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CHAPTER 1
First Things First
When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
— Franklin D. Roosevelt
#1: Say Yes! to Change
You've probably heard the old quote from Benjamin Franklin: "The only things certain in life are death and taxes." As funny (and true) as that statement is, I'd like to add one more thing to it: change. Change is definitely "certain in life."
Change is inevitable. It is happening all the time. As much as we'd love to hold on to the safety and comfort of the known, we all come to a place in our lives where we are required to take the road of uncertainty.
Of course, you have a choice of how you experience that path. You can choose to be dragged down that path kicking and screaming, or you can say yes to change and embrace it! When you say yes to change, you are choosing to navigate that path peacefully and happily, and see where it takes you.
It doesn't matter which way you choose to take that path; change is going to happen anyway. The peaceful and happy path is the ideal way to experience change. It is also the best way to reach your new destination in record time.
This is a distressing time for you, no doubt, and how you choose to react to this situation will determine your outcome. It will determine how quickly you bounce back from the experience, and whether you bounce back higher.
Of course, when you say no to change and you are dragged down that path with anger, frustration, and sadness, your journey and recovery will be a long and difficult one (some people never fully recover). When you say yes to change and surrender to what is happening, your journey will be more pleasant and peaceful, and the recovery time will be shorter.
Whenever you are in a situation in which your life has taken an unexpected turn, embrace it. You may not know what the future holds, and fear of the unknown can sometimes be overwhelming and nerve-wracking, but just remember you have a choice of how to react to this situation. Choose the path of least resistance.
It is all happening for a reason, and although you may not be clear on what the reason is right now or what the future holds exactly, have faith that things will turn out beautifully.
You may remember Bob Proctor from the blockbuster hit DVD and book The Secret. He is one of the most respected experts in the self-help world. Bob recently experienced a serious challenge in his own life, and I wondered how he (of all people) handled life's difficult challenges and what he did to overcome his obstacles and bounce back quickly. This is his story, and his unsinkable words of wisdom.
Bob Proctor's Message
I remember it was a Saturday. I was listening to Michael Beckwith speak at a conference. He shared a three-step approach to use whenever anything happens in your life.
1. It is what it is; accept it. (It's either going to control you or you're going to control it.)
2. Harvest the good.
3. Forgive all the rest.
Sunday, it was my turn to speak, and after I finished my talk, I wasn't feeling well. A doctor who had been at the conference had a clinic five minutes from the hotel where I was staying. He came to see me, gave me a B12 shot, and said that I should feel better. The next day, Monday, he told me to come to his clinic to get some bloodwork done, and wanted to know when I was returning to Toronto. I told him I was flying back on Thursday, so he advised me to return to see him on Wednesday to get the results of the bloodwork. I returned on Wednesday as requested, and while he was checking me over, he held a stethoscope to my heart and said, "You can't get on a plane tomorrow. You have a problem here."
The following week I was in the hospital having open-heart surgery. They replaced the aortic valve; in order to do this, they had to stop my heart, collapse my lungs, and put me on a machine to keep me alive. It was a radical operation. When I came out of it all I could remember were Michael Beckwith's words: It is what it is; accept it. (It's either going to control you or you're going to control it.) Harvest the good. Forgive all the rest.
I had the best care in the world. I got to know the name of every nurse and every doctor that came into my room. I told the doctor, "This has to be the best hospital in the world; everyone has such a great attitude." He said, "Well, they like looking after you because you have such a great attitude. You call them all by name and treat them well." I told him about Michael Beckwith's advice that I was following. I have since shared it with hundreds of thousands of people, and have incorporated it into every area of my life. Those three statements will help you through any situation.
I was told that I would be laid up for six months, but I was back on the road in three. I've been fine ever since.
Stop and Think
When you find yourself in a difficult situation, you need to stop and think. Remember, it will control you or you will control it, so take control. Harvest the good (look for the good in the situation), and forgive all the rest. Let the rest go.
Victor Frankl said, "It's the last of all human freedoms, the ability to choose." We can choose to look at whatever we want. We can look at what's wrong in our life or we can look at what's right.
Sometimes tragedy will just grab ahold of our mind and won't let go. We have to let it go. We have to look for the good; there's good in everything. The more you look, the more you will find. We're only going to see what we're in resonance or in harmony with, so if we're thinking good thoughts and sending out good energy, then we start to see all kinds of good things, and they begin to compound.
Look for the good and forgive all the rest. If a bad thought arises, just forgive it and let it go. Of course, bad thoughts will come. You may pick them up from outside sources or they may originate from you, but when they do arise, don't spend any time on them or give any room in your mind to them. Just release them.
Send Love and Let it Go
Having bad thoughts such as hate, anger, or resentment toward another person is comparable to you drinking rat poison and hoping the rats die. What we need is understanding. We have to understand that there's a beautiful power flowing in our consciousness, and as that power flows in, it has no form. We give it form. So if we choose to hold bad thoughts about someone, we must realize that we will move into a bad vibration and will attract more bad things into our lives. Instead, learn how to let these thoughts go. Simply release them and send love to the people who bother you.
Here is something you can do to help you to release negative thoughts and feelings.
1. Each morning when you wake up, sit down and think of 10 things you are grateful for and really allow yourself to feel the emotions come through.
2. Then, be still and relax for four or five minutes and ask for guidance for the day. The answers will come.
3. Send love to the people who bother you.
This early morning practice may be difficult at first, but with time you will master it.
Help Others
I believe that when we're having problems, no matter what kind they may be, our focus is on ourselves. It's all about me, me, me; we become very self-conscious and self-indulgent. When this happens, it is important to train ourselves to think about others instead. We have to get our mind off of ourselves. Simply think of other people, and focus on how to help them and how to provide greater service to them. When we do this, we move into a good vibration and thus will attract good into our lives.
You Really Are in Control
Pogo said, "We have met the enemy and he is us." I believe this. We cause our own problems. It has been 50 years since I picked up and studied Napoleon Hill's book Think and Grow Rich. The man who gave me that book would say, "You're the only problem you'll ever have and you're the only solution." I think it took me five years to understand what he meant by that. There's a lot of wisdom in those words. No one else can ever cause us a problem without our permission.
So we really are in control.
Dr. J.B. Rhine said, "The mind is the greatest power in all of creation." When I say this in seminars, I often hear some people say, "No, God is the greatest." I say, God is the creator, the mind is a creation, and you have access to this marvelous mind. What we have to learn to do is utilize it properly.
Ultimately, I believe that when something tragic happens to us, it has been sent to us to strengthen us. I know I'm a much better person today. I'm much more empathetic with people in seminars who have problems. My experience has truly strengthened me.
#2: It's Okay to Feel Bad
Let the tears flow; it's okay. In fact, it is necessary to your healing.
That day when I left the house and everything behind me, I remember calling my friend Cindy Ashton. She was no stranger to life challenges. In fact, she underwent three heart surgeries by the age of 14 and was left in chronic pain, with a damaged lung. Today, she is a brilliant performer, singer, and motivational speaker.
She asked me, "So how are you feeling?"
I replied, "I'm okay. I'm surprised how well I'm handling this."
"You know it's okay to cry," she said. "You need to let it all out and release it."
"Yeah, I know. But I don't feel like crying. It's weird."
It was weird. Why am I not crying? Could this be it? Am I ready to put everything behind me and move forward already? Wow, I must be superwoman!
"Well, you'll release it when you're ready. Don't resist it though," she said.
"You know, I can't cry. I don't know why, I just can't," I said.
"Well, I'm sure it will come. When it does, just let the tears flow."
I thought to myself, I'm okay. I'll be fine. I don't need or feel like crying. I'm done. I'm ready to move forward.
Two hours later I was curled up like a ball on my bed, bawling my eyes out like a child. I was crying an uncontrollable river of tears. The pain was more fierce than any I had ever experienced. It lingered, along with the tears, for many, many hours. A deluge of emotions came over me. I was angry. I was sad. I was resentful. I was playing the victim so beautifully well, asking, Why me?! I don't remember ever crying as much or for as long as I did that day.
What I do remember is that when I finally got myself out of bed (with my bloodshot and swollen eyes), I felt better. I remember consciously giving myself permission to feel what I was feeling without judging it. I allowed myself to feel angry, sad, and resentful, and play the victim. In fact, I welcomed it.
Throughout the years, we have been conditioned to believe that crying is a negative thing. "Stop crying!" is what I hear parents tell their children all the time. We have been conditioned to keep our "negative" feelings to ourselves; in reality, it is the worst thing we can do. By keeping our sadness and pain on the inside, we are not making it go away. Instead, we are holding on to it. In essence, we are prolonging the agonizing journey. Some people keep themselves "busy" in order to forget their problems and avoid dealing with feeling what they are feeling. This avoidance, too, will prolong the distressing journey.
The purging of negative emotions that are bottled up inside you is cathartic and therapeutic, and, once released, allows a space and opening for clarity, peace, and the ability to move forward.
A Common Misconception About the Law of Attraction
Some people who are firm believers in the Law of Attraction think that feeling and expressing negative emotions will generate negative energy, and therefore attract negative things, people, and situations into their lives. Yes, it is true that like energy attracts like energy, but I have one question for you: Which do you think is worse, generating negative energy for a few hours and releasing it, or unconsciously holding on to it and carrying it with you for years and years?
You see, by not releasing your pain and sadness and avoiding your feelings, you are unconsciously generating negative energy. Suppressing your negative feelings may feel better in the short run, but it will have devastating effects on your life in the long run. In fact, when you don't deal with those feelings, you are walking around with this negativity with you all the time. Imagine yourself walking around with an invisible anchor attached to your leg, dragging it around with you everywhere you go. You can't see it, but it is making moving forward in your life really difficult and uncomfortable.
The sooner you release your feelings, the quicker you will get to the other side, and the sooner you will bounce back higher than you ever thought possible.
Tip
A great way to unleash your true feelings is to write them out. Buy a journal and write in it each day. Journaling is a powerful and therapeutic activity. It is like having a conversation with yourself.
When writing, don't think about what you are writing; just write whatever comes to your mind. Don't edit it, question it, or judge it. Simply write freely, as though the words are being channeled through you. Allow whatever comes up to come up. If you feel like crying, allow yourself to cry. Allow yourself to feel the pain. Allow all the pain, sadness, and anger to come to the surface, and release it. Don't think it is wrong to feel what you are feeling.
Sometimes nothing feels better than a good cry.
#3: You Are Not Alone
Sometimes when we are going through a crisis, we feel very alone. We get so deep into our own story and situation that we forget that there is a world outside of us.
I remember during a radio interview I gave a while ago, I had just finished recounting my story and sharing everything that happened to me when a caller's comment really struck me: "Please don't take this the wrong way, but boy am I happy to hear your story and know that someone else is going through this kind of stuff! It feels good to know that I am not the only one."
I laughed. It's true. It is easy to fall into the "poor me" trap and feel completely isolated and alone. In fact, it may seem as though everyone's lives all around you are so perfect. You may even believe that you are the only unlucky one on this earth who has been bestowed these unfortunate events.
I have news for you: Everyone — and I do mean everyone — is going through (or has been through) something difficult in their lives. Believe it or not, there are even people out there who are going through a lot worse than you are.
This, of course, doesn't change your situation, but sometimes simply knowing this helps shift your perspective and helps you ride the storm with a little more grace and ease.
If you feel as though you want to share your experience and gain support from people who are going through a similar situation, many organizations and communities meet to discuss every possible calamity. These are communities of people who are experiencing (or have experienced) exactly what you are experiencing right now and who meet regularly to support each other. Doing a quick search on the Internet will reveal all the relevant groups in your area. Now, attending such group therapy sessions may not be your cup of tea, but just know that there are many people out there just like you, going through what you are going through right now. There are many more people who have not only been through what you're going through, but have survived, thrived, and bounced back higher than ever!
Sometimes simply knowing this brings a sense of relief and solace. It can be uplifting knowing that that you are not alone.
#4: Create a Circle of Light
When you need support the most, having the "right" people to turn to is fundamental. When I say the word right I mean the people who will elevate you, who have your best interests at heart, and who will come from a place of compassion and unconditional love when they advise you. The last thing you need is to be judged, informed "I told you so," or lectured by someone who will add fuel to the fire and destabilize you in your delicate state.
Determining who the right people are can be a little tricky. Sometimes our friends and loved ones say things that are well-intended, but simply don't make us feel any better. For instance, if you are in the middle of a divorce after your spouse cheated on you, you don't need to hear, "I can't believe he did that! What a jerk! You deserve so much better than him!" There is a lot of negativity in those words, and the last thing you need when you are feeling down and out is more negativity.
To find out who are the right people in your life that fall into your "circle of light," simply ask yourself who are the people close to you that make you feel good. Ask yourself, When I meet with this person, do I feel elevated and happy after leaving, or do I feel drained and demoralized? Allow your inner feelings to be your guiding compass. Choose people who are great listeners, who do not treat you like a victim, who will not judge you or the people involved, and who have your best interests in mind.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Unsinkable"
by .
Copyright © 2011 Sonia Ricotti.
Excerpted by permission of Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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