.80(w) x 8.40(h) x 1.30(d)
Age Range: 14 - 17 Years

About the Author

Marieke Nijkamp is a storyteller, dreamer, globe-trotter, geek. She holds degrees in philosophy, history, and medieval studies, and is an executive member of We Need Diverse Books, the founder of DiversifYA, and a founding contributor to YA Misfits. She lives in the Netherlands. Visit her at mariekenijkamp.com.

Read an Excerpt

This Is Where It Ends


By Marieke Nijkamp

Sourcebooks, Inc.

Copyright © 2016 Marieke Nijkamp
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4926-2248-2


CHAPTER 1

10:01–10:02 A.M.

CLAIRE

The starter gun shatters the silence, releasing the runners from their blocks.

Track season starts in a couple weeks, but no one has told Coach Lindt about winter. He's convinced that the only way to get us into shape is to practice — even when my breath freezes right in front of me.

This is Opportunity, Alabama. Sane people don't leave their homes when it's white and frosty outside. We stock up on canned food, drink hot chocolate until we succumb to sugar comas, and pray to be saved from the cold.

Still, Coach Lindt's start-of-season training beats Principal Trenton's long and arduous start-of-semester speech — virtue, hard work, and the proper behavior of young ladies and gentlemen. After almost four years at Opportunity High, I can recite her words from memory, which is exactly what I did for Matt at breakfast this morning — responsibility, opportunity ("no pun intended"), and her favorite, our school motto: We Shape the Future.

It sounds glorious, but with months left until graduation, I have no clue what the future looks like. If Opportunity shaped me, I didn't notice. Running, I know. This track, I know. One step after another after another. It doesn't matter what comes next as long as I keep moving forward.

My foot slips, and I stumble.

From his position on the field, Coach curses. "Claire, attention! One misstep's the difference between success and failure."

Straightening, I refocus.

A familiar laugh colors the still morning. "Did you freeze up over holiday break, Sarge? A snail could catch up with you floundering like that." On the straightaway of the track, Chris falls into step with me.

I suck in a breath before I answer him. "Oh, shut up."

My best friend only laughs louder. The even rhythm of his footsteps and his breathing challenge me to find my pace. His presence steadies me like it always does. At six-foot-five and with sun-touched hair and blue eyes, Chris is not just our best runner but also Opportunity's poster-boy athlete. On uniform days, the freshman girls fawn over him.

With Chris by my side, my stride shortens. The other two runners on our varsity team are far behind us, on the other side of the field. Chris and I move in perfect synchrony, and the very air parts before us.

Nothing can touch us. Not snow. Not even time.


* * *

TOMÁS

Time's up. The small clock on the bookshelf strikes ten with an annoying little tune, and I thumb through the tabs in front of me at supersonic speed. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon.

It only took superglue — strategically squirted on the desk drawers of my favorite Spanish teacher, Mr. Look-At-Me-Strutting-My-Stuff-Like-A-Walking-Midlife-Crisis — for Far and me to find our way to the administrative office. But it took both our student IDs before we managed to jiggle the lock on Principal Trenton's door. And it'll all be for nothing if I can't find the file I'm looking for. I scan the folders in the filing cabinet. When an elbow pokes my side, I startle. "Dammit, Far. What the hell?"

Fareed rolls his eyes and gestures for me to keep quiet. Someone's in the hallway, he mouths. He tiptoes back to the door.

Crap.

How do I explain this? "No, ma'am, I'm not doing anything, just breaking into school records"?

Whatever. I'm sure I have a legal right to see my own permanent record, so I can always use that as my excuse. The fact that these folders just happened to be "Last Names, A–C" instead of "Last Names, M–N" is nothing more than a coincidence. No one knows whose file I'm looking for, except Far. And even he doesn't know the whole reason.

If anything, I can always "find" Al-Sahar, Fareed as a cover. The school administration can't even file his name right.

Still.

A door opens and closes. A lock clicks.

Footsteps squeak on the linoleum outside the administrative office.

Footsteps that pause before the principal's door — our door.

I quietly push the file drawer shut. Better not to stir up trouble — more trouble — if I get caught red-handed.

Far and I both hold our breath.

After what feels like forever, the footsteps move on. Whomever it was, they're not out to get us. Not today.


* * *

AUTUMN

"... it's all a matter of the decisions you make, today and every day. Your behavior reflects not only on yourself but also on your parents, your family, and your school.

"Here at Opportunity, we pride ourselves on shaping the doctors, lawyers, and politicians of tomorrow. And it's the choices you make now that will determine your future. You have to ask yourself how you can become the best you can be. Ask not what your school can do for you but what you can do for you."

Trenton holds the microphone loosely while she scans the crowd, as if memorizing every single face. So many students come and go, leaving nothing but the faintest impression, names scratched into desks and graffitied onto bathroom stalls, yet she knows us all.

All our hopes. All our heartbreaks. All our sleepless nights.

Her eyes linger on me, and my neck burns. I reach for the chair to my right, but it remains as it was when the assembly started. Empty.

To my left, Sylv groans. "After all these years, you'd think she'd come up with something more original."

"Don't you want to be the best you can be?" The words come out harsher than I intend.

She grumbles.

In truth, Sylv will have plenty of colleges to choose from. She's a shoo-in for all her dream schools. And I should be happy for her. I am happy for her.

But for me, college is the only way out of this misery, and Dad sure as hell isn't going to pay my ride. Not to study dance. "Look what happened to your mother," he'd say, as if I haven't counted the days, hours, minutes since Mom's accident. "Dance took everything from her. No daughter of mine is going into that business. Not if I can stop it."

So he tries to stop me — every day. And with Mom gone, there's no one to stop him. Not from drinking. Not from hitting me. There's no one to keep our family from falling apart.

I grip my crumpled coffee cup, grab the threadbare denim messenger bag from under my seat, and block out Ty's voice in the back of my mind. My brother would tell me that Principal Trenton's words are truer than I think, that the world is at my fingertips and it's up to me to make my future the best it can be.

I tried that and I lost. Now I'd rather escape.


* * *

SYLV

I sink deep into my seat and glance at the empty place next to Autumn. He's not coming after all. He'd have been here by now. He won't come. I'm safe here.

He won't come.

The knot in my stomach unfurls and recoils with every twist and turn of my mind. I could ask Autumn about Tyler, but she's lost in memories. Today is two years since the accident. She refuses to share her grief with me — or anyone. Even when she smiles, she isn't the girl she used to be.

And I miss her.

Some days, when she thinks no one is watching, she still moves across the floor as if she's flying. La golondrina, Mamá used to call her. The swallow. All grace and beauty. When Autumn dances, all her worry falls away and she shines.

I wish she could dance forever.

Madre de Dios, how I wish I could watch her dance forever.

Instead, it is another Monday. Life goes on. The assembly is over, and Autumn holds herself ramrod straight. I'm the only one who knows she'll fly out of this cage and leave us all behind as soon as she can.

Meanwhile, next period is the last review for my AP U.S. History midterm, and I haven't even touched my books. Mamá had another one of her bad spells over break. We were supposed to go into town together last Saturday, but when Abuelo brought the car around, she barely recognized him. She didn't want to leave the house. She didn't understand where we were going. I sat with her for hours, talked to her — listen, Mamá — told her the stories that wove our family around her. She was disoriented for days afterward, and I can't shake the feeling that with every day that passes, she slips away like starlight at dawn.

At least history suits me. You already know if those stories will end happily.

CHAPTER 2

10:02–10:04 A.M.


TOMÁS

I reach for the bowl on top of the desk and pop a few mints into my mouth. Far peeks around the principal's door. When he gives the all clear, I open the filing cabinet again. I haven't lost much work. Just time.

Principal Trenton may still live in the pre-digital era, but she's like a cyborg. She always speaks until ten sharp, leaving five minutes for announcements before the bell. By the end of the assembly, everyone has to run to make it to class on time for third period. Well, in theory. The teachers and other personnel are in the auditorium too, and they don't run.

So everyone pushes to leave, then strolls, dawdles, sneaks out for a smoke and some air (the two aren't mutually exclusive, thank you very much). After all, even nicotine and tar smell better than what my sis once described as our "odor-torium," a unique blend of testosterone, sweat, and burned coffee.

But we're cutting it far too close. "I hate paperwork."

"Maybe you should stay on the farm then," Fareed drawls. "Honest work and hard labor don't require brains."

"You're hilarious." My fingers skim his file, and I pull it out of the drawer. "D'you want to see the letter of recommendation Mr. O'Brian wrote for your college applications?"

He holds out his hands, and I toss him the file. A few sheets flutter from the folder before Far catches it.

"Barbarian."

I snort. "Sorry. Not sorry."

"I look so young and innocent in this picture," Fareed muses, staring at his cover sheet. For most of our class, the picture used by the administration is three years old, taken when we enrolled as freshmen. In his case, however —

"That was taken last year!"

"How you've corrupted me. Without your brilliant ideas, I'd have been a straight-A student, never in trouble with the law, girls following me everywhere."

"Sure." I pull another folder out of the filing cabinet. "Keep telling yourself that."

Fareed makes another comment, but I'm not paying attention. A familiar picture stares at me from the cover sheet.

Bingo.

Browne, Tyler. Gelled blond hair, pale eyes, and an oh-so-familiar blank look. The one time his eyes weren't glossed over with contempt was when I slammed his head into a locker. My fingers itch to do it again.

Does the administration note criminal charges in student records? Probably not when the files are this easy to access. Definitely not when said student dropped out at the end of last year. Besides, I don't even know if he has a criminal record. According to his grades, he was a perfectly respectable C student. Three years at Opportunity and Tyler coasted through all his classes.

He only — spectacularly — failed Humanity 101.

The latest note in his file is unmistakable though: Reenrolling. Effective immediately.

Sylvia mentioned it this weekend. It was the first time she's confided in me in months. She looked ready to puke her guts out, she was so scared, but she refused to tell me why. So here I am, breaking into school records. To make sure she's safe. Twin-brother privileges.

Not that I'll ever admit to that or even hint that I care. Twin-brother reputation.

I lean against the principal's desk and read.

Date of birth, address — boring. Emergency contact information for father, mother deceased. Last school, date of admission — nothing I don't already know. Present class: not applicable. Not yet.

SAT score: 2140.

Huh. A closet genius.

Maybe that explains why, despite his bravado, Tyler never made good on any of his threats. He may be a maggot, but he's the smartest kind: a harmless one.


* * *

AUTUMN

My back aches. I roll my shoulders to loosen the knotted muscles. Sylv lingers instead of rejoining the rest of her class. She cracks her knuckles with sharp snaps. "Are you okay?"

"I ..." I hesitate.

I woke up drenched in sweat last night, expecting a knock at the door like two years ago. But this morning was breakfast as usual. Ty was nowhere to be found, and after this weekend, I didn't mind. Figures. Dad didn't bother to get up. He started — or never stopped — drinking last night. These days, he doesn't even try to hide it. When Mom was still alive, he only drank when she was away and only during the darkest times. He still knew how to smile then, and he could make both Ty and me laugh.

Now he's angry at the entire world, at anything that reminds him of Mom.

At me.

I don't know how to put all that into words. I'm not okay. I haven't been okay in a long time. It isn't just Mom's death. Dad — sometimes I'm afraid.

And Ty ... I'm afraid I'll lose Ty too.

But Sylv and Ty hate each other. How can I begin to make her understand?

She places her hand on my arm, then remembers where we are and nervously tucks a long, black curl behind her ears. Her bright-blue top matches her eyeliner, which makes her eyes sparkle. At Opportunity, where so many of us prefer to stay hidden, she's the brightest spotlight on the darkest stage. She looks at me expectantly. "It's understandable, you know. Anniversaries can be difficult. You can be sad. No one will judge you, least of all me."

I nod, but the words still won't form. The voices ebb and flow around us as students climb the raked aisles between the four blocks of seating. Sylv's eyes flick to the other side of the auditorium, where some of the football players are getting loud.

I shrug. "It's fine. I'm fine."

She'd never understand. No one does.

I'm counting down the minutes to seventh period, when the music room behind the stage is dark and deserted. In the shadows, I'll be alone.

I'll be safe.

Sylv opens her mouth, but before she can say anything, a girl from her class appears at her elbow — Asha, I think. She used to get into arguments with my brother before he dropped out. I can't — I don't want to keep up with all of them. They will only bind me to this place, and it hurts so much to care.

Asha clings to her AP U.S. History textbook. Under strands of rainbow-colored hair, her mouth quirks up in a half smile. She whispers something. Sylv tenses before she laughs, her voice rising above the crowd. "Contrary to popular opinion, I'm not looking forward to midterms."

Asha rolls her eyes. "You have nothing to worry about."

Sylv blushes, but Asha's right: Sylv's a straight-A student. The teachers adore her. She couldn't flunk an exam if she tried.

Asha turns to me, and that's my cue. I plaster on a fake smile. "Midterms aren't until next week. And I had better things to do than study over break."

"Philistine." Sylv sighs. "How do I put up with you?"

Because I'm yours.

The buttons on Asha's bag clink against each other. She flicks a purple lock of hair out of her face. "No stress? Lucky you."

Lucky me. Before I can say anything, Sylv beats me to it.

"So what did you do?"

"Nothing."

Around us, the drone of voices becomes louder, more agitated. The first few moments after Trenton's speeches are always a mess, with everyone tumbling over each other trying to get out, but this is far more chaotic than usual.

A teacher pushes through. Probably to see what the holdup is.

Asha grins. "All of break? Absolutely nothing? C'mon, spill."

Sylv's eyes are soft and questioning, and I nibble on my lip. I don't want to let her down. "I found an old video recording of my mother's first Swan Lake in the attic this weekend. It was her audition for the Royal Ballet. She wasn't much older than me."

It's not salacious news, so I expect Asha to be disappointed, but she leans in closer. "Was it good?"

This surprises a smile out of me.

Opportunity High is a county high school, with students from all the small surrounding towns. Asha isn't one of us. She isn't Opportunity, where everyone knows everything about Mom and me. She isn't part of our home turf of familiar street names, churches, and shared secrets.

In Opportunity, everyone knows Mom danced around the world at every great company: London, Moscow, New York. She saw more countries than all of us combined. She told me about her travels and made me restless. For how much that memory of her hurts, watching her dance never does. "She was amazing."


(Continues...)

Excerpted from This Is Where It Ends by Marieke Nijkamp. Copyright © 2016 Marieke Nijkamp. Excerpted by permission of Sourcebooks, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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This Is Where It Ends 4.3 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 69 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This books cover caught my eye while browsing through New Teen Fiction. Once I read the overview I knew I had to purchase. This novel had me flipping the pages, kept my heart racing, and I could not put it down until I finished it. Well written, and not for the faint of heart! One of the best reads I have had in a LONG time.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
One of the most amazing and heart-touching books I've ever read. So sad and terrifying, yet somehow inspirational and relatable. This Is Where It Ends is beyond just the action and horror, it siezes up your heart and sends tears to your eyes. Great way to make you really rethink the common phrase, "That could never happen here!" Tip: Re-think your safety.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Get your tissue boxes because this book is about to take you on a rollercoaster called "emotions"
zrugg13 More than 1 year ago
The principal at Opportunity High School finished the speech. The students get up to leave the auditorium. The auditorium doors won’t open. They’re locked. Someone starts shooting. People look up to find a former classmate standing with a gun. In this book, I think the author’s purpose is that you can’t always trust the ones you love, even if you think they are the ones that will save you. “This is Where It Ends” tackles an all-too-frequent situation in American society — that of school shootings. “Tyler is back.” Tyler is out to get the people who hurt him most, but when others get in the way it doesn’t have a good outcome. What finally makes him go crazy? No one knows. Who all will make it out alive? What is Tyler’s secret? Dive in to find out. I think the book matches the authors purpose. It shows what happens when a brother and sister lose the connection and something bad happens. “This Is Where It Ends is a book everyone should read to get a better understanding of each other and the world around us. This book with leave you heartbroken. Read it to find out what happens next.
Anonymous 5 months ago
Hands down one of the best books I have read! If this book becomes a movie I will support it hole heartedly because of my passion for the story!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I am a bit of a book snob. I can be really picky. This book was tragic and beautiful and had the best and worst of humanity in it. I would absolutely recommend it to anyone. You will rethink the way you treat others, and you will hold your loved ones a little closer; because the truth it you never know what could happen. I don't even know what else to say. This book is one of my favorites and the best book I've read in a long long time. You will cry.
Dianne57 More than 1 year ago
While I was reading this book, I had to constantly remind myself that this book was written for teens not adults. The premise was horrific and timely; although with Sandy Hook (among other school shootings) I think it may have been a bit on the tacky side. However, like adults, younger teens like to hear gory details about things. This book will fit the bill for them quite nicely. For young adults and adults -not so much. Frankly though the cast of character's were interesting, the mindset and emotional aspects of them all seemed to ring false to me. But again, I have to keep reminding myself that these characters are not adults and would not have older adult thoughts, ideas and emotions. I would have thought that the will to live would have been too strong for these kids to do what they had done. What is very interesting is that this is also a look into bullying and it bears asking just who in this scenario was the true bully? No I did NOT like this book one little bit, but I can see how it will appeal to the younger crowd and perhaps those with young teens in the home. I would strongly advise any parent to read this book first before giving it to anyone under the age of 13
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I have never wrote a review but I feel as if I have to for this book. I picked up this book because I found the cover to be beautiful and after reading the overview, I had no choice but to buy it. It is a fast pace, simply breathtaking novel that leaves you broken in the end. I had been having trouble picking up books lately but as soon as I began this one, I couldn't put it down. I highly recommend this to anyone even if YA fiction because it hits so close to home with recent events happening all around us.
Countryliving 22 days ago
I thought this was a very emotional book and even though the book is written from views of teenagers I thought it was very well done. I'm in my 40s and the book overall held my interest. I thought the author did a wonderful job at taking the everyday ups and downs that teenagers deal with and created a great but sad story. Unfortunately this type of tragedy happens all too often.
Anonymous 3 months ago
This book was one of my favorite books I have ever read in my entire life. I started to cry in class as I was reading actually haha. It has a great plot and is defiantly worth the read.
Anonymous 4 months ago
I just have to remind myself that this is YA fiction and not classic literature. The emotions are going to be over the top and the platitudes are going to be plentiful. The premise was promising, but the product was one big ABC Afterschool Special. Anyone else remember those gems "Schoolboy Father" and "She Drinks a Little"? I guess we could call this one "A Scary Day at School."
Anonymous 9 months ago
It told me a story of hope, sadness, and faith. This story was so amazing. The only thing I wish the author would have added was some insight on what was going through the shooters mind while he hit Autumn, shot her, or right before he killed himself but overall it was an amazing book everyone should read to understand situations like this
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is book is truly amazing!!!! I love how it relates to real world conflicts and issues
KieraM More than 1 year ago
Fantastic, this novel is the epitome of every high school students worst nightmare. A beautiful portrayal of how anyone could become a school shooter, and the impact of having a connection with the shooter.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I haven't read a book that actually made me cry. Highly recommend
Jojo Swanson More than 1 year ago
I could not put this book down after the moment I opened it. It was absolutely amazing. I completely recommend it!
Kate Tippetts More than 1 year ago
I haven't read a book from front to back in about five years, until now. "This is where it ends" got me back into reading and I honestly couldn't put the book down over the weekend when I got it. I got it on a Friday, but i didn't start reading it until the Saturday. As I was reading I didn't want to stop to even go eat dinner, the dinner my mom worked "so hard on" (Left overs), my mother has to actually take the book from me to actually have me eat... I didn't get it back until I was done eating dinner and dessert, it was honestly to fastest I've ever eaten just to get my book back. I spent all night reading the book and didn't fall asleep like I usually do. I was half way through the book when I realized it was almost one o'clock in the morning. Next morning I woke up and just started to read, but yet again I got interrupted and had to put the book down. When I got to reading the book again it was about nine at night when I started to read. I was so hooked on this book that I didn't want to put it down until I was completely done with the book.... I read the book in two days. I wish I could read this book again again like it was my first time reading it. Hats off to the author. This book is what got me reading again! I love the book. My favorite used to "The fault in our Stars" but "This is where it ends" is my all time favorite. I recommend this book every time anyone asks me what they should read. Really good book. Thank You.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Loved it!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I cried so much thinking about the first person ive lost in my life. This book will make you appreciate your loved ones more than ever. R.I.P jonghyun. You were my first loved one to leave. I will never forget. To everyone reading this love your friends and family because you never know what might happen.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
An all time favorite ! Could NOT put the book down, I seriously read it within a few days . The author uses amazing imagery and is truly one to capture emotions. 10/10 recommend.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
An all time favorite ! Could NOT put the book down, I seriously read it within a few days . The author uses amazing imagery and is truly one to capture emotions. 10/10 recommend.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Awesome read
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I? finished this book in just a few hours. As much as I? wanted to turn away I? couldn’t. This book is a must read for teachers and anyone still in the school system. We are never alone.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I read this book for my book report and I loved it so much. I could not put it down. I had so many people asking to borrow it to read. I strongly recommend you read this book.
JoannaDursi More than 1 year ago
I ended up loving this book even with its dark subject matter. But it did take me a bit to get used to the multiple POV’s and had time placing the connections they characters had. Once that was behind me, OMG! There aren’t enough words for how this book made me feel. I felt like I was locked in the Opportunity auditorium with the rest of the students. I’m left even more thankful that my daughter returns home from school each and every day alive and well.