In Unlocking Parental Intelligence, long-experienced psychoanalyst, Laurie Hollman, PhD, encourages parents to find the significance behind their child’s behaviors by becoming “meaning-makers.” Parental Intelligence is explained through compelling and empathic story-telling that answers parents’ questions: “Why do children do what they do? “ “What’s on their minds?” “How can parents know their child’s inner world?"
Through a clear five-step approach, parents discover the power and wisdom of a new parenting mindset that helps them learn what their kids think, want, intend and feel. They see actions as communications. They are rewarded with open parent-child dialogue about the underlying problems hidden beneath the behaviors. As they problem solve, parents discover misbehaviors are not only meaningful, but a catalyst to change.
Parents and professionals alike will find a new parenting approach from this invaluable book that will reshape families’ lives and guide them through all stages of typical and atypical child development.This accessible read enlightens, uplifts, and relieves while cultivating critical thinking on the part of parents and children as they wrestle with the common, and sometimes desperate vexations of family life.
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About the Author
Laurie Hollman, PhD, is a psychoanalyst with specialized clinical training in infant-parent, child, adolescent, and adult psychotherapy—a unique practice that covers the life span.
Dr. Hollman was trained in infant-parent psychotherapy at the Anni Bergman Parent-Infant Training Program in NYC affiliated with the Institute for Psychoanalytic Training and Research and the Contemporary Freudian Society. She has worked with a wide range of parents and their infants including battered women and their babies, mothers with autistic children and their babies, alcoholic mothers and their babies.
She received specialized training in child and adolescent treatment at New York University. Her PhD dissertation on nine-year-old girls culminated in a new finding and major contribution to the psychology of this age group focusing on troubling fantasies with which these children struggle. She was invited to join the faculty of New York University before graduating and taught clinical courses on listening to unconscious fantasies, child psychotherapy, and understanding the art work of children.
Dr. Hollman was trained in the psychoanalysis of adults at The Society for Psychoanalytic Study and Research where she became the youngest graduate to join the faculty and Board of Directors and later became president. She taught courses on narcissistic and borderline personality disorders as well as art therapy for children.
Dr. Hollman has studied with world-renowned figures such as psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Dr. Jacob Arlow, psychologist and child researcher Dr. Anni Bergman, and psychologist and infant researcher Dr. Beatrice Beebe.
Dr. Hollman is widely published on topics relevant to parents and children such as juried articles and chapters in the international Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, The International Journal of Infant Observation, and the Inner World of the Mother. She wrote on subjects relevant to parents of divorce for the Family Law Review, a publication of the New York Bar Association. As a columnist for Newsday’s Parent and Children Magazine and the Long Island Parent for almost a decade, she has written countless articles on parenting and child development.
She is a regular columnist for Moms Magazine and a frequent guest writer for popular parenting websites that reach over 500,000 viewers, including Mommy Bloggers, Natural Parenting Network, Positive Parenting Ally, Thrive Global, and The Huffington Post. These articles are regularly picked up by multiple family-oriented websites, making her known on the internet as a “Parenting Expert.” She is also a contributor to the The Mother Magazine in print in the United Kingdom.
Dr. Hollman also writes articles on mental illness for Long Island, New York pediatricians, internists and gynecologists/obstetricians, and for Long Island schools, discussing issues relevant to educators and mental health counselors, including Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), the gifted child, depression and anxiety in children.
Table of Contents
Part One: THE ESSENTIAL PARENT
- The Parenting Mindset
- What Fuels Punishment Instead of a Search for Meaning?
- Five Steps to Parental Intelligence
Part Two: STORIES OF PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE IN PRACTICE
- At-Risk Parents Misread Infant’s Fussy Behavior: Carrie’s First Months
- A Distressed Child, not a Bad Child: Two-Year-Old Travis
- A Boy with Asperger’s Can’t Stop Singing: Four-Year-Old Lee
- Jealousy in an Identical Twin: Six-Year-Old Clive
- The Storm, the Calm with ADHD: Eight-Year-Old Cathie
- Mother’s Angst: Thirteen-Year-Old Olivia
- Messy Room Signals Depression: Fifteen-Year-Old Leslie
- A Lonely Place to Call Home: Seventeen-Year-Old Eva
Part Three: THE FUTURE WITH PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE
- The Meeting Ground
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
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This review is from: Unlocking Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in Your Child's Behavior by Laurie Hollman (2015-10-13) (Paperback) Apart from reading my local writing teacher Laura Davis' acclaimed book "Becoming the Parent You Want to Be", I don't usually read parenting books. It's easier for me to learn in a workshop. However, after reading several of Dr. Hollman's Huffington Post parenting columns, I made an exception to my rule. I benefitted so much from reading Dr. Hollman's blog that I bought her book "Unlocking Parental Intelligence". I'm profoundly glad that I did! Dr. Hollman's book is empowering, inspiring, and illuminating. I've felt like I've been flying blind with both my young children, despite trying very hard to be a good mother. Dr. Hollman clearly delineates and explains how to break free of stifled parenting by providing five steps to what she cleverly coined as "parental intelligence". I was fascinated while reading stories of how other parents use her principles - the range of their challenges span from at-risk parents to jealous children to ADHD, Asperger's, depression, and more. While I may not have earned my PhD from reading "Unlocking Parental Intelligence", I feel that what I gained in helping my children thrive (and the fact that my stress level has gone down) is worth more than any degree. D.L. Harwood
Dr. Hollman as not only unlocked parental intelligence; her approach unlocks relational intelligence. I recommend her book to all my adult clients.
What I admire about this approach to child-rearing is that it teaches parents to react to behavioral problems in thoughtful ways that lead to stronger bonds with the child. Dr. Hollman stresses that parents should understand what they are experiencing when a child misbehaves and see it as an opportunity for communication. The book is illustrated with stories of several different families who move from anger and consternation to positive communication between parents and kids by using the steps outlined in UNLOCKING PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE... A great family resource.
One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the ability to trust us with their feelings. The best way to understand your child's mind is through reflection of your own feelings and experiences, and what you currently bring to the table when you don't pause before reacting to a situation. I found Dr. Hollman's book, Unlocking Parental Intelligence, to be very easy to read and insightful with lots of everyday examples I could relate to. If you wonder about why your child does the things (s)he does, or if they are getting under your skin, I recommend you pick up a copy of her book! Pause, reflect, discern your child's behavior and development, find a solution.
Reading Unlocking Parental Intelligence opened my eyes to the hidden meaning of my children’s behavior. No longer do I simply get frustrated when my kids behave in ways that find my disapproval; no longer do I assume that the behavior is a sign of disrespect or failure to listen; no longer do I immediately correct the behavior. Instead, I pause and ask myself what hidden message the behavior might send. Don’t misunderstand me, I still get frustrated and annoyed, and I still can’t wait for the behavior to stop. Yet with the help of Laurie Hollman’s Unlocking Parental Intelligence I have learned to work through these emotions in ways that are constructive for our entire family. Every parent should read Unlocking Parental Intelligence. In fact, everyone—child or no child—should read it, for not only children’s behaviors have hidden meanings. We send signals with everything we do and don't do, with everything we say and don't say, and often our signals get crossed. That is where Unlocking Parental Intelligence comes in. Laurie Hollman teaches us how to step back to consider not only the meaning behind our children’s (mis)behavior, but also the meaning behind our reaction to them. The five steps—1. pause and step back, 2. self-reflect, 3. consider your child’s mindset, 4. consider your child’s developmental stage, and finally 5. problem solve—help you focus on any parent’s real goal, which is maintaining a positive relationship to your child and creating a harmonious family life based on mutual respect, trust, and understanding. Unlocking Parental Intelligence begins by offering an explanation of the basic tenets behind the five steps, moves on to astute and informative stories illustrating the five steps, and ends with Dr. Hollman’s vision of how the new parental mindset can positively impact society at large. Ms. Hollman’s gentle prose makes this a truly enjoyable and insightful read. --Helga Schier, PhD, Literary Editor at www.withpenandpaper.com
Laurie Hollman has given parents an important, groundbreaking approach to discipline -- by guiding their children's behavior, not negative punishments for misbehaviors. As parents come to understand their child's point of view, they come to better understand their own. How this reciprocal relationship impacts how parents handle misbehaviors is a breakthrough that Hollman explains in an easy-to-follow 5-step process. How each step leads to the next is engagingly illustrated in riveting fictional accounts of real behaviors -- stories that make it hard to put this book down. By Unlocking Parental Intelligence, Hollman gives us reading that no one who cares about healthy family functioning will want to miss. Myrna Shure, Author of Raising a Thinking Child